The Adventures of Spain and Romano
Warnings: Smex, intentionally poor grammar, profanity
A/N: MY LOVE FOR THIS PAIRING IS ALSKFJSLDFJl. THUS THE TRIALS BEGIN. This was written because of The Lonely Island's "I Just Had Sex" and goddamn what is wrong with me. The story has no plot, reason, or meaning. Seriously. None.
One day Spain was in a motherfucking paradise. He was surrounded by a gigantic mob of turtles and tomatoes and churros and children singing and dancing in circles around him, but only one thing was missing.
Spain whipped his head (and probably like broke his neck or something but that shit was irrelevant) to see his booty call Romano saunter up to him in a skin-tight matador suit. "OH HAI LOVI YOU LOOK SOOOO CUTE TODAY~!" Spain said, not wanting to sound like he was about to go down on the poor bitch.
Romano put on this constipated look (but in Spain's eyes it was an adorable pout what the fuck is wrong with this guy) and settled himself in Spain's lap. Spain smiled and wrapped his arms around the Italian, lowering his hands to grab his rear and Romano squeaked and for some strange, inexplicable reason that drove Spain over the edge and he tapped that ass like a motherfucking maple tree. It was magical and amazing and at first it was rape then Romano suddenly realized he wanted it and blushed like a shy little schoolgirl and shit was cash man.
…And what a wonderful dream that was. But of course, all dreams come to an end. Especially yours. That raise you were hoping for? Hah. Your boss is actually going to give it to that kiss-ass with all the fountain pens. Life is unfair. But hey, there's a toaster that makes eggs too. Isn't that cool?
Anyway, Spain woke up to the wonderful sight of Romano staring at him over the edge of the bed with a butcher knife, said knife in the position to chop his little buddy off.
"Not today, Lovi!" Spain said, grabbing the knife with his calloused bare hands that were so strong the blade didn't even cut that bastard's skin goddamn.
Romano roared in fury and said, "Just you wait, Tomato Bastard! One day I'll cut that dick off so I can finally top you!" Because we all know Romano is life's bitch and that would be the only way he could possibly top. Spain might let him one day, but Romano would probably curl up into a ball and cry after it was all finished, if he hadn't already been crying throughout the entire ordeal.
Spain just laughed and then looked down to notice he had a nice case of morning wood and was all "Oh look Lovi, Little Toni wants to say 'Hola!'"
"God you are the weirdest fuckface I've ever met."
Spain pouted and stared at the provocative position Romano had placed himself in and did I mention he was naked? because the Italian seemed to do that a lot. "Help Boss, Romanito~?"
Romano gave out a loud, obnoxious groan that told the world just how hard his life was, and he'd just broken a nail and it hurt like a bitch and nyeh nyeh nyeh. But yeah he wouldn't mind sex right now. So they went at it like rabbits and honey, tomatoes, and chocolate had never tasted so good together.
Those crazy-assed motherfukken kids.
They were so exhausted afterwards that Romano fell asleep in Spain's tanned, toned arms that would make Hercules cry at their beauty. Spain was in such a good mood he decided to run around outside and tell the world of his good fortune. Coincidentally, like half of Europe plus America and Canada because who am I kidding they're always there was congregated very close to the Spaniard's home. Spain ran outside of his house shouting "I JUST HAD SEX AND IT FELT SO GOOD~!"
Everybody cheered because love making between such two sexy nations was just a beautiful picture and even Germany squealed with glee. It was horrifying. Even a royal wedding had not a chance against such a tearful event. By the way you should totally buy a replica of Kate's ring even though it's fake and will never be as great as hers and this wedding really had no relevance to you no matter where you live.
Then Romano came out all confused because he heard all the commotion and was all, "Y U PEOPLE HERE" and Spain was like, "GO BACK TO BED DARLING I'LL MEET YOU THERE~!" and there were catcalls and whistles and the like until Romano pulled out a stereo. Presumably its intended use was to throw at people, but instead Romano turned it on and "FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY" blasted through the countryside because that's where they are now and everybody cried and left.
It was mundane.
EPILOGUE TIME U GAIZ.
Since Spain did not learn about safe sex in health class Romano got knocked up with eight kids and Spain learned a whole new fetish. Not with the kids, you pedophile. With the cravings and the hormones and the belly and the GYYAAARRHHH. Yeah I don't know how to imitate Bill Cosby when typing. But that's what I was going for.
So they lived happily ever after except Romano had to use TriLASTIN to get rid of those stretch marks and goddamn do you know what eight kids at once does to your figure? But Lovi worked it back using BRO90X because those workouts ain't for pussies and Romano was surely not a pussy. Surely. Except he passed out a few times during the exercises and Spain often intervened because watching Romano stretch out like that was just asking for it. Yeah those two really like having sex. They really do, honest to god. Really. They really do. Boy, they do. Really. GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP CAULFIELD. Crazy son of a...
Since I refuse to end this on a Catcher in the Rye ref, I will say their eight children were all adorable little angels who everyone just loved. And Papa Toni and Mama Lovi were the best parents ever except when they left all eight kids to Italy so they could go "on a business trip." Who am I kidding they were horrible parents. Three weeks after their kids were born they went to a private beach "on a business trip." A very sexy business trip.
Also just for the record they've been married this WHOLE TIME. Can you believe that? It's not like I forgot to add that important fact in earlier or anything. That would be silly. Now turn off the computer and go feed your kids/husband/wife/dog/fish/television.
SO THANK GOD THAT'S OVER. I'm not quite sure I'm even into Mpreg enough to write seriously about it. It's fun to joke about and I'm fine reading it, but yeah. Who knows. Oh and that Spamano Mpreg fic I think I may have promised to someone? It's not going to happen because of...circumstances. Sorry about that. This obviously was not as good as my other crack, but I am out of practice and whatnot. Please review if you'd like, it would bring such joy to this crappy writer~