Disclaimer: I don't own Sket Dance.
So, this is a little idea that popped in my head, and considering the dismal state of the Sket Dance fanfiction archive, I figured I might as well do my part with a little one shot.
Oh, yes, no spoilers- consider this before the Re-Birthday Arc in the manga, which is practically the only possiblity for a spoiler.
This is a bit AU, in a certain way I'm pretty sure is obvious. You DID read the summary, right?
AND. This story contains NO OCs. Got it?
So, What's So Great About The Student Council?
"What?" Fujisaki Yuusuke, more commonly known as Bossun, said dumbly. He sat on the sofa in the Sket Dan's club room.
To his side sat Onizuka Hime, also known as Himeko. Meanwhile, Usui Kazuyoshi, called Switch by most people, typed something on his computer.
The cause of Bossun's one-word-sentance lay in the girl who sat across him.
Shimada Takako. A member of the newspaper club.
"I said, I want you, the Sket Dan- to investigate the second vice-president of the Student Council." Takako repeated.
Theme music came out of the Switch's computer.
"It's time for the... That's Our Switch! corner." Switch- or rather, his computer- said.
"Oh! Do you already have the information, Switch?" Himeko exclaimed.
"The second vice-president of the Student Council." Switch said in a lecturing tone.
"I have little information on him... or perhaps her."
"You don't even know the gender?" Himeko exclaimed. "What do you mean, the 'That's Our Switch!' corner! More like, the 'That's Not Our Switch!' corner!"
Switch ignored Himeko and continued on talking. "He...or she...apparently is a second-year. He or she never appears in public, but supposedly attends every Student Council meeting. He's... or she's... rumored to be the counter to Tsubaki's harsh ideals, but that may be just a rumor."
Takako nodded. "Practically no one knows anything about him or her."
"The identity of this member is supposedly unknown to even other student council members, save the president." Switch finished.
"Exactly! Which is why I want to find out the identity of this person!" Takako's eyes shined. "Imagine... an article about the previously unknown student council member. It'll be on the front page!"
"It'll be hard to find him though." Bossun commented. "After all, he must have a reason of not wanting to be known."
"Yeah, I guess." Takako admitted. "But I'm sure you guys can convince him! Or her, of course."
Bossun nodded. "Okay, then! We'll take on your request!"
Takako smiled. "I knew I could count on you guys."
The three members of the Sket Dan walked down the hallway.
"We should start by asking Tsubaki about anything he might know." Switch suggested.
Bossun scowled. "I hate asking him for anything."
"You two should just get along!" Himeko exclaimed.
When Hell freezes over. Bossun thought.
Voices started to echo down the corridor.
"What do you think you're wearing? I specifically told you before that you must wear the proper school uniform!" a voice cried.
"Ah, yes. I do remember that." another voice answered. "But you see, I have recieved official permission to wear this clothing."
The three of them ran down the corridor and turned the corner, revealing Tsubaki, the student council's vice president, and Shinzou, the peppermint-eating kendo captain.
"From who?" Tsubaki demanded.
Shinzou lifted up a piece of paper.
Tsubaki quickly glanced over it and growled. "That idiotic Touki! Fine! You can wear that clothing for now, but I assure you I'll bring this up at the next Student Council meeting."
Shinzou smiled and bowed slightly. He walked away.
"Touki? Who's that?" Bossun demanded.
Tsubaki turned around and looked at Bossun. "Oh, it's you."
"So?" Switch asked. "Who's Touki? There's no mention of him on my information network."
Tsubaki paused, then answered. "No one you need to know."
He swiftly made his way down the hallway.
Bossun growled. "He's... so... annoying!"
"Touki, huh? I don't remember that name." Himeko commented, popping a lollipop into her mouth.
"It's likely that this 'Touki' character is the second 'vice president'." Switch said. "After all, Tsubaki seemed irritated at 'Touki' for giving permession to Shinzou to wear his normal clothing."
