Oki Doki, so this fic was inspired by a funny poster on my wall. Basically, my poster says, 'In My World You Would Be Punished If You...' and then there's a huge list of things. I thought I'd try writing a fic where one character or another is caught breaking these rules. As it's a pretty big poster I will post the rules in groups of ten. Hope you enjoy it~! ^_^
Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from the story :P
Just To Say: I love the FF series so although I may take the rip and character bash etc. it is just for comedy reasons
In My World You Would Be Punished If You...
1.) Listen to music on your phone
When Snow was busy miming an air guitar and making (awful) guitar noises, it was Lightning who finally snapped first. Grabbing his iPhone and chucking it against a wall so that it smashed, Snow fell to his knees calling out an overly dramatic, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Serves you right," she said coldly, glaring at the blonde that was supposedly to become her brother-in-law.
"But my theme song is so cool..." the man mumbled, beginning to hum it instead, going back to the air guitar and awful guitar impressions before pulling out yet another iPhone.
And the lesson Light learned that day was that, although iPhones are by far the easiest phones to smash, Apple would always send you a new one to replace it in the space of three seconds.
2.) Talk during a movie
When Vanille suggested that the group should watch a movie together, it seemed like a good idea. They were all tired from fighting monsters and general PSICOM idiots and so a movie sounded awesome. However when Vanille produced the DVD for 'Final Fantasy VII- Advent Children', it wasn't long into the film that everyone was offering comments (much to the pink haired girl's dismay).
"That guy must go through a lot of hair gel," observed Sazh, marveling as Cloud's hair stayed perfect despite the fact he was going at God knows how many miles an hour on his motorbike.
"I'm confused... what's actually going on?" Asked Snow, not having the faintest clue what was going on but happy enough to just look at the pretty graphics.
"Now that is a sword! I may have to switch that to my new weapon and get one like that!" Fang was suddenly very enthusiastic as she imagined the damage she could deal with the Buster Sword, or one ten times the size of it.
"The cat's really cute," Hope said quietly, his eyes glowing whenever Cait Sith graced the screen.
"Hmph, this is nothing compared to what we have to do. This Cloud guy got off easy," Lightning said emotionlessly as she was watching Cloud and Sephiroth trading blows in an epic sky battle. Secretly, she was jealous.
After putting up with her chatty friends for as long as she could, the usually cheery Vanille snapped. "WOULD YOU ALL PLEASE BE QUIET? I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE!"
And it was then that Vanille casted Fog on her companions, silencing them for the rest of the movie.
3.) Flex in the mirror at the gym
Snow was proud of his super body, able to take any hit and still remain immaculate. So whenever he was at the gym, he would use every opportunity he could to pose and flex in front of the giant mirror (much to the annoyance of the 'larger' people who protested about the mirror being there in the first place).
One day as Snow was doing his usual 'Hero' pose in front of the reflective surface and smiling because he was the most ripped guy there, he heard a familiar voice call to him.
"Hey boss! I didn't expect to see you here!" Snow turned to face his friend from NORA. Gadot laughed when he looked over his boss. "Letting yourself go a bit?" He said jokingly, flexing his own over-sized muscles.
This triggered a 'my-muscles-are-better-than-yours' competition between the two men, and when Snow returned to the others and told them what had happened... it was obvious that he had been beaten as he locked himself in his room and refused to come out for an entire week.
4.) Eat my food
Fang was glaring at the spot in the cupboard where her salty snacks should have been but weren't.
"Alright, who the Hell ate my salted pretzels?" She bellowed. Everyone heard her, and Lightning and Hope looked at each other nervously. It was never a good idea to piss Fang off, and they honestly had no idea at the time that the pretzels belonged to her.
"We should just tell her Vanille did it," Hope whispered to Light. "She'll go easy on her."
"Yes, that's true..." contemplated the swords-woman before a tiny grin came to her face.
"Hey Fang," called Light, "I saw Snow take them earlier. I told him not to, but you know how stubborn he is." That'll show him for listening to music on his damn phone! she thought.
And so Fang burst into Snow's room (who was still sulking from losing to Gadot at the gym) and although he used Steelguard to protect himself, the raven haired warrior had soon inflicted K.O status upon him.
5.) Only drink Guinness on St. Patrick's Day
Hope watched with interest as Lightning downed her third pint of Guinness.
"I didn't know you liked that drink," he said, still trying to come to terms with Light consuming alcohol. Usually the woman preferred to drink coffee because it heightened the senses, whereas alcohol slowed reactions.
"I don't," she said simply, polishing off the pint and asking for another at the bar they were currently sat in.
"Then why-" began the small boy, but Light interrupted him with the answer.
