Okay, a while ago moxyg posted a short story over on LiveJournal where Megamind gets wasted while waiting for Roxanne to get home to submit to her kidnapping. She finds him asleep in her bed and oh-so-adorable. She ends up crawling in next to him and going to sleep.
Well, I just kept wondering what would happen the next morning after this set-up. So, with moxyg's permission, I wrote the next chapter. I'm not sure if the first one ever got posted here on FF or not.
Anyway, here's the original:
http : / / moxyg . livejournal . com / 4329 . html
(just remove the spaces, you know how FF is with URLs)
What follows is my sequel. But read moxyg's original first or this will make no sense.
The first thing Megamind noticed when he woke up was a dull ache in his head. He blinked his eyes blearily open, only to feel a stab of pain at the dim light coming in through the doorway. He squeezed them tightly shut again. Where am I? he thought, his brain working slower than it normally did. Eventually he dredged up some memories of drinking more than he should have while waiting for Miss Ritchi to come home for her kidnapping. Really, that was inconsiderate of her. What could she possibly have been doing that was more important than submitting to her abduction? He remembered drinking her beer. He remembered going through her CDs. He remembered coming into her bedroom and rummaging through her things. He remembered playing with some of her toys, but only sketchily. He didn't remember anything after that. I must have fallen asleep, he thought.
He decided he should get up and leave before she came home. The bed was warm and comfortable and he was strangely reluctant to move. He chalked it up to the headache and gritted his teeth, beginning to roll toward the edge of the bed. He hadn't shifted even an inch, though, when he became aware of a heavy, warm shape behind him and something wrapped around his waist, holding him in place. What's that? He wondered. He blinked his eyes open again, willing himself to ignore the stabbing light for as long as it takes to make sense of what's going on. He looked down towards his stomach and found a stuffed toy reclining against his chest. He tossed Tigger off the side of the bed to reveal an arm wrapped around him. Uh-oh, he thought, What on Earth happened last night? He painfully turned his head and rolled his eyes back to see who was behind him without moving his body. He confirmed what he suspected. He was asleep in Miss Ritchi's bed, so of course the woman sleeping behind him would be Miss Ritchi.
He let his eyes close and his throbbing head flop back on the pillow again. He wondered why she'd let him sleep with her in her bed. He briefly entertained the fantasy that she'd finally fallen for his devilish good looks, but even his eternal optimism didn't stretch that far. Besides, he seemed to be fully clothed. Certainly if he'd had his villainous way with her, they would be nude. He was somewhat relieved. If that had happened, he certainly wouldn't want the memory lost to a drunken blackout.
He decided leaving was still the best course of action to avoid an awkward scene. He began to shift his body carefully away from hers, but she tightened her arm around him, preventing his escape. He carefully took her wrist in his hand and lifted it off his torso. He inched away again only to have her shift towards him and grab him around the chest. This time she squirmed her body against his back, making a contented mewling noise before she was still again. Did she just grind her pelvis against my backside? he wondered with shocked disbelief. He began to think he'd rather stay right where he was. But no, he should leave. He tried again, nothing if not persistent. This time she woke enough to form actual words, "Don't go…stay…nice…warm…Megamiff…" Her arm reached for him and snagged him low around the waist, pulling him firmly against her and wedging her hand tight underneath him, trapping him even more effectively than before. She rested her cheek against his back. "Smell nice…" she mumbled before falling back asleep again. He decided he really wasn't in any great hurry to leave after all and blissfully fell back asleep.
Later, Roxanne woke with her entire body pressed tight along Megamind's back. She froze, wondering what had happened, but her sleepy brain woke quickly and supplied her with the events from the night before. She smiled at the memory of what a dork her personal kidnapper really was. Nothing had happened. They'd just fallen asleep in the same bed and, as she always seemed to on the rare occasions she had a man in her bed, she'd curled around him in her sleep.
She sighed and pulled herself reluctantly away from his warmth. Her hand was wedged underneath him and she had to move carefully to keep from disturbing him. The last thing she wanted was for him to wake up with her wrapped around him like that. What would he think?
Her movement woke the lightly dozing alien and he blinked his eyes, wincing slightly at the light. The headache was still there, but less excruciating than it was before. He stretched and rolled onto his back with his hands behind his giant blue head. He looked over at Roxanne who was lying next to him propped on an elbow. "Good morning, Miss Ritchi," he said, smirking at the memory of her sleepy possessiveness earlier. He thought it was really rather pleasant to wake up next to her in the morning.
"Morning, Spaceman," she answered, his smirk already annoying her, "Now that you're sober, you can clean up the mess you made last night."
"I'm a villain. We don't clean," he answered, unconcerned, "That's why I have Minion and the Brainbots. That way my evil genius can concentrate on more important matters than housekeeping." He closes his eyes again, seemingly in no hurry to move.