"That makes sense!" Bossun exclaimed. "Now, let's ask Shizou about how he got that permission slip!"
Bossun hurtled down the corridor after Shizou.
"Well, he's sure into this." Himeko muttered, running after Bossun.
"How I got this paper, Bossun-dono?" Shinzou repeated.
"Yup!" Bossun nodded.
"Well, you see, one day I found this paper on my desk." Shinzou explained.
"Just like that?" Himeko cried. "He didn't approach you? All he did was put a piece of paper on your desk?"
"I see." Switch typed something into his computer. "This means that 'Touki' must be friends with Shinzou."
"Not necesarily." Bossun hastily added. "He could've just wanted one over Tsubaki."
"True." Switch agreed, his hands flying over the keyboard.
"Anyways, thanks, Shinzou!" Bossun grinned. "We'll ask someone else."
"Anytime, Bossun-dono." Shinzou smiled. "I'll be going, then."
He walked away.
"I'm tired of all this walking around and asking people." Bossun complained.
"We only asked two people." Himeko retorted.
"Switch, when's the next student council meeting?" Bossun asked.
Switch typed something on his computer. "Today at four."
"That's in half an hour." Bossun muttered. "Got it! Let's stake out the door of the student council's room!"
"And no afros." Himeko insisted.
"Darn." Bossun muttered.
"Bossun. You know, when I said no afros I didn't mean yes fake mustaches." Himeko growled, ripping off the moustache Bossun had decided to put on her face.
The three members of the Sket Dan looked around a corner, staring at the door.
"But how are we supposed to hide without a fake moustache!" Bossun exclaimed.
"Disguises are necessary for any stake-out." Switch agreed in a condescending tone.
Himeko threw the moustache onto the floor. "This is stupid."
"Keep quiet!" Bossun whispered suddenly, as the door opened.
Five figures walked out of the door.
They were the student council members that the Sket Dan knew and loved- well, not really. But they knew them.
Unfortunately, this 'Touki' character himself was nowhere to be seen.
"Why? Why isn't he here?" Himeko complained.
Agata, the president of the student council, noticed the Sket Dan crouching behind the corner.
He promptly decided to walk over to them, waving.
"He's not coming here, is he?" Bossun whispered.
"He obviously is!" Himeko retorted. "And why don't you take off that ridiculous moustache already!"
"Okay, okay!" Bossun said nervously, ripping off his moustache. Switch did the same.
"Hey, you three." Agata greeted. "What're you doing? Something interesting, I hope."
The three of them exchanged glances.
"Nothing." Switch said, his computer speaking in an innocent tone.
Agata raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Well, maybe you would like to tell me..."
The three of them gulped as Agata's eyes narrowed threateningly.
"...why you were watching us walk out of the Student Council room?" Agata said in false cheerfulness.
Crickets chirped in the background.
"Enough with the crickets, Switch!" Himeko snapped.
Switch pressed a key on his computer, and the chirping stopped.
Himeko sighed. "We were asked by someone to figure out the identity of the second vice president in the Student Council."
Agata paused, and his mouth twitched into a smile. And into a full-blown laughter.
"Well, good luck with that." Agata smiled, walking away.
"Well, that was nice." Himeko muttered.
Switch had something that could be called a frown on his face. "There has to be a reason why he thought it was so hilarious."
Bossun paused. "Let's go back to our clubroom. I want to think about this."
Himeko and Switch both looked at Bossun with interest as he put on his goggles.
Bossun's eyes closed as he entered his concentration mode.
Various statements flew through his head.
Wait... no, that's it!
His eyes flew open a few moments later. He brought his goggles back onto his red hat.
"I've figured out the identity of the second vice president." Bossun said seriously.
"And? And?" Himeko asked in obvious impatience.
Bossun took a breath. "The identity of the second vice-president... doesn't exist."
"What?" Himeko cried. "I thought you said you knew the identity of the second vice president! What do you mean, it doesn't exist?"
