Title: Titillating Conversation

Summary: Someone overhears Scotty and Sulu discussing a favorite obsession, but they can't be discussing what she thinks they're discussing, can they?... Scotty/Sulu/OC

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T (for lots of suggestion)

Disclaimer: don't own them, but would love to borrow Scotty and Sulu for awhile...

Lt. Larissa Marks took a seat in the lounge and opened a document on her PADD. She was almost a quarter of the way through "A History of Phaser Technology" - not exactly thrilling reading, but required for continuing education credit and it wasn't like she had anything better to do with her time off today. Despite her studious intentions, it didn't take long before Larissa was distracted by the conversation coming from the table behind her.


"Big fat ones, lad - tha's what I like," Scotty proclaimed in that delicious brogue. "The kind ye can barely get yer hands around."

"I certainly wouldn't turn that down," Sulu chuckled. "But I prefer a size that fits in my hand with just enough sticking out to put my mouth around."

"Weil, I suppose there's aught to be said for just nice a mouthful..."

"Like on Vegasa," Sulu cut in, a smile in his voice. "Each one a perfect mouthful."


Marks squirmed a little in her seat. Surely they couldn't be talking about what she thought they were talking about?

No, it had to be her imagination. After all, it had been weeks. And the conversation was being conducted between a guy with a lean, muscular fencer's body and a man with great hands and an incredibly sexy brogue, so really no one could blame her for where her mind was going.

Still, that didn't mean she was going to let it get the better of her. She returned to her text: "...the phaser II was developed during the Border Wars to provide..."


"Nice, firm, round ones! Regulus II - now there's more than a mouthful," Scotty enthused.

"Or Teva IX," Sulu laughed. "Just one, but so big and meaty I needed both hands to hold on and could still barely get my mouth on it."

"Aye, I'm all for tha'," Scotty agreed. "But the lassies on Decali Prime offer 'em three in a row - one for yer mouth and one for each hand. A man could hardly ask for better than tha'!"

"I don't know," Sulu countered. "the ones on Etronis - warm and soft - with that spicy stuff they rub on that makes your tongue tingle..."

"Ach, lad, yer makin' me mouth water."


Larissa dug her nails into the palms of her hands and re-focused on the words she was supposed to be focused on. "...power and endurance was significantly improved following the application by Licking..."

She stopped and re-read the text. Seriously, the guy's name was Licking? And she was going to be reading that name for the next - she looked ahead - 69 pages. Argh!


"Hey, how about Mandivar?" Sulu asked slyly.

"Weil, I suppose..." Scotty replied thoughtfully. "If you like 'em flat."

"Flat but wide," Sulu corrected. "And uncovered, with that delicious little mound in the center."

"Aye, there is tha'," Scotty made a wistful 'mmm' sound. "O' course for sheer variety ye cannae beat Risa."

"Risa," they both sighed.

Sulu moaned plaintively. "How long 'til shore leave?"


That did it. Phaser tech and Dr. Licking could wait. Marks got up, turned and put her hands flat on the table behind her.

"What, may I ask, are you guys talking about?"

Both men looked at her and then each other in surprise and dismay.

"Sandwiches," Scotty finally said, as though it should have been perfectly obvious.

"Sandwiches." She looked from him to Sulu, who nodded and raised his eyebrows with an almost-innocent smile.

Uh-huh. Being off-duty, Larissa was wearing a low-cut casual top. She leaned forward, tracking eye movement, and smiled.

"Tell me boys, what would you think of trying a different kind of sandwich...?"

AN: Written for the Scotty&Sulu bingo space. This one is purely silly, but the idea to have them collaborate on the still just wasn't coming together. And every now and then a little fantasy is a lot of fun to write (yes, if I ever magically found myself transformed to a young, single woman on the Enterprise, Scotty and Sulu would be high on my 'to do' list).

Like it? Hate it? Please r&r