A little plot bunny attacked me last night with this strange idea. If you think it's stupid, crazy, and makes no sense, then good for you; that's exactly what it's supposed to be. And it might look like Hanna is my favorite from this story, but that's not true: Spencer is my favorite, Hanna is second.
Aria, Hanna, Emily, and Spencer were enjoying a day of doing whatever it is that teenage Pennsylvanian socialites do when they heard a crisp knock on the door. Hanna went to answer it, seeing as it was her house they were at.
Standing on the doorstep was possibly the strangest trio of people she had ever seen. One was a skinny boy their age with glasses, one was a brisk-looking girl, also their age, with bushy hair, and the other was a redhead completely intent on munching on his potato chips.
"Who is it?" called the rest of the Liars from the couch.
"Oh…um, just some solicitors, I think."
"Solicitors? Is that what you take us for?" the girl with the bushy hair inquired impatiently.
"Well, I don't know, I-"
"Look. We think we've found out who A is," exclaimed the boy with the glasses. "Come in our van with us, and we'll also give you puppies and candy"
Hanna refrained from slamming the door on their faces. "You- you know about A?" she said, her voice low.
The redhead nodded. "Yep! All we need to do is throw some powder in your fireplace, and we'll be all set!"
All four of the girls were shoved into the fireplace and transported to a rolling green field, a castle visible on a cliff in the distance.
"Congratulations, you're in Scotland!" said the boy we all know is Harry by now.
"So…tell us who A is already!" Spencer took the lead immediately, somehow knowing the entire conversation that went on at the doorstep.
Hermione glared at Harry. "Seriously? You told them that? What did you expect to say once you've brought them here?"
"Hermione, you heard the entire conversation, so I don't see why you didn't-"
"So, you don't know who A is?" Aria and Spencer exchanged angry glances, while Hanna and Emily smiled vacantly ahead because that's what always happened in confronting situations.
"Look," Ron spoke up. "We are really big fans of the series, and seeing as we need help defeating Voldemort, we decided it should be you guys! I mean, come on, Spencer's so fiery, Hanna's really hot, Emily's so cautious and level-headed, and Aria's got those bushy eyebrows!"
"Voldemort? Who's Voldemort?" demanded fiery Spencer.
"Only the most evil and dark wizard of all time…didn't you guys read our books?"
"Ooh, conflict! Bring it on!" roared Spencer.
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt, seeing as we've already got so much meaningless drama in our lives already that's completely branched away from the subject of our best friend's death," Hanna put forward thoughtfully.
"I don't know; I'm only here for the lesbo lemons," Emily reminded them all.
"Maybe I'd date this guy, as long as he's over twenty years older than me," Aria remarked cheerfully.
"Then it's all set," Harry concluded, forgetting the point that the four girls knew no magic and that this plan made no sense whatsoever.
But it did make sense: to Hermione at least, for only she was smart enough to know Voldemort's weakness. They would all see it play out soon enough.
Soon enough turned out to be, like, right now. With a crack of the air, none other than the Dark Lord himself appeared.
"FREE AUTOGRAPHS! FREE AUTOGRAPHS! WHERE'S THE LINE? WHERE DO I GO? GIVE ME MY PRETTY LITTLE LIARS AUTOGRAPHS NOOOW Or I'll Crucio your ass," he added as an afterthought. The man was wearing a shirt that said 'ARIA & EZRA 4 EVER', along with an enthusiastic yet somewhat disturbing look on his face.
The three magical teens among them all pointed their wands at Voldemort. "We've got you surrounded by a magical invisible army!" Hermione lied. "Surrender now or die! Friends, you can go home now," she nodded towards the gaping Muggles.
"This- this is blasphemy!" Voldemort sputtered, which was very uncharacteristic (but then again, so was just about everything else he had said today.). "I come to get some simple, harmless autographs and all you can think about is attacking me! You sick, twisted people!"
Just then, Dumbledore strode down the hills, conveniently accompanied by just about every major character to enter the Harry Potter series.
"Voldemort! Oh, hello good chap, have you come for the autographs, too?"
"Well, I did, until I was ambushed by these fools!"
"Oh, my most sincere apologies; I must talk to these immature students later today about manners and respect. Gumdrop, anyone?" Dumbledore giggled maniacally, nothing out of the ordinary.
Voldemort had reached his peak of frustration. "AAAARGH! NO ONE PAYS ME ANY RESPECT ANYMORE! I'M THE FREAKING DARK LORD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Lucky for me, I just so happen to have the world's most powerful army hidden, invisible, right behind me, just in case this sort of thing were to happen!"
Everyone gasped. "The Death Eaters?" Neville whispered, horrified.
"No, you bumbling idiot! A cavalry of AriaxEzra shippers!"
Instantly, a humongous crowd of teenage fangirls (with the occasional gay guy thrown in there) stood menacingly in attack position behind Voldemort. They were clad not in battle armor but in carious T-shirts with slogans such as 'STUDENT-TEACHER 3' and 'MRS. ARIA FITZ'. The horror of it all! Oh, the humanity!
"FOR NARNIA!" Spencer shouted as she charged forward. There went all chances of negotiating peace. The sound of battle rang out all around until it was just too much; the students and faculty of Hogwarts along with the other random people that just so happened to be there today could not hold out under the violent obsession of the fangirls!
Surrounded and near surrender, the wizards were about to give up when out of nowhere, none other than Toby Cavanaugh and all his hotness swooped down on a hippogriff!
"I've come to save you all! For I am even hotter than Sirius Black, and my awesomeness powers detected that you were in trouble!"
The author paused, skeptic. "Hotter than Sirius Black? I don't know if I would go that far…"
"What do you mean by that?" Toby said angrily.
"Oh, I don't know…it's just that you're both so darn smexy, I just don't think it would be right to say that!"
"Alright, then; who DO you think is better looking?" Sirius inquired.
"Yeah, if you're so smart."
"Um…" The author looked from Toby's mysterious blue eyes and cute messy brown hair to Sirius Black, whom I don't think I even need nor would be able to describe to you. "Well, maybe…maybe Voldemort should decide! You know, it's just that, it would be more, um, unbiased and stuff, since he's a guy, you know…"
"Sure thing." Voldemort was happy to do the favor. But even the Dark Lord couldn't decide. Seconds ticked by; the crowd waited impatiently. Beads of sweat began to run down his chalky white forehead. Fangirls, wizards, and those in between grew restless.
Finally, in a fit of rage, Voldemort grabbed his wand. "VOLDEMORT OUT BITCHES!" he cried, as he pointed the tip of the instrument at his head and blasted a curse at himself. There was an explosion of green light and heat- then nothing, nothing at all.
"Well," Harry remarked. "I suppose that's that." The crowds broke, milled around. Many headed to the airport to catch a flight back to whatever country they came from. Toby and Sirius glanced at each other awkwardly and then stumbled away. The Pretty Little Liars went home, Harry and friends trudged back up to Hogwarts, and the author tried to think of a way to end the story.
Then they went on with their lives as if nothing had ever happened. The end.
That was weird.