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Chapter Twenty One
"So, are you ever going to tell us what happened after Charlie and Jane left you guys at the bar?" Rose asked, her eyes narrowed. I guess this was Rose's attempt at a 'bitch face', but it really failed to be intimidating with the huge fucking smile spread across her face.
"Guys, Bella has every right to not share that part of the story, every right," Edward stressed, his entire face bright red from the effort it was taking to hold in his laugh. Asshole.
It had been two weeks since we'd gotten back from Austin. Everyone was shocked about Charlie and Jane, but in a really good aren't they so fucking weird and sweet way. I had honestly been worried Charlie would forget about his drunken proposal and I'd have to kick his ass, but the next morning he and Jane came walking out of their hotel room smiling. I knew the ass kicking would be unnecessary.
It was also pretty clear that Charlie was sporting one hell of a hangover, but I couldn't muster the strength to fuck with him like I normally would've. I had my own issues that morning. Which would never be spoken of again. Ever. I didn't care how fucked up these assholes tried to get me. I was a vault baby, locked down.
Edward was my wild card. I knew how badly he wanted to spill, but the threat of withholding blowjobs had done the trick so far. I knew better than to threaten withholding sex, we both knew that was a pointless and empty fucking threat.
"But something did happen, didn't it?" Emmett asked, passing the joint to Alice. I rolled my eyes at him, these fuckers were relentless.
It was about ten o'clock on a Saturday night and we had just shut down the store. We were all hanging out back sitting on egg crates smoking and drinking some beers that had been turned in on the inventory checklist as 'damaged'.
"I'm still jealous you don't have to stay in a dorm," Alice cut in, smiling at me. Thank fuck.
"I know! We're all going to be stuck in a dorm our first year worrying about getting some kind of nasty ass foot fungus in the showers while you're all kicked back in your private bathroom!" Rose added, flailing her arms around so wildly that she tipped off her egg crate and landed on her ass.
"Well, not everyone," Jasper said, nodding his head and pointing the joint at Edward like it was some kind of weapon or something.
Edward shook his head and laughed, sending his smile my way. But, yeah, just because he was required to live in the dorms his first year didn't mean he was planning on staying there, like, ever. I had a feeling he'd be at my place way more than he ever would his dorm. Which was perfectly fucking fine with me. I'd like to see someone try to cockblock us then. Or...not.
God, please forget I just thought that because I have no doubt that you have infinite ways to block cock and I'd really rather not push you. Amen.
"Praying again, Pockets?" Edward whispered, leaning close to my ear. I smiled and nodded while he shook his head at me.
"I can't even begin to imagine the sort of things you pray about, but I can guarantee they are things that should never be said in church." He laughed, leaning back against the side of the building and tipping his crate a little so it was balancing on one side.
"Pfft, I can ask God anything, even to not be cockblocked," I threw in because I knew someone was about to spray some beer. It was like playing eenie meenie miney mo with these fuckers.
"Fuck," Emmett laughed, giving the side of Jasper's jeans a nice little soaking. I win again.
"Alright, fuckers. Grandpa has a list a mile long of shit I have to do in the morning, so if you don't mind, we're gonna get the fuck outta here." Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me up, the glint in his eye let me know we weren't going straight home. I think we had plans for some dirt roads first.
"You can't keep dodging us, Bella. You're gonna spill sooner or later!" Emmett yelled. And yeah, there was no fucking way that shit was ever gonna happen, I thought, as I flipped his ass off.
The next morning I tried to maneuver my way around the sea of boxes that covered almost every inch of the floor. Jane sure had a fuck ton of shit to move. I really wasn't sure where she planned on putting everything.
"Hey, Bella, that you?" Jane called from the kitchen.
"No, it's Old Lady Dead Bits. She wants her floor space back," I joked...and stumbled because there really was shit every fucking where.
"One of these days I'll be brave enough to finally ask you what in the hell you are talking about when you say that. But not today."
"Not today." I echoed with a bob of my head. "So, are you really keeping all this?" I asked, sweeping my arms widely.
"No, I'm going to leave a lot of this stuff in boxes and send it to Goodwill, so if you have anything you want to clear out then you can add it and we can send it all at the same time. You know, since you're leaving in a few months anyway," she said, poking her lip out at me.
"Eh, I got nothing else to do, so yeah. I can box up some stuff."
I never realized how much shit I had managed to collect over the years until I started boxing everything up. I found a very familiar pair of heels and couldn't help but smile fondly at the broken heel as I chunked them into the box. If I hadn't tried to play Trixie the Stripper I would have never ended up in Intercourse.
An hour later I was up to my elbows in shit, figuratively, not literally, with me that statement actually needed to be clarified.
"Damn Bella, are you getting rid of all this stuff?" Jane asked coming to sit next to me on the floor.
"Yeah, it's not like I'm going to need shit like this," I said holding up the pole dancing book that no one had yet to own up to buying.
"Hey, I went through a lot of trouble finding that shit," Jane yelled in mock outrage. And hold the fucking phone, she did what?
"You're the one that bought this fucker?" I asked waving the book at her.
"Well yeah, at the time I had no idea what your plans were for next year. I figured since you were planning to go back to New York learning how to pole dance would be a good back up plan for you if school didn't work out," she said all nonchalant and shit like she didn't just basically call me a college drop out. So I threw the book at her, literally.
