TO AUDIENCE: This is my first fan fiction that I have ever published (and written) for Bones, so please be nice! I haven't done the whole 'reviewing' thing yet, so I don't expect you to if you don't want to! – However encouragement, words of wisdom or constructive criticism would be really nice :) xx
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bones, any of its characters, names events etc. This is purely for entertainment purposes only. Thanks for viewing, and enjoy! Xx G
NB: Story takes place just after 'The Bullet in the Brain' episode, Season 6 – Just so you know though, B&B – clearly being bonded by their traumas from this case (and more) leads to Hannah suspecting things between them. This takes place after Hannah has bluntly confronted Bones of her feelings, in front of Booth, to which she flees, unable to tell the imposing blonde of the emotions she felt when she thought she'd never see Booth again.
The Matter to the Bones
With each passing moment, her emotionally drawn heart thundered perspicuously. He was within fingers reach. A panel of wood and metal separated them.
Was she really hiding from him? Was that what it was?
"C'mon Bones, I know you're in there," Booth persisted, rapping on the door again. "Open up."
I did open up to you, she thought dismally, and you turned me away.
She leaned against her front door, pained at the thought the Booth was only a few centimetres away. Close enough to touch.
What was she supposed to tell him?
Yes, Booth. Your girlfriend is persistent. And prying. And selfish. And perfect. She wants what she wants. And I know that I am supposed to be friends with her, but can you really blame me for crumbling on what shaky ground we already had, even before this?
Somehow that didn't sound correct. Not leaving Temperance Brennan's mouth, anyway.
That wasn't really what he was here about though, and she knew that. She knew that Booth would want the truth behind her fleeing under Hannah's speculation.
The reality was -although he could deny it - that part of him ached to know too. There was far more to it - to them - and her partner knew that, just as well as she did.
"Bones?" His voice held a mission behind it; she understood that and despite how pitiful her ability was to pick up emotions otherwise, she could identify with his emotions. She knew him. Better than Hannah.
Better than all of them.
Although the rational thing to do was to refuse him, she couldn't deny the ache to let him in. Fingers trembling, she switched the lock on the door, and it swung open freely.
"Bones," her midnight visitor murmured gently, upon seeing her distraught face. "Invite me in. We need to talk."
Her stomach wrenched unfavourably with anticipation. Her limbs ached; she wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Would you like a drink?" Brennan offered, feigning a nonchalant tone as she walked to her fridge.
This casual gesture genuinely surprised her partner.
"Bones, you know well that I'm not here for a drink," he replied tiredly, closing the door behind him. He positioned himself opposite her on the island bench separating them.
"Then what do you propose we do?" she compromised irritably, almost challenging him.
"We need to talk, Bones. I'm your friend," he said gently, relaxing his taut shoulders just the slightest, "and a friend generally knows when their friend is hurting."
"Hurting about what?" Brennan dismissed, walking to her lounge area and poising herself on the edge of her couch. "I am most certainly not hurting. Are you hurting?"
"C'mon Bones, don't do that." He stood in front of her.
"Lock yourself away from me."
"What do you want me to say, Booth? Because I have no idea. I can't rationalise any thought in which to reply queries valiantly. I don't have anything that is going to satisfy you." She wrung her hands in agitation. "I..."
"Why?" Almost desperate. If his voice didn't read the word, than his voice certainly did.
"Why did you just take off? We could have talked about it-"
"And said what, Booth?" Brennan demanded suddenly, years of pent up emotions catching themselves in the tears that welled her eyes. "The fact that the Gravedigger nearly killed both of us? The fact that I wrote a goodbye letter to you when I was trapped in the car with Hodgins? The fact that I never stopped and I went to any length to get you back when you were kidnapped? This is ours. This is what happened to us." She stood again and paced, at loss to know what else she could do. "So do you know what, Booth? I needed my friend. We have been through so much, and I needed you. But you turned to Hannah. And Hannah? She turned to her jealous superstitions that she had no right to pry into!"
"Bones," Booth responded hoarsely, his body taut again, face pinched in anguish. "You just don't get it. I know how this looks to you, but I love Hannah and she's my girlfriend. It is natural to-"
"Don't ever tell me I don't get it, Booth. Because deep down, I do. I understand." Brennan continued, locking her crystal bright eyes with his searing, dark own. "It's Hannah. It's always going to be Hannah. The six years that we have had together stand next to n-nothing compared to the two months you knew her before you declared your love. For once Booth, I totally get it."
At last, she understood sarcasm.
She had just used it. Bitterly.
"Bones, that's unfair, and you know it," Booth retorted, annoyance flushing his face readily, stepping in her path so they were only centimetres away from one another.
"Is it? Really? Because I am trying so hard to stay in your life, but part of me thinks you don't want me there anymore."
"Your shunting me aside," Brennan cried, tears spilling openly down her cheeks, "for once...you don't get it. You c-can't choose when I'm your friend, and then when I'm not-" she choked on a sob, giving her a pause to brush the blurring tears furiously from her eyes, "-so either you want me as one the whole time, or you don't!"
"Of course I want you Bones..." Booth reached out to her, but she recoiled, almost as if she had been slapped.
"Don't," she said.
"Bones!" he whispered agonisingly.
"So you came here tonight...you wanted to talk?" she repressed shakily. "You wanted me to open up to you; well I did. Everything I am feeling. Everything that hurts." She paused deliberately, taking a deep, steady breath. "I left because I needed perspective of my life. I needed to evaluate. And I did. I came back, thinking that I could do it. I came back, ready to declare my feelings to you. Finally I opened my heart to you, only to have it sent right back."
"No, Bones. You don't get to do that," Booth said finally, a certain softness peeling away at the layers of his hard tone. Shaking his head, he continued, "I opened that door for you and I long ago. I gave you the opportunity, and you turned it down."
"I was scared! I didn't know what to do. You didn't give me any warning...I didn't have any time to adjust," she responded with a hiccup, covering her face. "...And this case? It was bound to affect us; to resurface all the feelings that we had."
"No Bones, we're passed that. No surfaced feelings," he lied in reply, pinching the bridge of his nose, knotting his eyes closed in frustration.
There was a long silence.
"What did I do?" Her voice was weak and crushed. Tears welled by gallons in her eyes, ready to replace the ones that had already spilled. She sat down passively, giving in.
Booth sat beside her.
"What do you mean?" he asked gently, catching her gaze again.
"How did I ruin all we had?" Brennan asked, voice strangled.
"You haven't. You didn't."
"I have, Booth. Don't you see?" She composed herself. "I ruined us the moment I made the mistake of telling you how I feel."
"How can you say that, Bones!" Booth gasped incredulously. "Why? After we've been through so much!"
"See, here you are, saying that you love Hannah, and that will never change...but I'm left here wondering whether your emotions are conclusive! You defend you emotions for me, after you so bluntly replied with the opposite!"
Another silence hung heavily in the air, and the pair felt the thickness of the atmosphere surrounding them.
"I think you should go, Booth," Brennan emitted ultimately, worn.
And he didn't argue. He stared at her with an unfathomable, burning expression for a mere few moments, and then he departed.
There's the first snippet/chapter everyone - I hope you enjoyed it. Feedback is greatly appreaciated, because I really have no idea what I'm doing here! I'll post the next chapter soon. - I promise it'll earn the T rating later!