Animeloveramy's recent story Super Villain reminded me that I've been meaning to figure out some way to manipulate pre-movie Roxanne into singing this and getting caught by Megamind. I think I figured out how to do it. With a little help from her little sister Rose and some alcohol.
It's Roxanne Ritchi's birthday. She's at a bar with her sister Rose and her best friend Valarie. All three women are just drunk enough to think getting up on the stage with the karaoke machine isn't a bad idea. Valarie and Rose have already had their turns, each singing a song selected by the other two. Now it's Roxanne's turn. Her friends prod her onstage, standing to either side of her to make sure she doesn't bolt when she finds out what song they've picked out. They aren't going to let her back out, not after the songs she made them sing earlier.
She looks down at the monitor, "No!" she protests, "I'm not singing THAT!"
"Oh, come on! It's perfect," insists Rose, "It's like it was written just for you."
"Rose! It is NOT!" she objects.
"Besides," argues Valarie, "We sang what you picked out for us. It's your turn."
"It's only fair," reasons Rose with an evil smirk.
The DJ decides it's time to get the show moving. She walks on stage and speaks to the crowd, "What do you say, people? You want to hear Roxanne Ritchi sing Supervillain?" The crowd goes wild with cheers and applause. The reporter's history with the city's two super rivals is well known and they appreciate the irony. "I think your adoring fans are demanding it!" the DJ continues. She is adept at persuading reluctant people into singing in front of the crowd. It's her job, after all.
Valarie and Rose hold Roxanne by the arms as the DJ places the microphone in her hands. The music begins and the lyrics appear on the screen. Roxanne glares at the crowd, then reads in a wry monotone, "You know I need a super villain. Just like Mad Scientist." The crowd boos at the flat performance.
"Come on, sing it like you mean it," coaxes the DJ while Roxanne's sister and friend sing along happily, "I just want bad man alone, I just want bad man alone…"
They prod Roxanne and she rolls her eyes and joins in the chorus reluctantly, all her body language insisting that she does NOT want to be singing this, "I just want bad man alone, I just want bad man alone…"
Rose and Valarie sing, "Right about now!" and, as the first verse starts, the women drop back, forcing Roxanne to sing solo. "Don't want a man that flies," she sings so softly as to be barely audible, even with the microphone. The audience cheers, giving her confidence. Despite herself, she grins and sings a bit louder. She actually has quite a nice voice and enjoys singing, "Wears a cape or tights 'cause see. That ain't my kind of guy. No that ain't my cup of tea." She grins, thinking how true that actually was.
The audience hoots, thinking it's hilarious and anticipating the next lines. The three women giggle together, and Roxanne continues more steadily than before, "Dark hoodies and jeans, oh. The swagger so mean, oh. You know what I mean"
Rose and Valarie start to dance to the music, 'swaggering' to the tune. They sing, "I just want bad man alone."
Encouraged by the crowd's reaction, her mildly inebriated state, and the pressure of her companions, Roxanne sings out confidently, "Though, I know they're bad for my soul, Oh, I just can't leave 'em alone!" The crowd cheers!
"I just want bad man alone," continues her backup singers, swinging their hips to the music. Roxanne finds herself dancing as well.
"See the heroes were never my type." Rose and Valarie shake their index fingers from side to side in a 'no-no' gesture. "I need the boys with the kryptonite tonight. I need a super villain to come and rescue me. I'm feenin' 'cause nice guys they can't save me. That's why I need a super villain to come and rescue me. I'm feenin' 'cause bad boys. They driving me crazy."
The audience joins in singing, "I want him super, super bad. Super bad. Super, super bad…" The whole room sings the chorus, then falls silent while she sings, "Oh, so you can try to save me from love. But I'd rather wear his chains and handcuffs. Make me his prisoner, er, er." Her sister and Valarie turn their backs to the crowd as they dance, crossing their wrists behind their backs, miming being bound by their wrists. Roxanne giggles and shakes her head.
Someone in the audience shouts out, "I'd tie you up!" The two women turn around.
Valarie shouts out, "Yeah, but you're not a supervillain!"
Rose yells, "You can tie ME up, though!"
Roxanne points out into the crowd at the man who'd called out and winks at him, confident that nothing will come of it. Without faltering, she continues to sing, "Don't wanna be Louis and Clark. I wanna be Bonnie and Clyde. Cause I ride or die. Although, I know they're bad for my soul…" This far into the song, Roxanne's dropped any pretense of reluctance and is really getting into the performance. The crowd loves it. She dances as she sings her way through the rest of the song, not caring what people might think. She's having fun.
She comes back to herself when Rose takes over for the last chorus, changing the lines to "I just want Megamind alone, I just want Megamind alone…" After the second repeat, Valarie joins in, but Roxanne refuses. Instead she just stands there laughing, blushing, and rolling her eyes. Her friend and little sister are moving there hips like bellydancer as they sing, and the crowd is chanting the revised chorus. On the very last two lines, she gives in, mouthing "I just want Megamind alone, I just want Megamind alone," but without making a sound. When they finally finish the last line, the crowd gives all three women a standing ovation. They bow and, before they step down, the audience hears Roxanne say to her sister, "God, I hope Megamind never sees that."
A few days later Megamind's search algorithms alert him to an amateur video clip posted on YouTube. As he watches it, he can hardly believe his eyes or ears. "Why, Miss Ritchi," he chuckles to himself, "I had no idea…"