"That's not very nice," I pointed out.
"Well neither were you when you lived in New York, that's what brought you here, remember?"
"Well that, and those," I said nodding my head toward the shoes I'd just thrown in the box. She laughed and stood up brushing off the back of her shirt.
"Just so you know, I'm really glad you sucked at pole dancing."
"Awe, you say the sweetest things," I laughed.
The atmosphere around school was insane the month leading up to prom. It was like people could physically feel the end of the school coming, like it was in their blood. Well, that and all of the booze they downed in the parking lot before school almost every morning.
Edward and I had just joined the rest of the guys at our lunch table when Alice spun around in her chair and leaned in close to me.
"Bella, I can't believe you still haven't bought a dress for prom yet." She stared at me wide eyed, as I shrugged my shoulders and looked away. I felt Edward sweep his fingers through the end of my hair that was hanging off the back of the chair before I looked over at him and winked.
"I have a dress."
"What? When? From where? Why didn't you tell us?" she asked rapidly. And where the fuck was Alice because some Chihuahua on crack had taken over her body.
"Sorry," Rose laughed, "I might have given her some Yellow Jackets this morning because she kept falling asleep in class." Okay, well that made sense.
"I went with Jane this past weekend. It's being altered and then she'll pick it up on her way home from work Friday."
"You should have told us, we would have gone with you," Rose pouted.
"I know you would have, that's why I didn't say anything." I laughed. "Jane and I decided to hang out, and clear out the rest of her shit from her house and it just kinda worked out."
"So you're all set then?" Alice asked all bouncy and weird and shit. I looked over at Rose and pointed at Alice.
"Never give her that shit again, hyper Alice is annoying as fuck." Rose scrunched up her face and nodded in agreement as Alice launched a balled up napkin at my face. Which Edward swatted away because he was fuckawesome like that.
The day of prom I was sitting outside on the porch swing when I saw Edward pull into the driveway, a wide smile set on his face.
"I don't think we're supposed to see each other before prom, are we? Bad luck or something?" I joked. Edward grabbed a large shoebox from the bed of the truck then lazily made his way up the porch.
"You're thinking about the wrong occasion," he teased, giving me that fucking smile.
"Oh, yeah. Silly me." I sighed and scooted over on the porch swing, making room for him.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked, setting the box on the floor before sitting next to me. I held up a bottle of nail polish. "That's very girly of you."
"I know, right? I figured I'd go all out. I might even pluck my eyebrows. You only go to prom once, you know?" I said sarcastically, shaking my head and screwing the top back on the nail polish.
"This is my second prom," he pointed out with a smug grin.
"Stop bragging." I rolled my eyes as he kissed me. "What do you have there?" I asked, nodding towards the shoe box.
"Ah, this is for you," he said, leaning over to grab the box, setting it in his lap. "I think I was supposed to wrap it or some shit, but I forgot and I figured you didn't care anyway."
I laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck while I lifted the lid. "You bought me a present? You bought me...cowboy boots?"
"Well, I didn't. I told my parents you're going to school in Texas. I think these are supposed to be a graduation present or something."
"Dude. That's really fucking nice," I mused as I grabbed the boots and stood up from the porch swing.
"Aren't you going to mess up your nails up?" Edward laughed as I merely shrugged.
"As long as you'll still love me and my shitty nails, I don't care," I replied, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Now..." I reached down to slip one foot in the boot. "This is harder than I thought."
Edward raised his eyebrows in amusement. "They're easier to slip on if you're wearing socks," he pointed out before laughing at my struggle.
"Fuck. I'm too lazy to run upstairs," I admitted as I pushed a little harder, finally managing to get my entire foot in the boot. The second one took a little longer to get on and Edward's laugh never faltered.
"Damn," he hissed as I twirled around, showing off my new boots. "Why did you not own a pair of those before today?"
"Why? Are you getting a boner?" I asked with a grin, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jean shorts.
"Boner?" he scoffed. "Seriously, Bella?"
"Hey. Don't look at me like that. You're the one with a boner," I teased.
"Get the fuck over here. Now, Pockets," he demanded lowly, licking his lips. I stepped closer and stood between his thighs as his warm hands ran over my ass then up and down my bare thighs. I leaned down, moaning as he kissed me slowly.
"You know, we never did get to fuck on the porch," I said breathlessly as he squeezed my ass. He laughed against my lips, shaking his head.
"We can't have sex before prom," he said, adjusting himself as I pouted. "Bad luck or something?"
"What the fuck ever. There's no way in hell that could be considered bad anything," I said lamely. "Ever."
He grinned up at me, hands traveling up to rest on my hips. "I told Em I'd help him do a few things before we pick y'all up later."
"Help him do what? His fucking hair?" I scoffed. "I think there's a rule that you're not allowed over here without taking your clothes off. So. Get to it."
He slightly shook my hips. "I think there's a rule that you're now allowed to whine unless you're topless."
"I'm only whining because I want your dick..." I said with a slow, devious smile.
"Oh, because you're so sexually frustrated," he whispered, pulling me down into his lap. "Weren't you just moaning my name last night?" he asked, lips against my neck. His hand moved up my thigh and parted my legs, fingers lightly brushing against my crotch. And then he quickly pulled away as we heard a car pulling into the driveway.
