WARNING: Hardcore Adult themes. Slash/FemmeSlash. Homosexuality. Polyamory. Incest Themes. Everything in here is Consensual. If this bothers you, click the little "back" button up there. Thanks. I don't own what belongs to Stephanie Meyer, but I'm thankful I can create the stuff that doesn't belong in her book.
Previously in Forsake Not The Father …
I looked up to see him on his knees, his head against her stomach and his arms holding himself up around her hips. I knew that pose. She'd brought me there before. He quickly wiped his eyes and stood up to release Bella from the restraint.
When he removed her blindfold, he could see the tears in her eyes. He whispered to her, "Why are you crying?"
"I feel so much love, Jasper. Is it from you or me? How did you know what I needed, not just physically, but inside? I-"
They embraced and he shhed her and stroked her hair. The tears fell quickly down her face.
And this time, Alice spoke addressing all of us and no one at all, "Life is messy. Like dinner leftovers in foil shaped swans instead of ergonomically stacked Tupperware. You can't fit everything in a politically correct box. Life chooses art not convenience."
~Chapter 5 Adjustment Periods and Forsaken Memories~
Alice was right about the Tupperware. I had been trying to fit everything into neat little boxes.
My thoughts swam in dizzying in circles. I'd been wandering aimlessly through the house for the last two days. Rosalie had already barked at me that I was wearing a worn path into the carpet. I looked out the window and saw Jasper and Esme lying together on the patio chaise. He was on his back with his arm behind his head. Esme was lying nuzzled on his chest with her legs between his. He was stroking her hair behind her ear and they were talking quietly. I couldn't read their lips and was trying really hard not to read their thoughts. She was lonely. Sometimes I forget that Esme doesn't have another male to go to besides Father. I know that she looks up to Jasper in a way she can't with me and Emmett. He's just older, wiser, and comes from a different era. Her hand trailed down his chest and began loosening his belt buckle when I turned away. I could have joined them, but I had foil swans that don't fit in Tupperware issues.
The memories I had of Bella's initiation scenes with my family played on rotation in my mind during my quiet moments. It was beginning to creep in during my quiet moments with her. It was the bowing pose of Jasper that was shaking me. Of course, I love Jasper. I love the moments he shared bonding with Bella. I hadn't seen him so humbled in a long time—maybe ever. I suppose I expected that they would all adore her and put her on a pedestal just as I did. In my mental montage I could see each instant where she had awed them and shown her hypnotic power to them during intimacy. So why was I fighting this feeling of jealousy? This is my Bella. My Life. She still came to me, to our bed every night. So why doubt in my gut?
I confronted Bella during a time when she was journaling. Future note to self: Maybe not the best timing.
I was asking her how she felt about her time with Jasper. She was speaking from a poetic place still in a foggy land of writing and processing her feelings. Then it slipped out. She said she feels whole now that she's been with everyone. Whoa whoa whoa.
She looked guilty. I quickly calculated the scenes in my head again, though I had them memorized a hundred times over. I hadn't seen her alone with Esme.
"Esme." She whispered, touching her fingers to her lips.
Esme must have taken her that day in the woods when she made sure that Bella knew about the initiations.
"Bella, why didn't you tell me?"
"It didn't seem necessary. I was insecure and unsure; that maybe I had liked it too much. And you and I hadn't even talked about family initiation yet." She fumbled over her words and her countenance completely changed at my outraged inquisition. She fidgeted, stood and walked over to the window staring out into the woods.
"There is so much you haven't told me, either Edward. Am I supposed to tell you-oh mind reader-about every thought, every experience I share with the family? Every time I ask you about you and Carlisle, you clam up. You didn't tell me anything about your connection with Alice."
Why was she so angry with me? I thought she might console my hurt at discovering her omission, but her sarcasm couldn't cover her own hurt as she lashed out. My confusion swirled. I was humbled by her accusations.
"I was ashamed, embarrassed". I confessed about Alice.
"No Edward, it's not something you need to hide from me. I think it's beautiful; a very honest and raw part of you. And all the more reason you should have told me".
"What was I supposed to say, Bella? By the way, I retreat to immature sexual nurturing from my sister when I'm insecure!?"
