Thanks for the reviews and support. I hope you guys still continue to read my story even after this chapter. I took in consideration on how you wanted BA together so instead of drawing it out i smashed everything in this chapter. Hardest chapter i ever written.

I do not own Buffy nor Angel but the cute little kids are mine.

"Buffy, I have an idea", Willow stated the next day. Buffy turned dull hazel eyes toward her Wicca friend, silently telling her to continue. Willow gulped and started to tell Buffy her bright idea.

For the past week Buffy had been more and more passive. Not at all like her bubbly self.

"How about we go to the bronze…like old times…it'll be fun", Willow grinned suggestively.

Buffy thought about it. She really didn't feel like being in a room full of people. "What about Dawn", the slayer asked trying to think of a valid excuse not to go without downright refusing to go.

"Spike can watch her", Willow waved off dismissively.

Buffy didn't want to go anywhere near spike. She didn't want to feel like she owed him by asking the vampire any favors. "No", the slayer shouted. She was feeling completely uncomfortable in the room with her two best friends.

"Okay, well we have to do something…Buffsters you're starting to scare us", Xander pleaded pulling her into a hug.

Buffy closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. She thought she was going crazy because Xander smelt really good. He smelt good enough to eat. With that thought Buffy decided it was time to go slay something.

"I know you guys are worried about me but it's not easy forgetting three years and I'm trying to get back to how things were before…I…I just need time", she told them hugging herself. Her clothes gotten a little bigger on her and she looked extremely old.

"We understand Buff…just remember that we love you", Xander told her.

The slayer tilted her head in confusion. She heard the need in his voice. She wondered if he still liked her or something. She decided to turn towards Willow for safe grounds. "I love you guys too".

Angel went to visit Wesley in the hospital. Fred and Gunn where pushing the forgiveness gesture down his throat so he caved. The trip didn't go well at all. Angel tried to do the whole forgiving thing but as soon as he saw Wesley he couldn't help it.

Wes was just lying in the bed attached to tons of machines. He had a huge bandage on his throat. Angel realized someone slit his throat. He didn't care enough to ask. What he cared about was that Willow was far too inexperienced to perform that kind of spell; let alone know it exist. He just knew Wes had something to do with it.

He just looked at Wesley trying to find it in him to forgive.

Angel walked over as Wesley's eyes opened. They looked apologetic but he didn't fear the vampire. He almost seemed to be okay with whatever judgment the vampire dealt with.

Angel face remained stoic. He was hoping for a little fear. It wasn't fun when they wanted to die. He shrugged silently and stared at Wes. "Hey, Wes... I just... I want you to know I understand why you did it. I know about the prophecies and I know how hard it must have been for you to... do what you did", Angel finished lamely. His only saving grace was that his children were with their mother.

Wesley stared silently up at Angel, helpless to do anything else. He was shocked that the vampire stated what it did.

"You thought I was going to turn evil and kill my son. Hell you probably thought I was going to kill them all. I didn't turn into Angelus. It's important to me that you know that. This isn't Angelus talking to you, it's me, Angel. You know that, right", Angel asked even though their thoughts were no longer separate so it was heard to determine if the sinister thoughts running through his head were his or his demon. After all, the demon was really found of its blond feisty mate.

Angel saw something click in Wes eye telling him that he knew it was him.

Angel grinned. "Good", he murmured picking up a pillow. "That's good", he stated more clearly. Angel acted like he was going to help make Wes more comfortable and at the last possible second he placed the pillow over Wes face and started to smother him.

As much as he wanted to rip Wes chest out or something else inhumane, Angel wanted him to suffer more. He wanted to lead up to the e inhumane act. He doubted that he would succeed in killing him today but the damage would be enough to evoke fear.

"What do you want", the slayer hissed as she felt like she was being stalked.

Spike grinned and stepped out of the shadows. "I missed you lover", he stated grinning.

Buffy turned around and narrowed her eyes. "Don't call me that…I'm not your anything", she spat preparing for a fight.

Spike shrugged. "Says the girl who can't remember. You liked it…you thrived in it. We've been shagging for at least two months before you bumped your head", he told her.

Buffy looked horrified and traced for any sighs of deception. "You're lying", she whispered.

"You have a scar you got from ice skating on your upper thigh from when you were eight", he told her loving how she looked flustered. He smelt fear radiate from her and knew he had her. He was able to figure it out why she didn't remember anything for three years and he was going to use the Scoobies' spell to his advantage. He once overheard her tell this story to Angel once when he asked about it. He loved vampire hearing.

