Sorry I haven't updated in so long, you may chew out my ass later - now to the STORY!

Okay, it's pretty clear I don't own Harry Potter, I'm not that awesome people xD

Sandwiches. I love sandwiches, who doesn't? They're clean, they're efficent, they're tasty as hell. Until you drop them, but I won't go into that tragic story.

Right now I was looking at my sexy sandwich, who needs a girlfriend when I already have my sandwich?


"Oh! Sandwich, give me some!" Lily came rushing over to the table trying to grab my sandwich.

"Oh hell no! Back off ginger!" I stood up and held the sandwich over my head out of Lily's reach.

"Give me the god damn sandwich, Sirius!"

"Or what? You gonna' knock me out with your new, and improved boobies?" I continued to hold the sandwich out of her reach, making sure to keep the fillings in. Don't wanna' give her freebies.

"Your such a child, I'm serious!"

"I thought I was Sirius? 'Caause I sure as hell don't wanna' be James with you around, and I don't think I could handle losing my figure, then gaining it back after pregnancy." Lily's green eyes flared with anger, while I just laughed at how funny she looked.

Lily glanced over my shoulder, smirked at me, then she... cried?

"What the Fu-"

"Lily! What's wrong? Sirius what did you do!"


I turned around to find a confued James in the door way, glaring at me, and looking concerned for the bit- I mean Lily, and the baby.

Why is it always me?

"Sirius, Lily's a pregnant woman, she needs the nutrients, so give her the sandwich." I couldn't believe James. Seriously?

"Seriously, Prongs? What happened to 'Bros before Hoes' ?"

Hah, got ya there.

"It still applies, but Lilys not a hoe." I saw Lily give me a smug smile, and a not so innocent hand gesture.

"She's pregnant! So it still counts!"

Hah, got you there bitch.

"She's also married, to me, the father." James made a show of pointing out the ring, then to himself. Lily was intently staring at the sandwich still protected by my noble hand.

"Give me the sandwich." Lily was still staring at the sandwich, she didn't even look at me to say the setence.

Kill her!

I will not kill Lily, mother.

Blood traitor!

Child beater.



Your face!

... Did you just insult me with 'Your face' mother?


Oh god! this is NOT normal! I shouldn't be hearing your voice!

But I'm your inner devil!

Then.. who's my angel?

You are.

Well, I dont have a very good angel then!

I didn't have a very good son, btu I got over it.

I know, regules, was FUGLY!

Ohhh, Sirius...


"SIRIUS!" James shouted in my ear, Merlin, he has the lungs of a girl... or Lily.

OHH! That was funny! I'll use that later!

"What Prongs?" I glared at james. My ear was sore.

"Lily wanted me to tell you 'Thanks for the sandwich'."

"Oh, she's welcome-"

Wait, what?

I clutched my hand, only to find it empty and in the mouth of ginger.


Lily and James started laughing at me, while the pussy, a,k,a James, rubbed Lily's feet.

"Your lucky I'm the mature person I am."

I'll just steal all their crayons. Vengence shall be mine!

Hell yeah.

So, how did ya like it? :3 See? I made it longer! ^^,

I'm so prud of myself! Well, you know the drill, review please.