Appearing Characters: The Fabray Family: Russell Fabray, Judy (Hunter) Fabray, Mr. and Mrs. Fabray [Russell's parents], The Eldest Fabray Daughter, Lucy Quinn Fabray
Surviving Hunter Family: Lily Hunter [Judy's younger sister]
Lucy Quinn's Friends: Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, and Brittany Pierce
Rachel's Two Gay Dads: Leroy and Hiram Berry
Pairings: Rachel/Lucy Quinn, side Santana/Brittany, mentions past Rachel/Finn
Length: ~30,600 words
Summary: Lucy Quinn Fabray's life has been filled with secrets and forbidden memories. The summer before her senior year she takes it in to her own hands (with a little nudging from one Rachel Berry) to solve the questions that no one will answer. Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce join her in the journey that leads down a path no one expected to a door that will change everything Quinn ever knew about herself.
Author's Note: A few thank yous:
To Lib for making a manip that I'm not sure I'll use because my banner-making skills seem to have left my brain
To Alex, my Azn Cockatoo for being my guinea pig and reading the first draft and telling me it doesn't suck
To Jaymes because her cover of "Somewhere Only We Know" was the soundtrack to Chapters 8, 9, Epilogue, and through all of my editing. The song now has almost 60 plays on my iTunes
To Amanda for being an awesome supportive girlfriend and being forgiving when I'd get on a roll in writing and forget to check my phone for texts for hours on end.
When Lucy Quinn Fabray was born at seven pounds, eight ounces, the nurses were in awe. The small infant was absolutely gorgeous. She had a small tuft of dark hair on the top of her head, bright blue eyes, and a cry that was more melodious than it was a gasp for air. The nurse handed her to Russell Fabray and he smiled at the angel in his arms, then at his wife. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed seven year old was in the waiting room of the maternity ward with her Grandma and Grandpa Fabray anxiously awaiting the news of if she had a baby brother or sister.
Their family was perfect.
At two years old, Lucy was a shy and quiet toddler. She was brilliant, mind you, but hardly social. She was ahead of all of her milestones and, even at two years old, on the fast track in life - according to her parents.
Lucy hated strangers. Her parents, big sister, and grandparents' Fabray were the only people she would ever reach for when she wanted to be held. Everyone from the ladies the Fabrays attended church with to people at the grocery store smiled in awe at the gorgeous toddler but Lucy turned away. People who knew the family found it very strange that the dark-haired girl was shy in a family of outgoing, boisterous blondes but Russell and Judy only smiled and laughed and reminded them that Judy's parents were both dark-haired and very quiet people when they were alive. Lucy was obviously more of a Hunter than a Fabray.
One of Lucy's very first memories was her fourth birthday party. It was literally a circus. Russell Fabray spared no expense and rented a small carnival for his little girl and all of her pre-school friends. There were clowns, ponies, face painting, a carousel, popcorn, cotton candy, and even a baby elephant. Lucy had come out of her shell a little bit by then – the excitement of having a carnival for her birthday only helping matters. She got dresses, toys, and candy from her classmates, a pink bicycle from her parents, brand-new bedroom furniture from her grandparents...she was a little girl in heaven.
After the carnival had been packed up and her classmates long-gone, Lucy sat down to her favorite dinner of macaroni and cheese, peas, and strawberry ice cream with her parents, sister, and grandparents. It started as all of the Fabray dinners did, Lucy's father blessed the meal and her mother got up to dish out food on Lucy's plate first. The dishes were passed around and the adults talked about grown-up things; Lucy was more focused on not getting food on her brand-new dress than the conversation around her.
If you were to ask her today, Lucy doesn't remember the doorbell ringing or anyone knocking. She only remembers her father getting up and loud whispers in the foyer. She remembers her mother following and shortly thereafter and then a low throat-clearing coming from the direction of the door leading from the dining room to the living room.
"Lucy," her father's soothing voice echoed. "There's someone special here to see you."