He went closer to her, pinning her up against a mausoleum. "I miss you keeping me warm at night", he stated coming closer to her neck. "Giving me life", he added seductively.

Faster then he taught possible Buffy maneuvered out of his hold and had him pinned to the mausoleum. She was angry that she couldn't tell rather or not Spike was lying but when he added that last part, something in her snapped. She tightened her grip on his arm and he shouted out in pain.

She was stronger, he noted.

"Now I know you're lying", she stated smiling at herself. She had this gag reflex to anyone who came close to her neck. "You'd never taste my blood…I don't care if you're dying of thirst. You disgust me and if we were ever really together I would still be disgusted. I would only be using you. I don't love you and I think we both know the reason I put up with you", she sneered.

She punched him the face and was greeted by snarly yellow eyes. "Get the hell out of my town William…or the next time I see you", she trailed off and grabbed the vamp that was trying to one up her. She slammed a stake into his chest and watched as the thing went poof. "That'll be you', she stated and turned away.

Gunn and Fred were waiting for Angel. They were so happy Angel understood. The two were thinking happy thoughts or they were until the commotion started. Three nurses went past them in a blur into Wesley's room. The two followed suit only to find a doctor trying to pull Angel away from smothering Wesley.

Wesley was trying to struggle for air as Angel held still as stone, knowing it was going to take an awful lot to move him.

"Angel", Fred yelled horrified. She wasn't expecting this. She started to cry as Gunn went to help the nurses pull her boss away from Wesley. All around the monitors were going crazy and it was all too much. "Stop it", she begged.

Angel was determined to smother him as long as he could but with the help of Gunn, Angel finally was pulled away from him. He was dragged from the room screaming how Wesley was a dead man. Angel was tired of being held off by these people and in a blink of an eye the nurse went flying into the wall and he was back trying to kill Wes.

"I'll never forgive you", Angel growled. Gunn and another nurse came back to once again pull the ragging vampire off of Wesley.

"You're a dead man. YOU HEAR ME! DEAD", Angel shouted.

"Guys, you didn't have to ...You know, if you still wanna be alone-", Buffy stuttered. She was happy to see Willow and Tara try to work things out. That was what love was. Things get hard and messy but if someone really loves the other then they would fight to make things right.

"No. No, we're good", Willow blushed.

The slayer knew that those two were going at it like bunnies; she just hoped Dawn wasn't affected by all the love that was in the air.

Tara didn't really know how to take that. They were slowly getting back to where they left off but now looking at Buffy and seeing her darkening aura, Tara felt sick. How could she be happy if it was at the sake of other's happiness? Tara knew that Angel and Buffy belonged together; she just wished the others would see it too.

The only reason her and Willow was even acting like that because they just happened to randomly kiss after the end of their last argument the night before. One thing lead to another and it was like they couldn't stop. She missed her girlfriend and it was good to be close again.

Buffy and Dawn smiled.

"Great", the slayer cheered.

Willow and Tara kissed briefly again not seeming to be able to separate from each other. Things got heated pretty quickly. Both Summers girls watched on with a starry look. Dawn giggled and the slayer started to make a pout ushering the word, "Awww".

Willow didn't know how it started but with Buffy and Dawn watching she knew they had to contain themselves. "Okay, all right, we'll stop", she pleaded hoping the sisters would drop it. She and Tara weren't really back together. Things just sort of happened.

"Oh, you better not", Dawn protested. She wanted them together.

Tara was also uncomfortable so she opted to change the subject. "So, um, nerds…how are them? They", she stuttered.

Buffy filled them in on what happened in the nerds' lair and asked if they could savage anything from it.

The wiccans were up to the task as they looked at the junk on the coffee table. The two were up for the task but as Tara held up a book that broke in half, they noted it was going to take a while.

Buffy sighed. She missed the days where evil were demons not nerds playing dress up.

Dawn noticed Buffy's frustration and asked if they could get Spike involved as it would help her sister out.

This only seemed to aggravate the slayer more. When Spike had became so involved in their lives?
The slayer was having enough of everybody saying 'let's get Spike. Maybe he could do this? '"Spike... Spike's not part of the team", the slayer declared.

Everybody could tell something was up but wisely chose not to comment. Everybody except Dawn that was. He was the only one that didn't treat her as a kid and they did a lot of fun things together. She was really hurt. "So he's not ... going to be around anymore", Dawn asked her sister softly.

