"The real Clare Edwards would not have done that." Clare stared accusingly in Imogen's eyes as she rose to chase after Eli.
Jake grabbed her wrist before she could take off, concern clearly written on his face, "Where are you going?"
"I just need to make sure he's ok," the girl gently pulled her hand of his grip, "he's off his meds." She said and directed her cold eyes at the distraught girl in front of her, wanting Eli's new "friend" to realize her mistakes.
Clare ran out of the restaurant and franticly looked down the streets, barely spotting his black hair as he limped through the crowd. She did not know why she felt the need to make sure he was ok, it had only gotten her into trouble and a broken heart, but she could feel a string pulling her towards her ex and she had not found a way to deny it yet.
"Eli!" The boy kept walking, possibly speeding up at the sound of her voice, and she could feel her heart unwillingly tug at his resistance. Why did he still make her feel this way? Fortunately his limp made him a lot slower, if he had been well she never would have caught him if did not want to be.
"Eli, will you just stop for a second!" Clare yelled as she grabbed onto his arm to prevent him from crossing the road.
Eli halted as he felt Clare's hand wrap around his arm, suddenly feeling the rush of the all too familiar of calmness fall over him as it always had, calming his anxiety and clearing his mind.
"Eli, I… I just wanted to know… Are you ok?" his ex-girlfriend stammered, he still refused to turn around and meet her eyes, her clear blue eyes. When had it become hard for either of them to speak to each other? Why could he still not control himself as her mere presence quieted his every nervous thought and action?
"I'm fine" Eli forced out as he struggled to keep breathing. He desperately just wanted to turn around and gather the small woman in his arms and apologize for his outburst and everyone before it. Why had his anxiety not cured itself after Julia had been gone for so long, he had finally moved on so why did the baggage remain?
"Eli… you don't sound fine. Why did you get so upset?" Eli could hear Clare shift from foot to foot, a habit he loved to watch as she became shy. Her hand was still lightly wrapped around his arm, burning his skin. Why had he never told him he loved her? Why had he never told her how worked up he got when she wasn't around, she could have figured out he had an anxiety problem rather than the doctor.
"I don't know… my mind just scrambled.. I wasn't thinking-"
"Are you on your meds?"
Eli whirled around, feeling anger rush over him, but as he finally took a look at the girl now standing in front of him, those eyes watching him with worry, her hand drifting from his arm to limply at her side and her bottom lip stuck between her teeth nervously; he could feel himself breath in the cool sensation she sent him, the anger ebbing away as fast as it had come. Why could she affect him so?
"I don't need them" When your around. "I'm sorry." Eli almost whispered, looking t the pavement as he silently begged it to swallow him up.
"What are you sorry about? Eli without those pills you will keep reacting like this. It's not like you to overreact to something like this, you would usually use hard to catch sarcasm to insult him then flirt with.." Clare trailed off, her cheeks suddenly coloring lightly.
Eli forced himself not to smile, no matter how hard it was, "I'm sorry about me, about us. I.. I'm getting better."
"Eli" He loved the way his name sounded when she said it, as if it meant something more than just a name.
"I love you Clare." Eli spoke the words he had always said with his eyes, his actions, and his thoughts. He did not understand why it had been so hard before, to tell her something so simply and true. He reached out slowly to wrap one of his fingers half way around hers, wishing to not just remember what it felt like.
Clare moved her hand from his, her heart pounding in her ears. Eli Goldsworthy loved her, he had never said it during their relationship, never said the words she could feel every time he looked, touched, or smiled at her. Why did she desperately want him to say it again? Why did she feel too happy about his small touch? Did God feel the need to torment her?
"No- no you don't. You don't know what you're saying Eli." Clare gasped, she could feel her heart ache as she tried to reassure them both it was not true.
Eli smiled that crooked smile that always haunted her when she closed her eyes and whispered, "I, Eli Goldsworthy, love you, Clare Edwards…"
He knew it was wrong, she hated him, would reject him, but Eli still reached his hand up slowly to brush Clare's cheek and leaned down to kiss her trembling lips.
He was sure she would push him away, yell at him, hate him; he did not know she would wrap her arms around his neck instead and pull him force fully to her, acting as desperate as he was and mold their lips like she needed him as he did her.
Eli felt his mind clear for the first time in months and the clearness that was Clare Edwards wash over him, his feelings were real and not confusing; this was what he wanted and he knew it. He allowed Clare to pull him, causing them to move away from the road and press her back to the wall where Eli could brace his arms on the building, afraid if he touched her this dream would end. How many times had this scene played in his mind? Was this another illusion his screwed up head was choking him with?
Just as suddenly as it had started it was over, Clare gasped then dropped her arms, staring wildly up at Eli who was panting for breath, love clearly showing from the first time in months once again in his eyes.
"Oh my.. I have to go.. I- I have a boyfriend- I.. you." Eli allowed Clare to scramble from his grasp; he left one arm leaning on the wall as an anchor to keep him from chasing after her retreating form.
Look back, look back.
And then Clare did, for a mere second Clare looked back towards Eli's still form and he could see the need in her eyes as well.
Eli stood alone, but smiled. Clare Edwards was not the villain in his play, but the heroine; she had always been the one to save him from himself, to calm his ever raging thoughts. His Clare was still in there, all he had to do was wait.
I end it here because I believe the show may pick up where I leave off, or at least I hope it does! X3 I'm quite sympathetic to Eli's character because I also get a case of extreme anxiety when in a large crowd or near to many people and a lot that he portrays his true for a person who suffers from anxiety. I also realize how one person can calm all of those feelings and how precious it is to find that person, to have something that can quite your own self, like my now husband. X3