A House is not a Home.
Summery: After Blaineley gets kicked out of her apartment, she struggles to find a home, but that home just so happens to be in the care of another stuck up show host.
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama.
A Note: Dearly Beloved, we gather here today to mourn the loss of Sakura Blossom Storm's FanFiction account…
Nah! I'm just kidding! But I do owe some of you an explanation why I've been gone for the past…*Checks account sign in* Two Months! Wow!
Well…this is what happened, there was this massive black hole and it sucked me into a crazy parallel universe where people get jailed for creating amazing FanFictions, so after spending weeks in a bizarre prison, I escaped thanks to a talking guinea pig who led me into his home where a happy Raccoon lived and gave me shelter until I was strong enough to fight against the evil Badgers and destroy the FanFiction ban on this crazy world, then after succeeding the dog citizens made me their Queen and I couldn't exactly leave them, could I?
What? Oh, you want the truth…the truths boring!
Basically, I moved house and my Mother decided that internet was not a necessity…I however disagree!
But it's ok! I'm back and raring to go! I'm so sorry for not posting anything but trust me, that'll all change! I've been working on so much since I've had a laptop but no internet, I've had to do something to keep my sane!
So enjoy! And this FanFiction is owed to Ember a.k.a Phantasma (previously known as rockprincess90210!) Who requested a BlaineleyXChris One-Shot!
"What do you mean I'm fired?" Screamed Blaineley as she threw her hands on the desk with a loud slam and glared at the man in front of her.
She had to admit, at first she had thought that her ears had deceived her, but no it was all true, Miss Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran had been fired.
Never, never in all of her glorious 5 years of working on TV had she ever heard this, she had been on her best behaviour she was sure, she never had a diva moment…much. And she always kept her manners…occasionally, and she most definitely never moaned…some of the time.
So if she kept so well behaved over the past few years then why on Earth was she getting fired? She could feel the blood racing through her veins in rage, she was going to get the bottom of this and fast.
"Well?" She snapped angrily, "Are you going to sit there in silence or are you going to tell me why I've been fired? Come on, David! Lay it on me! I can't wait to hear what you say".
The ageing man behind the desk sighed deeply and looked into Blaineley's bright blue eyes with a faked look of sincerity, "Look here, Blaineley, since you're little de-tour on that series of Total Drama, your popularity has dropped, people have been tweeting left right and centre about how horrible you are, we've been having hate mail sent to us about how they want you off the station".
Blaineley rolled her eyes, "Oh come on, hate mail? I know you better than this, David. You use hate mail as a scandal to get people talking about the show! You sell them to the tabloids and bang, you've got 20 million people at your feet begging for more, why aren't you doing this for me?"
"Maybe because I don't want to" David retaliated, "Look, Blaineley, I hate to admit it but those kids on Total Drama tore you apart…and good for them, I'm superficial, okay? So when I saw that video of you on the Aftermath looking like an elephant on a fat day I knew something had to be done. My girls on this show are skinny, thin, something that many girls wish that they were, that's why I hired you, when you're headshot was left on my desk all I could see was a skinny beauty, I didn't care that you had the personality of a snake, you had the image! But now it's ruined, I can't even re-build you".
"So what are you saying?" Blaineley asked as she stood up in rage, "You're giving up on me?"
"Pretty much" David mumbled as he sat back down and looked up at Blaineley, who was still gritting her teeth in anger. "Look, maybe if you were a half decent person then I might consider helping you out, I'd pay for a top trainer to tone you up but…the truth is, Blaineley, you're a complete bitch".
And that was that, Blaineley had finally been told off for her years of torment.
"Well, here we are again" The woman mumbled as she took off her sunglasses and squinted them in disgust at the man in front of her, "Once again, we've come to the end of the month and once again your rent is underpaid by a couple hundred, care to explain why?"
