A/N - AU – Set before the events of Good Boy Kurt takes place just after the Furt episode, these are some insights as to what lead up to my story GBK. Kurt never transfers to Dalton his family can't afford it.
Rated M only.
Warnings: Eventual boy on boy only, Dominance & Submission, Bondage, Smut, Puppy Dog Kurt and what could be loosely termed plot. Don't like don't read, though constructive criticism is always welcome (plus any reviews, no really I love reviews). The chapters will vary in length and will jump between Kurt's POV and of Dave's POV (thought I'd be nice and let you see into my Dave's head). Some chapters will follow one another and others will jump ahead, this is just for my faithful followers to add backstory.
Um – Trigger Warning? Not sure as this chapter does have abusive elements to it so be warned, domestic violence, suicidal longings and some thoughts from the POVs (especially Dave's) are uncensored.
I own nothing, literally.
Chapter 001 – Kurt Whispering
At least he's shut the fuck up, now he's giving me the silent treatment. As long as I act like it's getting to me I can keep him off my back.
Gluing my eyes to the TV I make sure my face is upset even though I'm not, shit I should totally get an Oscar for all the acting I have to do in this house. He channel hops surfing for something to watch, bypassing some cool looking films he settles for some freaking eco documentary and I stop myself rolling my eyes at it. It's still better than getting a lecture.
Five minutes in and he's asleep, finally I can relax. On the screen a bunch of hippy wannabes are talking about the rainforest and the delicate balance between man and nature. Yeah right, nature takes centuries to make the rainforest and man butchers it then whines when it's gone, some balance.
After nearly dying of boredom I'm happy when they say the next program is on, and then this crappy horse lovers thing is on. Why can't people just accept that they're walking glue factories whose meat is probably minced up to make cheap burgers. Fuck my life.
This idiot walks on and talks about 'speaking' to the horse, reading it's body language and talking back to it so it understands. Everyone knows Dr Dolittle is a fictional character. There's a herd of horses in a wooden fence thing and racing around them full of energy is this smaller horse, it's a deep brown colour all over and the idiot points at the little horse.
Turns out it's a full blown guy horse, a stallion, or something, they harp on about how man has abused it and it's learnt to fear man, well duh if it's got any sense it'll bolt for freedom. It won't let people near it, bites, kicks, screams, the works. It takes a while to separate it and force it into another wooden fenced area on its own and it paces around and around, tail up streaming behind it. I hold my breath when I realise this animal is beautiful.
Something about it hits me. It has never been broken it refuses to give in to any man. The hair on its mane is long and flowing and flops into it's eyes. When it walks it arches it's neck and picks it's feet up prancing and showing off like it knows how fucking wonderful it is. There is so much spirit in it, it's so alive and yet it's so damn delicate.
Ducking into the enclosure the guy talks into his mike and starts on about horse whispering. This horse is supposed to have put guys in the hospital and I wait for it to do that same to Douchey McNuttjob and then the magic happens.
The stallion, nicknamed Lethal, after just half an hour lets this man gently touch it on the shoulder, you can see the quiver in it's muscles ready to run at any moment. And then the program skips to show him being groomed and his dull brown fur shines in the sun.
When the guy is teaching the horse to accept the saddle and bridle he goes on about how it has to be the horse's choice to submit, to accept that these things wouldn't hurt it, to trust man to be gentle and take care of it, for the human to be the alpha to it's beta.
At the obvious ending the guy buys the horse and says, "A horse like this only comes along once in a blue moon, I'd be a fool to let him go, I'll seize the chance being offered to me."
Dear God, I pray, please let him have continued to take good care of Lethal.
Moved more than I want to admit to I'm pissed when the program ends and sulk when I hear the next is about the bond between human and animal. Uh-huh, it's called opposable thumbs and being able to open feedbags, sheesh.
And then I'm hooked. It goes on about animals that go against every survival instinct to be able to protect their human, to help their human, to go the distance and I'm reminded of how much I used to love Lassie as a kid 'til Gabe the fuckwit made me watch Old Yeller, I'd learnt not to cry in public then and waited until late at night to silently sob my heart out.
A movement to my left and I'm glad I automatically leave my mask on, no use letting the real me out, not that I know who that guy even is anymore. Mom walks into the room and kneels by dad's chair to wake him for dinner, "Paul, food will be on the table in five minutes."