Buffy saw the hurt in Dawn's eyes but it needed to be done. "Uh ... I don't know, Dawn. Not, not for a while."

Angel stood on the edge of Sunnydale as a man on a mission. He swore if this didn't work he was going to go up to Wolfram Hart and massacre everybody in the building. They have given him one powerful amulet to protect himself from the power of Witchcraft. It was suppose to block him from the spell's radar and eventually dissolve the spell.

He stood on the barrier and held a hand to it. He expected to be blasted back ten feet like last time but nothing happened. He smiled to himself, Wolfram Hart had finally come through. He got back in his car and drove to their house. He was there in record timing. The house was quiet and it was almost sunrise. He didn't smell anyone home.

He raced up the stairs to their room and saw everything was just how she left it when she came to visit him. Her clothes were at least two weeks old by the door. He went to check the other rooms and was mad they turned up empty as well.

He sighed and cursed the sun he knew was up in the sky. Angel took out a bag of blood from his cooler and took a long sip from it before putting his cooler in the fridge and heating the remaining blood up. He started up a fire and sat by it loving the warmth, knowing he was in for a long day.

Angel walked into the hospital worried as hell. Willow had just told him that Buffy was hospitalized and in a coma. He raced into the room that held his beloved and stopped mid stride at the sight of her eating pudding. 'Pretty lively coma', he thought but he was pleased that she wasn't unconscious. The doctors told him she's been asleep for almost three days straight.

She looked pale and had all these different machines hooked up to her.

She looked up at him with worried eyes. He was just so relieved that she was up that he ran to her and pulled her into a hug. He marveled at the sound of her heart beats and that's when it hit him. He looked questionably at her and Buffy smiled weakly. "Surprise", she told him, flashing him a weak smile.

Angel smiled but inside he was burning with a million questions. Well it was more like two; how and when? "Are you okay", he asked her instead. Angel leaned down and tucked her hair out of her face. "Willow said it was bad", he explained.

Buffy looked away from his concerned eyes. He trusted her and she lied to him. "I had to jump off the tower…the robot broke my fall but it was so much blood and I was so tired", she trailed off.

"I just woke up this morning…three days and I was so scared. You're going to hate me", she whispered.

"Never beloved", he stated cupping her face with his big strong hands. "I thought I lost you… I was so scared to see Willow greeting me with Kathy. She looked like her best friend died".

Buffy nodded numbly and was about to say something else when the doctor walked in.

"You must be the husband", the doctor greeted. "I'm Doctor Falzer, I've been tending to your wife's care", he stated shaking Angel's hand.

"Angel", greeted the vamp smiling a polite smile. "How far along is she doc", was all he asked. He could tell that they were both fine by their healthy heartbeats.

The doctor looked at his patient, not knowing what to say. "Let's see how she's doing first hmm… even though congratulations are in order I want to be sure that's it's something to celebrate. How about I show you guys your baby, huh", asked the doctor.

Buffy nodded and grabbed Angel's hand. The doctor prepared them for the ultrasound and before they knew it a loud healthy heart beat filled the room. Buffy looked at Angel and saw the way his eyes lit up staring at the monitor. The doctor then excused himself so he could get them a copy of the sonogram.

"How long have you known", he asked not taking his eyes off the screen. She looked about three months pregnant biased off the sonogram of Kathy's three month progress. That meant the only reason he couldn't hear the second heartbeat was because she hid it from him.

"Two months...maybe less", she whispered.

The doctor came back in making Angel keep up the expecting parent facade.

Buffy looked at her husband worriedly. "Please tell me we have forever to get passed this…if the worst came, I didn't want you to lose us both", she whispered. "Angel", Buffy asked.

He finally looked at her and she gasped at the thought of losing him. She caused him so much pain.

He squeezed her hand reassurly. "We're going to get passed this Buffy…as a family", he told her but she could see that he was still pissed at her. He kissed her on her forehead. "I love you", he whispered.

"Even when I do stupid things", she asked hesitantly. She bit her lip in concern.

Angel chuckled. Buffy looked so small in that hospital bed. He tucked her lose strings of hair behind her ear. "Especially then", he smirked kissing her forehead.

Buffy awoke crying. That dream was too real. Her hand went to her flat stomach while she cried. She then heard the sound of babies crying. She hated her life right now. The fates were too cruel.