Lucy turned around to meet stormy grey-blue eyes, dark chestnut hair, and a nervous smile on a young woman who resembled her mother. She was holding a small stuffed lamb.
"This is your aunt Lily," Judy spoke. "Mommy's sister."
"I remember you!"
Lucy jumped when her sister sprang from her seat and straight to the woman's arms. Lily's eyes never unlocked from Lucy's as she bent over to hug the excited young blonde.
"Lucy, come say hello."
Obeying her father's order, Lucy jumped down from her chair, straightened out her dress, and slowly approached her parents and her newly introduced aunt. She took a quick look back at the grandparents' Fabray who, with nervous looks, nodded for her to go.
The softness of Lily's voice stunned the young brunette. It was warm and almost shy, much like the girl herself. She couldn't tell anyone what it was, but there was something about this young woman that drew Lucy in. She opened her arms and was immediately pulled in and lifted up to be held close. Lucy wrapped her arms around Lily's neck and held on tight, burying her face into the crook of the woman's neck and breathing in the floral scent of lilacs like the ones that grew in her front yard.
"It feels so good to hold you," Lily whispered. "I've waited a long time."
Lucy was taken from her by her mother and, for some inexplicable reason, she cried out for Lily to come back. Lily tried to reach for her but was taken by the arm by Russell and pulled away. The last thing Lucy heard before the front door shut with a slam was Lily begging for Russell not to keep them apart any longer.
It was the last time Lucy saw her aunt Lily.
When Lucy was thirteen she was enrolled in dance classes to help her drop weight. Her mother looked at her with nothing but disappointment anymore and her father was known to mumble words like "DNA" and "damn genetics" when he got drunk. Lucy tried her best and, with a little effort, she dropped the weight and gained an athletic figure just in time to be transferred to McKinley High. In the process of moving, Lucy had overheard her parents talking about burn barrels and boxes of paperwork. Curious, late one night while the house was empty, Lucy snuck into her father's study – a previously forbidden place to her.
There were boxes marked "burn" in thick, black letters. They were filled with opened greeting card envelopes, dresses, stuffed animals, dolls, pictures, and a large envelope at the bottom of one of them sealed with packing tape and marked "CONFIDENTIAL" in bold, red letters.
Lucy paid no attention to the cards or toys but went right for the pictures and the sealed envelope. The pictures were familiar: a woman with stormy grey-blue eyes and dark hair. She was very young in the pictures, Lucy would guess she was no more than fifteen or sixteen. Judy was next to her with an arm around her waist and a huge smile.
Aside from the eyes, it was like looking in a mirror. Lucy's had turned from blue to hazel a few years back but the resemblance was uncanny.
One picture was stuck at the bottom of a box, face down. Just as she reached for it and barely got it flipped over, she was pulled up by her arm out of the floor and practically thrown into her mother's arms.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Russell Fabray's voice carried through the study. "Who said you could go through this?"
"No-no one," Lucy whispered. "I was just-"
"What did you see?" he growled.
"Nothing," Lucy whispered. Lied.
"Just the pictures," she said. "The ones on the floor." Judy's arms gripped tight to Lucy's biceps and she flinched a little. "Who is she? I remember her."
"No one you need to worry about," Judy said calmly. "Come on, let's get you to bed."
Lucy nodded and followed her mother out of the study and upstairs to her bedroom. While she changed into her pajamas in the en suite bathroom, she knew her mother was turning down her blankets and straightening up her room, perhaps packing a few things into boxes. She was silent as she crawled into bed.
"She's my sister, Lily," Judy said, pulling the covers up around Lucy's shoulders. "But she's not part of this family anymore. You're almost a young adult and as such, I'm asking you to please respect the decision of your father and I to keep her out of your life. She's nothing but trouble for this family."
Lucy nodded and smiled a little when her mother kissed her forehead and shut off the bedside lamp.
