Hello. I know there are still some unanswered questions in iCarly land so I decided to write my take on how these issues are resolved. Obviously we know that Freddie has moved on from Carly and she doesn't like him that way either but so far, we haven't had an episode where they talk about this. Maybe it will happen in a future episode but I couldn't resist writing this. I love Seddie but I need some sort of closure haha.
This chapter is in Sam's point of view.
Sitting on the couch, watching a movie in Carly's living room was nothing new to me. In fact, I did it almost every day. But this time it was very different. I had one nerdy but extremely muscular arm around my waist as I watched my favorite action comedy.
Dating Freddie was something I swore I would never do. Kissing Freddie was something that I would never do either. Not for 9 billion dollars. Not for all the Fat Cakes in the world. Not for all of the life changing foreign bacon that could appear in front of my door. It was no surprise that I despised the boy ever since I met him.
But there we were, on a movie date, holding each other as if it was a natural thing for us, long time rivals, to do. I could go on and on about how I had no idea how we got to this stage in our twisted relationship but I'd be lying. Actually, I had no idea why he decided to give me a chance until we talked about it in details but everything before that was crystal clear to me. I was head over heels for the person I loved to torture.
How typical… err… how cliché. The bully falling for the victim. I've seen it about a hundred times in movies or on television shows. I should have seen it coming. But it hit me like a ton of bricks the moment I came to terms with my feelings for Freddie. It seemed simpler but I had no idea how much of a struggle it would be to admit to liking someone like Freddie. It was a two year long internal battle.
I must have been deep in thought when I felt a couple of nudges on my arm. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to Freddie, who was looking at me with raised eyebrows.
"What?" I said kind of rudely. It wasn't intentional. More like, force of habit.
"The movie is over and you've had this spaced-out look for a few minutes."
I focused my attention on the TV and the credits were rolling. I must have been thinking about this for a long time.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concernedly.
"Don't worry, Fredward. I'm just thinking about how badly I want some bacon right now," I lied. I didn't want him to worry too much.
"Like the large bucket we had for the movie wasn't enough? You ate it within thirty minutes into the movie. You didn't even share any with me!" He took the empty bucket and held it up.
"Hey, hey, don't question my appetite," I said, pointing at him and giving him a fake angry look. If there is anything I love about my relationship with Freddie it is that we are not too cheesy. We still fight but it's a lot more on the playful side.
"Okay, I won't. You win, Sam," He held his arms up in defeat and then pulled me into a hug.
The alarm on his cell phone went off and we both grunted. Freddie's mom didn't approve of our relationship much at first. In fact, the older he got, the more she disapproved of any girl who shows any sign of affection towards him. But after much convincing, she toned it down. The only downside was that he had to be home by nine.
"I hate your curfew," I whined.
"You're telling me." Even though he should have been out the door thirty seconds ago, he managed to grab me by the waist and pull me even closer to him. As if we weren't close enough. Oh gosh, I love it when he does that.
Slowly and softly, he drew a path down my arm, leaving goose bumps, then took my hand in his and linked his fingers with mine. He took our connected hands and softly kissed the back of my hand. Freddie was very hesitant to touch me when we first started dating. He didn't do much other than grab my waist. I had to convince him that I would not bite his fingers off if he hugged me or held my hand. After all, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now and last time I checked, that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do.
I looked at him as he offered me his signature smirk. That smirk that makes me want to punch him in the face and kiss him senseless at the same time. That smirk that makes me happy and nervous at the same time. It's amazing what one little half smile can do to me. Of all people, Freddie Benson was the one that made me feel a mix of emotions. It's like he took everything that I was feeling, shoved them in a blender, and mixed them together into one delicious glassful of perfection.
Both of us leaned in, meeting halfway, until our lips touched. His lips were always so soft and I convinced myself that his mother forced him to put Vaseline on them everyday because dry skin is never a good thing. They were just as soft as the first time I felt them when we were on the fire escape.
He untangled his fingers from mine and I felt his hands on my hips. They rode up slightly so that his fingers were touching my bare skin. It wasn't much but was enough to drive me crazy. As his thumbs made tiny circles on my hips, my hands made their way around his neck. I pulled him closer and that only encouraged him. I could feel him begging me to part my lips so we could explore each other further. I was about to until…
We pulled away immediately as Crazy's screech made me jump in surprise. We both groaned for the inconvenient and brutal interruption.
"I hate your mom," I stated bluntly.
"Be nice. This is better than nothing," he said as he pulled me close to him again.
"Well, she ruined the moment."
"I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow, Benson."
He pulled me into one last kiss, only that this one wasn't as long, but it was better than nothing.
I watched him as he left the apartment and threw myself onto the couch, feeling completely relaxed. Then I remembered that I was all alone in Carly's living room.
"Okay, Carly, you can come out now," I yelled, not lifting a finger.
"Okay!" Carly yelled back.
Carly didn't mind that Freddie and I sometimes wanted to have movie dates in her apartment. My house is too messy and my crazy mom always has people around that it becomes suffocating. Don't get started on Freddie's apartment. His mom is always around and if we ever decide to have a date there, she would monitor our every move.