"I need some time to consider what you've said. I'm going out to the cottage for a while."
I can't believe I raised my voice at her. I can't believe she walked out on our discussion. What the fuck just happened? Vampires can't get P.M.S. Maybe I'm not cut out for this eternal marriage thing after all.
Carlisle went to check on her.
"Bella Darling, How are you feeling?"
"I'm tired of Edward being so afraid to share any of his depth with me. He won't share any of his history. I want to bond with his raw emotions, his base needs. I may be here to complete him, but he's leaving our relationship incomplete."
"Bella, Edward's past is long and dark. He's afraid."
"He's eats bears! He's practically immortal, Carlisle. What does he have to be afraid of?"
"He's afraid of you, Bella. He can't breathe without you. And living without your approval is like asphyxiation. He's afraid you'll choose others now that you're practically immortal, too. He's afraid that we've initiated you too soon. He's afraid because all of this seems so easy for you that you'll thrive so far beyond him; that he'll be left behind like puppy love. He's becoming afraid of not being enough for you."
"I don't know how to fix him Carlisle; to make him see that he'll always be everything for me. I'm just trying to fit into my new family and find my new place in our world. There's so much to experience and discover; so much to process."
They sat quietly for a while. Carlisle stared out the window while Bella combed the fringe of tassel on a blanket hanging from the edge of couch. When he turned around, she was staring at him.
She made a lame attempt to flirt with Carlisle, batting her eyelashes. "Bella, are you trying to come on to me?"
"Bella. I don't play games. Say what you mean and do what you mean. Ask permission or ask forgiveness."
"Carlisle, I-Show me. Show me how to fit into this family. Show me what they need. Show me what you need. …Carlisle, will you fuck me please?"
He didn't hesitate. He'd been waiting for her to ask. He quickly walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her hard and caressed her with confidence beyond her years. Her knees were weak and he carried her to the bed. By the time he was kneeling between her thighs, she was begging, "Please Carlisle."
He filled her with angular aptitude she didn't know she had. Each thrust was a stroke of knowledge. 'No wonder they love him. He's a fucking God.' She thought to herself. She cried out for more, needing to reach him somehow; needing to be useful to him.
He flipped her leg over him and pushed her up onto her hands and knees. "YES!" she screamed. He smacked her ass with discipline and pulled out. Just as she whimpered a sound of disappointment, he thrust into her ass, causing her to lurch forward with a cry.
"Yes now Bella? Yes now?" He condescended with each thrust. "Is this what you want to know?" She sobbed a little, but he continued. "Is this the dirty secrets you're looking for?! That I take Edward just like this?! That I begged him to take me like this, and when he did, I denied I ever enjoyed him. I beat him to death for it. I begged for his love and left him there forsaken."
She sobbed not because her immaculate newborn body was in pain, but because her heart was crushed. "Yes. Yes Father. …harder please." She silently willed for him to unload his anger and frustration on her and vowed it to never be on Edward ever again.
He immediately slid out of her, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her chest against his. He held her close, settling her on his seated lap. He hid his face in her hair, trying to give comforting pets as he brushed her hair away from her eyes. He couldn't hide that he was sobbing heavily now with her.
"Oh Bella. Isabella our angel. I've broken him. I'm so sorry. You've come to save us. –You've come to save me." He broke off into sobs again. She squeezed her arms around him tighter as his body racked into hers.
Her desire to be with their Father was what he had greedily wanted for so long. He had never expected that her need to please him, her need to get lost in him, would be the tipping point for his guilt, revealing his unworthiness and sins against me.
I got to the cabin just as Bella was running off into the forest. Carlisle's thoughts reached out to me.
"You see, God hasn't forsaken us after all, Edward. He's sent us an angel." He was ponderous, and mumbling to himself. "She's going to be fine. We're all going to be just fine."
"Carlisle, what have you done to her?!" "If you've broken her, I swear—"
"Show me. Show me everything!" I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him to attention. He made eye contact with me and replayed their time in the cabin together.
I took off into the forest and caught up to Bella as she was wiping her chin over a slain dear. The image was stunning. She was so beautiful. I wanted to be the carnage at her feet.