Chris McClean shifted uncomfortably, he was not used to this kind of situation, normally it was him putting people on the spot and watching them squirm in fear, heck it was his favourite past time, but now maybe he was going to have to re-think that hobby, since it was making him sweat uncomfortably and it wasn't a good look on him.
"I'm not your pal" Reminded the woman to him.
"Right, sorry, Renee…well things have been kind of steep for me this month" Chris started to explain, desperately trying to keep that usual chilled out voice that he often possessed, but it was cracking under nerves and pressure.
Renee sighed, she was a tall and thin woman with a bony face that made her appearance that little bit more menacing, she rolled her eyes and bent down slightly to meet Chris' level.
"Things were steep for you last month as well" She murmured to Chris, "I think you need to remember who's your landlady here, I am not going to go easy on you anymore and not even your charm can work on me anymore".
"Oh come on!" Chris begged, "Lighten up a little, Dude!"
"Ok, I'm not your dude and don't refer to me as your friend, you are a simple tenant, I own this building, remember that!" Renee snapped angrily.
She then made a sudden movement and grabbed Chris by the collar and glared at him, "You've got a week to find the money, or it's bye-bye for Mr Chris McClean. Got it?"
Chris swallowed hard, but he wasn't completely defeated, "And how am I supposed to find that money in a week?"
"I don't know" Renee grinned as she put her sunglasses back on and sauntered back over to the door, "Beg? Steal? Find a roommate?"
And with that she closed the door behind her with a loud bang.
Chris scoffed to himself and turned his back on the now closed door, "Hmph! Chris McClean does not share his home with anyone".
He sat down on the sofa with a loud sigh, and started brain storming how to get the money to Renee in the next week.
He pulled out his cell phone and looked at the numbers on it, he had other 500 phone numbers on it, surely one of those 500 people would be willing to help out their old buddy, Chris!
So, he typed out a quick text and sent it to every single person on his phone book, clearly forgetting who was actually on there…
Blaineley's red heels clicked against the grimy pavement as she walked through Toronto's streets. She felt down on her luck, after a good few hours or arguing with David about her job and her rights, she had finally been escorted out of his office by several bulky men in security outfits, and then literally thrown out on her behind onto the streets.
She sighed to herself, that was it, her whole life had pretty much been taken away from her in one swipe of a claw, her job at Celebrity Manhunt had been robbed from her the second she had stepped onto the set of Total Drama: The Aftermath, she thought that she was going to be the adorable bitch on that show, the one that people disagreed with but still found so endearing they couldn't hate her. But those stupid teens on that show made it extremely clear that she wasn't welcome at all, she had several fights on that show, mainly with her other host, Geoff. And most of the fights they had seemed to centre around his girlfriend.
Then that led to fans of 'Gidgette' getting involved, during her fight with David at the office, he had pulled out nearly ten full bags of angry mail to him about Blaineley's hatred to the couple, and this also led to the other Total Drama contestants to step in and join this war against Blaineley. Thanks to Beth's careful planning during the third show, Blaineley was sent onto the competition to compete too, she was dragged kicking and screaming but she finally accepted defeat against that battle.
Once one the show she started an angry battle with some of the people on the show too, she desperately tried to score an alliance with Heather and that failed miserably, and soon the contestant grew tired of her and kicked her off in China, where she crash landed in an old Chinese man's home. And after weeks of staying in a body cast, she was finally returned to her full glory, or so she thought.
David had seen and heard all her antics on the show and she was gone, her job was robbed from her and with that, she had lost her home too.
See, David has carefully arranged for her to live for free in a luxury apartment, she was pampered and spoilt beyond belief and now that was gone too.
She knew she was going to have to look for a place to stay until she got on her own two feet, but where?
Know that she had thought about it, she had barely any friends, she wasn't too sure where to go, she couldn't go home. Her parents had disowned her a long time ago when she told them both that they both needed nose jobs.