"Fucking hell," I mumbled, taking a deep breath. I looked over and saw Charlie eyeing us as he stepped out of the car. Edward laughed lowly, patting my thigh.
"I gotta go anyway. But I'll see you later, baby." He kissed the side of my head before I stood up. "Damn," he hissed again as he took one more look at me. "You look so fucking good. Would it be weird if I asked you to wear those forever?"
I laughed. "Oh, yeah. Just imagine me wearing these to prom. That'd be a riot."
I watched as Edward and Charlie passed one another with the typical manly nod. Even though it had been a few weeks, I was pretty sure Charlie was still slightly embarrassed about the way he acted on our last night in Texas. Didn't help that I brought it up every chance I got. Edward waved before he backed out of the driveway and Charlie took one look at my boots before walking inside.
It was a little after five o'clock when I finally decided I should shower. I was supposed to head over to Rose's around six to get ready, so I figured I'd wash my hair then drive over to her place. I'd kept the boots on for a few hours to wear them in as I did shit around the house. But when I finally went to pull them off before my shower, the fuckers were apparently glued to my feet.
"What the fucking fuck!" I screamed, trying my hardest to pull one of the boots off. "Shit! Cock!"
"What's with the sudden case of Tourette's?" Jane barged in the room before laughing hysterically. I was lying on the floor, one foot in the air as I pulled at the heel of the boot. "What in the fuck are you doing, child?"
"Edward joked that he wanted me to wear these forever, and now his stupid wish is probably going to come true," I spat, red-faced and sweaty and trying to catch my breath. "I should have knocked on wood earlier! I should have knocked on Edward's wood!"
Jane blinked, but otherwise didn't look the least bit surprised at anything I had just blurted out. "Okay. First of all, leave Edward's wood out of this. Second, let me help you. It'll be fine."
Jane came over and squatted down in front of me for a second before grabbing the heel and toe of the boot and giving it a yank. Which did nothing but snatch my ass out from under me and cause me to fall backwards, my head banging on the floor.
"Shit! Sorry, uh, why don't you go over to the bed and grab the frame, that should hold you in place so I can pull harder," she instructed as I crawled over to the bed and grabbed one of the legs. Jane stood, planting her feet before leaning away from me and tugging as hard as she could. And fuck if the bed didn't fucking slide across the floor sending Jane on her ass this time.
"Goddamn it!" she yelled, rubbing her ass with one hand, the other still grasping my boot. Which is how Charlie found us seconds later, me stretched out across the floor hanging onto the leg of the bed while Jane sat on her ass, my boot still in her hand.
"Uh," Charlie mumbled and slowly started backing out of the room.
"You stop right there!" Jane yelled, stopping Charlie from fleeing the scene. Sucker. "Your daughter is stuck in these boots and we have to help her get out of them before prom."
"She'll be fine," Charlie said, scrunching his nose. "Isn't that what all the girls wear nowadays?"
"Oh, right. Cause you're a regular ole fashionista!" I screeched. "I'm pretty sure you'd still wear a fanny pack if I didn't hide it from you."
Jane let go of my leg, letting it drop with a thud. "See, information like that is useful before you agree to marry someone," she said, lowering her voice but speaking loud enough so Charlie could still hear.
"Hey, there's still time. You haven't said 'I do' yet," I pointed out, causing Charlie to huff in response.
"Oh, stop putting ideas in her head," he scolded, finally entering the room and standing next to where Jane sat on the floor. I lifted my leg and placed my heel in his hand. He yanked and yanked and the fucking thing hardly budged.
"Edward said I was supposed to put socks on, but I put the boots on anyway," I mumbled, covering my face with the hand that wasn't holding onto the bed. "And then I was so distracted by the way he was grabbing my-" Charlie grumbled and I paused, "grabbing my hand like the gentleman he is, that I completely forgot I didn't have socks on."
"This is pretty fucking hilarious, though," Jane mused. "And I thought I was going to be bored tonight with you off at prom. Now I have all night to replay this. Thank you."
"Fucking shit! Pull harder, please," I begged. I refused to wear boots with my prom dress. I refused to dress like Taylor Swift.
"I think I almost," Charlie grunted, "I think I almost got it." And then his hands slipped from the heel of the boot, causing him to stumble and fall backward onto the floor with a loud thud.
Jane and I were suddenly silent. I slowly sat up, blinking, as Jane crawled to her feet and reached down to help me up. Charlie was still on the floor, completely still. He didn't move and he didn't say a single word. I took that as a sign to get the fuck out as soon as possible.
"So," I cleared my throat, "I guess I'm wearing boots to prom."
"Come on. I'll help you wash your hair," Jane said as we stepped over Charlie to exit my room.
The both of us walked into the bathroom and I stared blankly as I realized I wasn't going to be able to shower. Motherfucker. "So, I guess showering is out of the question," I mumbled, shaking my head.
"Don't act like you've never gone without a shower," Jane snickered as she turned on the faucet. "Come on. Stick your head under and I'll help you. At east your hair will smell good. I can't say the same for the rest of you."
I flipped her off then yelped as she stuck my head under the freezing cold water. "You did that on purpose," I whined.
"You bet your ass I did."