I heard footsteps and I turned to see Carly running down the stairs. The first thing she did was gather the empty bucket in which I ate my bacon out of, the many empty bags of barbeque potato chips, and the empty cans of soda. I just watched her as I laid on the couch, like I always do.
"You know, you could help, Sam," she said, giving me a serious look.
"I could but doesn't it always lead to the same thing?"
"Yeah. It ends with you not helping me out," she laughed. She could never stay mad at me.
I followed her to the kitchen, where she threw away the trash and then got a bottle of water from the fridge.
"So what did you do these past two hours?" I asked as I looked around for something to munch on.
"I was replying to iCarly fans on Twitter. I ended up trending too."
"Cool, cool." I nodded awkwardly. We were both silent and the tension was kind of killing me. I knew what she wanted to talk about and I dreaded it every time she brought it up. I was ready for her to ask again.
"So…," she started, awkwardly.
"Aw, come on. You don't even know what I was going to ask?" She crossed her arms and pouted.
"Yeah I do, Carly. You want to know why I like Freddie, when I started liking him, and what happened that made me develop feelings for him. You're not that unpredictable, my friend." I finally found a bag of Cheetos and started devouring, acting as if this conversation wasn't a big deal.
"Come on, Sam. Please tell me. You and Freddie have been dating for a few weeks and neither of you want to tell me," she pleaded.
"Alright. Don't get your granny panties in a bunch," I said, obviously annoyed.
"I don't wear granny panties." She was clearly offended.
"Okay, let's get this over and done with, Shay. What do you want to know." I made sure to grab a few more bags of chips and some more cans of soda. I knew it was going to be a long night. Knowing Carly, a very curious girl, she was going to ask a lot of questions.
"First of all, I want to know if that kiss you had with Freddie in the balcony has anything to do with your feelings for Freddie."
Oh boy. She really had those questions planned out for me. I almost choked on my Cheeto but I recovered quickly with a big gulp of soda. This was going to be harder than I thought. Opening up to Carly is always an easy task. I can tell her everything. When I like a boy, when I need help, when I'm upset, when I want her to bake me a pie, but nothing prepared me for this. Talking to Carly about how I feel for the person she's seen get picked on by me is difficult. I don't care if anyone else judges me but to be judged by Carly was something I could not bare. She accepts me fore who I am but even I knew that this was something new, something different. I was always afraid that she might say it wouldn't work out or how it's odd for this to happen. After a bit of hesitation, I figured that if she has accepted and put up with me all these years, then it wouldn't be so bad.
"Fine," I sighed and lowered my shoulders to a more relaxing position.
"Yes and no," I finally said. "And before you ask what I mean, let me explain. Freddie and I promised that we would never talk about the kiss. I just thought it was something we were going to get out of the way but it was so much more than that to me. I knew it didn't mean much to Freddie but I thought about it every day for I don't know how long. As much as I wanted to figure it out, I couldn't. I couldn't figure it out because we swore to never talk about it. It's as if it never happened. Eventually, I convinced myself that the only reason I kept replaying it in my head was because it was my first kiss and nothing more. I moved on…"
"Wow… so you really did like the kiss? What was going on in your head when it was happening?" By the time she was done asking me that question, we were both on the couch. I guess if we were going to have this conversation, we might as well be comfortable.
"All I said to him was that it was nice. And it was. It was very nice. I was uneasy about it at first because I was confused. I mean, come on, I was kissing freaking Freddie. My eyes were open the whole time and I was frozen. It wasn't until I finally started to enjoy it, I closed my eyes and I was about to respond that he pulled away."
"Aww that is so cute." Gosh, I hate it when she does that.
"How is that cute?" I pulled my head backs slightly, giving her a confused expression.
"Because, everyone has an awkward story about their first kiss. Something that probably petrified them at that very moment yet they will never forget it. No one forgets their first kiss."
"Tell me about it, potato salad." I laughed and she playfully slapped my arm.
"Anyways, when exactly did you figure out that you had feelings for Freddie? You have to admit, this is kind of sudden and random for everyone," she said, shifting towards me a little. She really enjoys these girl talks.
That's the question that I knew would be the hardest for me to answer. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel guilty. Even though Carly played a major role in the reason why I never talked to anyone about my feelings for Freddie, I didn't want her to feel like this was her fault.
"Okay but you have to promise me something." I looked at her seriously.
"Of course," she said worriedly.
"I don't want you to feel guilty because it's not your fault." I took a deep breath. "That girls' choice dance last year. As much as I denied it, I really wanted to go. It seemed like fun. You didn't see me that night but I went out of my way to get all girl'd up. It was so stupid. I wore a sparkly shirt, a girlie skirt, and high heels. After what happened with Gibby, I just wanted to forget everything and have a smoothie. I walked into the Groovy Smoothie. Like I said, Carly, I don't want you to feel guilty. I saw you two dancing. He seemed so happy to hold you."
