"You want me to what now?" Anko demanded, turning to Iruka, who had just delivered her a bit of news she wasn't particularly enthusiastic about.
"You're needed for your mandatory year of volunteer academy teaching duty." Iruka repeated.
"Not happening." Said Anko flatly, munching on a dango. "Waiter! Get me some sake! I'm not paying to stay sober damn it!"
"It's required of all chunin-level ninja," Iruka started, but he was cut off by Anko.
"I told you I'm not doin' it. It's called 'volunteer' for a reason, and I'm volunteering to stay out of it." She said, snatching the sake bottle irritably from the waiter and pouring herself a glass.
"Well, regardless, it's required. The Hokage himself told me you were long past due." Iruka stated. Anko sighed. She may be able to turn this annoying scar face down, but the Hokage? A different story entirely. "Just because you were promoted to Jounin earlier than most doesn't mean that you're exempt from teaching duty."
"Alright, fine, but don't expect me to be the perfect sensei you think I should be." Anko sighed. "Leave the bottle, asshole." She added to the waiter, who backed away at her sharp tone.
"Good enough." Iruka sighed, grinning slightly.
"What would I need to do?" Anko asked, pushing her cup aside and taking a small chug straight from the sake bottle.
"We'll talk about that tomorrow." Said Iruka. "Oh, and wear your standard attire. What you're wearing now isn't exactly academy appropriate."
"That blue suit with the flak jacket?" Anko verified. Iruka nodded. "Great. This year's going to be loads of fun, I can tell already." She groaned sarcastically.
The next day, Anko came to the academy, feeling very uncomfortable in the tight dark blue jumpsuit and green flak jacket standard issue of all Chuunin-level and higher ninja. She hated wearing such restrictive clothes, and this attire was made for her a good few years ago, so the bodysuit was very tight against her body, and the vest just added to her discomfort, binding her large breasts hard against her chest, giving her the appearance of an almost totally flat chest.
"Okay, so give it to me straight." Anko sighed, once she met Honya Tokunosuke, the headmaster of the ninja academy. "What am I teaching to these squirts?"
"I wouldn't expect an unsophisticated monkey like you to have much respect for your students right away." Anko turned with a look of irritation to see her long time enemy and polar opposite.
"Oh, hey Suzume. Still too afraid to wield a kunai for fear of chipping a nail?" Anko teased. Suzume made a snobbish gesture, pushed her unusually clean oval glasses up, and trotted over to handle some paperwork, the sound of her footsteps very even. Ever since they first met, Suzume and Anko absolutely despised each other; Anko was always to easygoing, lazy, and untidy for prim and proper Suzume's respect, and Suzume's stuffy, must-be-perfect attitude always irritated the shit out of Anko.
"If you two are done," Honya Tokunosuke said, clearing his throat. "You, Ms. Anko, are to teach sex education for this semester, and if…"
"Sex Education!" Suzume gasped, dropping a massive stack of papers. "Absolutely NOT! I will NOT allow it!"
"What? You jealous?" Anko smirked. Suzume pressed her glasses up again and said,
"I'm above such disgusting things. Mr. Tokunosuke, please! Do not entrust Mitarashi with something so important! Make her… taijutsu instructor, or, or something!"
"I'm sorry, but we already have three fine taijutsu instructors. I see no reason for…"
"Then I'll GIVE you a reason!" Suzume snapped. "Anko Mitarashi is the most foul, disgusting excuse for a kunoichi the Village Hidden in the Leaves has ever seen! She should not be allowed to…"
"I have made my decision, Suzume, and you will abide by it." Tokunosuke stated with finality. He turned to Anko. "Now, as of tomorrow, you'll be teaching our students sex education, as I've told you. It's essential that you read up on our Sex Ed curriculum so that you're ready to teach tomorrow at 2 o'clock."
"Got it." said Anko, accepting a rather thick hard-back book. "Sex Ed, eh? This may not be so bad after all!" She thought. If there was one thing that Anko excelled at, it was sex, a subject she was more than just averagely knowledgeable of.
She read the teacher's book that night as she went to bed, naked, as she hoped it would be something that would get her feeling wet. She was sadly mistaken, however. After getting bored of the introductory chapter, she skipped to some of the 'juicier' chapters. She found herself to be disappointed even further, as there were no illustrations and pitiful attempts at subtlety in a lot of contexts, in addition to several very false descriptions on things like ovulation;
'Ovulation is the process in which the female body is filled with too much blood. This blood is removed from the body about once a month through a lower cavity of the body.'