Why would she dream of something she could never have? More importantly why would she dream of telling Angel that she kept their child a secret for two months, knowing that was going to hurt him? It just didn't make any sense.

Using her slayer stealth she went to Dawn's room and peeped in on her. It was early in the morning and her little sister was still knocked out. She imagined that her memory lapsed was hard on her sister because she didn't remember anything about her. None of the fabricated memories that the monks gave everybody was there. She just had a feeling that she loved her and would do anything for the strange girl curled up in the bed.

"Hey guys", Cordelia hollered coming into the hotel with Groo in tow. "I come bearing gifts", she greeted and then she got a good look at Gunn and Fred's face. "What happened", she asked.

The gang filled her in on what was happening and she was in shook. "Poor Angel", she cried. "Where is he", she asked. She really loved those babies and she was starting to like Buffy too. She made Angel happy and Cord was all for that now that a happy Angel wasn't a killer Angel as well.

"If my princess was missing, I would be out trying to find her", Groo stated sincerely.

Cordy turned to face him. "Then we need to go to Sunnydale…at least for moral support if nothing else", she told everyone.

"Cord he's unstable…he don't need to be close to people right now", Gunn told her.

"Groo would you please come with me…I have to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid" she told him.

Groo leaned down and kissed her. "I'll accompany you anywhere…even to the mouths of hell", he declared.

Cordelia raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Good cause that's where we're going".

Buffy looked proudly at her mess on the floor in her room. The slayer had bits and pieces of what she believed happened in the past three years of her life. She had Angel's old leather jacket that she dug up from the attic and then she found old baby clothes that were hers and Dawn, which was next to a photo of the two sisters. To the left of that was her mother's obituary.

She had tried to track down Riley and see if he could feel her in on some parts but she later discovered that some big vampire killed him. That had not been what Buffy was expecting. Her friends had all told her that she loved him very much and was indeed sad over his disappearance. They didn't know he had died but they did tell her that he looked like two faced when they last seen him.

Moving on, she found a thing that looked like her. It was a robot. She tried to get it to turn on but nothing worked. She huffed as she heard the crying and settled on the watcher dairies that she found in the box underneath her bed. She highlighted the names Liam, which was Angel's human name and Katherine, Angel's little sister. The crying stopped a little and a memory of a glass doll popped in her head.

That left her to stare at her weapons chest. It had Angel's tattoo on it. Somehow everything kept leading back to him. She then opened the chest and saw a knife and a letter. She read the letter as tears filled her eyes. She had to call him and thank him for this wonderful gift. Buffy then glanced at the date and realized that she probably already did.

She kicked his jacket across the room and flopped on the bed. They were over, been over for four years almost. Only for her it's been four months.

"Um Buffy what are you doing", asked Willow hesitantly stepping into the room. The red head noticed the baby stuff and Angel's old items scattered about the slayer's room.

"This going to sound crazy but I keep having these…flashes about Angel", the slayer confessed realizing that she needed to fill her best friend about why she's been acting crazy for a week.

Will face paled visibly. "Why do you know Angel", she stated horrified. This was the first time Buffy gave any insight on what she could and couldn't remember of Angel. She already knew that Buffy had no memories of Dawn when the sisters saw each other at the hospital. She also knew that because Buffy and Dawn where connected that Dawn also didn't remember the kids. Her little spell backfired on her. Buffy was suppose to have her kids just forget anything that had to do with Angel.

The slayer looked confused. "He was the love of my life in high school…why wouldn't I know Angel", the slayer asked.

Willow laughed trying to play off the slayers question. "Oh…that Angel", Will said.

Buffy kept giving her a weird look. "Do I know another Angel", asked the slayer.

Willow looked away.

"You're still not a very good liar. I went to LA to see him didn't I", the slayer asked. "Maybe he could tell me how I lost my memory or at least the demon that done it", the slayer wondered.

"He is the demon that did it…Buffy Angelus tried to kill you and he stabbed you but at the same time you took your stake and ", she trailed off.

"Stop…how…Angelus", the slayer cried taking in a deep calming breath; she couldn't believe what her friend was telling her. Angelus was back and she staked him.

Willow knew what her friend was asking. She couldn't tell her that Angel found someone else that would crush her. "He…he found out that you moved on", Willow stated vaguely.

Buffy swallowed hard. She haven't seen any new guy hovering over her. "With who…where is he", the slayer asked. She wanted to see the man she killed her beloved for.

