Inspired in whole by my own bouncy, zippy and brutally honest three year old son. It's not the type of stuff that I normally write and so I am a tad nervous about posting it.
Just a little plotless fun - a pregnant Brennan takes her and Booth's three year old daughter grocery shopping (I use my poetic licence to make Christine younger for this fic).
I do not own Bones.
"Yes Christine." Brennan's voice was exasperated. At seven months pregnant, she was negotiating a grocery-laden shopping cart and a bouncy three year old through the aisles of Safeway… with great difficulty.
"Why does that man have no arm? Is he a pirate?"
The topic of her loudly asked question tittered in quiet amusement and continued on his way.
"No, Christine he is not a pirate."
"Then what happened to his arm? His phalanges was chopped off!" the girl exclaimed – wriggling her chubby digits in the air.
"His arm was amputated. That means in was removed either by accident or because it was medically necessary. The hook is a prosthetic – a make shift arm that helps him do what our hands normally do."
"Oh… But what if he needs to pick his nose?"
Brennan tried to hide a smile, "Then he would use the hand that he already has."
Seemingly satisfied with that retort, Christine resumed her jumping while her mother continued adding to the cart – her anxiety rising with every energetic bounce and spin of her daughter.
"Boy oh boy, you're a bouncy one aren't you!" a silver-haired man with a friendly face patted her head affectionately.
"No! I'm not a boy! I am a girl!" the three-year-old retorted crossly – her sapphire eyes stern with reproof.
"Christine, use your friendly voice please." Brennan instructed then addressing the man she smiled tiredly, "Sorry."
After a beat, the girl quipped, still within earshot of the man, "Mommy, that man is really, really old!"
Brennan could only shake her bowed head in an effort to hide her growing blush. She pondered the irony of having such a blatantly honest child. Booth had said it was penance for Brennan's own tendency to be blunt – a life lesson to be learnt through her daughter. Although it was said with humour, she had recently begun to wonder if it held some truth.
Stopping in front of the juice box section, Brennan queried, "Christine, what drinks do you want for kindy this week." Though she already knew the answer, as it was always the same, she asked anyway.
"Apple please. Katy gets orange but she snatchded my apple one and then my eye blinkers was all wet because I was cross at her and Miss Lanie got cross at her for snatching."
Brennan smiled. She loved her daughters take on the world, "Your eye blinkers?"
"Yeah, you know, my flashers!"
Understanding dawned on the mother, "Oh, your eyelashes?"
"Yeah – my eye-lashers!"
"That's not good that Katy made you cry."
"She said, "sorry Chrissy" and I said, "it's ok.""
Brennan smiled, directed the cart to the checkout and began unloading the groceries – passing the unbreakable items to her daughter who placed them awkwardly on the counter.
As a space was made in the cart, Brennan lifted the little girl into it so that she could put the groceries on the counter herself – indulging her fierce independence. As she struggled to lift Christine over her pregnant belly, her grip slipped a little and she lightly scratched the little girl's leg.
"Ow! Mommy! Your claws are too sharp!"
"Sorry baby girl, keep going."
Christine relished in those little displays of importance and she proudly unloaded the rest of the groceries and assisted in pressing the EFTPOS buttons.
With mobility restricted due to her pregnancy, Brennan kept her daughter in the cart to keep her from running away. Not one for being restricted, Christine fussed, "I want to walk, Mommy! Get me out! Get me OUT!"
"No, Christine. Besides, who is going to drive the shopping cart train if you get out?"
"This is a shopping cart Mom! It's not a train!" The three-year-old looked at her Mom as if she were stupid.
Taking a leaf from Booth's book, Brennan tried to evoke her daughter's imagination (mainly so as to avoid a temper tantrum) "No, Christine, look – it's a train." She pushed the cart a little faster, "Clickety Clack, Clickety Clack!"
Christine laughed and joined excitedly in the game, "TOOT TOOT!"
As they sped through the mall, Christine tooted and yelled at all who stood in their way, "TOOT TOOT! Get out of the way! There's a train coming!"
All the while Brennan shot apologetic glances at those within earshot of the boisterous tot. Most just chuckled though, as per usual, there were a few tuts at her noisy demands. Finally making it outside, they walked past a young girl smoking a cigarette.
"Mom!" Christine yelled as she pointed, "That lady is going to get sick and die 'cause she's smoking!"
The lady gave her a filthy look and hurried off leaving an embarrassed Brennan in her wake.
Juggling groceries, purse, keys and a wriggling child, Brennan packed the car with surprising skill and they were finally on their way home.
Not two minutes from their house, Christine's voice piped up from the backseat, "Mom, I need to go pee-pee."
"Can you wait till we get home Christine?"
"No, Mommy, I gotta go right now! I'm bursting!"
"Ok, there's a public toilet in two blocks…"
"No Mommy! My pee is gonna come out and splash everywhere!"
With an exasperated sigh, Brennan pulled over to the side of the road which was, thankfully an almost secluded park. As the little girl squatted on the grass at the side of the road, a lady strode past walking her dog. Spotting the child, her brows furrowed in shock and she muttered a string of chastisements under her breath.
Brennan shook her head self-consciously. Before having children, she may very well have responded the same way as the passer-by. Now, though, it was a better alternative to a vehicle that reeked of urine.
After finally arriving home, Brennan again struggled with the groceries whilst trying to usher her daughter safely inside.
Home early from his unexpected weekend call-in, Booth met them at the door.
"Daddy! Daddy! I saw a Pirate at the shop!" Christine excitedly jumped into his arms.
"Oh, really? How about you tell me about it after I help Mummy with these bags."
He gave her a quick squeeze and a kiss on her nose before directing her into the playroom to play with her pet terrier "Belle" so that he could help Brennan.
As he made quick work of putting the groceries away, Booth opened his mouth to ask Brennan about her day when he realised that she was not with him. Walking out into the lounge he smiled when he spotted her sprawled out exhaustedly on the couch.
He came up behind her and dropped a sweet, smiley kiss on her forehead. "Chrissy keep you on your toes, Bones?"
"No, I always wear flat shoes grocery shopping," she sighed wearily, "Booth, she is so tiring!"
He chuckled as he slumped beside her – wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "You did well, Babe, I'll come with you next time, ok?"
She shook her head and Booth smiled at what he perceived as a stubborn refusal of assistance, "No, Booth, I think that I will order our groceries online from now on and get it home delivered."
As a playful yap and a happy, high pitched squeal radiated from the playroom, Booth looked sideways at his very pregnant wife and laughed heartily, "Good call, Bones, good call!"
Please let me know what you think!