I watched Lady Gaga, Katy Perry's last Friday night, and some anime videos and finally ended up writing this piece. Any comments, flames, and anything are more than welcome. Actually I secretly wanted flames. Those flames make me laughing many times.
This is just for fun, nothing less.
Even rotten eggs deserve Christmas presents
HEIHACHI MISHIMA: a wig
A wig? A wig?
Of course! Look at that shiny and bald spot on the top of his head! Heihachi needs something to cover it! A wig would definitely a perfect present for that old pervert. Perhaps he would stop throwing tantrums and becoming a better old man in the future. Wait, wait… What would be better, grey color or black color, eh?
Heihachi, hope you could get your childhood dream. You secretly wanted to be a model, right? Go for it!
Yeah, I knew Victoria's Secret would reject you straight away. Open a new big shop and be the inspiring crossdresser, Heihachi!
KAZUYA MISHIMA: an eye patch
Kazuya, Kazuya, Kazuya…. You're complicated, man. Sometimes you turned into good guy and in the other time you're the real badass. I knew you wanted to be pirate, not fighter. Heihachi has refused your true intention for years, but come on! Get the grip! Yes, this time I'll give you an eye patch. That would hide your red eye and…. Make you a good looking pirate!
With G Corporation budget that you had, buy a pirate ship and go travel around the world. Stop your world domination thinking. It's not you and you knew it. I tell you something about Jun. She's been waiting for you at the world's end. Sail and pick her!
LEE CHAOLAN: a statement from Elton John
Many people and gamers thought you're gay. No you aren't. You're just an innocent victim of fashion. Perhaps you spent too much times with women and their lifestyle affected you in the end. This cruelty must be stop at once! I had asked my friend Johnny to make a clear statement that you're not one of them.
By the way, stop visiting those gay bars just because you like their dancing.
Ah, one more thing, please marry your girlfriend Anna. She has wished to be your bride for years every night and that drop me crazy. It drops God crazy too.
JIN KAZAMA: thousands pack of condoms
Jin, being virgin for years is a naïve thought for destroying the devil gene line. You completely forgot Lars, did you? Enjoy this life for Santa's sake! Your sex frustration made you destroyed the world once!
Little Jin has wanted to fuck his Chinese stalker for years. Her high pitch voice always haunts you at night. Her cute face drives you crazy.
Jin sometimes has naughty ideas about his sexy assassin secretary. Her cold face expression make you wonder, what her face would like when she reached climax, right?
And last, Jin couldn't forget the fluffy thing about his own cousin. You wanted time stop flowing when you fell onto her breasts. You want more and you knew it.
Make my present useful, Jin.
Your dear daddy would be proud of you.
And your mommy too.
JUN KAZAMA: a white wedding dress
You always look wonderful in white. You are pure, beautiful, and…. But Jun, I hate you. I hate seeing you wandering around the bridal salon and staring at those white gowns. It's not your fault to refuse Kazuya long time ago and forced him to face his father. It's not your fault that Kazuya died soon after Heihachi dropped him into volcano. It's not your fault to not wearing white wedding dress.
Kazuya is still alive and still loves you despites all of your opposite nature. I had asked him to pick you, so you'd better look good in the white wedding dress. You deserve it, my lady. This time, make sure to accept his proposal and marry him.
You'll accept him if he isn't fighter anymore, right?
ASUKA KAZAMA: a blue new jersey
Enough is enough. Why do you always insist to wear that old blue jersey, Asuka? You're not 12 anymore! Even though your beloved mother gave it to you before she died, it didn't mean you have to wear it forever!
Look at those boobs! You're revealing everything whenever you fight!
Oh, these Kazamas sometimes are getting into my nerves…. Okay, this time you have to wear new jersey whenever you fight! Do you get me? Whenever you fight!
You made Hwoarang get nose bleeding attack last time.
Steve even dropped his girlfriend because of you.
Right, I even haven't mentioned Jin Kazama. He's the worst of them.
Asuka, listen to me and stop wearing that size!
LING XIAOYU: An old photo album
Ling-ling my little nice girl…. You always well-behaved all the years and you deserve an old photo album from Jun's possession. Old album? YES! Didn't you notice I gave you an old album from Jun's possession?
I knew you would love Jin's photos start from baby until 15 years!
He looks cute and sweet... Yep, you could even imagine how your and Jin's baby would be...
Stop screaming, yelling, or losing your consciences, Ling. I knew you would do that once you open your present. Ah, I almost forget something! You'd better wear Santa's female costume and sneak to Jin's office at night. Stop being stalker and brace yourself!
Jin would love it (VERY MUCH) and hopefully he'll make my present useful.
I knew he would. And you would. ^^
ANNA WILLIAMS: A plane ticket to Hawaii
My dear Anna, would you please forget your lifetime quarreling with your sister and leave that annoying Chaolan for a minute? Okay, maybe longer than I hinted at. Just leave them and go! They would realize how wonderful and charming you are and miss you like cracking crazy nuts!
I also include free spa treatment and French manicure and pedicure coupon inside. Your toes would look much better when Chaolan kneeled his knee to propose you. Yeah, they would look so much better when you kick Nina's ass too.
However, forget them and enjoy your life. You deserve it, darling.
And stop working in G corp. just because Chaolan wants you to watch Kazuya for him!
NINA WILLIAMS: A great numbers of drugs
Release your tension in the bars and make great night there, chere!
I mean, many people had used you and taken so much fun in your life. You deserve better happiness of course! Stop thinking about age differences with Jin and kiss him whenever you want to. Love never cares age differences, Nina. You're young enough for him, you know?
Take Lee Chaolan from Anna if you want to (she'll be mad and that makes you guys fight more. You love fighting so that doesn't matter).
Tell Steve if you love him like a son you never had. Well, you never had him as your son.
Take drugs and be happy with them! Deep inside, you have so much love to be given, so give them away! Your consciousness is your enemy, so get rid of them, Nina.
Last, HWOARANG: Jin's phone number
Hwoarang, you're completely ignoring your teacher Baek and ran away many times from his trainings, making chaos in the streets and public places. However, this is Christmas and I'm Santa. You deserve a present that could make you happy.
One thing, Jin lately is obsessed with his new iphone, so if you had his number and disturb him, I guess that could please you more than anything. You can call him in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Don't forget this fact, there's nothing better than lots of miscalls at night. Jin would be fucking crazy and you would love seeing him crazy.
Eh, never make phone call in public places. That would be horrible if many people considered you HAD FALLEN IN LOVE SECRECTLY WITH JIN.
Ah, I guess that's the end of my Christmas List. Wait, this is still August! Damn, who sabotaged my calendar?