The next day, Lucy was able to sneak back into the study for only a moment to grab the stuffed lamb out of one of the burn boxes. Hours later, she watched from her bedroom window as the boxes were dropped into a burn barrel, save for the thick envelope which was handed back to Judy. Russell bought a safe the next day and Lucy had a fairly good idea of where that envelope ended up.
As much as she tried to forget it, the image of the picture she had half-seen at the bottom of one of the boxes was burned in her mind. She hadn't seen the picture properly but she had sworn that it was of Lily and Judy.
And Lily was pregnant.
It wasn't so much Lucy's suggestion as it was her father's that she go under the knife that summer. They found a surgeon willing to do it despite Lucy's age. She healed quickly and, a few weeks before school started, her father started calling her Quinn. Two days before, her mother came home with a case of blonde hair-dye and sat Quinn down in the bathroom to let it set in.
The name change stuck and it's how she was enrolled in school at McKinley High. Her talent was immediately noticed by the cheerleading coach and Quinn started as captain as a freshman, a first in the history of Sue Sylvester's career. Quinn Fabray was hated by the upperclassmen and feared by her own classmates. Her parents were finally proud of her. Pictures of Lucy Fabray disappeared and were replaced with pictures of Quinn. The first thirteen years of her life were practically erased.
Quinn had the distinct feeling that anything left of Lucy Quinn Fabray was tucked away in her father's safe, locked in his study and with a combination unknown to anyone but the man himself.
Quinn allowed herself to be repressed and brain-washed by her parents and peers. She allowed herself to be molded into what they wanted and what they expected of her. Her exterior became hardened while on the interior she held on to a connection with a woman she only ever remembered sharing one moment with, and a stuffed lamb hidden underneath her pillow.
It was only a matter of time when the exterior was shattered, though.
"I needed you," Quinn choked, "I needed my mom..."
Judy Fabray looked down at the floor of the living room while Quinn made her confession, letting everything come clean.
"And you were so scared of what he would do if he found out that you just pushed it aside like we do every bad feeling in this house. If you don't talk about it, it doesn't exis-"
"Do notturn this on us!" Russell shouted, jumping to his feet from the brown leather sofa.
Quinn jerked a little, her mother jumped and put her hand over her chest. Quinn saw her take a deep, shaking breath.
"Youare the disappointment here!"
"Why?" Quinn asked softly. She paused for a beat to wait for someone to cut her off but neither of her parents moved to speak. "Because I'm not a little girl anymore? Because I made a mistake?" She had a list of questions she wanted to ask, the image of a certain photograph flashing through her mind right then.
Quinn had deduced that the reason Lily wasn't spoken to anymore was because she'd gotten pregnant. She was willing to bet that Lily was sent off somewhere like she was about to be. That she had been thrown out and left for no one to care about. She wondered where the baby was now, what it was doing. If it was being raised in a loving family or of Lily still had it.
"Who are you?" Russell asked, his eyes swimming with disappointment. "I don't recognize you at all."
"I'm your daughter," Quinn pleaded. "Who loves you. And I know this must be really hard for you. But I just need my daddy to hold me and tell me that it's gonna be okay."
Quinn's heart lightened a little when Russell took a few steps toward her and then shattered again when he continued walking. She packed her things quickly and quietly, shoving the little lamb in the end pocket of her duffel bag and walking out of her house and to Finn's truck.
Quinn pulled against the restraints of her mother and her best friend, the agonizing pain of her daughter crowning ripping through her, and swore she would never go through this again. Mercedes cheered her on and her mother gripped hard onto her hand.
"Come on Quinn, push!"
If it didn't feel like she was getting ready to be ripped apart, Quinn would've noticed that her mother didn't even call her by her actual first name. But, as it was, she was currently in the worst pain she had ever experienced. She kept pushing and, in a matter of minutes, she fell back on to the bed and was able to breathe. Her mother ran a wet washcloth over Quinn's forehead as everyone in the room listened to the cries of the newborn across the room.
