A/N: 'Ello and good evening. This is Hitsugi Zirkus attempting once again to give you more Pandora Hearts goodness :B This one came to me sorta outta nowhere, so I apologize if seems to make no sense and such. I've just been getting random inspiration and, well, thus...
This fanfiction was inspired by the song "Magic Melody" by DHT. I don't own the lyrics I use in here.
Please Fall Into My Abyss
If you had just seen him yourself, you would know. Because we've all felt it, haven't we? We've all been that pitiful child, lost. We've all had those tears scorching our cheeks, searching.
The sky was dark, and the air was damp. Enclosed inside the knotted branches and thick trunks of pitch-black trees, Gilbert felt like this was no better than being inside a dungeon; than being trapped inside your own heart.
Where could the sun have gone off to? Where did his dear master my best friend go? If Oz Vessalius went into the Abyss what Abyss? Surely my insides are becoming darker and more twisted, why can't Oz be in my Abyss?, how much more darkness would Gil have to wrap himself in to feel like he's fallen down that rabbit hole as well?
There was just no way Oz would survive.
It would be proper for a servant to think his master as strong, but Gil knew the truth. He knew his master's fears; he knew that that Vessalius boy walked with a glass heart. Oz's weakness was deep and wide. It had grown so much that he couldn't even see it anymore; he had convinced himself that there was nothing wrong with him but there is something wrong with him, something he let only me know, does he even remember it anymore?
The Abyss would destroy him. All those years of Oscar telling them those stories of it, like it was a nighttime tale before they went to sleep. A fairytale. But it was all real I know because I saw all the horrors. The red-cloaked shinigami came and took Oz into darkness and bound him in rusted chains – the place where evil people went. It'll kill him and he'll be gone, the darkness will swallow him and never again will I-!
"Ah!" Gil exclaimed as he fell to the mud, the rain continuing to pelt him and soak him. He was so dirty, so soiledso why can't the Abyss take me take me TAKE ME!I failed my master again, I am not fit to be a servant.
Nothing would be able to atone him for this sin this betrayal. Gilbert sniffed, tears choking his lungs.
It was too much trouble too much pain to push himself up from the filth. It would serve him right to just lay and decay here. He couldn't protect his beloved master... Gil waited in the thick forest, his skin torn and bruised from stumbling on roots and sharp branches; waited for those messengers to choke him down that abysmal prison, casting him to darkness, to loneliness, to the suffering I deserve.
The slash wound from the bite of Oz's sword still hadn't healed completely, but it had been his choice to run out of the hospital anyway. His stitches had stretched out and popped painfully as the cut swelled again, his raw flesh stinging against the cold rain and now the dirty ground.
Gil breathed heavily, the cut piercing his skin as freshly as if Oz had just slain him. It hurt, it made his eyes water from the needles poisoning his wounded skin but I have to get to Oz, I need to tell him everything is okay. I need to be by his side ALWAYS! But it was hard to move when the world was spinning and tilting, even though he was still. Tilting…so fast… If the world keeps tipping so much…I'll fall…
Golden eyes closed, waiting for this to happen, anticipating the moment when his fingers would brush against the wet leaves of the trees until he was free-falling in the sky until I am hurled to a whole new kind of emptiness, where lights are too far away to ever touch again…
"Come to me children and follow my way… Into a world of darkness and magic…~"
The sudden chime of that singing voice gave Gil the abrupt impression that he had just slammed down into the earth. His vision stopped dancing, and instead he was glancing everywhere, searching the downpour for the source of that voice.
There, a flash of white like moonlight, caught Gil's eye between the black, shadowed trees, and they withdrew their branches, no longer reaching for him. Long, long pearly hair glided across a girl's frame like a white waterfall as she waltzed through the darkness. Who is she? In one blink, he saw just the gray rain once more.
Her voice lingered. It had been so gone and fragile, just like Young Master's heart. And he had nurtured it, Gilbert had. He had tried to cradle that passionate heart in my hands smeared with blood betrayed. His fingers had caressed the darkness, but he had never known because I denied it so badly.
He was more like his master than he thought: Both of them had walked down a crooked path between the trees of a thick forest. But even in the shadows, they could not meet. What if he was the dangerous one, the one never destined to be clean to never play in the sunshine to smile with a whole heart to have the honor of living and dreaming in the same world as my young master, Oz Vessalius.
"Hey, hey, how tainted are you, little boy?" the stuffed rabbit asked him.
