Yeah, been a while since an update but my life has been crazy with exams so don't blame me, blame the MAN! Anywho, On with the story~
42.) Let your ringtone ring out for the duration before answering
Messing with Hope was hilarious, that was a fact. It was so hilarious that pretty much everyone (even Lightning when she was drunk) would do something to annoy him slightly. Fang and Snow decided to team up occasionally, because when they did they were the best pranksters in the whole of Cocoon and Pulse combined. Today was one of those days where they collaborated, and their theme for today was mobile phone sabotage.
Fang procured the silver haired teen's phone and unlocked it, rolling her eyes at the easy password of 'mummy' before changing his ringtone. She then slyly left it in a place he would find it so that he would put it in his pocket and carry on as if life was normal.
When Sazh and Hope were engaged in a conversation of some sort, the two tricksters hid behind a conveniently placed plant and rang Hope's number.
'I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world~'
The girly song resonated from Hope's pocket, and Sazh immediately gave the other a look that said, 'Oh dear Lord, there is no hope for you.'
Fang and Snow found this so amusing, that stealing Hope's phone became a regular occurrence. So far the songs they had made the ringtone were:
The Bed Intruder Song
German Sparkle Party
You're My Cuppycake, Sugar Plum
If You Were Gay
This little prank was perfectly harmless, that is until Fang decided to ring Hope when he was just having a casual conversation with Lightning and Vanille:
'To the window! To the wall! Till the sweat drop down my balls, to all those bitches crawl!'
Needless to say, it didn't go down well with the females.
43.) Robot dance... badly
This was another one of Snow's attempts at 'defining himself', and was as much of a failure as all of his other disastrous attempts. Not only was he awful at said style of dancing, when he found himself up against some Pulse Automata he utterly refused to lay a hand on 'the beings that invented his favourite style of dance'.
"Dammit Snow, just help us already!" Light said in annoyance as she slashed away at one of the robots.
"NEVER!" he said dramatically, "Fighting is not the answer! We should all unite through dance!"
He then jumped in the middle of his companions and the robots and began his (crap) robot dancing. Deciding that someone that stupid deserved to get beaten up, the group simply walked off and left Snow to his demise.
The NORA leader has sworn to never robot dance again.
44.) Make me work over 37.5 hours a week
"Fang, attack from above! Hope, use predominantly fire spells! Vanille, debuff the enemy and Snow, keep guarding while Sazh sprays them with bullets!" Lightning commanded, running forward and piercing one of the enemies they were currently up against with her gunblade. She coordinated the others perfectly, and it wouldn't be long until they had this battle won.
*Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep*
"Huh? What's that?" Fang asked as she finished off one of their opponents. The pink haired woman was looking at the watch around her wrist and sighed, before proceeding to walk away.
"Oi! Where are you going?" the Pulsian yelled, quickly dodging as their opponents began to pull back from getting their asses kicked. The whole group halted as they watched Farron retreat, and the subsequent battle that ensued was much harder than it needed to be.
"What the hell was that?" Fang exploded once they had caught up with Lightning ages later. She got a load of angry glares on her, but she coolly said:
"I have already fulfilled the 37.5 hours of work that my contract details I should do a week."
"Oh hell no! You can't be serious," Sazh said in disbelief.
Light pulled out her phone and called Enix while putting it on speaker so that everyone could hear. "Hey, this is Farron. I'm done for the week right?"
The stiff voice of a business man on the other end of the line sighed. "Miss. Farron, I think you must have misunde-"
"HEY! It is my legal right to stop now!" the woman interjected before the businessman could say anything. Deciding that angering her was pointless, the man grudgingly agreed, and Lightning stalked off.
"What gives? Why is she so special?" Snow moaned, "I don't get time off."
"None of us do, but ever since we took out that Sanctum airship she's been all high and mighty."
Meanwhile at Sqaure Enix HQ, a lowly office walker entered an executive looking office.
"Mr. Sakaguchi... Lightning Farron is becoming more and more unmanageable," the man said worriedly. The world renowned Hironobu Sakaguchi turned to his worried colleague and smiled as he said, "Do not worry, I have been mulling over the issue. We won't have to worry about her complaining of working over time anymore."
As if in answer to the question the other man wanted to ask, Sakaguchi produced a picture. "This guy is Noel Kreiss, and he has agreed to not be so stingy about hours. We're letting Lightning go and using this guy instead."
And that is why Final Fantasy XIII-2 featured a different protagonist.
45.) Wear your pants below your boxers
Galenth Dysley wasn't liked; he knew that. Sometimes he wondered why that was, he only wanted a better world for Cocoon and he didn't really have a bad personality or any annoying habits. After wracking his evil mind for what must have been days, he finally understood just why people disliked him so much:
His fashion sense intimidated people.
