Note: This CCOAC Challenge was truly a challenge for me. I would like to hear your thoughts on this fic as it was quite a different type of fic that I am used to writing. I think that this is the closest piece I have ever written that could be considered a crack fic, but I hope not.
The Forgetful Rambler
Howdy there, dear audience, I apologize in advance if you are allergic to me. I promise that both my nice shiny smooth pink male fur and bedazzled home are nice and clean, free of any unsanitary debris.
Yes, pink male fur and bedazzled home, you got a problem with it friend, what? No, good, glad that we understand each other. Huh?
Oh, oh please, forgive, how rude of me to not properly introduce myself. Depending on which of my owners you ask, my name is either Buck Hotchner or Bucky Hotchner. I, myself, prefer the name Buck as it seems manlier than Bucky, but because I adore my master, the little Jack Hotchner; I will condone him and one other calling me that childish name.
Who is the one other you ask?
Why, that reminds me of how I came about to be the Hotchner pet, but before that, it brings me back to my young days, when I was pristine white and nameless at the crowded pet store.
It had been a cold and dangerous night, oh, all right, I was going for dramatic, but apparently, so many different people, have written that so many times that it has become a cliché. Why, I love me a cliché, Bromero and Bulliet, but, oh, back to the story. See I blame my forgetfulness on that rambunctious hamster that somehow got into the wrong cage when I was a but a teeny baby . . . well that is entirely a different story, but let me get back to the first story that I was telling, ah, could you tell me what that was? Oh, no thank you, I remember now.
Now that I think of it, it was rather cold and lonely in that air-conditioned and crowded pet store and it had been raining outside if the puddles on the checkered tiled floor were any indication. Wait, that is right, the unrequited love of my life, had been carrying a gigantic purple umbrella with a yellow tip and handle in one hand and the other had been holding the hand of a small male human. A scary looking gigantic male human had entered the store behind them, he too holding the small male human's hand.
The colorful attire of the beautiful female human mesmerized me. I would later learn the human trio's names; Penelope Garcia, Jack Hotchner, and SSAC Aaron Hotchner. Yep, I know, I thought SSAC was a strange first name too. Huh? Do what? He is a special agent. My master? Nah, no, for real? Wow, I must now be known to all as the SSPC Buck Hotchner. What? SSPC? It, of course, stands for Supervisory Special Pet In Charge, what else would it stand for? Seriously, what else could it stand for?
Nevertheless, back to the story, stop distracting me, oh, I apologize; I was not chastising you, dear audience, but that of the carrot dangling above your head. Huh? Oh, I must be hallucinating again; I promise I will take my medications as soon as the story is over with. I swear upon Master Bugs life! I adore him! He is everything that my species should strive to be and more, oh, okay, uh-huh, but anyway the Hotchners along with Ms. Penelope were visiting the shop, because young Jack wanted a pet and Ms. Penelope had persuaded the man she had called Aaron, that it would be a grand idea.
However, the grand idea had been that of a small puppy dog or perhaps a cuddly kitten. Oh, how that idea busted when Master Jack laid his eyes upon my handsome self. He fell in love quicker than a love potion induced Tom Riddle Sr. Uh, well, I might have snuck into Ms. Penelope's large shiny purse and read something called Harry Potter. I was thoroughly confused too. I thought I was going to read a story about a cottontail, but apparently, the author of the story that I wanted to read was Beatrix Potter, not Harry. Well, honest mistake I suppose. Anyway, Master Jack wanted me, who would not, but Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man blatantly refused to get a bunny.
A BUNNY! How dare thee Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man! I will have you know that I am not no mere BUNNY, I was and still am a handsome sexy beast of the Lop Ear Rabbit species! RABBIT not BUNNY! Pfft, now that I'm off my general soap box, I can continue onward with the tale. Ms. Penelope, bless her heart, forever captured my heart when she kindly corrected the Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man about my species. I'm not sure how Ms. Penelope persuaded Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man that it would be a grand idea for me to become Master Jack's pet, but she did. I had given up hope for a full five minutes before the trio returned, but this time with one of the kinder pet store workers. His name was Reuben. Reuben opened the cage and retrieved me from my imprisonment. I was free! Free to roam the earth! Free to not roam the earth, because Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man grabbed ahold of me before I could complete my very own prison break.
I vaguely remember Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man asking Master Jack what my name would be. Master Jack had been adamant about Ms. Penelope naming me! She could have named me Bunny, for all I cared, because she saved me from the evil pet store! However, she decided to call me Bucky, because of some comic book reminded her of Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man. I would be the perfect sidekick she had said. Well, although I love my Ms. Penelope very much so, I refuse to be Mister Hot Shot FBI SSAC Master Man's sidekick. I will never forgive him for calling me a BUNNY and never shall I forget that he was the one that botched the dye job. Master Jack had wanted me Red, RED, not pink, but because Ms. Penelope adores me in pink, I have stayed the feminine color.
After all, Ms. Penelope swears that real Lop Ear Rabbits wear pink proudly.