Rousing he nods, "Alright Mary we'll be right there." She leaves and he glances at me that gentle exterior as much a mask as the scowl I normally wear. "I hope you've learnt your lesson son. I appreciate you putting people in their place, but there is more than one way to achieve that," he smiles, "You're young and the subtleties will become apparent as you get older. I have high hopes for you. Now your mother has worked hard so let us eat of God's good bounty."
Bowing my head to hide my anger I say respectfully, "Yes sir, and thank you sir, I wont screw up again."
"No you wont," he says gently, "I would be very disappointed and a lot less merciful to you."
My back is stinging from the belt he swung at me repeatedly when he got me home from Principle Sue's office, at least he didn't break the skin this time, I vow I wont screw up again. Not long and I can escape this hellhole of a family home, not long and I'm free of it all.
Sitting at the dinner table we say grace and eat in silence. It's delicious, it always is. "Thank you Mary," dad says amiably, "That was wonderful," she smiles and clears the table but a knife slips from a plate and clatters to the floor. Dad sighs heavily, "Oh Mary why do you always spoil everything? Pick it up and come here."
Watching I do nothing as she bends down picks up the knife places it back on the plate and goes to dad. Outwardly I do nothing, inwardly I'm screaming at her to run. His hand snaps in a blur and she falls to the ground, not once does she utter a single sound. "I'll be in my study," he says and leaves.
Standing up I go to leave too, to flee this fucked up domestic scene. God I want to be eighteen now, I don't want to be here anymore.
When I pass her she hisses at me, "Little bastard I should have killed you when you were born, why did I bother to squeeze you out at all."
My own mother looks at me with hatred, I don't blame her, dad taught her hate, he broke her, I pity her, at least I have an escape route. "Mom if dad hears you talking like that you know he'll probably put you in the hospital again."
Snorting unladylike she spits out, "You're too weak to do that to me, too soft, too stupid to be a real man."
Towering over her I have to hide everything I feel to scowl at her, "Is that right? Then maybe I need to go tell dad you're too stupid to learn the lessons he's been trying to beat into you for years. I shouldn't have to hit you mom, you should know better. You belong to dad not to me," I sneer the words and feel sick to my stomach.
I want to scoop her up in my arms and take her to the shelters I help out in, to get her to see that what dad does to her is wrong, that it isn't love, that she should never have to take it. Instead I walk away from her knowing she wont let me save her.
Quietly I climb the steps to my room and bolt the door, only then do I sigh and the tension runs out of me. Fuck My Life. My legs give way and I slide down the door and rest my head on my knees.
Tomorrow I go back to school now dad's got my expulsion reversed, he has a lot of pull in this town, it wasn't hard to do, not for him. Tomorrow I have to go back and walk the halls and face everyone. I don't want to, I want to run away, I have it all planned, have for years, somehow I have to hang in there, be patient, and then I can go, legally, and there is nothing dad or my brothers can do, so long as I do it right.
Clambering to my feet I fall face first onto the bed, one day at a time, I just have to take it one day at a time. I miss Gramps, why did he have to fucking die? Yeah I get the bungalow so I can escape, but shit I need him more than bricks and a roof. He's the first person I came out to and he didn't freak just hugged me and said I was still his grandson, the only grandson he'll ever acknowledge.
And he'd be the first person to tell me he was disappointed in me, that I should have handled myself better, that doing what I did to Kurt was wrong, that there was never any excuse to be like my dad and brothers. Hell I even 'fesed up about my desires and what I want from my partner, I expected him to kick me out and tell me to never contact him again, that I was sick like them, instead he helped me understand that what I wanted was normal as long as my partner consented every step of the way, that they genuinely wanted what I wanted. And I know I'm doomed to live my life on my own and die a virgin. Better that than a rapist like the rest of my messed up family.
In pain from my back I close my eyes and let myself fall asleep, safe behind the locked door. Please God, I pray as I drift off, please help me, I know I don't deserve it, I know I'm a total fuck up, but I am trying and I'll try harder I promise, oh and please say hi to Gramps up there with you, I'm sorry I disappointed you both I'm an idiot and I totally get that you wont help me coz I really don't deserve it.
The dream starts innocently enough, Lethal is pacing in the enclosure so beautiful, so magnificent, he tosses his head and sudden Kurt is there strutting and swinging his hips glaring at me. I hold my hand out and he skitters away angry and afraid because that is what I've taught him. Slowly I make ground and he stands there as my hand touches his shoulder. I can see his body tense ready to run, those eyes of his turn to gaze up at me full of fear but he stands there and lets me prove to him that I am trustworthy.
