Note: I just wrote this up for fun one night but then the story just ran by itself, resulting in utter nonsense, way longer than I planned it to be. It has no real plot, not really. Just something I thought about after watching episode 6. I... think way too much about this couple for my own good. Oh gawd. I'll try to do something less sexual next time. I do believe that their relationship cannot be named so easily. It's just too special. Please tell me what you think about it, though. I'm seriously new to this fanfic-writing business. Thank you (:
Summary: It's a struggle, but Nezumi slows down to see what he has, and allows desire to take over.
Pairing: Nezumi/Shion (I feel more comfortable using 'Shion' instead or 'Sion'. It just sounds more like the Japanese equivalent)
So, what do you call a relationship like this?
Shion's stupid question from the night before rang clear in his head. Nezumi was having time to ponder on the way back to their home, and it did nothing but put him in a bad mood. He clicked his tongue in irritation. Their home. Honestly, when was the last time he felt so charitable? Inukashi was right; he was growing soft. There was no reason for Shion to be staying with him. In the first place, if he'd wanted Shion to learn the ways of the world first-hand, shouldn't the best option be to throw him out, let him fiend for himself, find something he was good at and work for his own survival?
Shion wasn't a friend, per say. He wasn't exactly foe either, nor was he family.
"Why must everything be so black and white with you? Love or hate, friend or foe, inside the wall or outside it."
All his previous thoughts were stilled when the smell of stew wafted past, somewhat beckoning, and it came as a bit of a surprise when he realized that it was coming from their own den. It shouldn't have, really. In the past few weeks, Shion had busied himself with all sorts of domestic work - cleaning, buying the groceries, sorting out books (he ended up reading most of them to decide how best to categorize things, which Nezumi found to be rather endearing), and doing the laundry, even when he didn't need to.
When he thought about it, Shion was...
He opened the door noisily. There was a light chirpping at his feet before Shion turned his head fully towards him with a cheery, "welcome back". The white-haired youth never missed a beat.
Yes, Nezumi decided, Shion was definitely like a wife.
"You didn't lock the door. Fool," Nezumi said, as a form of greeting.
"Oh. I didn't think it was that important."
"You never think at all, do you? Airhead."
"It's not like that."
"Then don't let your guard down," Nezumi had raised his voice. "Or you'll be attacked."
Shion had expected to be thrown against the wall at this point, but when nothing happened he did naught but scoff. He was used to the verbal abuse by now. Nezumi threw his scarf and jacket into the couch before flinging himself onto the opposite end. He watched as Shion worked over the pot, the mice huddling up like eager hungry children near him.
"There was some food about to expire, so I used them up," Shion said, dividing the stew into bowls. "Hope you don't mind leftovers."
"So, how was your day?" Shion asked, when there was nothing else to say. His voice was soft, and oddly calming.
"Nothing you really need to know. Same old. Working just enough to keep the both of us out of the streets."
The comment came out more snidely than he wanted to, and Nezumi didn't miss the pang of shame he saw in Shion's eyes at that moment. It was quickly replaced with something simpler, something dull, and his gaze fell.
Besides the obvious guilt, Nezumi felt, to a certain extent, awe. Was it really so easy for him to break this sheltered little boy, so easy to make him crumble by his will? Or was that just him talking from an arrogant viewpoint?
Did he truly mean so much to this person? He clenched his fists once. Why was that so hard to believe?
"At the very least, I can say that I won't be your enemy. Whatever happens, even if we're killed, I'll be by your side."
"That's my resolve."
Shion was saying something unimportant again, but any look of contentment from before had disappeared, along with the child-like excitement of seeing Nezumi back home.
Supress his feelings, he might, but Nezumi didn't like it when Shion was sad or when he cried. That alone was easy to understand.
"Oi, don't make such a face," Nezumi interrupted, chucking Shion under the chin in an affectionate way. "It turns me on," he added slyly, mainly to provoke a reaction.
