A/N: Hiii there! :D I'm still alive! I haven't died…..yet…..o.o hehehe. I have here, a one shot! :D don't kill me! -hides- The next chapter of my story What's Next? and I'll always be there. No matter what. AND What's your story? are on their way…having a lot of trouble writing them but they will be done! Hehe soo umm here you go….my one shot!
Spoilers: umm some for Twilight, Kill Ari Part 1, Kill Ari Part 2, SWAK, and episodes throughout Season 4
Disclaimer: I own nothing….unfortunately…..):
It was a crisp, cool, mid-afternoon, fall day as Anthony DiNozzo made his way through the multi-colored fallen leaves in the cemetery. It had been about two years since he had been here. He still remembered the pain of having to put the casket into the ground. He let his thoughts wander to their time together. Was it only two years ago? he couldn't believe that in two years, he hadn't been to visit. It's just to painful. he shook his head to rid himself of the oncoming thoughts as he trudged through the ankle deep leaves.
It took him all of fifteen minutes to reach the headstone.
Loving daughter, sister, and friend.
May she look down on us as an angel from heaven.
He knelt down in front of the slab of pink granite and let his fingers trace over the engraving.
"God Kate." Tony sighed. He missed his partner. He had no problem with Ziva, well, other than the fact that she wanted to get into his pants that is. She just was no Kate Todd.
"I'm sorry I haven't come by sooner." he swallowed hard. "It's been tough. Nothing has been the same." he let his hand fall from the stone in front of him into his lap. "I mean, your replacement, Ziva David, she's, I guess for lack of better words, on loan to us from Mossad." he paused, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. "She's great." he continued. "But she isn't you. I'm quite sure she wants to sleep with me." he gave a quiet chuckle. "Abby hasn't changed." he let a small smile surface. "Still the same old Abby. Energetic, with that ear-drum piercing music. And Tim? He's growing up. Our little Probie is growing up Katie." he let out a small laugh. He could practically hear her Don't call me Katie, DiNozzo. "Gibbs? God Gibbs is still Gibbs. Barking orders, slapping me upside the head, scaring witnesses and suspects," he sighed a little. "and he still loves his coffee." he let the small smile he had on his face fade as a memory surfaced. "He was nice the day," he swallowed hard again. "the day you died." he finished in almost a whisper. "He was nice Kate, and it scared me. Gibbs doesn't do nice." he shuddered. "Me? I'm still me. My mind going from x to triple x." he let another smile surface. "The flirting, the flings…" his voice trailed off, smile fading. His eyes looking off into the distance. "Fake." he whispered. "It's all fake. The flirting? Sure I'd used it to get a girls number. But now? Now its to throw suspects off, you know? An act." he adjusted his position so that he was now sitting cross-legged on the ground. "The flings?" his shoulders slumped. "At least ninety-nine percent of them are fake. Lies." he looked off into the distance again. "There lies, just so I have something to tell the others. Something left of the normal me. And I'm pretty sure no one suspects anything. Been hiding a lot of things for a long time…"
He spent a good twenty minutes talking about the team some more. He found it easier then he had thought it would be to open up and talk about everything. He moved onto the director and her past with Gibbs. He could just picture her face when he had said that they had been lovers.
He could almost feel the ache in his chest lifting.
Tony found himself telling her about the undercover op Jenny had placed on him.
"Jeanne, she's a nurse." he barely registered that he had begun to tell her everything about Jeanne. Her personality, her hobbies, her favorite food, music, movie. Even his role in the op.
"She's awesome." he said. "and, I love her." he fell silent for several moments. Trying to figure out what he should say next.
"But I'm not in love with her. He finally managed to say. It's now or never. "I'm in love with someone else." he let his gaze, that had finally drifted back to the stone in front of him, drift off to the distance once again. "She's a brunette. She's smart, witty, funny, and doesn't take crap from anyone." a smile ghosted his lips. "And he can kick ass when needed." he paused. "But she's still one of the most caring and companionate people I have ever met. Know anyone fitting that description?" he let his eyes fall on her name. he took a deep breath.
"You." he said softly. "I'm in love with you." his voice cracked as tears pricked the edges of his eyes. "And I never told you." a single tear escaped and found its way down his face. "I am now though." he let out a humorless laugh. "Better late than never huh?" he let his shoulders slump a little more. "As soon as I fully recovered from the plague I was gonna ask you out to dinner." the corner of his mouth lifted up slightly. "And I wasn't going to take no for an answer." he looked at the stone, burning the inscription to memory.
He looked at his watch, surprised to find that a whole three hours had passed since he had begun talking to Kate. "When I got Y-pestis," he said. "you stayed, even though I was the only one infected." he swallowed thickly. "You risked infection to stay with me." he paused, trying to calm himself. "I hope you don't mind that I asked, or that she told, but I asked Abby is she knew why you stayed. And her answer was simple." he looked at her name once more, imagining that she was actually there with him. "She simply said 'Because she loved you, Tony.'" he gave a watery smile. "You loved me." he let out a choked sob. "You loved me." he repeated quietly. "I wish I'd known." another sob. "If I'd known," the rest of the sentence was lost as sobs took over, wracking his body.
He let his emotions through. He finally let the two years of sadness come out. He cried over the loss of what could have been, what could have been done. Over the loss of his partner, his friend. Over the death of Kate, his unofficial lover.
He didn't know anymore. He didn't know what to say anymore. He didn't know how to hold himself together anymore. But he knew one thing. That he loved Kate. And she loved him. And that's all that mattered to him now.
When his sobs had finally died down, he looked at the ground, in front of the stone. He picked up the flower he had brought with him. A single white lily.
Slowly, he stood from his spot on the ground. He took a few moments to collect his bearings, before he spoke softly.
"I know its too late now," he looked at her headstone one more time. "but maybe we can try when I see you again." he wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and face. "My heart will always belong to you." he whispered and placed the lily on the top of her headstone. "I love you." he said in a voice just above a whisper.
He pressed his fingers to his lips and then to her name. He then took one last look at the final resting place of Caitlin Todd, before he turned and began the walk back to his car.
The wind picked up as Tony finally reached his car. He was about to climb in, when he heard the distinct sound of Kate's voice.
I love you too, Tony.
Tony left the cemetery feeling happier than he had in years. The ache in his heart diminished by Kate's final words to him.
I'll wait forever if I have too.
A/N: So? How was it? Not a complete failure? I hope? Lemme know what you think. Review? (: