At first this was just meant to be a oneshot but after the reviews that you guys sent me, I realized, "Hey, people actually liked it!" Several of you requested more, so I thought about it and it actually ended up working out. Thanks for the feedback you guys, I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the first! Sorry that there isn't really any Jesse here but I'm thinking of doing one more chapter and it'll focus on him and Rachel again.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its characters.
"What were you feeling in that moment?"
They were sitting on the floor in the library when Rachel asked the question. Since New York and the kiss and coffee with Jesse, her mind had been in constant movement, swirling around, unsure of where to go. Now they were back at school and she didn't know what was happening, what she and Finn were.
She hadn't spoken much to him, or anyone for that matter, but she knew that she had to say something or else she'd never figure it all out. She'd just be stuck in a relationship she never decided to be a part of in the first place.
As Finn answered her, telling her how much he loved her and how much he had just wanted to kiss her one last time, telling her that it was all worth it for that one kiss, she knew that she should be happy.
A year ago, even just a couple months ago, she would have been happy. Rachel would have jumped for joy at the thought that Finn really loved her that much and she would have kissed him again, right there and then to let him know that she loved him too.
Right now, she just felt lost.
She was supposed to be happy that she and Finn could finally get back together but all she could think about was what Jesse had said.
"He's just a boy, Rachel. He's just a boy! Do you honestly think he's the one? Do you really think he can make you happy?"
Instead of Finn's voice flowing into her ears like the song they had sang together, it was Jesse's ringing loudly like an alarm.
"He's not going to make it. And you won't either if you let him hold you back."
The loss at Nationals, everyone hating them, risking their relationship was worth it all to Finn.
But was Finn worth it all to Rachel?
She tries to tell Finn that she's leaving. She's leaving for New York and she's never coming back.
"Graduation is a year away."
He says it like it's a secret that only the two of them are in on.
She should spend her senior year focusing on getting to Nationals again, applying to colleges, getting scholarships, not a boyfriend.
A boyfriend that can't come along with her anyway.
"You were made for New York, Rachel. You can't let some stupid boy take that away from you. You've worked for this your whole life!"
Finn is leaning towards her, saying things she can't hear. He's getting closer, and closer, and—
Rachel turns her head in the opposite direction and his lips brush her cheek instead.
"I can't get back together with you, Finn."
She doesn't look at him as she says it.
He quickly pulls away like he's been shocked by electricity.
"What? Why?" He asks, hurt in his eyes. "I thought we were on the same page here. I mean, you kissed me back, Rachel. And, and you held my hand and we still have time and—"
"I can't get back together with you." She repeats.
"Is it him?"
The words come out like ice and anger.
"This isn't about Jesse." She says, still not looking at Finn. "This is about you and me. And there just can't be a you and me anymore."
"I thought you still loved me." The words are quiet and vulnerable. He sounds like a child as he says it and she's afraid to look at him and see the hurt etched across his face.
She sucks in a sharp breath then lets it out slowly. A layer of tears forms on her eyes but they don't fall and she hopes to God that he doesn't cry either. She doesn't want to hurt him but she knows that it's inevitable.
"I thought I did too."
And just like that, she rises from the floor and leaves the library, not unlike she left the coffee shop just two days before. For the second time in less than a week, she leaves behind a boy who doesn't know what to do. He just knows that he loves her and he doesn't understand why she can't just love him back.
Finn wishes that he could have touched her. He would have grabbed on to her arm and pulled her down, kissing her again so that she could feel how much he loved her. Maybe then she would change her mind and love him back. Instead, the soft scent of Daisy by Marc Jacobs perfume lingers in the air, attaching itself to his cotton shirt, a scent that he can never seem to get out. When he gets home, he tears the shirt off and throws it on the floor in anger before picking it up again and carrying it with him to his bed where he cradles it against his face, closes his eyes, and breaths in, pretending that when he wakes up, it will all have been a dream. Instead of a shirt, it will be Rachel in bed with him. Her eyes will flutter open and she'll smile at him.
"Hi," She'll whisper. Then she'll kiss him softly on his lips.
That's not what happens though.
No, when he woke up, it wasn't a dream.
It was all real.