Gil cringed at the question. It had brought him back to the real world, real time to ice-water cold and blood, where it's all real. I'm not sleeping anymore. His golden eyes blinked in weary confusion, his hand reaching to clutch his bleeding wound as he staggered to sit up. Floating a foot above him, bouncing with childish idleness, was a stuffed rabbit like a toy smiling pleasantly. It's voice was a whispering lull, a child with a secret.
"Hey, I asked a question," reminded the toy, oblivious to the downpour – it seemed to not even be touched by the droplets.
He stuttered, breath still lost in piercing pain. "I...I'm not..."
"Hey, I can tell when you lie, yes I can," said the rabbit, repeating the first word again as if Gil's attention kept getting lost. "How tainted, do you think? Like black paint on a blank canvas? Like rust on a golden chandelier?"
"Who are you?" Gilbert asked in a withered voice, barely able to keep his eyes open.
The stuffed rabbit seemed to tilt its head, gradually stopping its waltz in the rain. "I come from where he is, of course. I'm waiting for him to come to me, yes I am! Won't be long now, I think..." It trailed off, lost in its own musings.
Gil stared it, wondering whether this was all real or not. He hadn't the faintest notion as to what it was talking about. He shivered, his clothes sticking to him uncomfortably, the mud clinging to his skin and hair.
"Want to know what I think? I think you're quite dirty," the toy suddenly remarked, but it said it so lightly, as if it were simple conversation.
"Tainted...like blood on pale skin."
Like blood on pale skin, it had said. Like darkness swallowing up my light, my reason for living!
"Do you...," began Gil shakily, his voice wheezing as he spoke. "Do you think I'm...a sinful person? I think I deserve to be punished. I'm not...fit to be here anymore. Sometimes...if I think more selfishly," he choked, his tears welling in his throat, "I-I think I...sh-should've died when he cut me."
"You think so, do you? You think so?" prattled the rabbit, seemingly excited by the news.
Gil looked down, at the murky puddles forming around him, no longer having the strength to look up any more. "I was always bad for him... I let myself b-believe that...we could...be friends. Th-that I could...l-l-like him and serve him...at the same time." Because he was always so accepting of me, and was the first to make me smile...after I woke up from the darkness with nothing.
"Everything," started Gilbert with grim decisiveness, "is so dark. I can't think back on my past. I dream of my body hurting and bleeding, a feeling that I'm a horrible person deep down... Sometimes, I think I dream of Oz, if he were older. And he's... There's red everywhere...and it's like I'm crying out blood, and tasting it in my mouth..."
"How sweet that you love him so that you'd kill him," the toy interjected, swaying idly. "That you'd allow yourself to betray him. How helpless, how useless, how gutless! Twisted," it concluded, looming over him, as menacing as a phantom.
Golden eyes glittering with tears looked up into the two beady buttons of the rabbit. "Twisted," he agreed in a surprisingly strong voice. "Like a labyrinth."
More swaying, more excited. "Like poisonous vines."
"I'm just like that," declared Gil numbly, a truth dawning on him, his nails cutting into his weeping wound.
"Just like that!" cheered the rabbit.
If this was so, if this is truth... Then what indeed made Gilbert, servant to Oz Vessalius; a fourteen-year-old boy with no past and now, no future... "What makes me different from the Abyss, then?" Gil rasped, a voice so quiet and low he could hardly hear his voice over the rain.
"Why isn't Oz with me?" he asked, daring to allow himself to utter that name. "If I am so tainted and twisted... If I am engulfed in darkness and sin... Why is Oz not caged in me? How horrible must I be, how much of a monster do I have to become, until he has no choice but to get swallowed alive by my filth?"
This the rabbit did not answer. Gil didn't even look up to see if it was still there. "It seems like no matter what I do, I'm not enough to hold him to me." Hot tears were tearing his cheeks now, his lips stretched back in a whimper.
He would never be bonded with Oz Vessalius. And that fact ripped a bleeding hole inside him, sucking away all the warmth and cold, the life and death, the color and black...until it was just nothingness.
I am nothingness. Even the Abyss, horrible fairytale turned nightmare-truth, was greater than him, because It has him.
So absorbed was he in his thoughts, his lamenting, that he didn't even notice the silver-haired man that had come up behind him, with a crooked smile on his face, a crooked doll on his shoulder, and a crooked umbrella in his blood-stained hands.
Ending A/N: Enter Xerxes Break! 8B In case it wasn't apparent, this took place before Gil meets Break for the first time in the forest. So...yeah. Will of the Abyss and Gil...those two like never really meet... x'D Sorry for my babble, but I guess I rather liked this fanfic. I'd be glad if you did, too, and not think I'm being randomly insane... -sweatdrop-
Please, review/critique if you would -bows-