As predicted, Shion turned beet red but he didn't stutter as much when he retorted, "W-what are you saying, Nezumi? You're not supposed to say such things so easily unless you mean it!"
"Says the one who's all attracted to me," Nezumi countered. "And for the record, I do mean it," he decided.
"Well that was... I didn't know how else to put it."
"Hmph, you're good at seducing me, that's all."
At the corner of his vision, Cravat had crawled up the table and was helping himself to some boiled carrot. The rest soon followed suit, as the two boys fell into a chilly silence.
"Hey N-Nezumi," Shion continued in a calmer tone, averting his eyes. "Remember about what I asked you the other day..."
Somehow knowing that he wouldn't like what Shion was going to say next, Nezumi cut in swiftly. "Let's just eat. Forget it. I don't want to hear another word." I'm content just being like this with you.
Shion, strangely obedient tonight, just dropped the topic.
What an idiot, Nezumi mused, I've become. He's rubbing off of me already.
In the firelight glow, Shion's hair radiated a natural red, reminding him of an evening sun, setting against a ruined landscape, a memory that seemed so long ago. It was pretty. Nezumi had to catch himself from reaching out to touch it again. It was becoming habit. What did he know of beauty? Someone cast into the dump yard of the holy city, into a world of rot and scum. What would he know of it, as someone who lived most of his life surrounded by filthy places and equally filthy humans. It was hard to say, looking at Shion now, with his pure white hair and pure white soul. Beautiful.
"The feelings you hold for someone; they imprison you, bind you, and trip you up," were the words he himself cast a long time ago. Was he doubting his own beliefs now?
Nezumi stifled a sigh; he lifted himself off the couch and went back to the door. That caught Shion's attention.
"Nezumi? Where are you-?"
"Just sit there," the taller boy said, without looking back. He cleared his throat and waited a beat. "Let's try this again." And then he left the room, shutting the door behind him. He finally let out a sigh. The air in there was certainly getting to him. He'd have to make ammends.
Counting to ten, he opened the door. "I'm home," he said, making sure to put some life into it.
Something warm flung itself into his embrace. Thin arms wrapped around his neck, and soft lips pressed against his. It almost made his heart burst.
"Welcome back," Shion beamed.
It took a while for Nezumi to recollect himself. He swallowed, a rather uncharacteristic move. It only made Shion giggle. "When you said that we should try it again, I thought you'd wanted a different response. Was I wrong? Heh, don't let your guard down," he said knowingly. "Or you'll be attacked."
Nezumi turned his gaze away as if to say, 'Save me from this idiocity'.
"Ah," Shion suddenly went limp, arms sliding off Nezumi's shoulders. "Did you not like it?" he asked softly, honestly wanting to know.
"What kind of a kiss was that?" Nezumi said crossly. I want you to do it again, idiot.
"Um... a 'welcome home' kiss?"
"...Then why didn't you do it before? All the other days."
"Ah... well... then, an 'I love you' kiss...?"
Nezumi nearly spluttered. "It was clearly a bad idea to try and teach you how to speak like a normal human."
Shion ignored him. "That's... what I felt I guess. I was just happy to see you. It shouldn't matter, should it? Love, respect, admiration. The implications of kissing vary widely."
"Tsk, don't confuse admiration with love."
"I'm not!" Shion tried to defend himself. He was cute when he got all riled up; Nezumi couldn't help but allow himself an appreciative grin. "You're right, I'm no good with words. But you understand me, don't you? It might be hopeless but... Nezumi, I'll do my best not to be a burden. I'm sorry."
Nezumi doesn't believe in true love or perfect storybook endings. But he knows of loneliness and unwanted feelings. Never once had the thought come across his mind, to be able to exist for someone else, to protect the thing that's most important to him.
Did that make Shion his most important thing, he wondered. He kept him here because he didn't want Shion to get hurt. That was a form of protection, right?
