Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.
This is just a theory that I have- and I am well aware that this won't happen.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She screams as he walks away. Her voice is ragged and sharp and it cuts through the silence filling the distant air.
The boy stops walking and wants to answer her question. He wants to tell her that in all honesty, he has no idea what's wrong with him. The question is extremely- how do you say- cliché. It has been used throughout everyone's life. It has been used in situations like these- where dead hearts are bleeding on the cold floor- for ages. Where the world stops for the broken and weak, but then picks back up and eats away happiness.
"I don't know." He whispers, the pressure of the world seeps into his dry voice.
"Y-you actually did that?" Clare says weakly, her words slip out of her burning throat.
Eli nods weakly and sees Clare lean back against the wall, her hand covering her mouth. Eli shuts his blood-shot eyes and he tries to feel numb. He wants the pills and he wants to fall asleep and never see daylight again. He's desperate to get away from her cries and her howls. But he knows that he can't leave. He knows that he's caught in a problem that has to mended and fixed. He's caught in a spider web and the eight-legged creature is slowly coming his way.
"I didn't mean to." Eli's voice shakes, because she's crying and he hates when she cries. He can feel every sob and it's coming into his skin like a knife.
"We get back together...and this is what happens?" She croaks, and Eli risks it and looks at her.
And all he can see is the way she glows. All he can see is they way she looks like an angel with her hair around her porcelain skin. He can almost see wings coming out of her shoulders. And he knows that he can't rule it out. He knows that she'll fly away from him with her wings spread widely. And he knows that she'll fly away to somewhere that treats her well and can give her everything she needs.
He wants to be able to be everything she needs.
"I'm sorry." He tries, and that's all he knows what to say. He doesn't know what to do and he doesn't know how to even speak, "It didn't mean anything...it was a onetime thing."
Clare lets out a scoff, but tears continue to pour down her cheeks, "You had sex with her. You shared something with her that I couldn't give you. You touched her bare skin and kissed her naked flesh," Clare glances up at the boy, her eyes dead, "Everything is gone, Eli. Everything."
Eli glances down and tries not to be blinded by the sun the stood crying in front of him. He crouches down next to her and wraps his head in his arms. "When did everything get so fucked up, Clare? When did everything fall apart? I finally had you. I had you."
"We change and grow up." Clare speaks slowly, her voice surprisingly calm, "Everything becomes shittier and we wake up and realize that we aren't the same people that we once were."
"I don't want to grow up." He mutters softly, and feels tears forming in his eyes.
"It's for the better, I guess," Clare shrugs, but a sharp shiver runs down her spine, "I think I'm beginning to figure out that I never knew you. We're strangers."
"But I love you. So much."
Eli lets out a soft whimper that only he hears. He can almost remember the old Eli. The other Eli that would never give into the temptation of the flesh. The Eli that wouldn't think twice about cheating. And as he sits quietly, he knows that Clare is right. And he wonders what passing people think of them. He wonders if they know that they were once best friends and were so in love that it hurt. And he wonders if they know that he will spend his life loving Clare Edwards, and she'll forget about this situation.
He wonders if they know that he loves her. So much.
"I want to get to know you again." Eli speaks gently, reaching out to touch her, but Clare jerks back.
"I don't think that that's a good idea." She says coolly, and Eli can almost feel the frost coming off of her normally warm skin.
"But...I want to start over. I want to be the people that we once were! I want you, Clare. I want you to trust me again." His voice is excited and he looks like a little child at Christmas from the way he's looking at the girl in front of him.
"I don't think that's possible. You're living in a fantasy world." Clare says, but her resentment is fading. And by her expression, Eli is realizing that maybe, just maybe she loves him just as he loves her. Because her eyes are growing brighter with every passing second and she's slowly moving closer to him.
"You'll trust me again. And we'll grow old together. We'll fall even more in love and forget about everything with Imogen. It'll be like she never existed!"
And he takes a guess that Clare likes that idea, because all he can feel is her lips on his. Eli moans at the taste of her lips and the feel of her fingers wrapped in his hair. He hears her sighs of pleasure and he knows that she's the only one that he'll ever want. Her scent is lavender and he's floating into her and she's a cloud that is carrying him. She has him wrapped around her finger and he never wants to let go of her. And when she whimpers against his mouth-her face is flushed and her heart beats erratically-he feels his body thump desperately for her.
"All those times between Imogen and I mean nothing, Clare. I promise." And he tries to slip his hand under her shirt and feel her soft skin, but she pulls back and she backs away from him.
"How...how many times...how many times did you sleep with her." She asks the dreaded question, and Eli winces. He bites his lip and tries not to let out any anger.
"Three times." He whispers, the secret worming its bitter self out of his throat.
And when he answers, her eyes close. Eli looks at her; trying to get away from everything. And he notices that she looks beautiful when she's lost.
"Go away," She murmurs finally, her head sinking into her knees, "Just go."
And because he can't watch her break apart anymore, he turns away and walks off into the night. Eli can feel his heart swinging on a string. He can feel it wobble back and forth. He hears the squeak from his heart and he knows that it's running out of oil. Eli wishes that his heart would just smash; so he could live without one.
"You promised that we wouldn't end up like my parents!" She yells to his back, and he flinches, "But we're just like them." And he walks faster.
He wants a dead heart.
Because once it dies, he can live in a painless world.
Review, please? ;)