This was based on a real conversation between me and my very dear friend on why we should become Sex Ed. teachers. Since I'm the equivalent of France and she is of Spain, it turned into this lovely little fiasco. There's swearing, strap-ons, mind-raping of innocent children, and a pedo-van behind a dumpster. But we still hope you will enjoy our crack-baby of a story.


One very fine morning, Francis Bonnefoy and Antonio Fernandez Carriedo walked, or rather burst into, a classroom full of children, their tiny minds waiting to be filled with knowledge.

"WHO'S READY TO LEARN ABOUT THE ART OF FUCKING?" Antonio shouted out gleefully. Yes, Francis and Antonio had volunteered to teach a group of local middle school kids about Sex Ed.

Francis gestured to a large box sitting on the teacher's desk. "WE BROUGHT VISUALS~!" he squealed, prancing over to open it.

The innocent children stared at the two grown men as Antonio began the lesson. "WHO HERE KNOWS WHAT A 'PROSTATE' IS?" he asked rather noisily to make sure every student heard him loud and clear.

Francis butted in just then. "Does anyone know the correct way for 2 men to have sex? Well, Mr. Antonio and I will show you RIGHT NOW!"

A little boy named Jimmy, sitting in the front, tried to speak up. "But you're both wom-"

"NO TALKING WITHOUT RAISING YOUR HAND," Antonio interrupted, frowning.

Meanwhile, Francis was rummaging around in his large box full of deep, dark secrets. He pulled something out from the bottom and held it up for all to see. "Children, this is a strap-on."

Another student gasped and cried, "...M-Mr. Francis! THIS WASNT IN OUR HEALTH BOOKS..."

Francis shot her a glare and calmly yelled, "HEALTH BOOKS ARE FOR FILTHY COMMUNISTS!" He then turned his attention over to the brunette. "Now, Mr. Antonio will bend over and help me demonstrate how to use one."

"...MR. FRANCIS, MOMMY SAID GOD DOESNT LIKE THIS!"

Said Frenchman flipped his gorgeous blonde hair and smirked. "That's not what she said last night."

The child gawked at him and Antonio lightly punched his arm. "Francis! We aren't supposed to insult the students anymore!" he reminded the blonde.

Francis huffed in sexual frustration. "JUST TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS ANTONIO!"

Antonio frowned. "...I'M NOT WEARING PANTS, FRANCIS. I NEVER WEAR PANTS TO WORK!" And it was true. The Spaniard's muscular legs were bare, his hips and ass displayed for the world to see.

Francis waved his hand impatiently. "Then take off your thong! Those diagrams in the book are useless, the children need REAL visuals!"

"BUT WE HAVEN'T DONE THE MALE FORM YET! Hoho…" Antonio whipped out his cell phone, adorned with tomato stickers, and quickly hit the speed dial 1. "GILBERT! WE NEED YOU~!"

Francis glanced at him fretfully. "Antonio, make sure he's not drunk! We don't need ANOTHER rape lawsuit!"

The brunette rolled his eyes. "Oh please...that math teacher liked it."

"But these are minors..."

"...That's illegal?" Spain suddenly gasped. "...OH FUCK!"

"ANTONIO! Gah...GRAB THE CONDOMS AND LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" Francis shrieked, stuffing as many things as he could into his box.

Antonio spoke rapidly into his cell phone. "Gilbert, code red. CODE RED."

"Okay children, the lesson is over for today!" Francis told the students, duct taping the box shut. "Your homework is to go home and watch porn!"

"GAY PORN. GAY PORN, FRANCIS!" the Spaniard urged, glancing around fearfully.

"Yes, yes! GAY porn children!" Francis corrected. "And we expect a paragraph on what you learned by tomorrow!"

Suddenly, the sound of sirens blared through the classroom walls. Antonio closed his cell phone and opened up a window. "THE COPPERS! RUN RUN RUN RUN!" he screamed, gesturing for Francis to climb out first.

The Frenchman hoisted his box through the small opening and moaned, "Ohhhh Arthur is going to kill me!" Antonio followed him out, leaving the children to sit in stunned silence.

The two men ran around, dodging invisible bullets in an attempt to find their car. "WHERE DID YOU PARK THE VAN, DAMMIT?" Antonio growled.

Francis pulled him over into a dark alley that was potentially full of rapists. "It's behind the dumpster! GO, GO, GO!" He jumped into the driver's seat and drove faster than Alejandro when he jumped the border.


Yeah, we know we're going to Hell.