The concept of liking someone... it's just too complicated.
"Sorry, you say?" Nezumi began, fondling the back of Shion's head. "Don't say sorry to someone right after you kiss them. If you're going to say anything then say something sexy."
"...Are you trying to hit on me?"
"Don't flatter yourself."
"Sometimes... I really don't get you, Nezumi."
"Well, I guess 'I love you' is fine too."
"So does that mean-"
Nezumi didn't let him finish, choosing to pull his arm tightly around the smaller boy's waist and tilting his jaw upwards with his free hand roughly. Nezumi wasted no opportunity for the plundering amidst Shion's momentary shock. He first pressed their lips together firmly, urging Shion to open up to him. What the hell was I thinking? Or more like, why wasn't I thinking at all?
After a while, Nezumi's calloused hands wandered everywhere, cupping his bottom, squeezing his hip, caressing his shoulders, gripping his hair, setting him on fire. The white-haired youth's breath hitched and he finally opened his mouth to let the other in. At the back of his mind, Nezumi realized, this was the first time he'd initiated a kiss. Shion wasn't resisting; but he wasn't exactly responding either. Did he not know how?
"Use your tongue," Nezumi said impatiently, when he'd gotten tired of the other boy's lack of fervor. He was rewarded with a curious little tongue flicking against his own, as though testing the waters. "Mm, just like that, baby."
Shion tasted less sweet than he'd imagined, but desirable all the same. The boy moaned and mewled delectably whenever their tongues met, new to these sensations. Nezumi was shaping his body with his hands, moulding his lips with his mouth. It was impossible not to feel the intense heat emitting from Shion's entire being. The raven-haired youth let it go on for a while before pulling back with a sigh. Shion, in all his inexperience, was left panting for air, his face flushed as though he might collapse any second.
"What an erotic face you're making," Nezumi chuckled. "I like it."
"R-really?" Shion said breathlessly. "I mean... how does it look like? I feel dizzy. I probably don't look too good."
"Don't be too concerned about it."
"I'm blushing like a girl."
"Like I said, it's sexy."
"Ah, it's no good." Shion buried his head in the other's shirt. He couldn't forget the feeling of Nezumi's tongue in his mouth, delving, devouring him. He was more than eager to experience other such intimacies. "I've read about it, but the practical form is much different than in theory. My face is burning up. Is it possible to contract a fever like this? Was it good for you, Nezumi? Did I do anything wrong?"
"Imbecile. That's impossible."
"To come down with a fever?"
"For you to do anything wrong." There, he said it. "It's impossible."
That was the first crack.
But the charming smile Shion gave him then, for him and him only, was worth it. His eyes were really sparkling, if that cheesy description could actually occur. He couldn't deny, the look Shion had on his face really made him want to cum. Sheesh, when did I start becoming such a pervert? Then he realized, Shion was pretty much on the verge of tears.
"Shit," Nezumi cursed. "You're such a crybaby, Shion. I dread to think about what would happen if we actually did it."
He wondered why he said that, really. He did want to have sex with Shion, because he found him attractive, that much he could comprehend, but he wasn't going to expect anything. On the subject at hand, that would have to take a while, he imagined. Shion looked like the kind to break easily. Plus, he was probably the clueless sort who'd just lay there stiffly. But since they were both men, he should know which places felt the best when...
"Don't start imagining it!" Shion scolded, seeing right through him. "Besides, it's futile. There's no way for two males to copulate. We won't be able to have children, Nezumi."
"No shit," Nezumi said flatly. "Who said I wanted a bunch of little runts running around here anyway? The place is cramped enough as it is. Having kids... That's not all sex is for, you know."
"But wouldn't it be unnatural?" Nezumi would have hit him if Shion didn't look so completely honest and bewildered at the idea.
"What the fuck are you... I didn't take you for such a feeble-minded retard. Alright, what about that kiss? Did that feel unnatural to you? Tell me."