That was the only logical conclusion he could come up with, and so he spent the next week or so researching all of the latest fashion trends so that he could be 'down with the kids' and increase his 'rep' (which he later found out meant reputation). Opting to switch his white, pointy hat for a bandana and his dress- I mean robes- for more 'funky' attire, he looked at himself in the mirror and nodded proudly.
He was wearing a baggy white t-shirt that said 'FUCK SOCIETY' in big letters (because apparently being a rebel was seen as cool these days) and was wearing baggy combat trousers in black, because he was told that black was the colour of something called the emo community- and they were apparently trendy. He was wearing white converses as well, and to finish off the look he made sure to wear his combats halfway down his ass, because for some unfathomable reason everyone else was doing it.
To be honest he thought he looked stupid, but when he went out onto the streets in this getup, people smiled at him and cheerily greeted him. Dysley had succeeded:
The public adored him.
Too bad for him that any and all Fal Cie refused to take him seriously or listen to him anymore, and even created l'Cie that had the focus of pulling the old man's pants down.
46.) Drive slow
Maqui sprinted as fast as he could to get away from his pursuer, honestly fearing for his life at this point. He hurdled a fence, dodged the bustle of people he came into contact with and even braved crossing the path of a rabid dog in order to put as much distance as humanly possible between himself and the delusional member of NORA who was becoming more and more mentally unstable every day. Running out of energy rapidly, Maqui dived into a taxi and pointed forward while commanding, "DRIVE!"
If this were like the movies, the taxi man would have put the pedal to the metal and sped off at ludicrous speeds. However this was not a movie, and the taxi driver seemed bored as hell. He lazily shifted the gears and put his foot down on the accelerator, but they drove off at a painfully slow speed. Not one for being all that pushy, Maqui just twiddled his thumbs nervously but did ask if they could go faster.
"Can't son," the driver said, "Got to follow the speed limit, and drive safely and responsibly. It's the code of a good cabbie."
"Please, just drive a bit faster!" the blonde said, getting more and more frantic because it wouldn't be long until-
The roof of the car indented, as if a great weight had suddenly descended on the vehicle.
"Crap!" Maqui yelled, doing his best to get his seatbelt off in a hurry, but failing miserably.
"Oh Maqui, come now. No need to be so shy~" a deranged voice called from outside of the cab, before a streak of blue hair cascaded down the side of the car and Yuj was looking at Maqui through the window. He leapt off of the roof and opened the door, dragging the struggling teen out of the cab and glaring at the driver.
"You will never take Maqui away from me," he said in an ice-cold voice, tightening his hold on said guy who was doing everything within his power to escape. The driver just looked on, horror washing through him as the blue haired guy before him took out a grenade and smirked before pulling the pin from it...
And that is why when somebody spontaneously dives into your car and screams "DRIVE!" it is probably a good idea to drive fast, because you are now involved in some serious shit.
47.) Text whilst I'm talking to you
Dysley was now liked by people, and he was relatively happy. The only thing that was prohibiting his happiness was the fact that all the Fal Cie now treated him like some sort of freak show that they shouldn't pay any heed to. It was as he was running over one of his dastardly plans with Anima that he lost all of his patience, because the impudent Fal Cie had the nerve to actually be texting during their discussion!
"Would you please refrain from doing that?" he asked stiffly. "It is extremely rude and it bugs me."
"Whatever, weirdo," Anima said, not looking up from his phone screen. He suddenly started chuckling at the reply he got a few moments later. "Haha, Titan is outrageous!" he laughed, composing a reply straight away.
"OI! Anima, would you pay attention?" the old man roared. Anima looked up from his mobile phone, and his face immediately hardened. "Are you looking at me funny?" he said in a voice of death.
"So what if I am? You're texting when I'm trying to have a conversation with you. That's unforgivable! It seems as though I'll have to teach you a few manners!"
He morphed into Barthandelus then, just as Anima was shaking in rage because he will annihilate you if you dare to look at him funny.
Thus an epic clash between the Fal Cie ensued, which is actually the real story as to how Cocoon got that huge hole in it.
48.) Have selective hearing
"Umm... Vanille? I didn't agree to this..." Hope said in uncertainty, looking at said girl who was holding a high-tech camera in her hands.
"Nonsense! Of course you did~" she said cheerily, pointing to the bed behind him. "Okay, take your top off and lie down on the bed," she commanded, but she kept her cheery smile and so Hope wasn't sure what he should do. He really couldn't recall consenting to do this random photo shoot.
"Just when did I agree to this?" he asked, removing his top carefully. He was just glad it was only the two of them in the room, because he was sure Fang would make some reference as to how feminine he looked and that would just set the others off. Vanille on the other hand, was always nice about this kind of stuff.
"You said that you would model for me and that you would do any poses I wanted," Vanille said matter of factly.
"I-I did?" he asked, shocked that he would agree to such a thing.
The Pulsian simply nodded and looked through her camera, fiddling with some complicated gizmos on the side of it to presumably get a clearer pity. "It's not good for you to have selective hearing," she said as she nodded at her camera.
