This is the result of a tweet I wrote without thinking – basically hoping that all my stories in which Dean and Cas have sex in a forest secretly take place in the forest from twilight.
Here's where that went.
Bella realised that Edward had left her for good, as the forest grew dark the shadows mirrored her despair, slowly creeping in on her.
What would she do now, now that her one true love had abandoned her?
What possible meaning could her life have without Edward in it?
Her deep and highly important thoughts were interrupted by a rustling in the undergrowth, and Bella held her breath (another reminder of how uselessly weak and living she was) hoping that it was Edward, returning for her.
The rustling came again, a scuffling followed and Bella got to her feet, attractively teary eyes searching for any sign of her love.
"Edward?" She asked, her voice the auditory equivalent of her habitual pout. She felt a powerful urge to chew her thumb, but resisted it.
At the sound of her voice the scuffling stilled, and there was an eerie silence, broken only seconds later by a deep voice that murmured...
"Shit." Then "Oh...fuck."
Bella walked on coltish legs, pushing the bushes aside delicately. Beyond the greenery, in the very flowered meadow where Edward had professed his love to her, was a truly distressing sight.
Clothing was strewn over the ground, jackets and jeans that looked as if they might belong to a hiker, and other clothing that belonged more in an office than it did here in the forest.
Bella gnawed at her thumb like a starved gerbil, surely something horrible had happened here. Had Victoria returned to wreak her vengeance on unsuspecting tourists?
She crept closer and gasped, because before her, in the very spot Edward had first held her hand, two men were...
Bella being not adequately equipped to detail the process, the narrator will supply – Going at it like victims of the sex pollen trope.
The guy on the bottom of the bucking pile of limbs spots Bella as she stands rooted to the spot.
"Crap!" He glances angrily upwards. "I thought you said this place was deserted?"
The other man stops moving, pulling away from his partner and looking quite unembarrassed by his nakedness.
"I thought it was." The man intoned. "My apologies." This last was directed at Bella.
"Are you...vampires?" she asked.
The first man snorted. "Not anymore, thank fuck."
"I'm an angel." The other man said at the same time.
"Oh." Bella was a little disappointed. "Ok...um..."
"Do you mind?" The first guy glares. "We were trying to have a moment."
"Yes, ok, sorry." Bella bolted for the trees, unable to block out the last words of the man behind her.
"Jesus, if it's not Sam it's some other emo – we really need...fuck, yes – right there."
Bella ran home, her virtue still intact. Once the shock had worn off she continued to mourn her beloved Edward.
The rest of the world continued to not give a fuck.