A/N – Muahaaha, that was my laugh of victory, I am glad people are enjoying this parody. This is my 2nd (1 ½ actually since my other one is finished yet) story. I WILL continue to post due to the interest, thank you thank you.
FIVE OR SIX YEAR LATER…
Emily stood at the front sidewalk step of her large home in her comfy house robe with coffee in hand. She stared up at the overcast sky before dawn broke as she waited for the newspaper boy to make his morning route. She breathed in closing her eyes, she smelt the wait ground, a slight humidity to the air, her concentration was broken as she heard the pedaling of a bicycle closing in, and the smack of a bag being thrown by her feet.
She looked down to see the awaited newspaper, which had been graciously placed in a plastic bag prior to delivery so that it wouldn't get wet. Sighing she bent down to pick it up, as she waved off some of the water from the bag she glanced up to see her neighbor across the street doing the same. He nodded at her and she grimly turned to head back into the house.
She arrived in the kitchen to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. JJ had just finished making their routine breakfast. They sat silently in autopilot as Emily busied herself with reading the newspaper and blindly eating at her breakfast. JJ was looking though a home and garden magazine. Neither said a word to each other, yet there was no awkward tension in the air.
They both made their way together to their large double bathroom and freshened up for work, which was achieved again in autopilot. As they both finished getting dressed they headed out together to the garage to their designated vehicles.
"Remember dinner is at 7" JJ reminded as she opened the driver door to her silver Mercedes sedan. "Yup I'll be there- here" Emily replied as she opened the door of her black Mercedes roadster. They both shot out of the garage almost crashing into each other at the funnel in the driveway. Emily allowed JJ to go first, and both their cars turn in opposite directions onto the street.
SOMEWHERE IN THE NSA HEADQUARTERS
A lanky Agent named Spencer made his way through office corridors he had only looked down upon before. Today however he would be walking those halls, having been hand picked and chosen to run a special mission from the big shots higher up on the chain of command.
He thought it appropriate to announce his presence as he sauntered down the hallway towards the boss's office, making sure to have the other agents aware of his importance.
"If anybody calls I'm in with the boss 'kay?" he ambiguously stated to people passing by.
"That's right got a call from 'the man' it's a high line assignment Steve, you know how it is…actually you probably don't" the agent he had directed it to seemed pre-occupied when he said it, actually he wasn't even sure if the guys name was Steve.
"Excuse me sweetie." He half approached a younger female agent who was standing in the hallway "could you grab me a coffee? I like it with lots of sugar. Thanks a lot" she shot him a look of confusion, so did the man she was talking to next to her.
He then entered what looked like the receptionists office which led to the boss' office, at the desk sat a middle aged woman who glanced up from a pile of papers on her desk, to her right was an elevator door, which Spencer nonchalantly walked towards "And where do you think you're going?" the lady at the desk asked, putting down the report in hand.
"Rose, the boss wants to see me" Spencer replied.
"And, he sees you" she nodded to the camera above the door.
"Look kid, people who've been working here for 25 years have never seen the inside of that elevator, here" she handed him a small envelope, which contained a single photograph.
"This is the assignment?"
Rose nodded back at him.
"Now get outta here" she gestured towards the door from which he came.
655 PM that night
Back at the Prentiss Estate
JJ was preparing dinner and looked out the kitchen window as she heard Emily's car backing into the garage. With a slight tinge of annoyance from the brunette's tardiness she flipped the knife in her hand playfully.
Emily skillfully backed her car into the garage after cutting off power to the engine she reached into the dash compartment and retrieved her wedding ring, twisting it back into place, she checked herself in her rearview mirror, making sure to cover a red stain on the edge of her white collar before exiting her car.
"Hey babe" Emily said announcing her arrival home as she opened the back door.
"Perfect timing" JJ shot from the kitchen.
"Its pissing rain out there, the gardener left the lawn mower out" she said rhetorically. She made her way to the kitchen, placing a bottle of red wine in front of JJ on the table and gave her a peck on the lips.
"How was work?" JJ asked.
"Eh, so so" Emily answered back as she walked away to relinquish her coat.
"Oh I got new curtains" JJ excitedly informed.
"Did ya?" Emily made her way to the mini bar in the dining area.