Willow just looked at her sadly and Buffy jumped to her own conclusions, suddenly very sick. "I'm a go look for the trio again", the slayer stated abruptly running out of the door.

The sun was finally down and Angel was out of the door faster then he thought possible. He felt her by a cemetery but he couldn't see her. He felt like she was so close.

"Buffy", he cried out. He thought he felt something go through him and he bumped into another magical wall he cursed his stupidly as he have left the amulet at the mansion in his hopes to see her.

He could smell slayer's blood and he followed it. To his surprise she went to their home and for the first time in a week he saw a glimpse of her. She was battered and bruised from a fight but she was still as lovely as the day he first saw her. As he went in he saw the room change back to the day he left it all those years ago. He saw his beloved pick up a book. He ran towards her but the room was back to the way it was and he tripped over Kathy's toy. He had to get to their room.

Buffy didn't know why she went to the mansion. All she knew was she couldn't face the Scoobies. When she was walking to the mansion she felt warm and whole, like he was somewhere near.

She entered the mansion and for a moment it was alive and vibrant until it was once more dusty and cold. Buffy shivered. The slayer saw a book lying on the floor half open and figured he must have left it there. "I carry your heart", the slayer whispered reading the poem. It felt like déjà vu and the crying started again.

Buffy limped up the stairs tired from her fight and went into Angel's bathroom. She looked at her reflection and groaned. Not only was she hearing babies but she could have sworn she heard Angel calling out to her. She shook her head and started to run some bath water as she undressed. She heard her name being called again, and frowned.

Buffy found his robe that he also left and wrapped it around herself. "Angel", she called into the open room. "You can stop hiding…I can feel you", she called out hoping it would lure him out; it did not. "Get a grip slayer", she chastised herself and went back to the bathroom.

Her water was almost done and Buffy poured a left over bottle of bubble bath she kept there from before. Her slayer senses were tingling and she sighed loudly. This time she knew it wasn't Angel.

"You hurt? You're not moving so well", Spike observed watching her limp and move around slowly. He first debated about coming in because he smelt his grandsire but then it was gone. He was a little pissed to see her come back here. Even with no memory she still came back to the bloody poof.

Buffy sighed and walked toward the sink. "Get out", she ordered.

Spike walked into the bathroom closing the door. "We have to talk."

"I really don't", the slayer stated but Spike cut her off.

"Well, this isn't just about you... as much you'd like it to be", he sneered.

"You spoke. I listened. Now leave" the slayer stated crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm sorry. Not that it matters any more, but I needed you to know that", the vampire confessed.

"Why", asked the slayer.

"Because I care about you."

Buffy laughed bitterly. "Then you shouldn't have lied", she advised.

Spike knew she was right but he couldn't help it. "I know and I'm sorry…look it's this spell and I was..."

This time Buffy cut him off. She was beyond pissed. "You were going to use a spell on me?"

Spike sighed exasperated. "It wasn't for you! I wanted something ", he yelled putting his hand on his chest before he continued. "Anything to make these feelings stop. I just wanted it to stop! You have no idea how it hurts to see you and him together. We're the same thing…hell he made me yet you look at me and see a monster and even when's he's Angelus all you see is a white bloody fence and sunshine." Spike was getting angry again. Anger was easy and familiar. He could do anger.

Buffy looked taken aback. She wanted to ask what the hell he was talking about. Buffy had never been with Angelus and she damn sure didn't see her living the American dream with him. If she did she didn't remember it.

Spike sighed as he saw the confusion etched on her face and calmed down. "You should have let him kill me", he whispered quietly.

Buffy relaxed slightly and whispered how she couldn't. The trio was close to staking him earlier in the week and she saved him. For some odd reason, Spike felt like family.

"Why", asked the blond vamp.

Buffy sighed and moved back to the tub. "you know why", she hissed. Didn't he feel it to? Maybe it was the scar on her neck that made any members of Angelus' clan feel close to her or maybe what Spike said was true. She didn't know and all she wanted to do right now was relax.

"Because you love me", Spike insisted.

Buffy bent over the tub, again with one hand on her back. "No. I don't", she snapped getting annoyed.

"Why do you keep lying to yourself", he asked once more getting angry at her.

She turned to face him again. "How many times", she yelled before she composed herself. She took a deep breath and rubbed her neck. It was like she was feeling things that weren't hers and she felt that if she rubbed it a little they would easy down slightly. She started again calmer even though the unknown rage was still there dying to be let out. "I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love", she confessed.

