Title: Mirror of the Soul- 1/?
Rating: PG-13 (for cursing)
Genre: Gen, Emotionally and Physically Hurt!Sam, some slightly hurt!Dean, protective!Dean
Characters: Sam, Dean, Bobby, Lucifer, Michael
Spoilers: Season 6
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox; I just like to play in it every once in awhile.
This is the first chapter written for Summer of Sam Love at LJ! The story is for purplehrdwonder. I hope you like it, girl! I'm sorry I haven't written the next chapter. I've had a lot going on, but I'm close to being finished with Chapter 2. Should have it done today. This story will probably end up being 2-3 chapters long! Enjoy the first chapter folks! This story literally takes place moments after 6.22 ended. Read on, friends!
The drive back was hard, and stressful and painful. All three hunters had packed themselves into the old beat up clunker Sam had snagged from Bobby's salvage yard once he had woken up and was coherent enough. The memories of the atrocities his soulless self had committed that year, and on top of that, the memories from Hell assaulted him. His tortured, broken and destroyed self had warned him, and he didn't listen... The pain in his head had left him wanting to collapse, clutching his hands to his head, curling up into himself and forgetting about the world as the memories of raw flesh, blood, fire, darkness, pain, screaming, and evil took over, but no. He couldn't. He knew Dean was out there, waiting for him to show up and help him fight the angel who used to be their friend until he betrayed Sam. So, once Sam had sat up and discovered the gun left for protection, along with the note left by his side with the address Bootback, Kansas left on it, Sam sucked in a breath, fought against the hellfire threatening to burst out of his mind and consume him, with one thing on his mind; his big brother.
And he made it. Flashes of the memories screaming in his grapefruit causing him incomprehensible pain threatened to make him lose control, pull the car over, and fall into the pit of horrors that lay thick and fresh in his brain, but no. No, Sam couldn't let himself fall. He couldn't leave his big brother to fight their used-to-be friend, Castiel, by himself. No way, no how. Dean had never left Sam all alone, and he was not about to let Dean down now. So Sam arrived, trembling with the force of an aftershock after an earthquake, clutching his head as sharp pains attacked it, but taking deep breaths to steady himself, determination and conviction setting him forward on the path that led to his big brother. Sam laid eyes on the sight that lay before him as he stumbled forward. Dean's baby, the Impala, was flipped over onto her roof, looking crushed and sinking into the ground. Sam's heart had dropped down into his stomach at the sight. His brother and Bobby... They couldn't be in there, could they? His only family he had left? Really? Trapped? Bleeding? Wounded? Dead? Sam had gotten out of the car and stumbled to Dean's broken baby. He had peered inside, feeling relief settle over his entire aching body. Dean and Bobby weren't in there, which could only mean one thing; they were inside of the mansion-sized building ahead. Fighting the hellfire and the screaming and the pain, Sam made his way inside stealthily and without being caught.
As he approached the next room he'd come to, he heard the words Castiel spoke and knew instantly what he'd done. Sam felt the imminent danger his big brother was in, and his words from years and years ago, the night Dean had made his deal to save Sam, drifted back into his mind. "I guess I have to save your ass for a change." Damn right he was going to save his big brother if he had anything to say about it, bad memories or inside, Sam caught Dean's eye swiftly while Dean continued trying to sweet-talk Castiel down, trying hard to get the angel, who'd once been like family to them, to lose the millions upon millions of Purgatory souls that resided within him now. Sam grabbed the angel killing blade off the floor and proceeded to stab Castiel with it, pain tearing through his own heart at having to do this to somebody he once would've died for, but nobody came before his family, before his big brother.
