Disclaimer: Not mine, etc., who cares.

A/N: There's no reason behind this, other than I simple "Meh, I felt like it." And it's been fun. I regret nothing. Slash I'm sure will be hinted at/implied/possibly glaringly obvious, eventually. If you squint you might already spot some- that's just where my mind goes. This will be cohesive and ongoing, so there's that, as well.


My dearest darlingest Moonbeam,

I am insulted, hurt- offended, even, if I may be so bold. We've been apart for nearly two weeks and I have yet to receive one single letter from you. Have you forgotten about me? I know, the thought is absurd; who could forget this face? Between the shiny, shiny, shiny hair and the dashing smile, I'm clearly unforgettable. So what could this reason be? You could not possibly be too busy for me. You're home, alone, with your parents, for starters. I suppose you're just book-snogging again. Give the poor things a break, Moony; you'll get the pages all soggy.

Things at the Potters' are great, which is as to be expected- you can only imagine how bored I will be getting soon. There's too much… niceness here. I'm all hot and bothered. Mum continuously feeds me- I fear I'm going to get fat. I need you here. For portion control reasons, obviously.

Mr. Potter has been working a lot, so we haven't seen as much of him. But a few nights ago he showed me something really cool- he converted a muggle record player to work in a magic household, and play both wizard and muggle music! Bloody brilliant it was, too.

Poor pathetic Prongs (say that five times fast) has written Evans seven letters so far. He has received zero responses, but this does not appear to be discouraging him. I'm expecting the Howler any day now.

Anyway, how are you? What are you doing? How has your summer been? Do you miss me terribly? Do elephants really never forget?

Clearly your favorite Marauder,

Sirius "Padfoot" Black


To the boy with the oddly formal signature,

Who said you were my favorite Marauder? Lies! Lies and slander, I tell you!

It's so nice to see that you've stayed modest in my absence. Has it been two weeks already? I'm sorry I haven't written- I have been busy. My mother bought me a new book as a coming home gift, so I finished it in a few days, and then went out to buy the rest of the series. I guess I have sort of been absorbed. But no, no actual snogging is taking place. I am simply enjoying and reading a book. There is no saliva involved. I realize you are not familiar with any activities listed above, so I might as well be speaking German. Do try your best to keep up.

I'm glad to hear things at the Potters' are well. (I understand that now that you've learned the phrase 'hot and bothered' you like to use it as often as possible, but I'm not quite sure you're really grasping the meaning there, Pads.) Send my love to Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I highly doubt there has been any change to your physique due to an overdose in faerie cake, but I'll probably have to come spend a few nights anyway, just to be sure. For the record, I'm worried that I'm not worried by the fact that you apparently need me to keep track of your daily food intake. How do you live while I'm away?

Oh dear, please tell Prongs to take a break. While I do admire his determination, please remind him that Lily is muggleborn and I'm not so sure her parents want to explain the constant influx of owls to their neighbors. This will not help his already fairly hopeless case either, I'm sure. Also, well done on the alliteration.

To answer all of your questions:

I'm fine, thank you for asking.

Currently, I'm sitting at the table eating eggs. Scrambled, in case you were wondering.

Uneventful- but after so long with the three of you, it's a welcome reprieve.

Of course I do.

I'm not sure, as I've never met one.

Please never call me Moonbeam again.

Best,

Moony


Moonflower,

Of course I'm your favorite. We don't have to tell the others, if that makes you feel better about your obvious favoritism.

Modest? Moi? Naturally, darling- just another thing to add to the list of Things That Make Me Fantastic.

Ha! Book-snogger! Hey Mr. Condescending, I can enjoy things that do not involve saliva! Probably! And please, if you were actually speaking German, I would completely understand. I may be from a family of crazies, but damnit, we are well-educated crazies.

How did you know about the faerie cake, specifically? Have you been spying on me? That is perfectly okay; you don't even have to knock and alert me before peeking in on my bathing. Nude surprises are just one of the greater things in life that I like to enjoy (hey, there's something that's not entirely saliva-related! Basically. Sometimes?), so come on in- I know you want to.

And to answer your question- I don't live while you're away. It's a constant struggle. Just come here and take care of me, please. Or at least relieve me from Prongs-sitting duty. I gave him your advice- he is on his ninth letter as I write this to you. I look forward to the envelopes filled with sharp, rusty metals.

I miss you, as well.

Still the favorite,

Sirius

P.S. – HOT AND BOTHERED HOT AND BOTHERED HOT AND BOTHERED HOT AND BOTHERED


S,

Well done on the maturity.

-R


A/N: Hey guys, thanks for reading and whatnot. Send me your thoughts, love, and ransom notes, all will be accepted (bonus points if you include body parts in the latter).