"The hell is that bullshit!" Anko actually burst out, stuck between laughing at the book writer's pitiful ignorance and outrage at the writer's sheltering views of teaching. She spent the rest of the night reading the book and on a separate scroll, writing 'proper' revisions to some of the crap written in the book. By sunrise, she had finished her work, and with a clever jutsu, she switched the bullshit in the book with the revisions in the scroll. She then fell asleep with her hand on her pussy.
"She sure is late." The students were muttering to each other, waiting for their new Sex Ed teacher to show up.
"Sorry I'm late kids." Said Anko somewhat drowsily as she came into the room. She had forgotten her jounin vest, her breasts clearly visible through her dark blue body suit. "Anyway, so I am…" She continued, writing her name in Kanji on the blackboard. "Anko Mitarashi. Now, I'm interested to know who you are. So, starting with you," She pointed to a girl with long pink hair in the corner. "Tell me your names and a little something about yourselves." The pink-haired girl stood and said somewhat nervously,
"Um, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I uh… hope to one day have a fine husband… and…" her face turned almost as pink as her hair as she sat down. Anko noticed her attention was on a stoic-looking boy near the back with raven hair.
"Um, okay, who else?" she said. Most of the class went by without a hitch, the mass majority of the class consisting of introductions of the students and a little foreword of what was to come.
"Now that introductions are out of the way," Anko proceeded after the last student introduced himself. "you'll be learning sex education. The real kind. There have been some prim and proper prudes,"
"Try saying that 10 times fast." A boy with messy brown hair and triangular markings on his cheeks whispered to another boy next to him with black hair tied in a high spiky ponytail.
"Primandproperprudes, primandprob…ugh! Nope, can't do it." He replied.
"in this academy who think that you're not ready to learn the real deal behind this subject, but I say old enough to kill, old enough to be treated as an adult. You kids may not be old enough to kill yet, but you're getting there, so I'm not dumbing myself down with the crap the academy's been telling me to teach you. You deserve to know all about everything to do with sex, down to the nitty-gritty details." At these words, a lot of the kids became really embarrassed, while a few others giggled.
"And hopefully by the end of this year, you'll all be a little more ready for the real world." Anko continued. "I sincerely hope that all your other lessons aren't as shitty as this one." A few gasps were audible at these words. "Oh, come on. Don't give me that. You're all old enough." sighed Anko. "Anyway, these lessons are a little big, so I'm going to be taking you guys in turns: I'll have girls one day, boys the next day, and so on."
"What will we be doing while you're teaching the others?" One kid asked.
"I may have to borrow a 'volunteer' now and then for some classes, but other than that, the group I won't be teaching will have the day off from this class." Anko answered, to which there were some happy responses. "Now tomorrow, we'll be starting our first real lesson, where I'll be working with the girls." There were some groans from the girls in the class.
"Oh, don't be like that." Anko assured them, a cheeky grin on her face. "You may actually really like my classes."
"That's what our shuriken class teacher told us, and all we've been doing was a load of stupid math!" one of the girls shouted, to which there were some sounds of confirmation.
"Really now?" said Anko. "Well, I'll have to give him or her a little visit tonight. Well, anyway, you're all dismissed."
"But it's 20 minutes till the end of…" One of the students started.
"Are you really complaining about the teacher letting you off school 20 minutes early?" Anko interrupted him. Everyone dashed from the room excitedly.
"So how long until this stupid aid is off my ass?" Anko asked with a bit of irritation once the academy had dismissed.
"You're free now." Tokunosuke chuckled. "You've done well for your first class, so we trust you enough to be a good teacher."
"Preposterous! You can't be serious!" Suzume burst out.
"I am. Unlike you, I do not hold a personal hatred that prevents me from trusting Anko Mitarashi, Suzume." Tokunosuke stated firmly. Suzume opened her mouth to retort, but Anko smirked and silenced her.
"Sorry, but that's that, Prissy. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on tomorrow's lesson plan." She said, casting a very smug look at her personal nemesis, who snarled with great irritation.
The next day when all the girls came into the sex ed classroom, it was to their surprise that the room had become totally unrecognizable. Shades covered the windows and the lights were dimmed, there were a few sweet-smelling candles in places, the elevating rows of desks were replaced with a space even with the level of the teacher's desk, several comfortable pouffes lined near the edge of the wall.
Anko appeared drastically different too, wearing only a fishnet bodysuit that left nothing at all to the imagination.
"Hey there, girls." She said smiling as everyone took a seat on one of the pouffes. "Are you all ready to begin your first lesson?" many of the girls were too confused to give a straight answer. "I'll just assume that's a yes. So… welcome to your first ever lesson in sex education…."