"Why Edward? Why couldn't you tell me? I don't care that you were with Father that way. Or any other man. I want to know why you're so broken. And how I can stop you from beating yourself up so we can fix it. Together."
Her words shocked me into silence. I just stood there frozen.
She stepped over the carcass towards me with her bloody hand outstretched to mine. I let her delicate fingers intertwine with mine. Mine. Mine? MINE.
We walked. We washed in the stream and walked, hand in hand. I let go when we reached the vertical rock face of the cliff on the side of the mountain. It towered above us in challenge. Challenge accepted. Climbing felt good. The physical exertion was stretching and contracting my mind in a therapeutic way. When we reached the top Bella was panting after me. I stood on the edge, teetering, considering the bottom of the journey. She nimbly jumped atop the ledge, grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.
She wasn't exactly saving my life from falling, but saving my state of mind from falling back down there. She yanked my pants down with both hands at the hips and the fabric fell away like tissues under her fingers. One firm squeeze around my member and I was needy. I grabbed her ass and lifted, hooking those sweet thighs around my hips.
Only when we were bonded like this could my secrets pour out for her. It was like an out of body experience. Each thrust had us crying out. Her hands were locked into my hair, my flesh. We rocked on the cliff top all night until my legs trembled. We sat on the stone landing and held each other as the dawn began to rise. Only then did I whisper out my demons to her.
"He created me to be his equal. Yes, he had known Esme before and knew she would be his wife. Their defined relationship was clear from the beginning. Ours has changed and developed. After he and Esme had settled in over time, he could see how lonely I was. They both eagerly brought me to their fold. Carlisle and I were lovers separate from Esme. To ease my release, he would allow me to watch them, but I never touched Esme, not until after Rosalie came. Carlisle announced we would all be a family now, expecting that she and I would mate.
We all quickly realized that plan wasn't going to work. Rosalie was such an emotional mess at first that Carlisle and Esme had comforted her in their bed and I think that was where his processing was askew. He and I were no longer lovers. He took on such a fatherly role with her that shame began to develop over what he'd done with me. He said he couldn't reconcile his growing family with God. He was upset that I wouldn't take her as my wife. Then we had a really—rough night. He came to me and was frustrated and defeated—and he begged me to enter him. His body sobbed and demanded more. When I wouldn't continue he became angry and shouted insults. He said I was never good enough, that I was too self righteous, and that I had not been willing enough to sacrifice for the sake of our family. That all he had ever done was try to make me happy, by letting me fuck him and by trying to get me my own wife. He said he was done with me and beat me with the lines from the electric tower. Parts of my body were chipped and dismembered and I laid there in the crag of cliffs for ages. He left me there. Forsaken.
I eventually ran off, living wild and self-righteously murdered human slime for my own blood lust. I was trying to fill an empty spot I couldn't define. Esme was the one who came for me. She said they had found Emmett for Rosalie, but Carlisle was still withdrawn over what he had done to me. She claimed I would always be his first love and they were incomplete without me. Though my heart was broken, I needed him. I needed my creator and my best friend. When I came to Carlisle, he apologized profusely. I agreed to come back only on the condition that he would take me as his son, because that was all I could bear at the time. And only from there did our unique family relationship grow."
Bella stroked my hair. And without any pity in her voice she spoke clearly to me. Her words echoed off the hollow walls of my soul. "Thank you Edward. I love you. I'll always love only you. I'll never forsake you."
She kissed me on all the places of my neck that she could reach until she climbed up and pushed my shoulders back to lay against the stone. Without another word she straddled my naked body with hers. We clung together as the sun came up and sent our skin shining together in the broad daylight. Fortunately, we were miles from civilization anyway. I didn't hear an animal for miles. I only heard her sounds mixed with mine. Mine alone. We were the only animals; we were uncivilized together.
A/N: Google Leftover Foil Swan images, they're pretty.
Sorry for the drama, but it's part of the story. Just showing you the processing is still going on. More sexiness to come next time.
Reviews make me write faster. Let me know where you've heard about my story, so I can give proper thank you's.
~Miss Manners. ~sprout.