"uh huh…well?...what do you think?" JJ had asked, wiping her hands on the apron she was wearing.
Emily made a point to take a glance at the windows, JJ stood proudly in front of them admiring her work "huh" Emily replied, half interested, she focused back on making her mixed cocktail.
"They're a bit green, so I think we're going to have to re-upholster the sofa and definitely get a new rug, maybe a Persian?" JJ smiled to herself, placing her hands on her hips.
"Yeh, or we could just keep the old ones, then we won't have to change a thing" Emily took of a sip of her concoction.
"We talked about this, do you remember?" JJ crossed her arms as Emily walked to stand a few feet away from JJ, facing the drapes.
"I remember, I remember because we said we'd wait" Emily took another swig.
JJ sighed, "If you don't like them, we can take them back."
"Ok… I don't like them" Emily stated bluntly, looking at her wife squarely.
JJ shot her a dangerous look "You'll get used to them"
Emily looked back at the drapes and thought it intelligent to not press the matter any further.
Back at the therapist's office later that week, Emily had decided to see him on her own.
"So part 2, here we are, except this time you came here alone, why did you come back?" he asked as Emily sat with her fingers intertwined.
"I'm not sure really…let me clarify… I love my wife… umm I want her to be happy, I want good things for her. But there are times…" Emily made a motion as if she was strangling someone.
Earlier that day, unknown to Emily, JJ had gone to talk to the therapist at lunchtime.
"There's this huge space between us. And it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What is that called?" JJ paused to look at the therapist questioningly.
"Marriage. …What don't you say to each other?" JJ thought hard as to how to answer, here eyes shifting on the past days.
"Well let me rephrase, how honest are you with her"
"pretty honest" JJ answered quickly "you know it's not like I lie to her or anything, we just, I have little secrets, you know…?" she fidgeted with her fingers "…everyone has secrets"
FLASHBACK TO 2 NIGHTS AGO.
JJ secretly got dressed to do a little late night 'work', as she was putting on her coat Emily had made her way into the room and started to shuffle around the drawers in front of the bathroom mirror; startling JJ.
"Jesus, honey you scared me" Both had their backs facing each other from across the room, JJ glanced over her shoulder and unconsciously tightened the belt on her trench coat.
"Sorry hun, I was just looking for the….you going out?" Emily pretended to be looking for something in the drawer.
"Yeh, some clown crashed a server in a law firm downtown and ended the world as they know it, so yes" JJ sprayed herself with perfume before she turned towards Emily who looked back at her in the mirror
"we promised the Hotchners" Emily reminded as JJ opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a summer scarf.
"I know, I'll be there, in and out, just a quickie" JJ conscientiously tied the scarf and sauntered out, Emily eyed her the whole way.
FLASHFORWARD TO THE THERAPISTS OFFICE
"It probably feels like you are the only people going through this, but I'll tell you there are millions of couples that are experiencing the same problems", said the therapist.
"Uh huh" Emily replied 'if you only knew' she thought.
Emily was sitting in a cab headed for downtown New York on some late night 'business' right after JJ had gone to fix a 'crashed server', she took a glance at her watch that JJ had given to her as one of their anniversary presents, her thoughts pausing momentarily on the blonde as she guiltily thought about how JJ didn't know where she was at that moment.
Meanwhile a few blocks away
JJ stepped out of the cab she was riding in, gracefully walking through the foyer of a 5 star hotel in knee high stiletto boots, a number of guests giving her a once over as she approached the elevator and made her way to the penthouse. During the ride up she thought of her wife who was oblivious to her whereabouts.
She shook her head and focused as a hired mercenary stood greeting her when the elevator doors opened. He motioned to hand over her bag so that he could check over its contents. His lack of response to the contents made it obvious that it wasn't the first time he had had to check for such kinky items as handcuffs, blindfolds and whips. "We got a plane in an hour" he informs her as she smiles back charmingly at him. "Alright" she nods dismissively as he turns to lead her to one of the bedrooms.
Down the street Emily found the bar she was looking for and slowly made her way to the back. She glances around and then slips in through the EMPLOYEE ONLY swinging door. Eventually she finds another hallway past the kitchen.