So where was she to go now? There was always her Celebrity Manhunt co-host, Josh, but he was just as fickle as fame itself, the second he'd find out about Blaineley's mishap he's kick her out on the streets and pretend like he's forgotten who she was.
He wasn't a true friend, just an ex work college now.
She miserably pulled her phone out of her purse and scanned the many numbers on it, most of them were celebrity numbers, things that she could drop in whenever she went out to fancy nightclubs and places, but when it came down to being put up for a few nights most of these were all pretty useless.
She scanned through her phone, praying that something would pop up in surprise to lend her a helping hand.
Then it came, like a bolt of lightening, out of nowhere.
A message suddenly popped up on her phone, Blaineley jumped back slightly in surprise but nonetheless, opened the message to read what is said.
And to her surprise, it came in surprisingly handy.
'Hi! It's your favourite buddy, Chris McClean here! So, I'm having a little Rent trouble and I'd really appreciate your help, so whoever responds to this message first gets to spend a few lucky weeks with your truly! ;D'
Blaineley didn't know whether to be disgusted or thankful by this message, but even so, she found herself picking up the slow pace she had been walking in and marching towards Chris' penthouse.
Two hours, it had been two stinking hours and not a single reply! Chris drummed his fingers several times on the table before checking his phone again.
This was impossible! Chris was sure that there was a problem with his phone network and something was blocking all those messages from people begging to be his roommate, despite him being sure that this was the case, he had in fact rung up his phone company several times demanding that they check their phone connection and do it now as there are 'very important people waiting for very important texts' in his own words.
He just had to wait, that message was going to arrive soon, and he didn't care who it was, just as long as they had the money they would be fine for him.
And if they were female and very hot, well then that would be even better!
At that precise moment, the door bell rang, Chris jumped up nervously and looked at the door, he wasn't expecting any guests, and then his thoughts suddenly turned to Renee, maybe it was his dreaded landlady ready to give him more grief.
With a shaking hand, he edged towards the door and slowly opened it to reveal…
"I heard you had a room for the night?"
Chris blinked several times and stared at the woman in front of him, clad in a red dress and looking slightly worse for wear, was Blaineley.
He wrinkled up his nose slightly at the image of one of the most frustrating girls that ever walked this earth and sighed.
"And where did you find that out from?"
"You text me, you idiot" Blaineley snapped as she placed her hands on her hips, "Now come on, do you have a room or not?"
"Not for you!" Chris growled as he turned around and attempted to close the door, but it was stopped half way by Blaineley sticking her foot in the door.
"Come on, Chris, you need someone to pay for rent, I need somewhere to stay until I can find my own place, we're both in the same kind of situation but if we actually work together for this one then we can actually help each other?"
Chris paused, and thought about this for a second, "Well…I'd have to think about it, I mean I've gotten so many offers from other people, I'll have to sit down and think long and hard about who to choose".
"You haven't got a single offer have you?"
"Well then, can you stop being so self absorbed for two seconds and see that I need a room for the night and let me in?" Blaineley demanded as she stamped her foot to the floor like a spoilt child.
Chris scoffed loudly, "Are you kidding me? You're the most selfish person that I know; you only think about yourself, I bet if I did put you up for the night you'd escape the next morning without paying anything to me".
"Well…that was my plan" Blaineley mumbled to herself, "But fine, if you think that of me then you can have this in advance".
The threw a huge wad of cash at Chris, he caught it and slowly started unravelling the notes to see that there was enough money in here to pay for the entire rent for the next month and have some left over.
"Where did you get this-?"
"Celebrity Manhunt pays out a lot, plus I've never had to spend a dime in my life since most of the time I just get things handed to me on a plate" She then sighed deeply.
"And boy am I going to miss that life".
"What? Did you get fired off of Manhunt?" Chris asked as he leant against the doorframe, he might as well get himself comfortable since he was sure he wasn't going anywhere any time soon.
Blaineley nodded, "Yep, and it's all thanks to you and your rotten gang of Total Drama kids".
