Title: Harry Potter and the Gamer Dragon
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley
Word Count: 1,221
Rating: K+
Friendship, Humor, Frenemies, Virtual Slash, Animosity, College, Rivalry
Summary: An argument on the Hogwarts Express leads the Golden Trio and the Prince of Slytherin to contemplate life on another planet.
Author's Notes: Part of the "Same Universe, Different Planet" series.
Disclaimer: I own nothing …

Harry scowled as he tried to block out yet another of Draco's pureblood supremacy rants. The platinum blonde haired Slytherin had stopped by the "Golden Trio's" compartment, yetagain, on the train ride back to London after another year at Hogwarts. Their final year to be exact – which everyone their age who was still alive after the final battle also attended (once Hogwarts was fully restored two years later that is, which puts the age of the Boy-Who-Lived-turned-Young-Man-Who-Won at twenty).

Draco: "And another thing Potter-" (Hey, no one said he had matured at all in the ensuing years since the final battle and the end of their final year.)

Harry: "Are you done yet?"

Draco: "I'm just getting started."

Ron (to Harry, conversationally): "Can I just hex him and be done with it?" (As opposed do his Slytherin counterpart, Ron had matured in the past three years and moved above such things as attacking first.)

Harry (to Ron): "No." (to Draco): "You know what Malfoy? I bet there is another planet, somewhere out there in the universe, that is nearly identical to this one. And I bet that on that planet you are one of those "filthy muggles" you keep going on and on and on about."

Draco (sputters): "How dare you insinuate that I could ever be a muggle! I don't care how many planets there are."

Ron (to Harry): "You know, I think the ferret's right." (Okay, so he hasn't matured passed name calling…)

Draco: "Of course I'm right… Hey." (Bright little thing, isn't he?)

Ron: "Could you really imagine a planet where Draco Ferret Malfoy is a muggle? Honestly?"

Harry (ponders to himself): "Hmm…"


On a planet twelve solar systems left of this one…

Harry walks into his college dorm room after returning from Easter break.

Draco: "There you are! Where the hell have you been? Why haven't you accepted my friend request on Cityville? I've been asking for days. Here I've got this booming metropolis and the one thing stopping me from fully enjoying that is the fact that you remain the only person to not have accepted my friend request. I could have been all neighbourly and stuff and helped you collect rent and harvest crops and shite. But oh no! You're too good to click the measly 'accept' button when I always accept yours."

Harry (pauses to shut the door behind him): "Erm… hi?"

Draco: "Don't you 'hi' me Mr. I'm-too-good-to-accept-my-roommate's-Cityville-friend-request. Honestly, is it too much to ask for someone to have the common courtesy to take even the slightest interest in what's going on in my life once in a while? Just once. It's not like I go around jilting everyone I meet. And when that person can't even be my own roommate– I thought you'd grown out of that stupid little high school rivalry!" (points accusingly at Harry) "It ended four years ago! It was just basketball for crying out loud! We beat you one time. One time in our entire secondary school career. But you can't even get over that long enough to make me a neighbour in your Cityville when you already added Cedric Diggory. And he purposely checked you into the sideboard in that one hockey game that nearly cost you the championship. I even sent you a parking lot as a gift!"

Harry: "Parking lot?"

Draco: "Yes. A parking lot! Which I never even contemplated offering anyone else. As well as a bike rack and a moose. A moose! I even named my coffee shop after you because I know how much you like your double espresso mocha lattes." (huffs) "Now what do you have to say for yourself?"

Harry: "Er–"

Draco: "I don't know why I even bother." (flops down on the green coloured bean bag chair in front of his laptop and sighs dramatically.)

Harry (sighs and drops his head before taking a good look at his roommate): "When was the last time you slept?" (sniffs) "Or bathed?"

Draco: "What's the point when my own roommate refuses to acknowledge my pitiful existence?"

Harry: "Draco, I left on Friday. It's only been, what, three days? Not even." (drops luggage on his bed and goes to look at Draco's laptop) "I don't know what you're so worked up ab– whoa." (stares at the screen) "When you said metropolis you weren't kidding. (blinks) "Have you been playing this the entire time I've been gone"

Draco: "No." (snips) "I played the Sims 2 to take my mind off the fact that my own roommate spurned me. Rooming together for four years and where does it get me?"

Harry: "Don't you think you're being a little over dramatic?"

Draco (sniffs): "Aren't you going to even inquire how that went?"

Harry (sighs): "How did that go?"

Draco: "We got married."

Harry: "Huh?"

Draco: "And I made out with Hermione."

Harry: "Er… okay?"

Draco: "And fooled around in bed with Ron."

Harry: "You what?"

Draco: "And Pansy… and Greg. And Blaise, Seamus and Justin. And Snape–"

Harry: "The Chemistry professor?"

Draco: "–which kind of weirded me out so I stopped playing and–"

Harry: "That weirded you out? Ron's your cousin. And my best mate by the way."

Draco: "–then I decided to play the Sims, you know the first one? And I built this really cool mansion. It was completely tricked out. I designed it with an indoor swimming pool, and a fully stocked entertainment room with a pool table, and a huge flat screen television, and an awesome stereo system, and a state of the art computer station, and one of those virtual reality goggles – which some idiot stole when I threw a party and I had to replace it. And it had a monkey butler–"

Harry: "Monkey butler?"

Draco: "–and a sonic shower, and one of those mud/sulphur/milk baths, and a heart shaped hot tub, and a heart themed bed that we got stuck playing in–"

Harry: "Huh?"

Draco: "–and then the iced mocha latte with extra espresso I'd had wore off and I fell asleep. When I woke up there was garbage everywhere and puddles and everyone but our daughter was dead. She was walking around and crying and–"

Harry: "Daughter?"

Draco: "–and that got depressing so I turned it off and went back to the Sims 2. But after fooling around with Cho, and Luna, and Zacharias, and Dean I kissed you and all of a sudden a kid comes out of nowhere and–"

Harry: "Why do you keep making out with all these people?"

Draco: "What! What! What! My goal was love! What am I supposed to do? I have to make out with all these people! Why are you being so judgemental? Get off my back! Stop judging me! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . ."

Draco: ". . ."

Harry: ". . –"

Draco: "Oh for crying out loud just say something already!"


Back on this planet…

Harry (blinks): "… no you're right. That could never happen."

- 30 -


A/N: Randomly got this idea after I tried out Cityville on Facebook for the first time. Sometimes all/mostly dialogue delivers material more humorously than stuff filled with description.

Completed: August 19, 2011
Updated: August 21, 2011