Coming up to a door she breathes out and clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth as she opens it. She is greeted with a wall of TV monitors and a table with 3 gents playing cards who all shared a look of surprise as she interrupted their game. "Who the hell is this?" one of the guys say annoyed. Emily pretends to be drunk and slurs out "Sssorry, I was trying to find the bathroom?" she smiles at them giddily and then eyes the table. "Hey, you guys playing poker?" she internally swore to herself because she didn't fine the man she was looking for, and quickly thought she could use her skill at poker to be here waiting for him. The guy directly across the table agitatedly retorts "Private game, piss off" "Could I sit in, you think I could sit in?" she says quickly "What part of piss off do you not understand" the man to the left exclaimed as they all looked at her annoyingly. "Whoa, come on guys I got cash, I got the cash" as she reached into her pocket of her pants and staggered towards the table, the man to the right shifted slightly at her movement and revealed a gun attached to his hip. She looked down at it and stared a moment, coolly she blurted "that's cool man, you're cool, lis-look you see" she continued to pull out a large wade of cash she had "you see, see what I'm saying, see what I'm saying, anyone interested? " she brought the wade to her nose and sniffed at it show fully.
The three guys starred back at her the money she was holding out seeming to spark an interest and they suddenly realized how attractive she was as well. She had them fooled she thought, she decided to play along a little longer "Nah, cuz I'll clean you out, I understand" the three exchanged expressions as she continued "that's fine" she attempts to place it in her inner coat pocket and purposely dropped it on the floor, forcing another waiver to her step as she bent over to pick it up, making sure to hit her head on the chair in front of her. She was pretty certain they were trying to pry an eye at her cleavage as she did. She chuckled a bit and grabs hold of the chair for support "here's an empty chair, I'll sit right here" Emily said standing up "THAT is Lucky's chair" the man from across the table interrupted.
"Wh-where's Lucky? I don't see Lucky" Emily retorted, twirling around. "Lucky's not back yet" "Then I'll sit here" she responded "unless….I'm too hot for ya" this made them look at each other. 'Come on' she thought, are they really going to pass up 'taking advantage' of an attractive drunk woman with money. They seem to all hesitate a moment as they silently communicated through facial expressions.
Back at the hotel JJ waited standing stern in the hotel room that she had been led to. She heard a person gargling in the bathroom, which she turned her head to and raised a brow, after the man spit out she leaned her head back, closed her eyes and focused at the task at hand. A well-groomed Middle Eastern man walked into the bedroom. JJ smirked back at him demurely.
He smiled at her and nodded his head, JJ reached down and undid her overcoat without taking her eyes off him, revealing a 2-piece PVC dominatrix corset and mini-skirt, fishnet stockings and fishnet arm braces. He eyed her hungrily as she snapped finger extensions from her arm braces into place, pulled out her hair tie, shook her hair out and smirked back at him.
Back at the bar Emily was holding her own in the game of poker she weaseled her way in. Although an expert at poker, she pretended to lose every now and again to keep the energy up in the room, she raised the stakes betting everything, she even pulled off the watch JJ had given her and added it to the pile in the middle. "Titanium watch worth fifteen hundred dollars" she slurred. The man to her left picked up the watch and examined it, noticing the engraving under the face "To dodging bullets. Love, JJ" Emily pointed at the pile "In the pot. Put it in the pot" they all chuckled as the man placed it back on top of the pile of cash. Emily put her poker face on as they called it. The man across from her declared two pairs Jacks over 9's. The man to her left swore and dumped his cards onto the table folding. She smirked eyeing the man to her right, she only had to beat him and she had a four of a kind, which she threw on the table face up. "Oh yeh!" the man to her right cheered on "Oh she's pulled something" he exclaimed "You're in trouble now" she directed to the last man. The rowdy game went on for another half an hour as she won, pretended to lose and drank. Suddenly the door behind her opened and a man came in obviously disappointed at the scene "What the hell is this?" he said stepping in a few feet.
