► sкιηηy נεαηs ◄

Summary: Of all the battles he's fought, this is perhaps the most frustrating; Arthur Kirkland is determined to rid his sight of the infamous Lust-Inducing Skinny Jeans. Keep your pants while you can~!

"...those shag-begging britches!"

Of the many offensive fashion statements he had witnessed, from cross-dressing to the codpiece, Arthur Kirkland deemed this the worst: The Lust-Inducing Skinny Jeans. Strapped skin-tight, the blasted fabric melded with the body like a second skin, accentuating areas that promised to make one's pants burst. The bloody article was so belligerent in its quest to torment males that Arthur Kirkland was determined to defeat them as soon as he saw you walk in wearing them.

His pulse quickened.

What is the meaning of this? How did those get by me?

Bending to pick up a fallen magazine, you noticed Arthur staring at you and frowned. "Erm, Arthur?" Waving the magazine in his face, you lifted an eyebrow. "What are you looking at?" Gritting his teeth, he glowered, clearly checking you out.

Hip-hugging, thigh-gripping, arse-seizing…ugh!

"What?" Arthur questioned crossly. "Oh, nothing!"

So tight…so perfect…so frustrating! Damn it!

Raising an eyebrow, you noticed his blush. "Is it too hot in here?" Walking to the window, you had no idea how good your legs looked, especially with your heels. Bust propped, legs tapered, and rear firm, the heels allied themselves with the jeans. Arthur could not remove his hungering stare from your ass. This was ridiculous! How could an upstanding gentleman like himself fall prey to this? You might as well been walking around naked from the waist down!

oh for the love of bleeding God!

"Would you mind taking off your clothes?" Arthur snapped.

You whipped around. "Excuse me?"

Arthur spluttered, "N-not like that, you perverted twit!"

"What other way could you possibly mean?"

Jabbing an accusing finger, Arthur cried, "Don't blame me! This is your fault!" Affronted, you shot him an insulted glare. "Stop looking at me like that! You're the one wearing those, those—" his finger quaked with his voice, "—shag-begging britches!"

Grinning, you scoffed, "Oh? And now you want me to strip down to my lacy little panties?"

"B-bloody hell! That's not what I said at all!"

"Why the erotic fantasies, Arthur?"

"I-I'm not having any, you lascivious pillock!"

"Me? Lascivious? You'rethe one who wants to see me naked."

"Shut your dirty mouth this instant!"

"And I thought Francis was the pervert…"

"Why you sodding little—!"

That was the last straw. Arthur stormed towards you; he couldn't take another minute of this! Tackling you onto the couch, knocking you off your feet, he slammed his lips onto yours—anything to make you shut up. Eyes snapping wide, you gasped as he gripped your rear, pulling back to glare heatedly into your eyes.

"Get rid of them. Now!"

Eyelids fluttering, you managed a sultry smile. "Only if you get rid of your bottoms too~!"

Throwing back his head with a groan, Arthur retorted, "Fine!" Your smile widened; teasing him was such fun. Fingers slipping underneath your waistband, Arthur impatiently started to pull, triumphant smirk conquering his former frustration. Peeling away the material to discover smooth skin beneath, he dragged his fingers down your legs.

Draping your arms around his neck, kicking off your heels, you assisted him in disposing your pants, his hands taking their place. Delightful shudders coursed through you as he eyed you with that devious grin. Your voice was husky.

"See? I told you they were lacy…"

The infamous Lust-Inducing Skinny Jeans were defeated.

The Battle of the Prurient Panties began.

Extended Ending

Conquered and cuddling beneath a blanket on the couch, you smiled; the peace treaty was signed with deep, bonding strokes. Satisfied, you snuggled into Arthur. Needless to say, the skinny jeans were almost all but forgotten.


"Mmm," you rested your head on his bare chest, "Big Ben is quite the belligerent."

"Say nothing of it, love," Arthur smiled as you nuzzled your nose into his neck.

A wry grin tugged on your lips. "Perhaps I should wear those jeans more often, just to see if Ben always disapproves of them so hardheadedly." You giggled as Arthur stiffened. Pecking his cheek, you chimed, "Kidding~!"

"You'd better be," Arthur sighed, "the last thing I need is a stiffy for the day…"

You were amused. "…are those jeans really so tempting?"

Arthur sighed again. "You haven't the faintest idea, dear."