"Hey!" Chris snapped, "Don't bring me into this, I just host the show, it was the kids that got you hated so go blame them".
"I can't, I don't know where any of them live" Blaineley mumbled, "Look, let me in for tonight and if you really can't stand to have me around then I'll be out of your hair in the morning, alright?"
Chris sighed and reluctantly stepped to the side, "Welcome" He mumbled to her as Blaineley stepped in and dumped her bags to the side.
"Just so you know I've only got one bed in this house and that bed is for Chris McClean and Chris McClean only" Chris explained as Blaineley looked around the living room, she turned her head and glared at Chris in disgust.
"Oh wow" She mumbled, "You really know how to keep guests welcome here, don't you".
Chris shrugged his shoulders plainly, "I don't have many guests here, I like to keep my house to me and to myself only".
Blaineley sighed, "This is going to be a long night…"
That night was a very uncomfortable one, Blaineley found herself tossing and turning all night under the firm and rough feel of Chris' sofa, she sighed miserably and tried turning over once again in her sleep to try and find a better position to get comfortable on it.
She scrunched up her nose angrily at the feel as another spring dug itself into her back, that was it, this was the last straw, she was the guest here and she was going to find a decent bed to sleep in tonight, even if it killed her trying.
She climbed out of bed and looked around the living room, there wasn't much there, the sofa she had been sleeping on, and a couple of padded chairs that were around, she could try to use them to make a bed out of them, but that would have to mean that she'd have to move them with her bare hands and she was in no mood to do any form of physical labour right now.
So, she found herself slowly dragging her feet towards Chris' bedroom, one foot after the other she slowly walked towards the door and nudged it open.
Once it had opened a little bit, Blaineley carefully poked her head around the door and peered in; she could see Chris fast asleep in the biggest bed she had ever seen in her life.
It made her slightly jealous, this bed was bigger than the one that she had in her old apartment, it made her jealous know that Chris McClean, a lowly reality TV host had a better life than she had.
She scowled at this and took her first step into Chris' bedroom, the fluffy carpet underneath her feet sent a shiver up her spine and she took a deep breath in, trying to stay silent.
But it wasn't quiet enough.
Chris could sense that he wasn't alone and very gently stirred in his sleep, he slowly opened his eyes and sat up, noticing the figure in the doorway, naturally he thought it was a burglar so he grabbed the table side lamp and held it above his head with a small but terrified squeak.
"Relax! Blaineley snapped at him, "It's just me".
"Jesus Christ, Blaineley!" Chris gasped, once realising it was her, "You nearly gave me a heart attack, what are you doing?"
"I can't sleep" She mumbled as she leant against Chris' doorframe, "You got anything else I can sleep on?"
"Sorry, nothing" Chris said as he leant back on his bed, "Only the sofa".
Blaineley rolled her eyes and then examined Chris' bed, it was huge, I could easily fit in about four more people in it, Blaineley couldn't help but envy the fact that while she had been tossing and turning for half the night, Chris had been snuggled up in his own bed, warm and cosy.
She didn't care that it was his home, she was the guest therefore she should have all the best laid out for her, she folded her arms and took a few confident strides towards Chris' bed.
He sat up and looked alarmed, "What are you doing?" He asked as Blaineley walked to the other side of the bed, yanked the bed covers a few times and then climbed in.
"Whoa! Wait a minute! This is my bed, not your bed! Get out!" Chris demanded.
"Nope! You've got enough room in here for the entire cast of Total Drama, so I'm sure you can spare half the bed for me, you'll barely notice me!" Blaineley ordered back.
"Get out of my bed!"
"Believe me I will if you don't move!"
"Well you're going to have to then because I'm not moving out of this bed! It's comfortable and elegant females like myself should have nothing but comfort".
"Wow…big headed much?"
"Oh, you can talk!"
This argument went on for a while, until the two adults finally tired out, Blaineley was still in Chris' bed and refusing to move, while Chris was doing everything in his power to get her out of the bed without having to physically harm her.