Spike laughed. "Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild ... and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes."

Buffy looked at him worriedly. Of course he didn't think trust was important he was a demon…a soulless demon at that. The love spike described wasn't love; it was lust. "Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last", she told him sadly. She knew as much as Spike wanted to he couldn't love; not the unconditional love; not the eternal love.

He started to pace. "I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore", he told her.

The slayer rolled her eyes. "Spike, please stop this".

"Let yourself feel it", he pleaded softly. He moved forward and put his hands on her waist, pulling her toward him. She resisted "you don't want to know what I'm not letting myself feel", she hissed.

"You love me", he demanded grabbing her tighter. If she was an average human her bones would have broken under his grip.

"Ouch, no, stop it", she hissed as she struggled to free herself. Spike tried to kiss her and grope Buffy as she tried to get away. He ripped at Angel's robe and started to feel his way underneath.

"Spike, no - ouch - what are you do", she screamed as she fell backwards losing her balance. Her hand grabbed the curtain but it ripped off the shower rod and she fell hitting her back against the tub. She hissed in pain. Her ribs were already sore from earlier and this was not helping the healing process. She knew two of them were already cracked. "Ouch", she hissed groaning in pain.

Spike got on top of her, holding her down. He grabbed her face and tried to kiss her as she continued trying to fight him off.

"Let it go. Let him go. Let yourself love me", he demanded.

He continued saying similar things as Buffy continued saying "no…stop and ouch." Spike pulled at her clothing while Buffy rolled over to her stomach to preserve some modesty. She felt him get on her back. She was determined to crawl to the door and get her stake that was in her jeans but Spike wouldn't ease up.

Angel growled as he watched helpless at the since before him. He knew the moment Spike shut the door where his childe's thoughts were heading. They were so sick and twisted.

The amulet was in this room so its power was the strongest. It was like he was watching some sick movie. He ran over to them and started to punch at the invisible wall separating him and his beloved. He pounded it on it screaming. Spike was going to be dust as soon as he got in. He felt his demon raising as he kept hearing his mate plead "stop".

He saw Spike yank his beloved's clothes and Angel saw red. He could feel the threads between their worlds breaking and he punched harder until there was nothing there. He saw Buffy hit the wall and jumped in front of her snarling. He kicked Spike against the wall farthest away from his beloved. "You crossed me for the last time lass", he growled.

Spike just looked horrified but he wasn't looking at Angel. He was looking past him.

Buffy was lying on the floor with her clothes torn. Her hair was red and her eyes were wide open unmoving.

Spike then looked at his sire's face. "I'm so sorry…I didn't mean it…oh god Angelus…I didn't mean to", Spike cried staring at his hands; they were covered in slayer's blood.

"You didn't because I stopped you…I should have killed you the day I killed Dru", he sneered advancing at his child. Angel then turned to see what Spike was staring at. Angel looked back at Buffy and felt his body shake with rage. Buffy was too still. She should be up and screaming and kicking ass. He searched frantically for the sound of a heart beat but instead was greeted by the smell of death.

Spike saw the barraged look in his sire's eye and fled the moment it registered that his mate heart wasn't beating.

Angel gave out a mangled cry as he saw her neck angled at a weird angle. She looked like a broken rag doll. He tried to think how it happened. He was so close to holding her in his arms and now….

He roared in pain. He gently closed her eyes and lifted her up on the bed; their bed. The comforters having changed back to the sky blue she had brought just weeks before instead of the red wine he left on them when he left Sunnydale. Angel was so broken he didn't notice when the mansion reverted back to their home. The warmness of the room filled with pictures of their short life together went unnoticed as he realized that their time was over.

Angel wanted to chase after Spike. Everything in him wanted to torture him and make him feel half of what he was feeling but he couldn't leave her like this. As much as he wanted to go and avenged her death he couldn't let her be found like this. He just went to cleaning her up and dressing her in that favorite white sundress he loved. He sprayed perfume on her to cover the scent of death that was now upon her.

He knew he should call the morgue now but he couldn't leave her. Angel knew he was crying but he couldn't help it. The love of his life was gone. He wanted to die but he still had to live for their children. It wasn't fair. He wrapped his arms around her lifeless body and inhaled her scent knowing that tonight was going to be the last time he had the chance to hold her in his arms.

