Nothing Else Matters

I wrote this outtake for Fandom Against Domestic Violence way back in January. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I'm Too Sexy

I wake up.

Rub my face.

Feel that it's scruffy as hell.

I then lift my arms up to stretch and oh my fucking God, what is that smell?

I look around and can't seem to see anything that would make that God awful smell. It's like a gym locker but none of my clothes are in here, I just toss those by the washer when I come in. Don't want to be stinking up my room. The ladies don't really care for eau de sweaty socks.

I get out of bed, scratch my balls, yawn, and start to walk to the bathroom to take my morning piss. I feel like I've been drinking a fucking tank of something my bladder is so full. I make it to the bathroom with minimal damage done to me, just a stubbed toe and an elbow I hit on the door jam. That shit hurts but I'm still too hung over to realize exactly how bad it should hurt or does hurt or fuck, I don't even know what the fuck I'm thinking anymore. I just need to take a fucking huge ass piss.

I am so tired and still a bit wasted that I have to lean against the wall with one hand while I hold my dick in the other to aim it right so I don't piss all over myself. This shit is hard to do when you're not fully awake and even harder when you're hung over too. I manage to piss in the toilet and not down my leg, which has happened many times; too many times in fact. You would think that, by now, I would stop getting so fucking wasted.

Oh well. C'est la vie or some shit like that.

Piss done, I raise my arms again to stretch. Fuck, I'm tired; this shit is getting old. Thank God it's the fucking weekend, having to go into the gym would not be fun. I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing right.

Fuck, there's that smell again, where the fuck…

It dawns on me now that both times I've smelled that nasty ass smell was when I raised my arms. Am I really that stinky of a motherfucker? Shit, thank God I didn't bring some chick home with me, that would have fucking sucked a big one. I go into my bedroom and turn on my iPod. I have some 80's songs on there that I always listen to when I get ready to go somewhere. It just gets me into the mood and happy. This is a little secret that no one in my life knows about me. Fuck, if Edward ever found out, I would never hear the end of it.

I turn it up nice and loud so I can hear it in the shower. I have a date with a fuck hot woman named Rose tonight. She is fucking gorgeous - blonde hair, blue eyes, legs that go on forever and skin that is tan and soft - and damn it, I want to lick her all over. Hmm… my Rosescicle. Yeah, that's what she is, my Rosescicle.

With my fucking cock getting hard thinking of her and licking her, I head to the bathroom again. I strip down, scratch my balls… okay, I'm actually feeling them, they're a bit full. I need a fucking release, this shit is ridiculous. I haven't had sex in a few days. Since meeting Rose, I haven't wanted to just have some random fuck. We've been on a couple dates now; maybe I can get her to come back to my place and have a little fun, or her place. I don't care, just as long as I can do something with that woman.

I turn the shower on, getting it nice and hot; don't want to freeze my pecker and balls off. After sticking my hand under the spray to feel the temp of the water, I step in and stand in the stream of water coming out of the head of the shower. It feels so fucking good and my body is so tense, but this is melting it away. My muscles are relaxing.

I reach up and run my hands through the little bit of hair I have and scratch my head. It feels so good. I reach up and grab the shampoo and wash my hair. I leave it in, letting the suds run down my body. I grab my body wash and smooshie thing and wash my body. My eyes are closed, not wanting to burn from the soap. I hear the music and start shaking my ass to the beat. Music from the 80's has got some of the best beats to dance to. I always bust out singing when I'm in the shower. Edward used to tease me relentlessly about it, the asshole.

I run my hands down my body; I have a nice fucking body. It's muscular and hard and women love it. They always like running their fingers over my chest and my abs. I run my hands down my chest, feeling to make sure the soap is off of me. I keep going 'til I reach my cock and I start stroking it. My balls are fucking full as hell and I don't want to be cumming the minute Rose touches me; that would be embarrassing as hell.

There's still soap on my cock so it's nice and slippery… with the warm water and my hand, it feels so good. It's not pussy but for now it will do. I keep stroking, thinking of Rose the whole time. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell her I have jerked off to her a few times before we've even done anything, but for now, I'm just going to think of her sucking me, wrapping her pretty little lips around the thickness of my head, flicking her tongue a little at the tip. Just thinking about it with my hand and fingers trying to replicate it feels amazing.