"Well, there aren't any brainbots here and someone needs to clean up your mess, so I'm nominating you," she declared, poking him in the chest. She was confident she could make him do whatever she likes so long as he didn't have her tied up. He didn't seem impressed, so she pulled out her bargaining chip, "I took pictures of you last night, Megamind. You look adorable when you sleep. Especially with Tigger and Darth Vader clutched under your chin. If you don't pick up your mess, I'll post the pictures to my Facebook page. I'm sure you don't want all of Metro City to see how sweet you look curled up asleep like a little boy."
He wasn't buying it. "That is an empty threat, Miss Ritchi," he accused, "You wouldn't post an image like that on the internet for just anyone to see. If you did, you'd have to explain to everyone why you had a supervillain asleep in your bed. Even the explanation that I was passed out drunk doesn't explain why I was in your bed. It would tarnish that pristine reputation of yours more than it would damage mine." He grinned, sure that his logic was impeccable. Then he added, "Besides, I do not look adorable when I sleep."
"How do you know?" she challenged, "Do you film yourself sleeping?"
He ignored the question about filming himself. He had cameras everywhere in the lair. Even the brainbots had image capture capabilities. Of course he filmed himself sleeping. It was almost unavoidable. But he was certain she wouldn't understand that. "Evil is not adorable," he said instead.
"Then maybe you're only evil when you're awake."
"I am evil 24/7, Miss Ritchi. Whether I'm awake or asleep," he insisted, refusing to let her win the verbal sparring match.
"Fine. I take it back, you're not cute when you sleep." She acknowledged.
"Of course not," he agreed, glad to have won the argument.
"It must have been because you were drunk." He opened his mouth to protest, but she plowed on without giving him a chance, "How about if you pick up the mess you made, I'll make you breakfast."
"What sort of breakfast?" he asked, determined not to give in too easily.
"Eggs and toast," she offered.
"There would have to be coffee," he negotiated.
"Well yeah," she agreed, "I can't exactly call it breakfast without coffee."
"Fine," he accepted.
She decided it was time to get up or else they'd be lying in bed all morning and she didn't want to give him any ideas. Or herself, for that matter. It just wasn't fair how good he looked stretched out on her bed like that. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. As she stood, her foot landed on something on the floor by the edge of the bed. She bent down to pick it up. It was her vibrator. She furrowed her brow in thought. She was certain she'd put it away last time she'd used it. In fact, she was sure of it because she'd noticed it in her underwear drawer just yesterday morning while she was getting dressed. Which means that he took it out. She cast a worried gaze at Megamind, who by now was busy pulling on his custom baby seal leather boots. Had he been playing with her sex toy? She couldn't imagine that he'd have actually used it. Not when she could have come home and walked in on him at any time. She smirked at the unlikely image that brought to mind. It's possible he didn't even know what it was. What on earth would he have been doing with it?
An evil grin stretched across her face and she said, "I don't even want to know what you were doing with my vibrator Megamind. The idea of you playing with my sex toy is really disturbing on several levels." She purposely didn't look at him as she placed it back in the drawer where it belonged and walked out of the room to use the bathroom. He couldn't see her grinning. Once she was out of sight, she succumbed to silent giggles.
Megamind froze when he heard her say that, his brain taking that one clue and quickly figuring out exactly what the sonic boom cannon was really used for. His face turned bright purple as he thought of himself handling something she'd used so intimately. He would never have guessed Roxanne had any use for such a thing. And she though he'd been using it? How would a man even…? Oh! She though he'd used it for that? That would be disturbing.
With a thoughtful frown on his face, he continued to dress. After he heard Roxanne leave the bathroom, he went in for his turn, meeting her in the hallway half-way there. "About the vibration device—"
"I said I don't want to know. You know, it's not really hygienic to share toys. Now I'll have to either disinfect it or pitch it. I honestly didn't think you'd be interested in that sort of thing." She paused, as if considering something, "But I guess you are an alien, and you've spent so much time in prison. I really shouldn't be surprised—" It was hard for her to keep her face straight while she said all that, but she managed.
Realization of what she'd implied dawns on him. "—NO! I didn't—I don't—" he protested in a panic.
"It's okay, Megamind," she assured him, going in for the kill, "I know lots of gay men. I don't judge. I guess it should have been obvious. I mean, you always tie me up and never take advantage of the situation. Never even copped a feel? And you're so flamboyant! All the theatrics and the costumes…"
"I. Am. Not. Gay!" he insisted, "And I didn't use your toy like that! I didn't even know what it was for. I thought it was some sort of massaging device," he ended lamely with a pout.
She can't stand it any longer. She dissolves into giggles, "God, Megamind, you're so easy to mess with, you know that?"
"Wait, you didn't really think…?" he asks in confusion.
