This one is earlier than expected, and yes, shirou summoned THAT servant. I expect hilarity to ensue. Please don't forget t review, it makes me want to update more often. Feel free to comment about the jokes.
Once again, none of the characters in this chapter is mine, and I get no profit from this.
i dream of saber
Uh, I just had the strangest dream, was the thought running through Shirou's mind, only moments later registering that something felt off. Oh it's just my underwear and practically freezing at the thought. Wait a minute, why am I only wearing underwear? and why am I feeling nauseous? Trying, and failing to come with a reason to that, and the bizarre dream, he could only think of the worst… Taiga will kill me when she come for food. Arrrgh, this just can't be happening. Taking a moment to cloth himself, he left the room, now recognized as one of the spare bedrooms in the house, trying vainly to prepare himself to what he was certainly about to encounter… only to find the rooms oddly the same way he left them.
Just as he entered the bathroom and was about to wash his face, he heard a strangely familiar voice in a scarily commanding, dangerous tone "drop it, now" , that made him cringe, only to find a sight hinting that his theory about consuming some spiked drink or food may had some truth in it, don't tell me that Taiga brought some drug from her family's yakuza deals instead of flour, and I ate it, those things seem very expensive in the movies, Raiga –san will kill me, just like in that American movie about the Italian mob. Why did Issei have to drag me to watch it?
Because before him stood a large, tall, tanned man wearing black and red, holding swords in his hands, one white the other black. And behind him a familiar short figure, wearing a red dress, holding a red sword to his neck. "We had an alliance", said the man, in a dry tone, and was responded with the girl's stern voice: "and you were about to break it, leave now and prepare a feast for us and I might forgive your impudent transgressions against myself. Be warned, I will know if the food is tampered with, and you will regret for acting against me."
Not a fool, or maybe just reminded of a certain red devil, he obliged, the sword disappearing he went to the right direction towards the kitchen, and Shirou thought he heard him muttering "it was worth a try…"
He was immediately reminded of the other occupant of the room when asked "are you feeling better? You fainted yesterday, maybe you were hungry, breakfast will make you feel better." Unable to do otherwise, and still confused and fearful of his guests, he finished washing and showered, and went to the dining room, where he was greeted to a surprising sight.
"Tohsaka? What are you doing here?"
"So let me get this straight, this is a grail war between 7 magi, who summon a servant, which is a heroic spirit, a legendry hero, for a free for all fight to the death, where the last pair standing will get their wish granted," "pretty much", "and now I am a participant of it and this is my servant, Saber, a heroic spirit of sword wielding legend", "yes", "and that you are also participant of it, and this is you servant, Archer", he gestured towards Archer. "Yes". "And you proposed an alliance for the war. "Yes". "and you agreed", saber looked at him, eating at ridiculous speed, what amounted to four times of his portion of the meal, (and she checked the food for poisoning beforehand, going as far as having Archer taste each dish after her checks, and only then beginning to eat and "graciously allowing them to begin feasting"), with a look of superiority, daring him to contradict her. "Yes, you fainted, and our attacker lancer managed to escape, they arrived and upon gazing on my glorious victory saw the alliance as their best chance. Now they will clean the table, the dishes and go to school, they would not want o be late."
Thosaka was about to say something when Archer whispered something in her ear, and she stopped, and after rising from her seat, suddenly smiled, in a way that raised the hair on Shirou's neck, "well we will be going now, bye, after school we will bring our belongings too the guest house as agreed, come Archer."
Only after she left did he notice the dishes still on the table, and went to the job of clearing the table. They left all the work to me. Hey, what did Tohsaka mean…? "Saber, what did Tohsaka mean about meeting later?" "Oh, it was agreed to consolidate or position and she will be moving to your guest house for the duration of the alliance". "What?" "Yes, it was agreed upon with your caretakers, the purple haired girl and the loud woman, Tohsaka Rin said that her house is under renovations and you offered lodging, she is unaware of myself and Archer." "what?"