Tara looked at Willow. They were sitting in the kitchen of the Summers' house drinking tea. Both looked extremely uncomfortable and sat in an awkward silence.

Tara was the one to break the silence. "I'm leaving town Willow", she told her.

Willow looked pained. "What…but I thought", she trailed off not knowing what to say.

"You're not the woman I fell in love with. I thought we could go back but this past week…what you did to Buffy and her babies and then today what you told her", Tara closed her eyes as tears started to fall.

"You weren't supposed to hear that", Willow whispered.

"It's been a lot of that going on", Tara noted. "I'm leaving Sunnydale. This", she said pointing to the two of them. "…it's too close…too much". Tara got up to leave a broken Willow in her wake.

"Tara…Baby I love you….that hasn't changed", Willow pleaded.

"Tara didn't know how to make Willow see. "You took away Buffy's babies and made her forget she even had them and then you haven't been trying to find a way to get them back", Tara shouted.

A glass shattered nearby and they turned to look at a horrified Dawn.

"Princess are you sure anybody is here", asked Groo as they went into the mansion.

"If they're not I'm kicking somebody's ass", Cordy whispered closing the door. She turned to face him. "Thank you for helping out Gunn today", she told him cupping his chin. He took her hand and kissed it.

"Anything to make you happy", he replied and Cordelia blushed.

"Stay here, I'm going to check their room", she advised.

He nodded obediently and marveled at all the family pictures. Majority of them were painted or drawn. He couldn't wait for that to be him and his princess with their baby.

Cordy crept up to Angel's bed room quietly and slowly opened the door.

Angel heard voices and heartbeats and immediately started to growl from his resting place. He saw Cordelia pop her head through and come closer but she stopped as his growling continued.

Cordelia smiled as she saw him holding Buffy. "You found her good for you Angel", she cheered. Then Cordy noticed something weird and she paled. "…Angel oh god Angel….we have to call somebody."

She came closer only for him to pull Buffy's body closer to him. He showed his fangs, snarling at the thought of them taking his mate away. He didn't want to think of her being buried in the cold ground or on a slab getting cut open. Angel didn't want to think.

"Big guy please tell me you didn't turn her to your eternal play thing", she moaned horrified.

Angel face turned back human and he looked so lost and broken. "I was too late Cordy…I'm going to hunt him down like an animal and kill him", Angel sneered. "Then I'm going to meet the sun", he whispered brushing's Buffy's hair and kissing her slowly cooling forehead.

"No", she shouted. "You need to live and find your children…raise them right…watch them grow up…that's how you're going to honor's Buffy's death. Do you really think she would want you to leave Liam and Kathy alone? They need you and I need you", she cried looking away from the corpse. "I'll let you be alone…for now", she whispered closing the door.

She came back down the stairs and broke down crying. The Groosloug hurried to her aid.

"Princess what troubles you", he asked. She just shook her head and cried. She cried for Angel, for those babies that just lost their mother and she cried because Willow and Xander had just signed their death ticket.

She didn't know how long she sat on the staircase holding Groo until Xander ran inside the mansion. She quickly wiped her tears. "What are you doing here", she hissed.

"I'm looking for Buffy…but let me guest he's up there right now", Xander spat.

He moved to go up the stairs but Cordelia stopped him. "I wouldn't advise you going anywhere near him right now", she stated.

"He tried to kill my best friend while you and Deadboy's clone was out doing the nasty", he spat.

"Are you that stupid? Those two were just acting to get Wesley to tell Buffy why he was so desperate to hand over their children to Holtz only you beat them to it", she hissed.

Cordy knew if she told Xander then he would let Angel grieve the way her boss needed to. "Why are you looking for Buffy", she asked for the first time noticing the burse on his face.

"We've been looking for the trios…remember Warren and his crew of nerds", he asked. Cordelia gave him a pointed look as if saying, 'why should I'. Xander continued. "Well they got really strong and we need her help. They're planning to rob a bank so we need her to stop it."

"Well Groo would love to step in…he's really strong and is always up for a fight…right honey", she asked.

"Where is the danger", he asked getting up to his full height.

Xander stepped back intimated and gulped at the 7 foot tall man. "Must be a demon", he mumbled.

Spike entered his crypt like a mad man. He was so confused. He even left his jacket at his sire's house. He couldn't get Buffy's lifeless body out of his head. He killed two slayers before he should have been happy to have a third one under his belt but he wasn't. He felt sick and he knew he had to hurry and get out of town because Angel was going to kill him or worst. All he wanted was Buffy to love him. Instead she fought and struggled against his advances.

