This is just how I think Damon and Rose felt on that last day. Hope you all like it, please review.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Falling out of Existence
Damon watched as she slept, her head resting heavily on his lap. She looked different. Peaceful. This was the most serene she had been all day. He had stood aside and watched as she trashed and lashed out. He had held her while she had sobbed, begging for the pain to go away and for this torment to end. Damon could feel a lump build up in his throat and a weighty feeling increased in his chest. He had tried hard to push it away. He had wanted so much to ignore it but it didn't disappear. It was so persistent, just like Rose's pain, surging through his body taking over almost.
Damon had never admitted it out loud but he cared for Rose. In a way he hadn't cared for anyone else. It wasn't the mindless, self sacrificing almost painful feelings he had for Katherine and Elena. It was simply respect, acceptance and endearment he felt for Rose. Although it was not for love, their sex wasn't meaningless, that was something that struck him as odd. He had held her all night, not pushed her away to the cold side of the bed. They had pillow talk like the type that was usually reserved for bad romance movies. It was all so different. She was different.
Rose groaned as she steadily awoke and the pain began taking grip of her entire body, Damon gently brushed her hair out of her face. He gave her the warmest smile he could muster in that moment. It was then that the pain fully hit her. It ran through every blood vessel, every bone, every inch of her body burning white hot. Rose bit her lower lip and closed her eyes attempting to imagine anything but her current situation. She thought of the first time she had visited London. She recalled what a disappointment the grand city had been. She opened her eyes Damon came into her view slow and unfocused, she gave him a weak smile.
"It's funny you know...knowing that soon enough you aren't going to exist... that no one will remember you...that you never made a big enough impression for anyone to really care..." she spoke in a low voice as if they were sharing a secret. The softness of her voice didn't stop the words from hitting Damon like tiny shards of glass.
"I'll remember you. I care." He whispered unsure of where the words had just come from. Rose gave him another smile but the feeling of foreboding wouldn't leave her. Tears started burning in her eyes. What had her life been? What had her life become? She asked herself in the hope there were answers.
"Tell me." Damon muttered, gently stroking her hair. His stomach was in knots as he attempted to act as if he was unfazed by Rose's pain and the knowledge that with every one of her gasping breaths that the end was drawing close.
"When I was young I always thought I'd have a family...I was good with kids you know...and I wanted a cottage...the type with beams and thatched roofs...and a vegetable patch..." At this point Damon snorted causing Rose to laugh. "Laugh all you want Damon Salvatore...but I was a simple girl back in those days..."
"You are anything but simple now..." he purred. Rose sighed, she gritting her teeth at the pain that was surging through her body. She felt weak, pathetic almost lying in Damon's arms. The tears reformed in her eyes. For a moment she pretended that Damon loved her because after all of these years she needed to know what love felt like. She hadn't let her loneliness get to her before but it was time to admit that she had longed for someone to want her in the crazy, unexplainable way lovers from tragic romance novels did.
"Shh...go to sleep...you'll feel better when you wake up." Damon pulled her closer to him as if holding her tighter would keep her alive in his arms. Putting all of her trust in him Rose closed her eyes and let him wrap her up. Damon lent back glancing down at the woman he was holding. What had she done to him? He wondered as he watched as her eye lashes fluttered as she slowly fell into a state of unconsciousness.
He knew what he had to do. It was there staring him in the face.
Damon took a deep breath and planted the images that Rose had always wished for in her head. The whole time he sat beside her in that dream he could feel that irritating lump in his throat and the tears that threatened to be shed. He looked around at Rose's perfect scene. This was it. This was who she was. In some ways Damon felt sorry for her. He felt bad for the things that life had done to her. She deserved so much more. A part of him wished he loved her; really, truly loved her. Because Rose ought to have to been loved and wanted. In the short time he had known her she had proved herself to be compassionate, understanding, loyal and most importantly honest. It was thinking about all of these things that made everything that was happening real for Damon. It was knowing that even doing the right thing and being a good person didn't always save you that made Rose's impending death as devastating as it was for him.
Damon picked up the stake carefully placing it at her heart and with one swift movement he ended it all for Rose. He didn't attempt to hold back this time, the tears rolled down his cheeks making himself almost breathless. The tears fell into Rose's hair and he held her lifeless body tightly in his arms a part of him hoping that it would be all reversed. He wished for her to wake up flashing him one of her devious smiles and using her English charm to make him melt. But the longer he held her the more excruciating the knowledge of her death became. Damon scooped her up in his arms as if he was going to put her to bed and carried her to his car and gently paced her down in the boot.
He felt a twang of uncertainty as he closed it, he felt the same thing once he had shown her body to the sheriff; shoving her in a boot wasn't right, she was worth more than that Damon thought to himself as he drove to a picturesque clearing in the woods. There were wild flowers growing all around displaying their bright colours as if reminders for optimists lost in the wilderness. Damon dug a grave his eyes every so often wondering to Rose's body. It should have been him. It should not have been Rose lying there having suffered hours of pain.
Once he had finished he placed her inside the grave and quickly began shoving the dirt he had dug up to cover her body. Damon picked a handful of the wild flowers and placed them down on the disturbed soil. He gave himself a moment to say goodbye and disappeared as if he had never been there.
Damon pulled up on the empty road rummaging in his glove box for something to drink. He finally managed to grasp a bottle in his hand. Gin. The drink for depressives, he smiled at the irony as he took a swing of the clear liquid.
He didn't know how he had ended up lying on the tarmac staring up at the night sky the taste of gin a ghost in his mouth he had long finished the small bottle only to find an old hipflask in his car. Maybe he was an alcoholic. He laughed at the thought. It would just be another problem to add to his growing list of problems. Elena flashed in his mind. He was not the man she wanted him to be. And if he was honest with himself he didn't know if he could be that man. Damon felt a sense of emptiness fill his body. He closed his eyes and attempted to ignore the thoughts running through his mind.
The screech of the breaks sounded almost nonexistent as if they were just a noise somewhere in the distant rather than just a few feet away. Damon wanted to move but the alcohol had him almost incapacitated him. He wondered if he would die if the car ran him over. Perhaps if he did he wouldn't have to ponder the question that had been echoing in his mind for the last twenty four hours.
What if he ended up like Rose falling out of existence without knowing what it felt like to be truly loved?