After the excruciating task of trying to wash my hair without actually showering, I thanked Jane and hauled my ass back to my room. Charlie was no longer lying on the floor, thank God. I dressed in some bum ass clothes and gathered everything I'd need to get ready at Rose's.
As I ran down the stairs, I yelled a quick goodbye to Charlie and Jane to let them know I was leaving and wouldn't be back home until tomorrow. Charlie grumbled and waved, while Jane chunked the deuce. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the house with wet hair, carrying my dress on a hanger and covered in plastic.
I tried saving time by driving with the windows rolled down to dry my hair. I realized a few minutes later that it also served a duel purpose since I didn't shower. Not that I smelled like shit, but you couldn't be too careful.
I walked into Rose's house, not bothering to knock on the door before entering. I headed straight for her room and walked in to catch Alice on her knees and Rose holding a beer bong for her.
"Well that's just fucking rude," I scoffed. "Y'all started without me."
"Get over it," Rose said as Alice stood up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
"What's with the boots?" Alice asked immediately.
I tossed my dress on the bed and tried playing this off. No one needed to know I couldn't get the damn things off. "Graduation gift from Edward's parents."
"Nice. I bet he blew a load in his pants when he saw you wearing them. You look hot," Rose drawled, nodding towards the bottle of vodka on her vanity.
I laughed and shook my head, grabbing the bottle and taking a nice swig. The three of us spent the next two and a half hours doing each others hair and makeup. Okay, who the fuck was I kidding? We weren't that cliche. We did get drunk and attempt to make ourselves look somewhat decent.
A little later, I stood in Rose's close in front of the full-length mirror and slipped on my short, flowy deep blue dress. It was the perfect amount of dressy without being over the top, which worked out well since my shoes were less than classy, but fuck if they weren't going to save my ass later. I hoped the bitches were drunk enough to ignore the fact that I kept my boots on. Which, of course, they commented on almost immediately.
"Oh my God. Don't tell me you're going all 'country slut' to the prom?" Rose scoffed as Alice erupted with laughter.
"Listen," I hissed, "I put the boots on without socks earlier and now the things are glued to my sweaty ass feet, okay?"
And then they died from laughter. Choking, ugly laughs that caused them both to fall to the floor despite the fact they were both wearing their dresses.
"God damn," Alice managed to speak. "Only you, Bella."
I crossed my arms and kicked both of them in the ass with my boot. "Maybe y'all wanna help me try to take them off?"
"Screw that. This is so much better," Rose pointed out. "We're going to wind up taking off our heels, anyway. At least when you trip and fall you can't blame it on the heels. That'll be all you."
"Or the vodka's fault," Alice piped in. And maybe they both had a point. This was for the best.
The three of us tried our hardest to keep straight faces as we walked into the living room. The guys were sitting on the couch, looking like perfect gentlemen waiting for their dates as Rose's parents stood off to the side waiting with a camera in hand.
"Fuck, you're smokin'," Emmett yelled, eyes focused on Rose. So much for perfect gentlemen.
My eyes landed on Edward whose gaze was burning into me. Pretty sure he hissed out a 'fuck' as he noticed I was still wearing the boots. I slowly walked towards him and he stood from the couch, leaning over to plant a kiss on my cheek.
"God damn, you're fine as fuck," I whispered as he gave me a smug smile. I gave him a once over, taking in the sight of Edward in a black suit jacket, crisp white shirt and deep blue tie that perfectly matched my dress.
"You don't look too bad yourself, Pockets," he whispered back, pulling me against his side so we could pose for a few mandatory pictures. And by a few I mean a few hundred because Rose's mom went crazy eyes on us, having us pose every which way.
After the mandatory photos were out of the way, Edward and I hopped in his truck while the rest of the gang drove together in Emmett's car. Once we pulled into the parking lot of the gym, we hung out for a few minutes as the guys passed around a flask. I was entertaining the idea of suggesting we just skip prom all together until Edward pulled on my hand and nodded towards the gym.
"But we have beer out here," I whined, pointing at the ice chest in the bed of his truck. "And weed. And better music. Screw prom!" I screeched, receiving a 'fuck yeah' from Emmett.
"Just one dance," Edward whispered against my ear. "That's all I want. We'll get our photo taken, dance to one crappy song, then come back out here."
And that's exactly what we did. The six of us walked into the gym, rolling our eyes at the shitty decorations that served to make the place look festive. It was laughable at best. Edward squeezed my hand as we stood in line waiting to get our photo taken. After that, we waited near the bleachers, discreetly sipping from the flask as we waited for a non-crappy song to be played. And then we realized we'd be waiting for a long ass time.
"Come on. Let's just get this over with," I sighed, pointing towards the area of the gym where people were dancing. "You know we're not going to hear anything that's actually good."
Edward smirked and stepped towards me, grabbing me by the waist. "And you want our only dance at prom to be to 'Genie in a Bottle'?"
"Yep. That's what I want more than anything," I teased, grabbing the lapel of his jacket and kissing him hard. "Well, maybe not more than anything," I breathed.
"C'mon," he laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the dance floor where we slowed dance to Christina Aguilera like the bad asses we were.
Once the song ended, we walked outside and grabbed the cooler then met the rest of the gang around the back of the gym. Apparently Emmett got kicked out for mooning the camera in his prom photo with Rose. None of us were surprised at fucking all.
