Author's Note: This is for Madame Band Geek. Who asked me to write a fanfic of Sirius/Remus.
THEY ARE CANON!
That is all hope you like.
The snow within the Forbidden Forest was stained red, the color glinting in the sunlight like hundreds of precious rubies just waiting to be plucked from their seats. It was the blood of a werewolf, one who attended the school in secret, and Remus Lupin felt sick to his stomach. There had been hunters in the woods that night, hunters who had managed to injure him, and not even his friends could control what had happened. They only assisted in the clean up of the bodies.
The boy in question was huddled naked inside the shack that every full moon he called home, hiding his face in his arms. Blood stained his pale and scarred skin, most of it dripping down from a wound to his shoulder, a bullet having been fired that night, the damn hunters… It shouldn't have happened…it shouldn't have, why couldn't they stop him? The taste of blood was still so strong in his mouth it made him feel sick all over again. It was stupid and it would be the last night Remus would let his friends, his only friends, come near him in his animalistic state of being.
The door creaked open and Remus looked up, cheeks tear stained to see his best friend standing there in front of him now wearing his robes, holding out Remus's clothes right there in front of him. The wolf's eyes were dead, just staring up at Sirius before he stood up and took the clothes, turning his back to get changed. With each article of clothing, the gashes on his skin from the previous night were hidden from sight. It would mean another trip to the hospital wing, but it was something he was used to.
"Moony…you gonna be okay?" Sirius Black asked a frown forming on his lips as he looked at his friend. His question was left unanswered as Remus pushed past him, not saying a word. "Hey wait a second!" he called to him, running after his friend.
Remus flat out ignored him, he just kept walking his arms folded over his chest. He could see James and Peter just at the top of the hill with probably equal looks of worry that would match the one on the man running after him. He'd stay quiet until he got to the hill…but it didn't take that long. Remus was spun around and was suddenly looking into Sirius's face. "Let me go…"
Sirius shook his head, their two other friends coming down the hill to stand beside them. "Remus you have to go talk to us…we want to help but we can't if you don't let us…" There was genuine concern in Sirius's voice but Remus couldn't take it, the tears started to come to his eyes again.
He was frightened, and he managed to pull his arm out of Sirius's grasp. "You want to help me…?" he said in a quiet voice and as he looked up at them all he tried to put on the best mask of anger that he could manage. "Then stay away from me! Don't you get it? I'm a monster! I could have killed any of you last night. You want to help? Stay the hell away from me, all of you!"
Remus turned on his heels and bolted up the hill, leaving his stunned and confused friends behind him. He was a murderer, the monster that he had always feared he would become and now he couldn't even keep those who were most precious to him safe. He stopped running only when he got to the castle going inside and letting the crowd of black robes engulf him into the normality that was the school day. But he didn't go to his classes he simply went upstairs to the Hospital Wing.
Madame Pomfrey took one look at him and sat him down in a chair. She asked what happened, and he told her the truth, not a moment later he was alone in the room, while the lovely nurse went to go call the Headmaster. Remus lay on the bed his eyes closed, just thinking about what had happened, trying to piece it together…
The werewolf raised his head, his ears tilted forward. There was someone in the woods, why couldn't the others ear it… He saw them the hunters not far off, guns pointed at the stag. The next instant the werewolf was charging forward and had the neck of one of the men in its mouth, blooding coating his muzzle. He could feel the barrel of a gun bashing against his skull, heard the gunshot, and felt the blinding pain as the bullet pierced his shoulder, and then a yelp as the other man was knocked to the ground by a black dog.
The wolf saw the knife, the dog didn't. Another yelp of pain, this time from the dog, and the werewolf saw red. The man didn't stand a chance, the wolf's jaws and claws easily tearing him into ribbons of flesh and bone.
His eyes opened at the sound of voices, more than likely discussing what was to be done to him. The murderous wolf… He didn't want to leave school…he didn't want to leave his friends, but in the back of his mind he was trying to convince himself that it would all be for the best in the end. But Sirius…oh Merlin he didn't want to leave him… The sound of his cry of pain had sent him tumbling into a state of insanity. Everything that Sirius Black did was perfect in his eyes, he was handsome, funny and charming, everything that Remus had hoped to be at school, but could never find the courage to. And he was loyal to a default…but out of all the things, it was his smile that had captured Remus's heart. He was in love with his best friend and if anything ever happened to Sirius because of him, Remus wouldn't be able to live with himself.
