This is as far from canon as you can get, but it's still in the style of true fanfiction. You throw the characters you're borrowing into a situation and let them fight it out. Let's see what the cast does about the resident troll who shall remain unnamed.

"Sir Integra? There's something I think you should take a look at..." Seras said from the door of Integra's office. Sharp blue eyes snapped up to the draculina. She looked stressed and a little annoyed.

"What is it, Officer Victoria?"

"You remember that website I showed you? The one with those people writing stories about us?"


"Well, it looks like there's something going on there..."

Integra pulled up the bookmarked page. Everything seemed normal. She clicked the first story link on the page. Reading the stories submitted by the screen names she had grown familiar with was often a pleasant past time for the lady knight. It was fun to see who she thought got the characters right and who got them completely wrong. She also got a bizarre sort of amusement out of reading the ones referred to as 'pairing' fanfictions. As wrong as they all were, they were still oddly fascinating...

And then she found it. Idiocy and ignorance masquerading as a story. The words weren't even words at all, merely random characters strung together haphazardly to create the semblance of a word. Her nose turned up in disgust and clicked the back button, scrolling down to try and find the source of the problem that Seras had mentioned.

She hadn't had the site shut down for a few reasons. To start with, it truly wasn't hurting anyone. It hadn't encouraged any violence from the things that go bump in the night or given away any real secrets of the organization. From what she and her intelligence team could gather, it was simply a handful of innocent mortals that had heard of her and her organization through the media and had done a little research. Nothing more. A community of fans. How bad could that truly be? Besides, there were quite a few authors on the site that had considerable skill with words. As for the rest, at least they had interesting ideas. She smiled as she read the newest chapter from a favorite author. When she finished and moved back down the list, she saw another story by the same author of the garbage she had read before. She opened the link and it was the same. She frowned. The reviews called the author a 'troll'. She would have Alucard and Seras look into it. She would not have an ugly, dumb, menacing creature that lived under bridges and ate goats after these innocent humans, or any humans for that matter.

"You called, my Master?" Alucard's dark velvet voice whispered in her ear. She elbowed him in the ribs without a second thought and pointed to the screen.

"There is a troll on the internet. Find it and kill it."

Alucard laughed heartily at this new command.

"What is so damned funny?" Integra asked, turning to face the laughing demon. Her chair protested lightly at having to spin so fast.

"Master, you misunderstand." He kept chuckling.

"I fail to see how. Trolls are supernatural beings that-"

"No, no." He forced the laughter to stop long enough to finish, "The Police Girl explained to me when I jumped to the same conclusion. Trolls are essentially the gutter-rolling drunkards that one used to find outside of taverns, but on the internet."

"So there isn't really a troll." Integra's voice made every question sound like a statement.

"No." Alucard kept chuckling. Integra turned back to the misspellings and idiocy on her screen.

"Well, damn." She said.

So, my real fans of fanfiction, what do you say? Do we stop tossing goats to the troll and just let it starve to death? We know that we can't feed it to Alucard. We all love him too much to willingly give him indigestion. :D Please, review if you liked it. I loved writing it for you.