Kurt expected his grandmother to have left for her morning walk without him but found her at the kitchen table with two cups of tea in front of her.
"No change. Won't take my calls, Dad said he refused his visit." His normally perfectly kept hair stood in every possible direction. The red in his eyes and dark circles beneath them were evidence of Kurt's long nights since he'd first alerted Mr. Anderson to Blaine's morning rage.
His grandmother patted his hand when he sat across from her, "He'll come around Darling, and at least he's getting help."
"It's been four days. What if he never forgives me?"
"Do you want to go home?"
"Why? Because the boy you love is in pain and you want to be by his side? Never apologize for your love Kurt. Your mother would have done anything to get to your father if he'd been in trouble."
"I want you to know how much I appreciate your letting me come and showing me so much of this amazing city, and helping Mom come alive for me. I feel closer to her than I have since she died, I'm so grateful for that."
"We'll have plenty more time to see shows and explore our city together when you and Blaine move here. I'll keep a list of things to show you both."
"If he comes with me, if he ever speaks to me again, if I haven't ruined his trust in me forever." Kurt began to choke up. "I'm afraid to go back. I'm afraid to stay here. What if I pushed him further inside himself, what if I made it worse? I should have gone home when…I should have noticed sooner, he said so many things that I should have paid attention to but all I thought about was getting to New York."
"You're a bright, strong young man Kurt, but you aren't responsible for Blaine. He was surrounded by professionals who didn't see this coming. If you care for him as much I think you do the best gift you can give him right now is to not allow him to push you away, no matter how hard he tries. The trick will be to help Blaine find his way out of his pain without losing yourself. There's help out there, please seek it. No one can deal with these things on their own. I'm here for you, so are your father, your step mom and brother. Lean on us. If you want me to come to Ohio just say the word and I'll be on the next plane, if you'd rather talk to someone outside of the family you let me know, I'll pay for whatever help you need, but don't let this crush you."
Kurt stood to hug his grandmother then sat back across from her, meeting her gaze he asked something that had been on his mind since he arrived, "Can I ask you something?"
"Dad doesn't talk about it much, but he told me that mom's sister, Aunt Tracy, is gay, and that the two of you don't speak. Why are you so accepting of me but not of her?"
His grandmother stood and went to the stove. She stayed with her back to him a few minutes, clearly gathering her thoughts then returned with the teapot in hand, refreshing both their cups before sitting down. "It wasn't my choice to stop speaking to your Aunt, and it had nothing to do with her sexuality. Tracy liking girls was something I knew when she was a child. That's why I get so angry when I hear people talk about it being a choice. Children don't choose sexuality."
"My dad said he knew I was gay when I was a kid too."
"It's who you are. You're Caucasian, you're stubborn, you're tall, and you're gay. No one of those things defines you, and none of them are a choice. When your mom and Tracy were little your mom would pick out cute boys in her class and tell me she loved them. She would have weddings for her dolls in dresses to her teddy bears in overalls. Tracy would have weddings for the dolls; she would tell me how one girl in her class had the prettiest hair she'd ever seen and how she wanted to hold her hand. When she got into junior high she dated boys but never seemed to like them as much as they liked her. By high school she stopped dating all together. I never said a word; I let her work things out for herself. In college she finally came out to you mother."
"What did Mom say?"
"She called me laughing, she said, 'Ma, guess what, Tra just told me water's wet.' I was confused and she said, "She's gay." Then I laughed too. It was like Tracy was the last to know. Now, your granddad refused to believe it. He said it was all the pot kids smoked, it was a phase, he just couldn't accept it, never really did. He still loved Tracy, that never changed, but he didn't know how to talk to her. When she was 24 she met a girl and they moved in together. They lived out in California and never visited together, I guess because she thought it would upset your granddad. She seemed to be so happy wit-this girl and I decided I'd go out and visit. I wanted to meet what amounted to my daughter-in-law, though they'd never allow them to marry then.
I spent a week out there and the night before I left I told Tracy that Marlene seemed like a wonderful girl, and I was happy for them, but that I thought she should be careful. Marlene seemed to not feel well most of the time I was there and back then everyone was just starting to talk about HIV and AIDS. Everybody was so afraid. Your aunt told me I was being ridiculous, that gay people got the sniffles too and they didn't carry the plague.
Seven months later she lost Marlene to the disease and I don't think she ever forgave me for seeing it when she didn't. She just pulled away from me completely. I tried to connect to her, still do now and then but I think I just represent that painful time to her now. I think it's best that I let her be, I always make sure she knows where I am, and that if she needs me, or wants to talk to me I'm here.
In some ways I think of you as my second chance with her and with your mother. I couldn't be there when your mother passed away, Tracy won't let me be there for her. It would mean the world to me if you'd let me be a part of your life. "
"You will always be a part of my life. Aunt Tracy doesn't know what she's missing. I told Blaine once how guilty I feel for having such a loving, accepting family when his just couldn't support him. "
"We're Blaine's family now too Kurt. He may not want us right now, but we care for him just the same. "
She called her travel agent, even though Kurt told her he could book his ticket home online in a matter of seconds online. She got him set up for a flight home that evening and called Burt to let him know when he could expect his son.
They spent their final day in the city visiting some of Kurt's favorite places, he made sure to take pictures of everything and buy little bits and bites that he could bring home to Blaine. He also made sure to grab a few souvenirs' for his family and of course something from Broadway for Rachel.
His grandmother rode to airport with him and hugged and kissed him at the security check point. "Keep me updated, and let me know when I can come hear you sing."
A few hours later when Burt met him with a bear hug at the luggage carousel Kurt was tired and single minded, "Take me to the hospital."
"Visiting hours are over Kurt, come home, unpack, unwind, we'll go over there in the morning."
"If you want just take me home, I'll get my car and go over myself."
"I know you're worried Son, but the rules are in place to keep Blaine on a schedule, they're important."
"Fine. Did you tell Mr. Anderson I was coming home?"
"I called him today. He said he hopes you can get him through to him because so far no one else has."
"Tomorrow morning then."
The night dragged. He was too distracted for all the questions about New York. He just wanted it to be the next morning.
When morning finally arrived the knot in Kurt's stomach was debilitating. He tried deep breathing but it didn't help. Acid bathed his stomach as he dressed. The 'what if's' were on repeat in his head. This wasn't supposed to be how his homecoming went. His plan had been to come home and sneak to Dalton, to be waiting in Blaine's room when he got back from class. Their reunion would have been magical and romantic. Now he may have lost him forever.