"Well okay then... what do you want me to do?"
"Lie down on the bed please~" she hummed. Hope did as he was told, feeling majorly uncomfortable but apparently he had given his word, and so he would fulfil it- he had been raised well.
"Okay, that's great!" she said happily, before calling out, "Okay, you can come in now~!"
Hope looked up from his spot on the bed with curiosity in his eyes. Seriously, what on earth is going on? he wondered, but he finally found out as the door was flung open dramatically and there stood Snow, in a similar shirtless state, grinning like an idiot.
"I love having photo sesh's!" he said happily, but stopped dead when he saw Hope. "Huh? What's going on?"
"You said that you would model for me right? Well I want you to model with Hope~ So get onto the bed!" Vanille said excitedly.
"Yeah but... isn't that kinda weird?" the NORA leader scratched his head in confusion and Hope quickly jumped off of the bed. "No! Absolute NO WAY am I doing this!" he said resolutely.
"Whaaaat? That's so unfair~ You promised!" Vanille moaned.
"I don't remember anything! I'm leaving!"
However, before any of them could leave the room, Vanille casted Daze on them both, effectively making them extremely docile and unable to object to anything she did to them.
"It's no good to have a selective memory~" she hummed cheerily as she lugged the two of them onto the bed. "Now then, let's make magic happen!"
The lesson that can be learned here is that fan girls are scary bitches, so never promise them anything and never anger them. Ever.
49.) Pimp your ride
Snow loved his Eidolens. In fact, he loved them so much that he would often summon them up just to have a friendly chat with them. He also loved it when they both fused together to form a totally sweet motorbike, which he would then ride around everywhere, showing off his epic ride. One day, Snow thought that he should paint a snowflake on the two Shiva sisters when they were in their motorbike form, as a way of deepening their bond. Sadly, people had failed to tell Snow that Eidolens were very precious when it came to their appearance, and any attempt made at changing their appearance greatly angered them.
"Oh man this is gonna be awesome!" the blonde said to himself as he stood before his Eidolen motorcycle with a can of ice blue paint. He had spent most of the morning practicing his snowflake drawing skills and he felt that he had finally gotten good enough to try the real thing (he really hadn't, but it's nice to let him dream). He flipped the lid off of the paint can, retrieved a paintbrush that he had stored in his pocket earlier, and approached the Shiva sisters. As soon as that brush made contact with them, all hell broke lose. The sisters immediately separated and began to attack Snow as they had done when they had first met (although this time Stiria wasn't healing him) and it wasn't until 4 hours later that Vanille happened to come across Snow; who was frozen solid in a block of ice.
They are still trying to thaw him out.
50.) UsE aLtErNaTe CaPiTaL aNd LoWeR cAsE lEtTeRs
OkAy, EvErYoNe LiKeS tO gEt GoOd LuCk AnD i KnOw ThAt YoU mUsT bE tHe SaMe. So To ObTaIn YoUr GoOd LuCk, SeNd ThIs To FiFtY pEoPlE iN yOuR eMaIl InBoX.
If YoU dOn'T, yOu WiLl LoSe AlL oF yOuR lUcK aNd DiE a PaInFuL dEaTh!
Light glared at the e-mail that she had just received. If her glare actually had the capacity to deal damage, then her laptop would honestly cease to exist at this point.
"How dare someone send me such an email?" she demanded, her eyes still fixated on the screen. If there was one thing that annoyed her more than people listening to music on their phones or putting 'lol' all the bloody time, it was when they typed like utter retards and used alternating capital and lower case letters. She scanned the screen in order to see who had sent her the heinous message, making a mental note to beat the crap out of them.
From: Noctis Lucis Caelum
"He must have a death wish," she said in a voice that wasn't angry, but was very low and so threatening that she actually dropped the temperature about her by about five hundred degrees.
Meanwhile, Noctis had a bad feeling about what he had just done. He had once again randomly selected people in his inbox to forward the message to (he was very superstitious and so always obeyed chain mail commands), and when he had a look at who had received it he tensed.
"I sent it to that person who hates me for some reason," he said, pursing his lips. He wasn't sure why, but he suddenly felt extremely uneasy. Perhaps it was a good thing that he didn't know Light was busy sharpening her sword and devising the most brilliant plan to wipe his existence for all eternity.
42- I'm the type of person who has a personalised ringtone and thinks that they are super cool, but when it goes off in public I just wanna die XD
44- I'm sure you all know this, but Hironobu Sakaguchi is the creator of Final Fantasy ^_^
45- I have no earthly idea what I was thinking...
46- Why Yuj has turned into a yandere I will never now :P
48- Yes, fan girls really are that scary, so be on guard!
Well, thank you for reading this and again I'm sorry for the late update *bows* Please review to let me know what you think, they keep me inspired and prevent me from going completely insane :D