Goodbye Graceful


I can't believe I may have survived.

I fell so hard.

And you tried to catch me. But, maybe those arms of yours weren't quite big enough for it all. The darkness weighed me down, and I'm a big boy. I tried so hard to be a man; to survive gates of burning hell behind my eye lids, and ripping turmoil in the back of my mind.

I'm lucky I'm alive. Broken into so many different twisted pieces.

Are you still thinking of me; my glass of ice water when screaming turned my throat raw? You never heard it, but somehow you knew to cool me down.

It was all lurking at the edge of my bed. Poisoning me and I couldn't turn it away. And for a long time I thought I was insane. Maybe I was, or perhaps just too oblivious to make the right decisions.

I wanted to have a chance to tell you goodbye. Even if you may have came too late to help me. You aided me to change my wicked ways, or at least realize I had done something wrong. Your love was with me even when my days grew dark and the sun burned out completely never to rise again.

Maybe one day, but today is not it.

My thoughts go back and forth like the disoriented batting of a ping pong ball. Except, this isn't a game with only two players. It's more like four. Maybe there's five.

Who am I?

Who are you?

Who are we?

I had no idea I was born this schizophrenic.

The voices are deep and divided and young and old and heartless and heartbroken. My soul is demanding, and dark, and not even fully there. I want it out of my head. I wish I could have you empty it from my soul. But, you can't, can you?

It would seem I've died before I've had a chance to wake. So be it. I'll pay the price. Every man does eventually. Tell the devil I'm—no, we're on our way.

But, I'm glad I—we'll still have your memory where ever you are in your own winding road.

I was running for so long; from myself, from the truth. Now I can't tell where I've left my mind. Was it with the temptation? Did I leave it with you and Ven, or the dark? Did I leave the reason under my skin, under my armor? I don't know. Someone find me, because there is no way I can. Not by myself.

But, I'm still thankful you could (try) to save me from myself.

I'll pick the pieces of my life from the floor. I'll find a way out. Maybe an open window or an exit door. This weight on all of my shoulders is growing heavier and colder.

Till the day I truly passover, we'll be slowly rolling over.

To all that I've done wrong...I apologize.

From the hearts I may have stolen, to the tears I may have made you cry.

I know it's been a while and you have traveled so many miles. Letting it just be is not my style. I hope that this will make you smile.