"So, Bella," Emmett slurred, leaning against the side of the gym. "Will you please tell us what happened with the bull?" I stared at him for a second. Emmett was seriously fucked up. I mean, we all were, but Emmett was Courtney Love fucked up...without the vagina, I hoped. I looked down at his crotch, causing Edward to elbow me in my side. I peered over at him as he stared at me with narrowed eyes before I motioned for him to lean in closer.
"I was looking for a vag," I whispered, or thought I did, but since everyone around me busted out laughing I must not have been nearly as quiet as I'd thought.
"Bella, what the fuck is going on in that head of yours?" Jasper asked, laughing and holding his sides. I shook my head, there was no way they would understand. I wasn't entirely sure I knew what the fuck was going on at this point. I cut my eyes back over to Emmett and grinned. I wondered exactly what I could get him to do if I promised to tell him what happened. I heard Alice whisper a quiet 'shit' before I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against Edward.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you what happened in Austin if you streak across the football field."
"Hell yes, I'll streak!" he yelled, causing all of us to jump. Fuck, he had a really big mouth. I swayed a bit, stumbled a little more, then finally just grabbed Edward's suit jacket to keep from full on face planting. These fucking cowboy boots were the best fucking thing that could have happened to me tonight.
"You really wanna do this Pockets?" Edward asked grinning down at me. I looked at our friends standing around us, and I use the term 'standing' loosely since they were either leaning on the wall or each other to stay upright.
"The odds of them not remembering any of this conversation are in my favor, and I'll tell you why," I slurred, popping up on my toes so I could sniff his neck; fuck, he smelled good.
"Did you just lick me?" Edward laughed, grabbing my shoulders so he could push me away and look at my face. I shrugged. It wasn't my intention, but I couldn't be held responsible for the actions of my tongue when he looked all fucking sexy and shit.
"As I was saying," I continued, because thinking about licking wasn't really helping me get to my point. "One, because of how fucked up we are, and two, because Emmett is about to get naked and I'm pretty sure that image alone will create insistent ambrosia," I said, snapping my fingers for emphasis. Well, kinda, it was more like a whiff, but he got the point.
"Instant amnesia?" Edward asked, looking confused.
"Yes, that. Show off." I might have stuck my tongue out at him too, but I really couldn't think about that, because it reminded me of licking again. I grabbed Edward's flask and took a swig from it before giving it the stink eye. That fucker was the reason I was about to recall making a complete ass out of myself.
"Let me just start by saying I blame Edward for everything. If he wouldn't have brought this," I said, holding up the offending flask, "full of moonshine no less, I would have been fine."
"Hey-" Edward protested before I pressed my finger to his lips.
"Shush you, no talkie. Just stand there and look sexy." I waved my hand, shooing him off. It was go time.
"You sure about this, baby?" Edward asked, his hand under the back of my shirt, his thumb sweeping against my hip.
"Yup." I nodded. I was so fucking excited that everything had went as fucking perfect as it had today. I got a new apartment, my dad got engaged to a fuckawesome chick, and I had the sexiest motherfucker here with his hand up the back of my shirt. Oh, and I couldn't forget the moonshine. The fucking moonshine was da shiz, yo.
"Well, let's get you signed up then." I reached out and grabbed his arm before he walked over to the sign up table, pulling him back towards me.
"Change your mind already, Pockets?"
"Psh, no. I'm just wondering, you know, if I should get into character, like, set the scene." I emphasised, using my hands to frame the mechanical bull. I cocked my head to the side to get a look at Edward who was shaking with laughter. I moved my hands in front of him, still framing the bull so he could get my visual.
"And exactly what do you need to 'set the scene'?"
"Okay, first, never finger quote me again. I may have to reconsider this entire relationship. Second, I mean, Charlie got his ass kicked by a turkey, so how in the hell did he manage to ride that bull and not lose an arm? It had to be the hat. I'm going to need a hat, Edward. You're gonna have to make it happen."
He stared at me blankly for a few seconds before laughing loudly. He shook his head, sputtering and gasping until he realized that I wasn't laughing with him. His eyes widened as his laughter died down before he gulped.
"You really want me to steal one of these people's hats and then let you wear it as you ride the bull where everyone can see you, including the person whose hat you'd be wearing?"
"Yup." I nodded, and I'm pretty sure the moonshine also agreed that it was a fucking excellent idea. "But make sure it's cute, not like that big fucker Charlie had. There's no way I could see with that thing on."
Edward ran his hand roughly over his face before muttering something about ending badly. I was too busy looking for my accessory to pay attention.
"Look, over there," I whispered yelled. I pointed to a young girl around my age that was passed out face down on a table in the corner, a cowboy hat laying on the table beside her. "That one's perfect."
Edward looked relieved that the girl was not only passed the fuck out, but was also in the back of the bar so even if she did wake up it was unlikely she would see me.
"Okay, you go get signed up and I'll get your accessory," he said, rolling his eyes at me, but still smacked my ass as I turned to leave. A few minutes later he came strolling up to me, cool as fucking ever, cowboy hat in hand. I clapped my hands because moonshine, mechanical bulls, and stolen cowboy hats obviously made me giddy.
"How long till you get to go?"
"I'm next. Gimmie my hat," I said, grabbing for it. He held it up above his head out of my reach, a look of disapproval on his face.
