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I'd never given much thought to how I would die, but even if I had, I could think of a million better ways than this.
I stared out into the open yard, dust swirling around me and sticking to my skin. The heat was registering over 110, while the humidity in the air did its best to stay neck and neck with the temperature gauge. Surely this was hell.
There had to be a better way to die than sucking in air so hot it burned my body from the inside out. Maybe in the place of someone else, someone I loved. But really, I can't think of anyone I would off myself for. I mean, what would it matter if I loved them if I was dead? And if they loved me, why would I saddle them with the guilt of knowing that I was dead because of them. No, dying for someone else is stupid; I'd just send a pretty flower arrangement, nothing tacky. That ought to count for something.
I knew if I'd never done those body shots, the Molly, and three lines of coke, I wouldn't have been arrested. Maybe it wasn't the drugs that were the problem, but more so the fact I thought it okay to bribe the cop with road head in place of arresting me. Yeah, that wasn't my best idea to date.
I knew if I'd never started hanging around Laurent, that phony French fucker, then I wouldn't have gotten arrested. I would have never been transplanted between Bum Fuck No Where and Red Neck Hollow. I wouldn't be facing a year in hell with my hippie therapist father, who pretty much walked around barefoot until he found the light that was Toms.
Terrified as I was, I couldn't seem to tear my eyes from the group of people pulling into my driveway, in a truck with wheels as tall as me, and a rebel flag flying off the back. I couldn't bring myself to process that said people were now getting out of the monstrosity and heading straight towards me. I felt like I was watching a scene from the Duke's of Hazard with all the cut off jean shorts, cowboy hats, and plaid shirts.
But most of all, I couldn't understand why, for the life of me, the boy with the craziest hair I'd ever seen sticking out from underneath his truckers hat made me want to straddle the railing on the porch and scream "yeehaw, giddy up boy!".
When life throws you a situation so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not unreasonable to be a little pissed about it.
The Trucker Hat Dude smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward with what seemed like every intention of killing me with southern charm. I had other ideas...