So, hey my dears. If you don't recognize me, it's because you didn't read that embarrassing little bit o' fluff I published a few weeks ago. Anyhow, new story idea, completely fueled by sugar and lack of sleep.

Being a fan of music, I always like to find songs for characters. My dear friend, Aria Soul, shares this passion and... It was three in the morning and we came up with this monstrosity. It's pretty self explanatory and set in some sort of "Alternate Universe" - clearly. But I'll try to keep 'em in character as best as I can.

I OWN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not Halo, Red Vs. Blue, any of these characters, or any of these songs. I'll post a set list at the end of each chapter giving credit where needed.


"The stage is set. One lucky contestant that stands on this stage will go home with eternal glory and the right to re-name the Warthog. Along with various snack foods and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest. This is Blood Gulch Idol!" Simmons 2.0, all dressed up in a suit and looking rather dashing, gestured to the group of people standing behind him as the applause erupted. "Settle down, settle down," Simmons said to the audience. "We have a new way of eliminating contestants tonight."

He gestured to the judges' panel. "Lopez, will you explain?"

"Si, senoir," Lopez said. "Esta noche, ya que tenemos una gran variedad de talento," he started. "He llamado a un amigo mío para ayudar a cuidar de los menores con talento." Subtitles rolled across the screens. [Yes, sir. Tonight, since we have such an array of talent, I've called on a friend of mine to take care of the lesser talented ones.]

The female judge sitting next to Lopez leaned to her microphone, "What my Mexican friend is trying to say," Sister started, "Is that if you suck, we're going to have Sheila blow you up." The cameras all turned to the audience, where Sheila waited with a clear shot at the stage.

"But," Doc, the final judge piped up, "I'm sure that everyone will do splendidly. It's going to be hard deciding who's going to win."

"How exactly are you judging them?" Simmons asked.

"Pues bien, el público nos lo dice todo," Lopez started. "Si es evidente que no están disfrutando de la actuación, Sheila se les explote." [Well, the audience tells us everything. If it's apparent that they aren't enjoying the performance, Sheila will blow them up.]

"Or if we just think they suck," Sister added, reading the subtitles.

"Hopefully we won't have to use the button very often though," Doc said cheerfully.

Simmons nodded at the judges. "So... Let's begin!" The audience erupted again as some of the contestants filed off the stage, leaving one.

"Este debe ser bueno..." Lopez sighed. [This ought to be good...]

"Uh, hi!" Caboose said, waving madly at Sheila. "My name is Michael J. Caboose and I like cookies!" He was wearing a pair of jeans and a purple t-shirt, and his blonde hair was sticking up at odd angles, like he'd stuck a fork in a toaster... again.

An audible groan came from Sister and Lopez, while Doc just happily said, "Hello, Caboose, how are you?"

"I'm good!" Caboose stated. "I'm gonna sing a song!" He cleared his throat and sang, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" He then clapped his hands twice. "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" Again, he clapped his hands, unfazed by the fact that no one else was clapping. "If you're happy and you know it, then you really ought to show it!"

Lopez looked at Sister, who nodded. He then pushed a button on the table. Sheila's voice echoed through the studio. "Firing main cannon." "What...?" Caboose asked. Sheila fired and Caboose barely dodged it. "AHHH! THIS PLACE IS FILLED WITH MEAN LADIES!" he shouted as he ran around in circles. He found sanctuary when he dove behind the stage, causing Sheila to stop firing.

Simmons, who was barely able to contain his laughter, took to the stage. "With that, I think it's time for a commercial break."


So, yeah, love it, hate it, I'm still going to write it either way. Chapters will continually get longer as I add full songs and such. Don't bother requesting songs, Aria and I already have a set list worked out. My sincerest of apologies, m'dears.

I'll try to have an update every few days, but I'm not making promises. School and what not.

But I do have a question - Should I include what happens backstage as well as what happens on stage? It might mean fluff. It might mean a situation that would only lead to disaster and hilarity. Or it might be a terrible idea and I just need to forget about it.

REVIEW! I am like Tinkerbell. I need attention to live. (Sorry for the cheap Glee reference.)

- The Narwhal Ninja