"Remus." He as pulled from his thoughts as he looked up into the eyes of the Headmaster, the concern in his blue eyes as Madame Pomfrey set about working on his shoulder. "Nothing will be done against you. The Minister will not be told because all he needs to know is that it was another creature in the forest to kill them not you." Dumbledore said sitting beside him on the bed looking down at his pupil.
Remus felt so incredibly small beneath the stare of the Headmaster, and, as he felt Madame Pomfrey pull the bullet from his shoulder, he let out a cry of pain. "I…I don't want to leave school Professor, but I don't want them to get hurt…I don't want him to…"
"What you do after this is your choice and yours alone Remus, just know that loving in silence is a greater sin than that of taking a life in my opinion. Guilt moves on, but a broken heart can last an eternity…"
The look of complete and utter shock on Remus's face stayed there until Madame Pomfrey started to bandage the wound, and the pain returned, the pressure from the bandage sending a wave of pain over his body. But Remus held still, looking up to find the Headmaster gone, and himself alone, not even the good nurse. Remus Lupin closed his eyes and let himself slip into a dreamless sleep.
It was the following evening before he was permitted to leave the Hospital Wing, and even then Madame Pomfrey wasn't willing to let him go that easily. He had to promise her that he would come rushing back if he felt the slightest bit sick. Arm in a sling, Remus wandered the castle not looking at anyone who passed him by. That is until he saw Sirius right in front of him.
Remus dropped his gaze to the ground hoping to just walk right by him without any trouble, or even being noticed, but it was a fools hope and he knew it, there was no way that Sirius hadn't seen him. Next thing he knew, his back was against the wall and he was staring into Sirius's face. "Let me go Sirius…"
"You can't tell me what to do Remus, not after everything we have done for you. Not after everything I have. Each full moon I go out there and risk my neck for you so you won't be lonely Remus. So why, why god would you ask me to leave you alone and think you'd be better off that way?" Sirius asked, anger flaring up behind his dark eyes that nearly made Remus want to run away with his tail between his legs.
He looked away from him, unable to look at his good friend in the eyes with what he was about to say. "Because I care too much Sirius. For James and Peter, but especially you and if I ever did something to hurt you I couldn't live with that because…because I…"
Silence fell between the two of them, Sirius staring at the wolf he had pinned to the wall, and Remus, standing there trembling from fear of what his friend would do once he discovered his second most cherished secret.
The light touch of Sirius's fingers on Remus's jaw and he turned his head to look into Sirius's eyes a frown on his lips. Sirius brushed his thumb against Remus's lips, unable to pry his eyes from the sorrow and fear that seemed to linger in the boy's before him. "And because I feel the same, I will always continue to follow you…the risk is worth it to see you smile."
Their lips brushed against each other, the kiss soft, tender, and loving. Remus was certain that it was all a dream, that it wasn't real, but that didn't stop him from savoring the moment. "Sirius…" As they parted, Remus looked up into Sirius's face. "You…you just…" Confusion swirled in his mind, did he really like him? Did he really feel the same way? Had he just been too blind to see it? "You can't…I'm a monster… I kill! I could hurt you, I could kill you!"
"Remus stop it…You are no monster, you are you. You are perfect in every way Moony. I wouldn't change a thing, not even the wolfish parts." Sirius pulled the now very confused Gryffindor boy into his arms, taking care not to put pressure on his arm. "I'm taking the chance for you Remus because a wise man once told me…keeping love a secret, is worse than death, because you'll never know what could be or what could have been."
Remus listened and rested his head against Sirius's shoulder, allowing the taller male to hold him. For the first time since the full moon, werewolf Remus Lupin, was certain that things would be okay, and that he wouldn't have to worry about hurting Sirius again.
One month later.
The black dog watched as the werewolf emerged from the Shrieking Shack and stretched his legs. His tail began to wag and he trotted up to him, letting the wolf sniff him before he dared closer. It was time for a run, the stag and the rat would meet them soon, but for now it was just them, and that was how it would always be.
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