The Ghetto, Yo
A Street Fighter Fanfic/Musical



"Yo, sup?" said Sean. He came in via a purposefully whiffing Shoryuu-Cannon, landing near an old Blanka. Sean was decked out in the flyest ghetto gear with lots of necklaces that would make Mr. T and Biz Markie jealous, and he was wearing Reeboks too.

Blanka, on his wheelchair, turned his head slowly to look at Sean. "My, sonny boy, you've grown up since I last saw you when I found you in the jungle one day, and taught you how to play basketball," he said, coughing a little. "What's been up wit you, yo dawg?" he added. Blanka, despite his old age, could still get down with the boys, as he was as well wearing the dopest clothes known on the face of this Earth that an old man could wear.

Sean gestured his hands around a lot. "Yo, nothin'." He glanced around for something else to say. "Yo, I heard you got a new rap album out???"

Blanka's wrinkled face lightened up with joy and suddenly the wrinkles disappeared and his youth returned to him in a majestic glow that was grand and magical. "Oh, do I!"

Blanka jumped out of his ride (which had awesome hydraulic action) and stepped up to the mic. "Wit' my golden anklets given to me by my owner, from the crash in Brazil I became a loner! I learned how to shoot some electricity and I mackin with the Chunlis! And I wear some pants over my weewee! Come on, with me! Yo!"

Sean then joined in with his own microphone. "Cannonball, cannonball! Aroooo, arooo aroo arooooo!" they both screamed. "Cannonball! Zzzt zzt shocking!"

Blanka returned to solo performance. "Shock you, it's the shocking Blanka-fight-got-you-in-check-knock-you-out-of-sight! Aroo!

"All charged up and ready to go, this little green beast is on the roll! Seeing you in action is a joke, Blanka will make your head get broke! I eat you up and spit you out, electricity is what it's all about! Arooo aroooooooo!"

Sean high-fived Blanka and then proceeded to wave his hands in the air, just like he didn't care. Because he was naughty by nature. Not because it was something stereotypical that you'd see in maybe one of those old eighties anti-drug commercials, or something.

Blanka smiled. It was a wrinkled-up smile because his face reverted back to old. But that jubilee was interrupted by an arrogant Guile with a level of arrogance that was beyond comprehension. "I can do better than that!"

Both Sean and Blanka accosted Guile. "Show us your moves!" Blanka then Falcon-punched Sean for no reason, and Sean gave him one back while wearing boxing gloves and accidentally killed Blanka because he was old. Blanka's final words were "I am really Charlie". Guile cried for a few moments but composed himself.

Sean took a seat by himself instead and waited for Guile to get his flow goin', and he turned off the lights. Guile glew in the dark, just like a nite-brite all night, waitin' to fight.

Guile began his rap. "Allright. Stop and listen. The Guile rap is the brand new invention. Go home, go home! Be a family man! Go home go home! Be a family man! I can Sonic Boom you two days from Sunday. Flash kick, street fight. I'm the charging type. Go home, go home! Be a family man!"

Sean clapped. "That was impressive! Even though you ripped somebody else."

Guile put on an angry face because he was mad after hearing that comment that Sean made about him ripping off of someone else, when that allegation, at least to him, was obviously false. "Man, don't be trippin', my song is different!" He then threw a Sonic Boom which decapitated Sean and made the word "Fatality" appear in bloodied, dripping letters just above him. Guile got mad at the raining drops of blood and destroyed the Fatality sign with a flash kick.

Soon after, Guile was approached by a big burly hairy-chested man with a bunch of scars all over him. "Darr!" this mysterious man said, who then delivered Guile a big spinning pile-driver which turned Guile into a pancake. The mysterious man then ate him after pouring syrrup on him.

The mysterious man stepped up to the microphone too, introducing himself as Zangief. He put on a top hat and started to tap dance, singing "Puttin' On The Ritz". Chun Li, with her mutant legs, danced a tango with that old lecherous Ryu to the song. Ryu then stole her panties and ran away.

The end


Authors notes: Stop thinking my stories are parodies. They are serious concoctions from the depth of my deep philosophical mind. Also, the Guile rap isn't originally mine. I stole it from some other guy who was singing it to Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby song.