"Is that how you ask for something?" he chided. I pursed my lips at him before slowly trailing my hand down his chest to his junk, cupping him and giving him a firm squeeze.
"Please," I whispered.
"Fuck, baby," he choked, putting the hat on my head. "You need to get up there and ride that bull so we can get the fuck out of here and you can ride something else," he said, leering at me.
"That was awful, but yeah, this is just the warm up," I winked. I leaned in to give him a kiss when the bull operator called my name over the intercom.
"I got this yo," I joked, silently wondering if this was such a good fucking idea after all. I walked over to the table and leaned across it so that the guy running the bull could hear me.
"So, there are two things that I need to happen: I need to not fall off and I need to look cute. Both of those will happen if you take it easy on that little lever you got right there," I said, nodding towards the joystick in the center of the table. The guy chuckled at me, causing me to narrow my eyes.
"Don't mess with me, I know ninja," I added, like an idiot, then turned to walk through the gate. As soon as I stepped onto the soft padding, I stumbled. Fuck, no wonder Charlie had such a hard time on here, this shit did not support drunk people. I finally made it to the bull and pulled myself up. It was wide and awkward and I was glad I had a handle to hang onto because I was about to fall off and I hadn't even started moving yet.
I tipped my hat to the bull operator like a good cow girl and jerked my head towards Edward when he let out a loud whistle. I smiled, waved, and wobbled because, fuck, I needed to hold on to this mother fucker the entire time or I was going to face plant with the quickness.
The bull started moving in slow circles, making little rocking motions each time. This wasn't so bad. It was almost like sex, and I had no problem with that. I looked over to the bull operator and gave him a little head nod to crank it up a little. I felt a little jerk as it sped up, which caused me to slide to one side before I grabbed onto the rope with both hands to steady myself.
I looked over to Edward and gave him a shaky smile, until I realized that asshole was laughing at me. Of course when he saw the annoyed look on my face it only made him laugh harder. I was just about to flip him off when all hell broke loose.
"That's the bitch you took off with tonight," a deep, but obviously female voice screamed. All eyes, including my own were drawn towards the back of the bar where a familiar, very drunk girl was being hauled up from her chair by a very burly female. Melba, as I called her in my head, had her meaty finger pointed in my direction.
I looked behind me, confused at what she was pointing at when I realized that there was nothing but wall behind me. The bull continued to rock and spin making it so that Melba and the poor little drunk girl were out of my line of sight. I could tell the screams and protests were starting to get closer and, fuck, I had Drunk Girl's hat, and her manly friend was going to kick my ass.
"How could you do it, Sarah? And with that," Melba thundered, her bicep swinging back and forth like a piece of meat in a meat locker as she flailed her arm around. And, I'm pretty sure I didn't like the way she called me 'that'.
"I didn't do anything, baby, I swear," Drunk Girl, er, Sarah cried as Melba turned to me. Fuck, she was scary looking and old.
"You messin' with my girl, you skinny little bitch," she yelled at me. My legs locked around the bull my grip tightening on the strap. The bull was mid turn and I couldn't see Edward anywhere.
"I haven't touched your daughter!" I yelled back and, yeah, I knew that she wasn't her fucking daughter, but she called me 'that', skinny, and a bitch all within a few seconds. Melba's mouth dropped open and Drunk Girl gasped beside her.
"I'm not her mother, I'm her partner," she yelled, her face bright red. I looked to drunk girl, moonshine egging on my ability to act like a complete fucking idiot and frowned at her.
"I'm so sorry," I said to Sarah, completely fucking myself the moment the words left my lips.
"Bella!" Edward screamed, but it was too late. Melba was out for blood, and probably a sandwich. She looked like a bull breathing fire as she craned her hoof onto the side of the fencing to come at me. So I did what anyone would do in my situation. I gripped my legs tight, wound the leather rope around my hand and screamed for the bull operator to turn us loose, before hollering giddy up and bouncing on the bull.
As I came back around I noticed that three bouncers had Melba and were pulling her over the rail as I giddy upped the bull with all I had. She punched one in the junk before the other one put her in a choke hold. She wrestled with him, pulling and twisting until she was face down on the table with the bull operator.
She looked up at me then, an evil smile on her face, before her arm shot out and she cranked up the power all the way to full speed on the bull. And then I was flying, in the opposite fucking direction. Thank fucking God.
"Bella, get the fuck up. Come on, we have to get out of here." I wasn't sure what was going on, but Edward was pulling me under the rails like the building was on fire. Then I turned my head and saw Melba had busted free and was coming straight for me. I jumped up grabbed the fucking hat of doom and hauled ass to the door.
For a big girl she could fucking move, that or she was much more efficient at knocking people the fuck out the way. Just as I reached the door, I felt a tug at the hem of my shirt. So, I did the first thing that came to mind: I twisted around to face her, bending at the waist and throwing my arms out so when she pulled again she pulled the shirt right off my body and sent the hat flying through the air.
All movement stopped, the bar silent for a split second before I felt Edward's body pressed against the back of mine and his hands wrapping around me, cupping my...bare mother fucking boobs. Fuck my life. I wasn't wearing a bra. And I'd just flashed at entire bar full of fucking people in Austin. And now Edward was copping a feel and acting as a human bra all at once.