"Not at all. But that's because I love you, Nezumi."
Shit. Nezumi sighed inwardly. The boy cannot be saved.
"It's supposed to feel really good when you do it with someone you love, I know that much," Shion continued. "And I won't lie, it felt amazing. So that can only mean that I love you, right?"
"Don't come to such conclusions with that pitiful brain of yours. And FYI, it's pretty much the same for sex; it'll feel even better though. A hundred times better."
Shion's blush resurfaced. "So, it is possible for two men to do it, and feel pleasure too..."
"You learn something new everyday."
"Then, we can be closer that way, won't we?"
"We can't do it," Nezumi said bluntly. I can't become enemies with you if we do. You won't be able to kill me, if we become any closer. "You'll get hurt."
"But if sex is the highest form of intimacy, I don't see why it shouldn't be worth the try-"
"Are you not listening to me?" The abrupt increase of his voice made Shion flinch instinctively. There was a pause as Shion weighed his words. Feeling responsible for such a skittish reaction, Nezumi drew him in closer by the elbow, almost apolegetic in its tenderness.
"Oi, don't get ahead of yourself. Where did all this come from, all of a sudden."
"I want to be closer to you, more than anyone else." Shion's gaze was so determined, Nezumi didn't have the heart to form an insult.
His eyes darkened. "Even at the risk of getting hurt?"
"Phff, you not getting hurt?"
"For you to ever hurt me, Nezumi," Shion said truthfully, not a hint of doubt in his eyes.
It was a blur, what happened in the next two seconds, and Shion found himself forcibly shoved up against the nearest bookshelf, Nezumi's lips on his throat, raving hot upon his skin. His feet barely touched the ground, the only support coming from Nezumi's weight, pinning him there with his hands and his body and his ardor. Shion's legs came up to wind around the other's waist intuitively, his arms going around Nezumi's shoulders in a desperate embrace. His heart was beating so fast from the thrill, he thought it was surely going to rip out his chest. The feeling of someone nipping at his throat so hungrily, Shion couldn't help but cry out at the strange sensation. He couldn't help it; it was exciting when Nezumi got violent. It felt so animalistic. These thundering emotions; they threatened to engulf his very being.
"Shion," he growled, not once pausing his administrations. "Tell me to stop, Shion. Do it."
"You're going to regret this, Shion. Tell me to stop and I'll stop."
Buttons came off, the rustle of cloth as it dropped to their feet. The moans and sighs coming from the smaller boy were in no way discouraging. Shion's top was bare now, and the wall scratching against his back was causing more than discomfort, but one touch from Nezumi and everything else flew out the window. He was hoisted further up the wall as Nezumi indulged on his naked torso, sparing nothing from his nipples down to the dip in his belly; he trembled violently at how powerful Nezumi was. Shion wondered hazily, if he'd be this strong one day. He barely heard it when Nezumi whispered.
"I'm sorry, Shion."
I just want your everything.
His tongue followed the length of red, from neck downwards, lapping greedily at the ruby trail that haunted his fantasies. At this, Shion stiffened considerably.
"Wait, Nezumi," his voice was shuddering.
The sound of it made Nezumi look up, genuinely concerned. "What?"
"Don't... don't touch there."
"It... doesn't feel good." He leaned himself over Nezumi's shoulder, hoping it would cover those scars from his sight. He was sure that if it went on, the dam would burst, and Nezumi would tease him for crying again. But it was disgusting. A horrible red snake. It was ugly. "I think this was a bad idea. I'm sorry."
"Damn it. What's your problem?"
The squeaking mice made way as Nezumi carried him over to their bed and dropped him there without an ounce of grace. His hands were on either side of Shion's head, preventing him from looking away.
"What do you want me to do, Shion? Do you want me to stop?"
"But you've already sustained an erection," Shion noticed with a blush, as Nezumi came up to straddle his waist.