He closed his eyes to block the images from resurfacing. He couldn't get Buffy cries out of his head.

Spike poured himself a drink only to throw the glass at the door.

"Uh ... knock knock", asked Clem his demon buddy with the wrinkly skin. Clem was standing in the doorway holding a paper bucket of fast-food. He waved tentative. "I was just in the neighborhood so I thought, you know..." trailing off at Spikes standoff crazy demeanor.

Spike stared at the floor sullenly as Clem went on about hot wings.

"What have I done", asked the blonde vampire. He sounded lost and broken. Angelus was his only family and now he had nobody. All he wanted to do was love her. Show her he was better than him but she wouldn't listen and he became so mad.

Spike was fighting an eternal battle."Why *didn't* I do it? What has she done to me", he asked horrified. She tamed him, made him feel…made him resent himself.

The demon shrugged. "Love's a funny thing."

"Is that what this is? I can feel it. Squirming in my head", Spike spat.

Clem was confused. Spike was sounding like his crazy sire. "Love", asked the demon.

"The chip. Gnawing bits and chunks", the vamp growled. Spike put his fingers against his head trying in vain to stop it.

"Uhh ... maybe a wet cloth"?

"You know, everything used to be so clear. Slayer. Vampire. Vampire kills Slayer, sucks her dry, picks his teeth with her bones. It's always been that way. I've tasted the life of two Slayers. But with Buffy...It isn't supposed to be this way", he hollered in anguish. He threw the table at the wall and sighed defeated. "It's the chip! Steel and wires and silicon. It won't let me be a monster. And I can't be a man. I'm nothing."

Clem didn't know the whole story but Spike was his friend and he didn't like seeing his friend down. "Hey. Come on now, Mr. Negative. You never know what's just around the corner. Things change", he soothed.

Spike gave a bitter sarcastic laugh. Clem looked at him helpless.

"yeah…they do…if you make them", replied the vampire.

The next day Cordelia was trying to best explain Buffy's death to her friends. After Groo took down the nerds she checked into a hotel. She just couldn't be around the mansion knowing that the slayer was dead. She saw what happened from a vision she received prior to entering the house and she was livid. The seer knew Spike wasn't going to change. He was evil; that chip In his head didn't mean anything.

She figured she gave Angel until sunset before she would force him to call the morgue. Therefore he wouldn't try to run after her in the broad day light. Cordelia started to tear up a little again.

"Are you okay princess", asked Groo rubbing her back as she cried. He hated seeing her in pain but it seemed like all she's been doing was crying. He wanted to make her feel better. The previous night they made love all night and he kissed away her sorrow but it wasn't enough; she wasn't there. Her mind was once again on Angel.

It was just before sunset and Cordelia finally had the stomach to face the Scoobies. She needed to tell them before going over to Angel because she knew she would need them in trying to calm him down once she was taken from him. Willow was at the moment trying to console Dawn on something. Xander went to go get the both of them.

She sung around to face her handsome love. "How am going to tell them that their best friend is dead", she asked searching his deep brown orbs for answers.

He shifted his feet uncomfortably. He sighed and searched the heavens. "Tell them that she was a warrior and all warriors no matter how great perish eventually".

Cordelia looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I really hope you rethink that when our child ask why the goldfish died", she drawled out.

He smiled a nice charming smile. "But a goldfish is not a warrior", he stated confused at the second part. He then put his hand on her stomach as a reminder of what was to come. "I love you", he told her breathlessly.

Groo was saying something but Cordy just had vision of Warren coming and shooting dawn to death. She turned and looked for Dawn. She ran to her noting how her vision was going to happen at any minute and shoved her to the ground; just as the shots were fired.

"Princess", Groo screamed.

"Cordelia", Dawn cried horrified as Cordy laid face up with blood soaking through her shirt.

Warren fired two shots and ran off in the mist of the commotion. Dawn was frantically running into the house calling 911. Nobody noticed the second shot fired upstairs that went through a window.

Like i said...hard. Please don't hate me...this story isn't over but since i'm writing this story parallel to cannon it needed to be done in preparations for season 7.

I also never really like how Tara was killed off so i just made her leave...anybody wonder who was the other person shot? Will Cord make it? And in case you're wondering Cordy is pregnant.

Please review and please stay tuned for the next Chapter...don't hate me!