"Sorry Lucky" the guy to Emily's right said submissively. "Looks like you're done, thanks for the memories" said the man across from her. Emily glanced behind her "Oh, you're Lucky?" she asked "Yeah" he replied. Emily took her time and sat a moment longer moving her right hand under her left arm, "What? You looking for a job or something?" he asked confused to her lack of concern for the current situation. "You are the job" she squeezed the trigger of the silenced semi-automatic pistol she was gripping, hitting Lucky a couple of times square in the chest. The man to her right reached for his gun, which Emily had under her right foot. She looked back at him and he gasped as she turn her hands up to either side of her pulling out another gun from her waist with her left hand. She swiftly moved shooting each one in the head, then stood up and pointed down at the bodies to make sure she hadn't missed her mark. She twirled the pair of guns in her hands and placed them back in their holsters and retrieved her watch from the table putting it in its rightful place. Before leaving she looked down at hand of cards belonging to the man on her right. "Pair of threes" she said detestably throwing them on the table. She grabbed her coat from her chair and walked out the door as if nothing happened.
JJ pulled at the chain, which was connected to the handcuffed man; kneeling in front of the bed, making sure it was secure she then proceeded and continued playing along with the roleplay of the man's fantasy. She ran the riding crop whip she was holding up and down the man's bareback. With a sultry tone to her voice she asked "Have you been a bad boy?" "Yess" the man admitted excitedly. "Mm-hmmm" JJ firmly slapped him with the whip, and he moaned at the motion. She walked around him, his eyes following her. "You know what happens to bad boys?" she asks as she snaps the whip again, he groans and breathes in deeply, "They get punished" JJ retorts, "Oh yeah, punish me" he breathes out. She whips him again then takes a standing position behind him, placing her free hand on his shoulder and leans down over him, he leans his head back in anticipation to JJ's closeness and closes his eyes, dropping the whip she caresses the back of his head. "Have you been selling big guns to bad people?" she whispers. "Huh?" the man stiffens in surprise for a moment before she reaches around and snaps his neck.
His body falls limp to the ground, emitting a loud thud. JJ quickly grabs for her coat and pulls it on. The hired gun must have heard because he started to knock loudly at the door "Mr. Racin. Are you okay?" the man inquired. JJ looked down at her watch unconcerned with situation. "Oh, Hotchners" she muttered obligingly, realizing she was running tight on time for the dinner party her and Emily were invited to. She quickly picked up her purse and walked out onto the balcony. The man at the door jostled the locked handle, peering in he saw the limp body of the dead man in the bedroom. "He's down!" JJ heard the gunshots at the door and peered in quickly to see how much time she had before they were on her. She took one of the handles of her purse and pulled, the bag fell apart revealing that it was made up of a metal wire, she securely attached it to a stationary part of the building, gripping the other handle of the purse she ran for the ledge. Jumping out a couple of feet, she waved her hair behind her shoulder, her strong arm reached out above her holding the purse as it continued to unravel. As she reached a few feet from the ground the wire stretched slightly slowing her descent and she released it as she landed gracefully beside one of the bellhops.
The bellhop who suddenly noticed her presence turned and look at her surprised "Taxi" she calmly requested, he turned at the waiting line of taxis and opened the door for her as she breathed out calming her nerves from the jump.
Back at home.
Almost running late JJ rushed into the bedroom, pulling off her coat and dropped it at the entrance of the bathroom. Making her way further she checked to make sure Emily wasn't prepping, she opened the dressing cabinet door where she had her dress for the dinner invitation hanging and ready, then walked over and leaned her boot up on the saloon chair. Hearing the door to the bedroom open, JJ hid around the door she had opened. Emily made her way to the mirror just inside the bathroom, stepping over JJ's coat and drops her keys on the counter. "Hey hon" Emily says as she fishes for her wedding ring in her pocket, her mind on the last 'job' she just finished. "Hey baby. I…I didn't hear you downstairs." JJ remembers her wedding ring and reaches for it in her bra where she placed it for safe keeping, and twists it back onto her ring finger.
"Yeah. I went to the sports bar. And put some money on the game" Emily said as she finished placing her own wedding ring back on, and then turned to pick up the coat JJ had left on the floor. JJ carefully pulled the hanger around the door, her heart raced as she thought of a story in case Emily came around the corner and saw her, "Yeah? How'd you do?" she asked clutching her dress. Emily walked halfway past the double dressing cabinets and tossed the coat onto the saloon chair that JJ was at "I got Lucky" Emily said smirking at her comment and then turned back towards the bedroom. JJ sighed as she heard her walk away then looked down at her appearance.
A/N – please feel free to post your thoughts and reactions to the story ^_^.