"The second vice-president himself doesn't exist." Bossun explained. "It all makes sense if that's true."
"Interesting. What do you mean, Bossun?" Switch asked, obviously intrigued.
" 'Touki' is just a nickname for a member of the Student Council. One that we already know, not the second vice president or anything." Bossun explained. "The reason the presi- Agata laughed so much is because the second vice president doesn't exist. That's also why only five people came out of the Student Council room... there's only five people in the Student Council."
"That makes sense." Himeko admitted.
"To tell you the truth, I think the 'second vice president' is a rumor that the p- Agata started because he was bored." Bossun said.
"From what I've seen and heard of him, that sounds likely." Switch commented.
"Okay, then! That's one job done with!" Bossun exclaimed. "We can tell Shimada tomorrow. Even if she can't reveal the identity of the non-existant council member, she can reveal the fact that he or she doesn't exist."
Himeko nodded. "I suppose that's it for today then."
Hours later, Himeko lay down in her bad, unable to sleep.
What's the matter? she thought to herself. We solved the mystery of who the 'second vice president' is.
Bossun used his concentration mode. There's probably not going to be anything I can think of that Bossun didn't...
She jumped out of her bed and flipped the light switch on. She walked to her desk and flipped open her dictionary.
Her fingers stopped at two places.
Himeko's eyes widened.
No way. But then this explains things as well.
And it's too much to be just a coincidence.
I have to tell- no, it's still two in the morning. I'll wait a few more hours.
A bright blue screen lit up Switch's face.
Like I thought.
The dates and times of the student council meetings for the last month match up with the dates and times of when he was mysteriously absent.
All of the facts make sense if this is true.
The mysterious second vice president does exist.
He just doesn't want to be found.
He turned his laptop off and turned towards his bed.
I wonder why, though?
There's no plausible reason why he would want to keep this hidden.
A yawn escaped Bossun's mouth. He was walking to school, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"Hey, Bossun!" Himeko exclaimed, running up to Bossun.
"Hello." Switch said in a monotone.
Bossun frowned. "What are you two doing here? Aren't your houses in the opposite side of the school?"
"We wanted to meet you before school started." Himeko said cheerfully.
"Um, okay..." Bossun shrugged.
"Bossun. Do you have anything to tell us?" Switch asked, his computer letting out a scary tone.
Bossun paled slightly.
They couldn't have...
"No?" Bossun stammered. He looked to the side, his face contorting into an expression of guilt.
"Bossun. Your last name's Fujisaki, right?" Himeko asked rhetorically. "Well, I looked up the japanese characters of 'Fuji' and 'Saki' in the dictionary."
Bossun paled further.
"It just happens that you can read the characters 'Fuji' and 'Saki' as 'Tou' and 'Ki'." Himeko explained. "Isn't that such a coincidence?"
"Y-yeah." Bossun mumbled.
"I looked up the dates of the Student Council meetings for the last month." Switch added. "There was another coincidence."
"R-really?" Bossun stuttered.
"You happened to miss the Sket Dan meetings on those days." Switch explained, in his condescending tone. "What a coincidence!"
Bossun couldn't talk anymore, so he just nodded.
"So, I repeat." Himeko said cheerfully. "Bossun. Do you have anything to tell us?"
"Um..." Bossun muttered. "Maybe?"
Himeko and Switch looked at Bossun pointedly.
"Okay, so I'm part of the Student Council." Bossun admitted. "Please don't tell anyone."
"Too late!" Himeko said cheerfully. "We'll tell Takako today, and then the whole school will know."
The two of them raced forwards.
"Wait a second! Himeko, Switch!" Bossun cried, running after the two of them desperately.
Himeko laughed, and Switch made a laughter sound go on loop on his computer.
Bossun just kept on running after them.
And so Bossun's identity was revealed to everyone and Tsubaki was very shocked.
I know its wasn't too good, but it was okay, right? Right?