I start stroking faster and harder, still imagining her mouth on me, sucking and licking; I even think I hear her slurping, I grab the wall to brace myself and keep pumping my hand over my shaft, rubbing the head as I come back. I've got a rhythm going and I'm close. I'm so fucking there; I keep seeing her face, her mouth sucking so hard her cheeks are sucked in. She looks up at me and I lose it. Seeing her eyes while her mouth is on me makes cum all over my hand and the shower floor.

I turn into the water and grab the body wash again to wash my hands and my cock again, making sure to get all the jizz off. I make sure the water washes away any evidence of my self loving. I start laughing as I realize that Michael Jackson's song "Beat It" is finishing up. What are the fucking odds that of all the songs to come on while I beat it, that one does? It was fate.

I was meant to beat it.

I get out of the shower, grab a towel and look in the mirror. I start drying off and watch my arms as I do. I love watching myself flex. The way my muscles ripple and bulge through my skin. I am not ashamed to admit that I am hot. Edward would tell you I'm conceited, fuck that shit; I just know I'm all that and a bag of fucking chips.

My fucking song comes on, the one that I always have to dance to. Hell fucking yeah.

I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts

I grab my toothbrush and start singing as loud as I can and dancing my ass off. What? Dancing is good fucking exercise. Not to mention, all these lyrics are just so fitting for me. Okay, well not the disco dancing or the Milan ones, but the being too sexy for my shirt and for my car and shit? That is so my ass.

I put my toothbrush down and dance into my bedroom. I go into my closet to find something to wear. Alice usually buys all of my clothes for me, so I have no fucking idea what I have or what to wear. I guess some jeans and a nice shirt will do. It's not like I'm taking her ass to some five star place. Hell, if I had my way we wouldn't even go out to eat. Well, I would eat, but not food.

After what seems like for-fucking-ever, I finally decide on something to wear and get dressed. I do my hair, what little of it I have, put my deodorant on, grab some condoms - yes, I am hoping I get lucky tonight - spray myself with some spray that the women seem to love. Hopefully Rose does too. I grab my keys and head out the door to grab Rose and enjoy the evening out.


"Emmett, oh my God, that food was awesome. I don't think I've had something that good since I've been here. Thanks." Rose is so fucking gorgeous and she eats.

I can't stand when a woman won't eat, especially in front of a man. What the fuck is that all about? I have always wondered. I mean, it's not like we don't know women eat. For fuck's sake, it's food. It's not like its some alien they're giving birth to that they need to hide.

"You are welcome, sexy. I love watching a woman enjoy her food." I smirk. Fuck, watching a woman eat is a fucking turn on, especially when they play with their fork trying to get off whatever is stuck. Cheese and sauces are the best things to feed a woman; you can get turned on so fucking much just watching her eat pasta. It has everything you need. The noodles she sucks on, the sauce she licks off her lips and the cheese which… well, there's a lot of things she can do with cheese to get you squirming and readjusting yourself. I am thankful I brought her to one of my favorite Italian places to eat. Watching her eat was great fore-foreplay. I think every man should do it more.

She walks up to me and puts her arm around mine leaning into me. She smells so fucking good, a mix of her perfume and what we just ate. Her lips are a bit glossy from the butter on the garlic bread. I walk slower, finally stopping and turning to where I can kiss her and lick her lips; it's just too tempting. She lets me and it turns into a full on body to body kiss, hands everywhere, lips being sucked, teeth getting knocked, the passion is too fucking strong.

With a bit of a break, I get out a breathy, "Your place or mine?" and she answers back with one word. "Mine!"

That's all it takes. From there I pick her ass up in my arms and go straight to my Jeep. I put her in it and close the door. I go around, get my ass in and haul ass to her place. It takes us less than three minutes to get from the Jeep to the middle of her bedroom.

We start stripping the minute we walk in the door. My shirt comes off, both of our shoes - hers were easy, she was wearing sandals. I almost trip trying to get mine off with my toes and heel. That shit's not easy when you're trying to walk into a sexy ass woman's room while also trying to undo your pants. Eventually we are able to get everything off, except she leaves her bra and panties on.

"Fuck, woman, you are hot as hell. And that panty and bra set? Damn. That shit is what I'm talking about. Hot lingerie on a smoking body like yours. It makes me want to do all kinds of dirty things to you. Come here so I can show you." I pull her to me as I sit on the bed, having her stand between my legs.

I kiss her stomach and work my way up to her tits. My hands are on her waist, my fingers splayed on her ass cheeks. She has a nice firm ass and a nice waist, not too skinny, but thin and muscular. She feels so good under my hands, the smoothness of her skin, the tightness of her stomach. She puts her hands into my hair, rubbing my head a little. I turn her and sit her on my lap, being careful not to smoosh my hardening cock.