"And whose fault is that?" Nezumi went down on him again, ignoring Shion's request and dragging warm lips all over the scar the boy was so ashamed of. "This," he licked over a sensitive area, earning a shaky gasp, "every inch of you." He deftly pulled Shion's pants off like he'd practised it a million times. He lifted one of Shion's legs and began sucking on the inside of a thigh where the redness had wound itself. Shion was pulling away and leaning into the kisses at the same time, as though his body didn't know what it wanted. A hand brushed lightly over Shion's crotch. "Perfect." Shion let out a strangled cry of pleasure, his hands gripping the sheets so hard they turned pale. "So don't say shit like that again. I don't want to hear it."
"N-Nezumi..." Shion was trying hard to even his breathing. His small hand was on Nezumi's chest, weakly pushing. "It's been on my mind for a while now, Nezumi. But what are we?"
"Really? Now?" Nezumi asked, half annoyed, half in disbelief.
"You insist we're not friends. I just don't know what to call us."
"Does it matter anymore?" Nezumi sat back and removed his clothing. He was tired of talking.
"What am I to you?" Shion whispered. "Is that so wrong of me to want to know? Don't I have the right to know?"
"Where the fuck is this conversation going-"
"Would it be fine if dropped dead, this very instant?"
"I forbid you to spout such rubbish."
"Then that settles it," Shion concluded. "And in our current situation... Wouldn't that make us something like lovers? Not exactly what I'd call it but..."
"If I say yes will you stop talking already and let me finish you off?"
"Finish me off...?" Shion had to swallow his next words as Nezumi kissed him slowly; the gentleness of it made him melt, his eyes fluttering shut as the passion began to build up in his chest, only to be reverberated as a pool of heat in his groin.
The boy was pliant when Nezumi relieved him of his boxers, but his hands flew to cover his face, as though doing so would effectively hide the rest of him. It was not the first time he'd seen Shion naked. Nezumi didn't quite understand where the shame came from. Wordlessly, Nezumi gripped his wrists and coaxed them apart. Shion still wouldn't look at him straight, his breathing harsh but clearly wanton with desire.
"Try not to hide your face," said the raven-haired one, tenderly stroking Shion down his left cheek. "And look at me."
Determinedly quiet now, Shion met Nezumi's gaze, and an electricity ran through his spine. Something in Nezumi's eyes were just so feral, so possessive, Shion couldn't look away even if he wanted to. Slender fingers worked their way around his cock, squeezing gently, while the other hand spread his knees wider. He bit his lip to prevent whatever embarrassing noises from coming out, but it did nothing to stifle them in the least.
Without looking away, Nezumi dipped his head and kissed the tip of Shion's dick, before taking the entire length into his warm and pliant mouth.
Shion screamed and clumsily bucked his hips in pleasure. Nezumi barely avoided being choked. 'Nezumi... is looking at me.' Shion's whole world was narrowed down to those hands and that mouth, worshipping him, bringing him further into the grip of ecstasy. His toes curled delightfully into the bedding. He bit down on his wrist, doing his best to concentrate on something else. "Nezumi... The one who saved me, the one I cannot bear to lose, is pleasuring me with his mouth.' He held onto the headboard, desperate for something solid to cling onto, as his nerves caught on fire, and his heart threatened to break from the sheer intensity of emotion he was feeling. "Nezumi... Nezumi...!"
Nezumi loved how the other was gasping his name over and over with that erotic face. Shion, who accepted him, told him he loved him, asked him for death. The very same Shion who held his hand that stormy night and saved his life. Not tearing his eyes away, Nezumi started stroking himself. No, he decided, he wasn't going to go all the way tonight. Not when Shion just barely learnt how to kiss him properly, for god's sake. Nezumi isn't so sure he wants to tear down that wall just satisfaction of being inside his lover, wringing out every moan and scream he possibly could from those trembling red lips, should be saved for a later time.