"Right…" Chris finally mumbled, "I guess one night in here won't harm me…much, as long as you keep to your side of the bed".
Blaineley scoffed, "Yeah, like I'd even want to go near your grimy body".
"HEY! I work hard on this grimy body thank you very much, you can talk!"
Chris then bit the inside of his cheek after those words left his mouth, because Blaineley's face froze and she looked back at Chris, she glared at him before angrily turning his back to him and climbing out of the bed.
"No, wait, Blaineley, I'm sorry".
"Save it" Blaineley snapped angrily, "I knew this was going to be a mistake staying with you".
"I didn't mean it! I was mad, and I didn't know that you were that defensive about your body!" Chris said as he sat up, "Plus in my defence you were talking bad about my body in the first place".
"Yeah well at least you actually look good!" Blaineley cried out, "Look at me! I'm an ageing woman, my body that I had in my teenage days was flushed down the toilet years ago, my only hope was surgery but I'm terrified of needles, my image was ruined all because of Total Drama, I used to be that girl that people used to envy, and now I'm the laughing stock of the television industry! Do you know what that feels like?"
"Like you're the biggest pile of dog crap in the world?" Chris answered back, Blaineley turned around to look at him, with a look of surprise on her face, "Yeah, how did you-."
"Blaineley, I'm a 30 year old man, my career never began, I've been going from reality TV show to reality TV show, if I'm not ice skating then I'm cooking a gourmet meal, and every show that I took part in I prayed that someone would notice me and think 'hey, that guy's got talent, I want him', and it never happened" Chris explained, the chilled out expression that never used to leave his face was now growing solemn. "So when Total Drama came around, as much as I refused to do it, I took it, and I loved torturing those kids because if I couldn't take it out on my bosses or my agents, then it would be them, they want to be famous, well, this is the ugly side of it".
"Ain't that the truth" Blaineley mumbled quietly.
"I guess at times like this, two washed up stars have to stick together" Chris mumbled gently, causing Blaineley to grin.
"Yeah, we do" she said.
This weird heart to heart that he just had with Blaineley seemed to open up a bizarre portal in his heart, because something that Chris McClean had never felt before was love, or care for anyone, and at this moment, he was feeling a great deal of one of these emotions for Blaineley.
"You know what I said about you only staying here for one night? Well…you can stay here as long as you like…I'll get you a comfy bed?" Chris suggested.
Blaineley turned around to face Chris with a slight smile on her face, "Thank you".
"No problem" Chris then jerked his head towards the side of the bed that Blaineley had discarded, and she smiled and slowly climbed back in.
"You know, this bed is insanely comfy" Blaineley mumbled, "You're pretty lucky".
"I know!" Chris said as his placed his hands behind his head, "Now can you see why I'm so protective of this bed?"
"Yeah, I can" Blaineley mumbled.
Silence filled the air for the two now, it wasn't awkward, it was actually pretty comfortable and natural, it was very early in the morning now so the two had been arguing for a while and both assumed that it was time to go to bed.
However Blaineley wasn't done, she knew that she had pretty much bullied Chris into letting her stay here, and she knew she was going to have to make it up to him, she had never ever done something like this in her life, but, maybe it was time to have a change of heart.
She could see Chris' hand lying beside her, and she slowly reached out and stroked it gently, then rested her hand in it.
Chris felt this and opened his eyes, "What are you doing?"
"Doing just what you said" Blaineley said, "We need to stick together".
Chris looked down at his hand which was now entwined with Blaineley's and he grinned, "Yeah, we do".
And with that, the two washed up stars fell asleep, hand in hand, they both knew that in the morning they'd probably be verbally abusing one another again, but for the moment, this sweet moment had them both dreaming sweet dreams all night long…
Well? What do we think? Have I redeemed myself for being gone for so long? I hope I have!
Please review and make me feel loved!