"No, of course not. I know you're straight. Weird. But straight. "
"Oh… Good… I… uh… I'm going to go use the washroom now." He escaped through the doorway and locked it behind him. He stood there confused and embarrassed for a moment, thinking through the entire conversation. He grinned when he realized that she'd set him up. She really did have an evil streak in her. He approved.
After emerging from the bathroom, he dutifully picked up the beer bottles, potato chip bag, books, and CDs that he'd scattered around her house. He really hadn't made that much of a mess and it wasn't as tedious as he'd feared to fix it. By the time he'd finished she was halfway through making breakfast. He perched on a stool on the other side of her kitchen counter and watched her work.
"Why did you let me share your bed, Miss Ritchi?" he asked, genuinely curious since he didn't recall that part of the evening.
She shrugged, "It's big enough for two, I was too tired to try to get you to the couch, and you were too drunk to drive home." She flipped an egg in the pan and cracked a second one.
"You could have called Metro Man and had him haul me off to prison."
"I guess I could have." She paused in thought, considering that option. "I didn't even think of it." She shrugged. "I was tired, and it's kind of nice to have a man in my bed for a change, even if it was just you."
"Just me? I'm insulted. Do you realize how rare an honor it is for a woman to have me in her bed?"
Woah, he just walked into that one, didn't he? She looks at him sympathetically, "Not getting it much, then?"
He sputtered. "That is not what I meant!"
She grins at him, raising one eyebrow, "You are so easy, Megamind."
"You were teasing me."
"Can't help it. You're always so much fun to torture." She flips an egg onto a plate which already contains two pieces of toast and slides it over to him. She hands him a fork, knife, and a tub of butter. Then she turns to finish cooking her own egg. Soon she's sitting next to him at the counter, two steaming cups of coffee in front of them. "Isn't Minion going to be worried about where you are?"
"Minion!" he gasps, having completely forgotten about his fishy friend. He taps a button on his watch, "Minion? Are you there?"
"Yes sir, where are you? When you didn't show up, I thought you'd been arrested again. I was just picking out an escape plan."
"Thank you, Minion, you perfect pisces. No need for that today. I'm fine."
"Where are you?"
Roxanne grabbed Megamind's hand and moved his wristwatch near her mouth. She told Minion, "Your genius boss waited around for me at my apartment until almost midnight and drank all my beer. He was so drunk when I got here that I refused to let him drive home, so he spent the night with me. I'm sorry, I only thought just now to make him check in. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Humph," Megamind protested, glaring at her hand grasping his as if she had some right to do so. Why was she so insistent on grabbing him today? She never normally did that. Of course, normally he's only around her when she's tied up, so that limits her opportunities to touch him.
"Oh, Miss Ritchi! Thank you for looking after him," Minion gushed, "I wouldn't have guessed that's what happened. Thanks for not kicking him out or calling Metro Man. I hope he didn't cause you too much trouble."
"No. Not really," she looked Megamind in the eye and smirked at his annoyed expression before continuing, "I even got him to clean up the mess he made."
"How'd you managed that?" asked the astonished fish.
"Bribed him with food," she answered honestly, still holding the blue villain's hand as if it were merely a part of the communication device.
"That works more often than you'd think."
Megamind had finally had enough. "Would you two please stop talking about me as if I weren't here?" he pulled his hand out of Roxanne's grip and spoke directly into his wrist, "Minion, I won't be here much longer. We'll reschedule the kidnapping for later in the week."
"Tuesday would be good for me," suggested Roxanne with no more concern than if she were suggesting a date for an interview.
Enough of this casual atmosphere, thought Megamind. I am the supervillain here! "Evil does not adjust its schedule for the convenience of its victims, Miss Ritchi!"
"You owe me, Spaceman," she reminded him, unfazed by the resumption of his villain's persona.
"Fine, we'll reschedule for Tuesday," he conceded, "But I'm not telling you what time of day."
"Of course not. It would be hard to look surprised if I knew when it was coming," She didn't grab his hand again, but instead leaned uncomfortably close to his face to position her mouth near his watch, "See you Tuesday, Minion," she told the fish, grinning to herself when she heard Megamind swallow in reaction to her proximity. He's so easy to mess with, she thought again, and definitely not gay. She flicked her eyes up to meet his brilliant green ones. He started to move his face closer to hers.
"Yes, Miss Ritchi. See you Tuesday," the henchfish agreed obliviously. At the interruption, Roxanne broke their gaze and leaned back into her chair again. She took up her fork and continued eating her breakfast as if nothing had happened. Although her face showed no particular expression, inside she was grinning like an idiot. It's just too easy, she thought, he was actually leaning in for a kiss!
Megamind clicked off his watch and muttered, "Temptress," under his breath. He stabbed his egg and began to eat, studiously ignoring the infuriating reporter smirking at him in the next chair. She really was a terrible hostage.