Flashbacks flicker in my dream showing Kurt singing with that angelic voice, dancing and moving with that angelic grace. Glimpses of that ass as it moves from side to side in pants that should be illegal. The feel of his delicate body beneath my grasping hands. That mouth against mine.
Scenes of him laughing happily when I snuck in to watch him in the auditorium. Smiling, his eyes shining not a hint of ice bitch in sight. That voice so tender to his friends filled with sympathy and love. Clapping and enthusiastic so full of life he literally can't sit still and frolics without a care in the world.
Kurt kneeling to me in chains his hands bound behind his back and a collar around his neck, he's fully clothed but he's there by choice, he chooses to let me bind him, he submits, beta to my alpha. Those eyes are welcoming swimming with love and affection, full of trust that I've earned, sweet and shy, he wants me to kiss him, to take those lips with my own. He whispers one word, "Master."
Abruptly waking I shove my hand down my pants and grab my cock stopping the climax. Burying my head in my pillow I shove my groan back down my throat.
Disaster averted I stealthily sneak to my en-suit avoiding every squeaky floorboard. Getting a hand full of tissues I open my jeans and pull them and my boxers down exposing my straining cock. Fisting it I jerk off, the image of Kurt in my mind so strong I bite my lip to keep from crying out as I come wanting him so freaking much.
Cleaning up I sneak back to my bed and undress in the dark, sliding under the covers I hug my pillow and muffle my sobs in it. God has clearly given me an answer and the boy I am in love with will never feel anything but fear and loathing for me, because that is what I did to him, it's all my fault, I made my choices and this is the consequence. Even if some miracle occurred and he banged his head so he digged chubby boys who sweat too much and even if he could get over the bald thing he still wouldn't pick me.
Weeping at the pain of my broken heart I try to accept the fact that he is totally out of my league, I didn't nickname him Fancy for nothing. And anyway he is seeing preppy boy, he's with someone who will love him, who will never hurt him, and can probably understand all that fashion crap he is in to.
Wiping my nose with a spare tissue I sniff, well that's another dream to throw on top of the other dreams out of my reach. I'm fairly sure being gay and single will mean I wont find it easy to get a teaching job, and any adoption agencies would laugh in my face, and now the expulsion for bullying is going to be a big mark against me.
Assistant manager at a rending plant here I come. The guy on the horse show was a dick but I have a nagging thought and then the hysterical giggle bursts out and I stifle it. David Rafael Karofsky, occupation Kurt Whisperer. Now that would be a cool job. Settling down I cry myself to sleep; again. This will be the fourth time this week.
Staring up at the ceiling I listen to the loud snoring of Finn from the other side of the room. It's not really keeping me awake, although adjusting to another person in my room as I sleep is difficult, clearly being an only child had benefits I'd not thought of before.
Rolling over I glare at the nearby wall, to think I was once so desperate to have Finn live with me, so we could be happy in my rose tinted dream world, the reality is very different, the idiot leaves his socks everywhere, he's broken the toaster three times already, and he eats constantly so crumbs litter the house meaning Carole and I have to clean every single day.
I'm trying to distract myself from tomorrow.
Because tomorrow I have to go back to a school that once again has that monster Karofsky in it and I'm terrified.
The guys in Glee and some of the girls are going to be with me every second of every day to protect me from him. It shouldn't be happening in the first place. I'm so damn tempted to tell the world that he's gay, but I won't, I can't do that to anyone.
Making dinner tonight I was chopping the vegetables and the movements of the knife were so hypnotic, it would be so easy to let the knife slip a little, and problem solved, no more Kurt Hummel for anyone to have to watch over. Dad laughed from the lounge and I put the knife down, I can't do it to him. He's upset enough that they can't get the honeymoon money back, it's none refundable, they're trying to sell the holiday but they'll never get enough to send me to Dalton. And now he's stressing over me going back to McKinley, I hope it doesn't trigger another heart attack
Eyes blurring in the dark I silently cry myself to sleep I'm so scared about tomorrow. Why is this happening to me? I don't think I can take much more, I feel like I'm going to shatter at the slightest touch, I feel so incredibly weak. So useless.
A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.