I kiss her hard and fast. I stop and start kissing along her jaw line and work my way down her neck. I get to the center of her chest where her cleavage begins and start licking and tonguing her cleavage. I trace my tongue along the edge of her bra on both sides. I then take each nipple in my mouth over the bra and suck, leaving wet marks but seeing her nipples perfectly stiffened from doing so. I pull her cups down one at a time and start licking her nipples even more and sucking harder and harder. She starts writhing in my lap, rubbing her ass on my now fully erect cock.

"Emmett, stop fucking teasing me. I want to fuck you right now. I haven't had sex in forever and right now, all I want is for you to fuck me so hard."

"Fuck woman, anything you say." I get up to go grab condoms. She clears her throat to get my attention and I turn back to see she has a condom already open and ready to be put to use.

I go to take it from her but she gives me a little vixen smile and moves my hand out of the way.

"Come here, big boy. I'll put it on for you."

"Oh, big boy doesn't even begin to describe it, baby." I wink at her with a smirk.

She gets the condom on and reaches back to undo her bra.

"No, I kind of like your tits pushed up like that, leave the bra. As for these," I grab the waist of her panties, "these have got to fucking go!"

I continue to take them off and push her onto her back; I reach down between her legs and feel the lips of her pussy. They're so wet and swollen with desire for my cock. I stick my finger in, not wasting any time. I spread the wetness all around and even put some on the condom on my cock… I don't want anything to stop me from entering her and I don't want to hurt her.

She moans and arches her back as I rub her clit to get her worked up a little bit more. I pull my hand back and spread her legs open. Her head pops up to watch what I'm doing. This turns me on so fucking much. Seeing her watch my cock enter her pussy just makes it so much hotter.

I put the tip of my cock at the entrance to her wet, warm pussy and brace myself. I slide in slowly, being careful not to rip her or hurt her. It takes all of five seconds before she is pushing to meet me, letting me know she wants more so I push more. She lets out a gasp that sounds more like she's trying to catch her breath.

"Emmett, fuck, just go. Push it in, baby. I want to feel it; I want you to fuck me and fuck me hard. And I'm not asking, I'm fucking telling; now do it."

With that, I push all the way into her and start fucking her pussy. Just as I thought, it is hot and wet, fucking gushing wet. She was more than ready for me.

"Oh, Emmett, right there, baby! That feels so fucking good."

I hear a knocking and stop for a second thinking someone is knocking on her door. I realize it's her headboard just hitting the wall so I continue. I fuck her like she asked, hard and fast. I want to feel more of her and her to feel more of me so I stop a second and pull out.

"Flip over, baby."

She does and I grab my cock and find her wet folds and slide my cock into her once again. She is tighter this way but also deeper. It feels fucking amazing. I could live in this spot forever, feeling her tight, wet, hot pussy squeezing me for all it's worth.

I grab her hips and pull her to me and start fucking her again. This time, I go harder and faster. But I guess I wasn't going fast enough or hard enough for her because next thing I hear is her screaming at me.

"Oh, fuck yes! Harder!"

So I fuck her as hard as I can. I am panting and grabbing her hips and pushing as hard and as fast as humanly possible. I feel myself getting to the point of my release, the release I have wanted since meeting this fucking woman. The release I am so ready to give her. I feel her pussy walls tighten around my cock as the head pushes into her, hitting her just right for both of us.

She starts shuddering a little and pushing back into me, I feel her come all over my cock, not once, not twice, but three times. With the third one I can no longer hold back and I let myself go. I moan out as I rock my cock into her with what strength I have left. I have to sit for a moment because I'm a bit light headed.

She pulls off of me and flips over onto her back; she has a big as fucking grin on her face. I would have to say that's a good sign, but just to make sure, I have to ask.

"Was that good baby?"


I laugh at her; she seems so out of it.

"Was that good, baby? Did you get off good enough?

"Fuck, Emmett, yeah, um…" she trails off just staring off into space.

Well… my job is done. Now for some rest. My ass is gonna need it tomorrow.

So I hope that you laughed your asses off like I did while writing… The song "Beat It" actually came on right as I was writing the shower scene so I HAD to use it. I about died laughing and so did everyone else who I was talking to while I wrote it. Thanks for reading it and thanks to those of you who read it in the compilation and donated. It means a lot to me.