Nezumi mentally snorted at the idea, humming to himself and driving Shion mad with the very vibration. He was surprised at himself for letting the subject drop so easily just a moment ago, and in Shion's favour. Well, there was no point denying it now.
With his free arm, he effectively forced Shion's hips from bucking too much. Hell, this was the kid's first time for sure, seeing his complete and utter abandonment of control.
"N-Nezumi... I'm... A-ah...! Shit!"
Hearing Shion cuss like that, Nezumi felt his own release building up. They barely heard the headboard crack under the intense pressure of Shion's vice grip as they both came simultaneously. The way Shion cried out when he did made Nezumi feel like a damn king.
He came up and collapsed next to Shion after he was spent. He thought he'd doze off a while with Shion in his arms but the strange giggle that escaped the white-haired boy made him raise an eyebrow. Subsequently, the laughing became hitched and dry, and Nezumi realized this was the sound of weeping. His heart fell.
"Shit," he turned to Shion's side and propped himself up with one arm, as though to confirm the extent of the damage himself. Shion had his arms across his face, and was sobbing uncontrollably, shoulders shaking with the force. Did it hurt? Was it bad? Did he do something that hurt him? All these thoughts plagued Nezumi and his eyes were filled with worry as he fumbled for something to say. Shion beat him to it.
"Nezumi..." he mumbled, eyes hidden. His voice came out in rasps. "What's wrong with me? Why can't I... stop crying? It's too much. Nezumi..."
Nezumi felt incredibly humbled, for some reason. He'd heard of instances like these, but never experienced it himself. What mattered was that Shion wasn't hurt because of him.
"Idiot," he pressed a kiss to the corner of Shion's mouth. "There's nothing wrong with you. You did pretty well, you know." Nezumi held Shion firmly in his arms, until long after the sobbing had stopped.
Later on in the bathtub, Shion whined defeatedly.
"Don't start on me now, crybaby," Nezumi warned, watching Shion carefully. It was probably way into the night by now for his liking. They hadn't even touched the food either, which was disappointing. He wanted to taste the stew Shion worked so hard at making.
"What if it happens again, the next time we try?" Shion sighed, confused by his own emotions for the boy in the tub with him. "I won't want to come again, if I knew that sort of embarrassing thing would happen."
He yelped as Nezumi swept an armful of water at him. "What, it didn't feel good enough for Your Majesty, is that it? God, all that work for naught," he teased.
Shion took it seriously. "Of course not! It felt amazing. Now I understand, why people do it to feel closer to each other," emboldened by his outburst, he added, "You should let me help you finish next time. I want to make you happy, too."
"Don't keep your hopes up. And don't say such lewd things. You'll get taken advantage of."
"I only say such things around you, Nezumi."
Nezumi allowed himself a smile, and leaned back into the water. Hn, what's wrong with me. Don't fall for such a clueless airhead. The boy came to sit at his side, resting his head on Nezumi's shoulder. What are you, Shion? he thought. Everyone lets their guard down with you. You're an even lesser threat than a mouse. You'll get eaten up too quickly in this world we live in.
That made him want to protect Shion even more.
Something important... huh.
"Thank you, Nezumi," Shion said out of the blue, driving the other boy out of his reverie.
"For the mind-blowing, tear-inducing orgasm?"
"And... everything else." Shion's blush could drive the most stoic of men mad. "I'm really glad I got to know you. I wouldn't have learnt about all these desires, all these feelings, if it weren't for you."
"We haven't even gone all the way yet. It's way too early to be thanking me, princess. You're still a novice, so I'll do well to teach you further."
Shion lifted his head and gave him a peck on the cheek.
"I'll be looking forward to it," Shion replied, all smiles, as though they were talking about something like dancing.
By then, it wouldn't really matter what we were. Lovers or enemies, friend or foe, inside the wall or outside it.
We'll just need to find the wall that divides us, and break it.