Dean and Bobby were his family, and they were all he had left. Not this supernatural creature who'd proclaimed himself as the new God, a better one, that had tore down his only way of being protected from the 180+ years of Michael and Lucifer hate-banging him over and over and over. Much to Sam's chagrin, it hadn't worked, and he could only assume at that point it was the power of the millions of monster souls the beast had consumed. He was no longer Cas. He was no longer an angel. He was an evil, supernatural piece of shit who'd betrayed himself and his brother. The sounds in the room at that point had become muffled and confusing as he listened to Dean shout profanities, something about never bowing to him, Castiel's gravelly voice echoing loudly around the room, and all Sam could do was stand and stare, struggling to make sense of anything that was happening. After Castiel had left them with an ominous warning, disappearing from their sights, Sam collapsed, going to his knees, Bobby fell back against the wall breathing heavily and Dean, clutching his arm, rushed to his little brother's side, ignoring his possibly broken limb.
"Sammy? Sammy!" Dean exclaimed as he too went to his knees in front of his brother, grabbing ahold of the sides of Sam's lolling head, bringing Sam's face upward toward his own. "Hey, Sam? C'mon now. Snap out of it. Cas is gone. It's alright. You did good. You tried really hard, it's okay. Sam!" Dean smacked Sam on the side of the face to try and pull his brother out of the odd-like trance Sam seemed to have fallen in. Sam blinked his eyes a few moments before focusing on Dean's face.
"Dean?" Sam mumbled. "What happened? Where are we? How'd we get here?" the younger Winchester slurred, bringing his hands up to clutch onto his brother's shoulders for support.
Dean chuckled a bit, brushing back hair out of his little brother's eyes. "You tell me, Sasquatch. You're the one who showed up here and stabbed angel with a God-complex in the back," Dean tried to joke. "How'd you end up out here anyway, Sammy?"
"Oh...right, I drove. I woke up in the panic room. I found your gun. I kept it with me, Dean. It's in my jeans." Sam reached down to the back of the waistband of his jeans and pulled the gun out, holding it shakily in his hands to show Dean he'd brought it with him. "I drove here because I had to save you. I had to keep you from getting killed, Dean. I wasn't going to leave you alone out here, no matter what. I told him that it didn't matter if I had to remember or not. I wasn't going to leave you alone, Dean," Sam told him, his voice straining.
Dean just gazed at his brother, staring into intense, shining hazel eyes, not sure what Sam meant when he said "him" but listened intently as Sam explained himself in weakened earnest. Dean patted Sam's hand that clutched the pistol and lowered it, slipping the gun out of Sam's hand, and sliding it into the front of his own waistband. "Alright kiddo, let's go find that car you drove out here, huh? We can head back to Bobby's and figure out our next move from there, okay? That sound good?" Sam nodded his head in response to Dean's words, never taking his large, puppy eyes off of his big brother. Dean mused over how it made Sam look like a young child. "You think you can stand?" Dean grabbed ahold of Sam's biceps, ignoring his injured arm, and helped his gargantuan brother to his feet, only to find the younger man swaying slightly and still trembling. "Whoa, whoa. None of that now, Sammy. What'd you do, drink a bottle of whiskey on your way here?" He heard Sam's quiet scoff as Dean made to sling Sam's arm over his shoulders, wincing somewhat as the pain radiated through his own wounded appendage.
"Dean, don't. You're hurt. I can stand on my own. Just give me a minute." Ever the Sammy. He never missed a beat. Pulling himself together as best he could, Sam did just like he said he would and straightened himself out as much as possible, giving Dean a weak smile.
Bobby had taken a moment to pull his shaken self together as well before slowly making his way over to Sam and Dean and placing a hand on both of his boys' shoulders. Sam and Dean both could tell that Bobby was feeling that fall down those stairs and both exchanged worried glances with one another before turning back toward the eldest hunter. He looked Dean in the eyes, giving him a nod of confirmation that he was alright before moving his hand from the older Winchester's shoulder and placing both of his hands on Sam's now. "Sam, it's good to see you up and about, son," Bobby told the younger man affectionately. "You boys ready to head out? I'll drive us home, just lead the way to the car."
"I didn't park far from the Impala," Sam pointed out as he nearly lost his footing, feeling a wave of dizziness and pain roll through his head and down his body causing the boy to shudder. Sam placed a hand on his forehead and squeezed his aching eyes shut. "Whoa. Man, this sucks."