He started pulling me backwards, still cupping my boobs while Melba stood in front of me, her mouth hanging open, my shirt dangling from her fingers. And, fuck that, I wanted my goddamn shirt back; it was one of my favorites. I used her moment of shock at the awesomeness that is my rack and pulled myself free from Edward, causing people all around us to gasp again. I darted forward yanking my shirt from her hand then turned and hauled ass the fuck outta there. This bar will definitely go on the, 'do not repeat' list next year. Fuck.
By the time I finished my story I don't think one person was breathing. They were doing that whole silent laugh thing where their mouths hung open and faces were bright red, but no sound was coming out because they couldn't manage to breath.
I pinched Edward's side, causing him to yelp and take a much needed breath before I walked over to Emmett who was laying in the grass, in a damn suit no less, rolling around like a dog that had found something dead.
"Hey, fucker, it's nekkid time," I said, giving Emmett a nudge with the toe of my boot. He rolled over on his back, sprawled out in the grass like he was making grass angels or some shit.
"I guess it is. How much worse could it be than you running bare breasted down the street in Austin?"
"You see where my foot is right now?" I asked, hovering my boot over his junk. "Keep talking and I'll show you."
"Fine. Anything you can do I can do better," he sang in a girly voice as he flung his jacket at Rose. She shook her head and slipped it over her arms as piece after piece of Emmett's suit went flying through the air. Then it happened. My parking lot assailant was back. I'd know those beady, soulless eyes anywhere.
"Edward," I hissed, never taking my eyes off my prey. "Look, it's that same blood thirsty fucker from the store." Edward looked over towards the side of the bleachers and squinted his eyes.
"Bella, what are you looking at?" he asked.
"The raccoon! He's back, and he won't stop until he spills my blood!" I was really getting worked up over this shit. He wasn't going to make me the victim again, fuck no. I had my shit kickin' boots on, it was time for that fucker to meet his maker.
I was so distracted stalking my prey I didn't realize Emmett was standing beside me, naked.
"What the fuck are you doing, Bella?" he slurred and swayed, his naked arm brushing against mine.
"Ew. No touching," I yelled, shoving him off me. "That," I said pointing to the raccoon, "is about to die." Emmett eyes widened comically as they darted between me and the raccoon before he took off in a dead sprint towards the raccoon.
"I won't let you touch him, you'll never hurt him," he bellowed, ass cheeks bouncing in the wind, amongst other things. And that fucker managed to grab the raccoon, who was probably frozen in shock at the sight of Emmett's junk bouncing around. He scooped him under his arm like a damn football and took off running the fifty yard dash across the football field and disappearing under the goal post. Well, fuck me.
I looked around at everyone who was just standing there with their mouths hanging open, speechless. And really, what the fuck could you possibly add to that scene? Not a mother fucking thing. I peeked over at Edward and grinned. I might as well take advantage of our friends coma-like state and drag Edward somewhere private.
"I think it's time that we had that cliche prom sex now."
"Oh yeah?" he asked, licking his lips.
He cocked an eyebrow like the hot fucker he knew he was. "Where do you propose we go?"
I glanced around the area and sighed. His truck could definitely do, the cab or the bed. I had almost settled on that location until my eyes spotted a shed twenty yards away.
"There." I pointed.
He rolled his eyes, but leaned over and let me hop on his back. He stood and tightened his grip on my thighs, walking towards the shed. "Only you would want to fuck in the groundskeepers shed."
"Only you would let me," I drawled, kissing his neck as he carried me on his back to the shed. He flipped the latch and we walked into the dark space. He hummed out loud, glancing around the area to see what we had to work with.
"Is that a riding mower?" I asked, pointing towards the back of the shed as I squinted my eyes.
"That's where we're going to fuck," I stated.
"I bet this is considered a shit ton of women's fantasies," I said giddily as Edward released my thighs, setting me on the ground. He looked on in confusion. "You know, all those bitches want to recreate scenes from eighties movies. I'm totally about to ride with you on a mower."
"What does that have to do with eighties movies?" he asked, and for a split second I thought seriously about not fucking him anymore. And then I mentally slapped the fuck out of myself.
"You've never seen Can't Buy Me Love?" I asked in awe as we made our way towards the back of the shed.
He thought for a second. "They don't fuck on a mower."
"The point is that there was riding being done." I sighed in exasperation. "Besides, that's how most females wanted the movie to end anyway. Who wouldn't want to fuck Patrick Dempsey on a mower?"
"Okay. If you say so," he said, scrunching his nose. He stood there all fuckhot, probably thinking seriously about not fucking me after the Patrick Dempsey comment. So, I dropped to my knees and unzipped his pants.
He looked down at me with a wide grin as I pulled out his dick and slowly teased the tip with my tongue. He moaned, grabbing my head as I wrapped my mouth around his dick.
"Shit," he hissed before I pulled away. I unbuttoned his belt and then his pants, watching with glee as they fell to the ground.
"Sit," I instructed, pointing towards the mower. He kicked off his slacks and unbuttoned his shirt before climbing onto the seat of the mower.
"C'mere," he breathed, staring at me through hooded eyes. I stood next to him and raised my arms in the air as he lifted my dress over my head. It was a feeble attempt, but I made a move to pull the boots off.
"Stop," he ordered, grabbing my wrist. "The boots stay on." And whatever he wanted as long as he never stopped looking at me like that. I'd wear these boots for fucking ever.