"It's St. Patrick's Day."
The silver haired boy was sure that nothing Lightning could do would surprise him anymore, but he was proven wrong with this statement.
"I didn't know you were Irish," he said with his eyes wide.
"There is a lot that you don't know about me..." said the pink haired woman mysteriously, before downing pint number four and getting up to use the restroom.
Hope's mouth dropped open when Lightning exited the restroom, dressed up in a sailor uniform. "I shall protect the world using love and justice~!" she slurred before running out of the bar.
When Hope told the others about it, Sazh and Vanille thought it would be funny to slip Guinness into Light's drink more often.
The new anime series, Sailor Lightning, will be premiering sometime this year so look out for it~!
6.) Spill beer... anywhere, anytime
It was a rare occasion when Raines, Rosch and Nabaat came together, but the recent Pulse l'Cie threat had taken a toll on each of them and so they were busy getting totally smashed so that they could forget about everything for a bit. All was actually going well, that is until Rosch got overly emotional when he recalled how the l'Cie tried to claim they were still human.
In his rant about a certain group of six 'enemies of the state', he accidentally bumped Nabaat's beer glass, the liquid contents spilling all over the table.
Long story short, Nabaat kicked the crap out of him while Cid burst into tears for no apparent reason whatsoever.
When Sazh returned from his chocobo ride, he found his companions all sat down looking very seriously at him.
"What? I got something on my face?" he asked uncertainly, wiping at imaginary marks.
"This is an intervention," Light said seriously.
Sazh and his chocoling were confused why he would possibly need an intervention. Before he could ponder the matter, Light snapped her fingers and Fang and Snow burst into action.
Fang grabbed his right arm, Snow the left. Lightning then snapped her fingers again, causing Hope to cast Waterga and Vanille to cast Watera on Sazh. The last thing Sazh said before the water hit him was, "No not the Afro!"
But it was too late. The poor man was completely drenched and his signature Afro seemed deflated.
Everyone cheered at their success.
"Sorry dude," Snow said, draping his arm casually around the soaking wet man. "But you totally stank, that chocobo smell was definitely rubbing off on you!"
Why it didn't occur to anyone to tell him to just have a bath, Sazh wasn't quite sure. All he did know was that he would raise a chocobo army against his supposed friends for messing with his awesome hair!
8.) Haven't been abroad
People who haven't been abroad are annoying, because when they finally do go abroad they never shut the Hell up saying, "Have I mentioned that I haven't ever been abroad before?"
As Pulse was technically considered as 'abroad' and no one except Fang and Vanille had been there, all of them were chattering away about the typical crap you really don't care about. Even Sazh was more concerned with sight-seeing and he was flying the aircraft! Fang and Vanille were getting really annoyed with this.
"Okay okay, I get it. They haven't ever been of Cocoon before, big deal," complained the elder to her fellow Pulse dweller.
Vanille just gave an exasperated smile, "It really is annoying..."
As if on cue, a giant flying monster came out of absolutely nowhere and whacked full force into the aircraft. The two Pulsians thanked the Fal Cie for doing this, because although they had a very rocky landing and nearly died getting their feet back on the ground, it was preferable to listening to their companions drone on and on about never having been abroad.
9.) Piss on the toilet seat
"Snow, you are disgusting!" exclaimed an angry Light, drawing her sword and pointing it at the confused blonde.
"What did I do?" He whined.
"You know exactly what you did!" she shouted, taking a swipe at him with her sword.
Snow just about managed to dodge it, looking thoroughly confused.
"Seriously, what did I do?"
"Hey guys," said Fang, looking at the two with curiosity before smiling at Lightning. "Are we gonna beat Snow up?" She asked eagerly.
"Yes," replied the pink haired one."
"Alright!" Fang shouted enthusiastically. "What did he do?" She asked.
"Pissed on the toilet seat," Light said coldly, narrowing her eyes at the accused man.
"I never did that!" He protested.
Fang just looked awkward for a second before saying, "Err... right, yeah Snow! H-How dare you... do that..."
Snow and Lightning looked at her before Fang yelled, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" and sprinted off.
10.) Are old and think I want to hear your stories
"-and so it is your duty to carry out your Focus and destroy Cocoon! For it is said that-"
"For Fal Cie's sake Dysley, shut the Hell up!"
"We don't care okay?"
"We've heard this a million times!"
"Yeah, you old coots should know when enough is enough already!"
Thus the poor evil old man was silenced as he was doing his best to sound dramatic, and the l'Cie attacked him before he could finish his story.
Well, what did ya think? Is this worth continuing? There are still tons of rules left, so please review and tell me what you think~!
Thanks so much for reading :D