Pinned but Fluttering
How had it gone on this long? I wondered, my eyes listlessly wandering over the nearly-bare room lit by a single light bulb hanging from the water-stained ceiling.
It had all seemed so simple at first. So normal.
Now I was locked in this room nearly 24/7, only allowed out while being escorted to the bathroom three times a day.
Like an animal.
I missed the sun. So much.
But I missed my parents even more. Even after all these years, I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that they're gone. Both of them. It had happened so fast, one right after the other.
Tears rose unbidden to my eyes, blurring the dirty white walls, the plywood nailed securely over the one small, boarded window.
If it weren't for the battery-operated alarm clock on the floor next to the mattress I slept on, I would have never have any idea of the time.
I could tell day from night by the frequency of bathroom breaks, not from the usual rhythms of sunlight and darkness.
Not that either of them would ever let me even pee in peace, anyway.
But I had a strange feeling that things were going to change. And soon.
I could sense the tension between the two of them—the way they bellowed and screamed at one another hour after hour, the animosity building between them each day.
Part of me was scared silly. Change, in my book, was never a good thing. Change had always meant a definite worsening of my lot. Yep, every stinking time. Always. Change was bad.
But part of me was restless, perhaps even excited. Through the thick, bolted door, I had managed to catch just enough of their incessant arguing to figure out what the fighting was all about.
It was all about me.
But this time, I could be granted a chance—the chance I've been praying for every night...for years.
It only took one slip on their part, and I could be free. Free of this tiny room. Free of their anger...which they always took out on me. Free of them.
All love I'd had for them when I was a child was gone...long gone. I wasn't sure that I had the mental energy to hate them, even after all this time. But I did know that I didn't love them. That I would leave them the very first chance that came my way.
Because I knew, as sure as my name is Bella Swan, that one chance was all I would ever, ever get.