"I want to hold her," Quinn mumbled.
Judy swallowed hard and nodded then motioned for the nurse to bring the bundle of pink over and place her in to Quinn's arms. Quinn smiled down at the baby in her arms and then up at her mother whose eyebrows were furrowed and tears were running. She only smiled when she reached over and combed through Quinn's hair with her fingers.
"You need a touch-up," she whispered.
It wasn't what Quinn thought she would be hearing from her mother but, even though her parents were well on their way to a divorce, she couldn't expect her mother to change. It was part of the reason why Quinn handed Beth over to Shelby Corcoran and never looked back. She went a year without hardly even mentioning the incident and again went back to doing what she had her entire freshman year. Like Lucy Fabray, her sophomore year was erased. Never to be mentioned.
That is until Rachel Berry decided she need to write original songs.
"You gave your baby to my mom, we kind of bonded over it, right?"
Quinn didn't miss a beat in the conversation. It flowed like she knew it would and she shoved everything down like she always did. When she told Rachel that the girl was frustrating it wasn't only because Rachel wouldn't listen about Finn but because every time Quinn looked at her it was a reminder of what she gave up. Reminders that were always repressed.
But the actual, verbal mention of Beth sparked something in Quinn that she couldn't let go of. It stayed there in the back of her mind, unable to repress.
Lauren Zises and her vengeful campaign for prom queen unleashed everything else and, yet again, Quinn's exterior was broken. She wasn't sure why she lied about whose idea it was that she go under the knife other than it might help her in the campaign to win prom queen and finally have her mother look at her with something other than a blank expression.
However, that one picture, that damn eighth grade portrait, was a reminder of everything, every memory, that Quinn hadn't been allowed to think about since the Fabrays moved to Lima. Things came flooding back to her as she tore the posters from the wall, things that added up in an eerie way but Quinn refused to think about for more than a split second.
Rachel Berry. Rachel and her writing original songs and lusting after Finn...Quinn needed someone to blame for losing prom queen. She needed someone to blame for her life teetering on the edge of running off of the tracks she'd set to go through as little pain as possible in her life. Even though in the back of her mind she knew that Kurt winning was just a cruel joke by the student body, she blamed Rachel. Her frustration with everything hit a breaking point after the announcement and she snapped.
"This is your fault..."
Quinn muttered some lame excuse about Finn and losing but in reality, it was everything she had built up to that point. And she needed some way to release it all, some way to get rid of the anger and the frustration at the world for continuously trying to mess with her. Her first instinct took over and before Rachel had time to react, Quinn's palm connected with Rachel's cheek with a loud pop. The adrenaline immediately left her system upon the realization of what had just happened and Quinn shook with regret.
"I'm so sorry."
Rachel only looked at her with shock before blinking a few times, swallowing hard, and glancing to the bathroom mirror. Quinn stayed rooted where she was when Rachel turned to the mirror to inspect the damage.
"Most girls would be upset about being slapped in the face but I happen to appreciate the drama of it."
Quinn knew that Rachel was just trying to make her feel better, less guilty. Her hand stung as she was finally able to move and lean against the sink, watching out of the corner of her eye as Rachel checked over herself in the mirror. Redness in the shape of a handprint was making its presence known.
"I know you think it's hard to be you, Rachel," Quinn finally choked out, "at least you don't have to be terrified all the time."
Rachel ran a paper towel under the faucet, Quinn still watched in her peripheral vision.
"What are you so scared of?" Rachel asked quietly. She handed the wet paper towel over and, with the slightest of touches against Rachel's hand, Quinn took it.
"The future." The truth. "When all of this is gone." The truth, in an abstract way.
"You're a very pretty girl, Quinn. The prettiest girl I've ever met. But you're a lot more than that."
Even with being vague, Rachel somehow managed to slip in what Quinn had questioned for most of her life. What was she? What was she beyond the pretty face? Beyond the nose job? Beyond the box-blonde hair?