"Aw.. Sam…," she said quietly but I interrupted her.
"Let me finish. That was the second time I realized that Freddie is more than a toy that's fun to play with. The first time I realized that he really can get hurt emotionally was when I told everyone he never kissed a girl. But this was the first time that I actually felt disgusted with myself. If I wasn't such a monster to him, maybe I'd be the one dancing with him instead. It was also that first time I realized that everything I said about you not loving him back would be a complete lie. And I was right, in a way."
"What do you mean?" She looked confused but then she raised her eyebrows. "Oh, you mean the taco truck accident? Were you jealous, Sam?"
I lowered my head.
"Don't laugh at me but I was. Covering up with jokes is easy but actually dealing with it was harder. As much as it may have killed me, I was not about to become a home wrecker. I realized that even after your dance, you acted as if it was nothing. I realized that you didn't like him like I do. I may have been harsh when I told him that you two as a couple make me want to puke out blood and that he was just your foreign bacon but it was the truth. I just didn't tell him that I was jealous. I respect you too much, Carly. I knew you didn't like him the way he liked you and even though I always hurt him by saying mean things to him, I didn't want him to walk around looking all heartbroken."
"And he actually listened to you, Sam. I was very confused at first when he talked about the whole bacon thing to me." We both laughed.
"Yeah and after that it was even harder for me to deal with this. I convinced myself that Freddie and I would never go out because he made it so clear he loves brunettes and skirts, one of which I am not and the other I absolutely hate and-"
"But you wear skirts all the time. I don't get it?" Carly interrupted me.
I wear denim skirts with leggins with ridiculous patterns. That's not exactly feminine. Anyways, another thing that held me back was the fact that Freddie is your ex, despite your two hour relationship. I was afraid that you would get mad at me."
"Aw, Sam. I would never do that. I mean, it happened once with Shane but that was just us being stupid. I would never mess with your feelings like that."
I figured I've done enough talking so I decided to turn the tables on her. I wanted some explanations as well an if she got me to get serious on her then I was going to get her serious on me as well.
"So why do you approve of me and Freddie? Most girls get jealous and I know dating your friend's ex is a big no no," I asked her.
"Hmm…," she thought about it carefully. "If you dated someone that I had a serious relationship with, then I would probably be mad. But this is Freddie we are talking about. I was so in awe by him saving my life, I wanted to repay him somehow. I felt terrible for what happened to him. I don't know what came over me. No one has ever done something like that for me and I was convinced that I was actually in love with him. It wasn't until he broke up with me that I took that time to realize that I was only in love with what he did. What girl wouldn't want to get saved? That annoying Bruno Mars song actually makes sense now."
I love how Carly and I could always bring humor into a serious conversation. We ended up laughing and talking about the lyrics to "Grenade". What a stupid song.
"Well, Carly, it was nice talking to you but I really want to go to sleep." I stood up, yawned and stretched, making my way upstairs and leaving all the empty bags of potato chips on the living room table.
"Sam! The chips. Again?" Carly whined. I watched her from the stairs. She grabbed the bags and cans and threw them away. Like I said, she could never stay mad at me.
I waited for her so we could go upstairs together. It wasn't until we walked into her room that she pulled me into a tight hug. I stood there for a moment, wondering why she was randomly hugging me but when she didn't let go, I hugged her back.
"You know, Sam, you may be rude sometimes, you may not be the cleanest person even, and you may have a habit of spotting out vulgarities but I wouldn't have it any other way. You'll always be my best friend. Thanks for opening up to me." I could feel her hugging me tighter with every word that she spoke.
Carly is the one person that could completely break down my walls. She's seen me at my best and at my worst and it was only fair for me to tell her everything despite how much I didn't want to talk about it. But to be honest, it actually felt good to let it all out. For the first time in my life, I actually felt 100% happy with my life. Somehow, in this crazy and twisted life of mine, me and Freddie found a way to have a good relationship. I never thought that this would happen. It's still hard to believe sometimes that he is my boyfriend but I know it's real when I feel his lips on mine. And having Carly approve of our relationship was just the cherry on top.
"I love you too, Carls. But you still owe me a freshly bakes pie in the morning."
She giggled as we finally stopped hugging so we could finally go to sleep.
I tried to balance the CAM friendship by adding some Seddie in the beginning. The next chapter will be in Freddie's POV and it will basically be the same thing as this chapter. Carly and Freddie will talk and it will be my take on why Freddie decided to give Sam a chance and why he likes her.
I tried to keep Sam in character. I don't know if she was out of character so sorry if you think she is. It's quite a challenge for me to keep Sam completely in character because she is such a complex character and I've mentioned this before in my other stories. She has so many layers and so many sides to her that it's hard to write a story where she is completely in character. We all know Sam trusts Carly which is why I made her kind of vulnerable during their talk
iLost My Mind really left me in a lovey dovey mood. I've been reading so much fan fiction based on iLMM. I can't wait for the next episode.
Anyways, please review and let me know what you think. I'll be updating very soon.