I frantically grabbed a condom from his pocket and tossed it towards him. I placed my foot on the step and hitched my leg over his waist, letting my ass rest on the steering wheel as he slipped on the condom. I felt sorry for whoever had to use this thing next.
He gripped the base of his dick and I brought my lips to his. He ran the head against me for a full minute, taunting and teasing. I hissed, scraping my nails against the back of his neck before he finally allowed me to slide down.
"God damn," he panted as I lost my breath.
I gripped his shoulders for leverage as I slid up and down, ignoring the steering wheel that was pressed against my back.
"Fuck me," I breathed out. I felt his arm move behind me, creating a barrier between my back and the steering wheel.
He slightly lifted his ass, pushing his hips against mine as I rode the fuck out of him. It was all so good as his rough hand grabbed my breast. I lifted one leg, placing my foot next to his thigh on the seat, causing him to push deeper. He practically growled, thrusting harder. I grabbed his free hand and moved it between us, a determined smile spreading across his face as he rubbed my clit.
I closed my eyes, fisting my hands tightly as my body shook with pleasure. His stubble rubbed against my chest as he breathed erratically, pounding into me and cursing as he came. We slumped against one another, our arms tangled as we wrapped ourselves in each other.
"I guess not all cliche's are bad," I joked sitting up.
"Definitely not," he agreed with a nod.
After the insanity that was prom, the rest of May passed quietly. Well, as quietly as it can when half the students were drunk. When we weren't at school, the six of us were hanging out every chance we got. We planned to make the most of the time we had together this summer since we'd be going our separate ways in the fall.
And when we each took our turn walking across the stage, we yelled and jeered and laughed and acted like the immature teenagers we were. When I though about the life that I had this time last year, I couldn't do anything but shake my head. In my wildest dreams I never expected to have people like these guys, people like Edward, in my life.
"So, do you guys want to get together and hang out later?" Rose asked, coming up and throwing her arm over my shoulder, tiny streaks of mascara under her eyes.
"I think me and Pockets are going to hang out for a little bit," Edward said, sliding up beside me, "but we'll catch up with you guys later tonight at the party."
"Sounds good." Rose smiled before running over to Emmett and jumping on his back.
"So, what are we doing?" I asked, looking to see if Charlie and Jane had finally left after blubbering like fools. I knew I should have made sure they smoked before they got here so Charlie would have been more mellow.
"Come take a ride with me?"
"Always." I grinned.
We rode in silence until Edward peeked over at me and grinned, thumbing through his iPod. He set it on the seat and turned the sound as loud as his truck would go, before letting his windows down. The wind whipped my hair around my face, my arm propped up on the open window as Brown Eyed Girl started blasting through the speakers. I laughed as he tugged me closer until I was sitting next to him in the cab of the truck.
"You swooning yet?" he asked, causing me to laugh harder.
"Oh yeah, I'm swooning all over this shit." He drove to the clinic, pulling around the side and backing up his truck until it was at the edge of the pond that he'd thrown me in last fall when I was covered in horse shit. Good times.
We sat on the tailgate of his truck, my head resting against the side of his neck, his arm around my shoulder.
"We're finally done, it's kinda weird right?" he asked, leaning the side of his face against the top of my head. I shrugged, I would miss everyone, but I knew as long as I had Edward with me I'd be fine.
"It's not really the end, just a new chapter. I mean, there's still plenty of trouble for us to get into in Austin, right?" I asked grinning.
"Oh, no fucking doubt, baby. No fucking doubt," he said, crushing me into his side.
"So what are we going to do this summer?"
He looked at me and grinned, hopping off the tailgate and coming to stand between my legs. He pulled off his hat and put it on my head, the bill falling over my eyes. He chuckled, adjusting it so that I could see and reached down, taking both my hands in his. He leaned over and gave me a soft, slow kiss that stole the breath from my body. We were totally going to have sex.
"We're gonna listen to some music, drink some beer, and waste some gas," he said before leaning in and kissing me like we had all the time in the world. And yeah, we really did.
I'm never gonna let this crazy, perfect boy go.
Liv- *throws rope in the air, misses rafter* Fuck. Okay. *throws rope again*
Meg- You done yet?
Liv- Oh I'm done, I'm gonna swing from the rafters with Edward, I can't do this shit! *drags chair over*
Meg- I need some popcorn. Can I borrow some of yours?
Liv- Take it all I don't care! *puts head through noose*
Meg- You can't take the popcorn when you go, so...ANYWAY. Our A/N shouldn't be this morbid. But I guess it's the end of the story, so... *pulls out razor blade*
Liv-We ride together, we die together.
Meg- What do we do now? Sing? Hold hands? Or maybe just thank everyone for going on this crazy ride with us...that works.
Liv- Yeah, dying is stupid. Why would you kill yourself for someone anyway?
Liv & Meg- *rides off into the sunset sipping beers*
We had the best fucking time writing this shit show and we want to thank everyone who read, reviewed, tweeted, pimped, and whatever the fuck else y'all did to get the word out about this story. There may be some outtakes later on so make sure you have us on author alert, and who knows, the two of us may have something else cooking up later on down the road. Since it's the last chapter we expect ALL you fuckers to drop us a line! Puffies! Winehoes OUT.