"Hey, c'mon now, Sam. Just let me help you," Dean insisted before using his good arm to take one of Sam's long arms and sling it back over his shoulder. He put his good arm around his brother's waist and felt Sam lean into him for support, but not so much that he couldn't handle the weight. "Now let's just focus on getting the hell out of here and back to Bobby's."
"Yeah that's fine," the older hunter grunted from behind the brothers. "I can come back and tow the Impala back to the house and when you're feeling up to it, you boys can just work on her out there," Bobby suggested as the boys began walking slowly forward, Sam leaning on Dean and Dean holding tight onto his little brother.
"That sounds great, Bobby. Thanks," Dean responded in gentle gratitude before inclining his head to look at his kid brother. "Hey, Sam? You still with me?" Dean prodded his younger brother, who's head began flopping forward as though he were struggling to hold it up.
"Hurts, Dean. It burns. The flames. Over and over. Skin stripping off piece by piece, each bone broken in so many different places. The blood. There's so much blood. Pain, Dean. Just, pain," Sam mumbled somewhere under his long mop of hair covering his eyes.
Dean could feel his heart beginning to hammer in his chest, remembering his own horrors of Hell and the fact that his brother had been trapped down there with the two most powerful archangels in existence flaying him to the raw nerve, stripping him down to bone. "Sammy, it's okay. You're not in Hell. You're here. You're with me and Bobby, and we're going to go home now and get you some real rest. Hey, hey! Sam. Look at me," Dean demanded, nudging his brother roughly with his shoulder. "Please, Sam. Don't fall back in there. You gotta stay with me little brother, okay?"
Sam looked over at Dean, nothing but pain could be seen marring his features, emptiness, brokenness in his hazel depths and he met Dean's eyes, green and bright with worry. "Okay, Dean. I'm here. I'll stay with you." Sam looked pale, exhausted and spent and Dean continued forward, leading his kid brother as Bobby stayed behind the brothers, ready to help and support in any way he could should Sam collapse or something worse. Lucky for them, they made it to the car without anything too terrible happening, except for Sam losing his footing a few times as if he were a toddler just learning to walk. With a pang, Dean looked back at the Impala, opened up the passenger side back door to the beat up, rusted piece of metal Sam had managed to hotwire and drive out here, and carefully laid Sam into the back seat. His legs were too long for him to properly stretch across the seat, so they were scrunched up and folded, looking rather uncomfortable, but the young man didn't even seem to pay it any mind. The minute he was laid back, Sam closed his eyes and Dean felt his heart leap in slight panic.
"Hey, Sammy? You're not passing out on me and going somewhere I can't get to you again, are you?" the older Winchester questioned, giving Sam a pat on the leg.
Sam cracked open one eye and gave Dean a crooked, half-smile in acknowledgment before sighing. "No, Dean. Just really tired. Need to sleep it off. That's all," Sam replied, sounding exhausted but convinced, and he closed his eyes once more, folding his arms over his chest, body still trembling.
Dean carefully removed his own coat, grimacing at the pain in his arm as he tried to pull his arm through the sleeve of his coat without jarring it too much. "Here, Sasquatch. This will help keep you warm," he told Sam, gently laying his warm coat over Sam's body and the younger Winchester sighed in gratitude before he was breathing heavily, indicating the arrival of much needed sleep. Maybe that was all that was wrong with Sam? Maybe he was just exhausted because while it may have looked like he'd been sleeping on that cot in the panic room, he hadn't been. There was most likely so much more going on in his head, and Dean didn't want to think of the horrors the lay somewhere in the depths of Sam's gargantuan brain. Sam was fast asleep before Bobby even re-hotwired the car. Dean seated himself in the front, passenger seat, clutching his most likely broken arm to his chest, and Bobby climbed into the driver's seat, pulled out and drove fast and far away from the end of the beginning of their new lives.