Ok, a quick special thanks to everyone who reviewed "Are You Real?". Seriously, those reviews are what make me want to crank out more stories. So, sincerely, thank you.
Now, we move on to...
MY FIRST MULTI-CHAPTER FIC! Hooray! *celebrates in a shameless manner*
Actually, little nervous. Like I said, first time. And unlike a certain countertenor, I don't have a blazer-wearing someone to tell me I'm adorable. Oh well. Let me know what you all think of this.
For the purposes of this story, canon is acknowledged all the way till "Sexy" and Kurt and Blaine board at Dalton.
DISCLAIMER: Oh no, I totally have legal claims to Glee. I'm currently writing the scenes between Blaine and his sister (played by my incredibly talented twin) and all my stories are actually deleted scenes that will be released with the DVD's. (Note my blatant use of sarcasm)
Finally in the safety of the Dalton parking lot, Blaine Anderson slumped against his seat, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, reliving the past few hours. Never before had he done so much and gotten so little accomplished. Honestly, the only solid result of his efforts today was a simple conclusion.
Burt Hummel was the scariest man alive.
If there had ever been a true test of his frequently preached "courage", convincing the gruff mechanic to have the gay sex talk with his son was most certainly it.
God have mercy on Kurt's first boyfriend.
Blaine shuddered, thinking of the nightmare picture he had created in the hopes of scaring Mr. Hummel into giving Kurt the Talk. The simple idea of some jerk taking advantage of Kurt, of tricking the young boy into trusting a stranger, of Kurt being at his most vulnerable with someone that wouldn't take care of him made Blaine sick to his stomach.
Though, Blaine had to admit, it was an unlikely situation. Kurt was smart and had pretty good instincts about people. It took a lot for the pale boy to confide in someone as a friend, let alone put his faith in a lover. The walls built around Kurt Hummel were sturdy and tall.
And if that should ever fail him, he had protectors.
Any sleaze ball would run screaming for the hills at the mere sight of Burt Hummel.
Finn may be an overgrown puppy but he would turn guard dog for Kurt any day.
Despite the transfer, the New Directions remained very involved in their lost member's life, part of that participation including many a threatening phone call to the Warblers to warn them about looking after Kurt (who was to know nothing of said calls under threat of unbearable pain) and the eclectic group of teens certainly seemed capable of doing severe damage to anyone they deemed a threat (they're previous record of not doing this may have been what inspired the sudden protective edge but what was a better source of motivation than redemption?).
Even the Warblers, who were getting to know Kurt better and really starting to like their endearing spy (There's no way Kurt would live that down. Ever.), would never stand by and let something happen to one of their own.
And Blaine would do anything for Kurt.
That is, if Kurt ever wanted to talk to him again. The awkward edge (the one that hadn't existed until Valentine's Day) in their friendship had felt more like a dividing chasm today after his attempts at Sexy Lessons.
More than ready to start mending bridges, Blaine whipped out his phone and composed a cautious text, testing the waters.
On a scale of one to ten, how angry with me are you? - B
So fixated on how far away Kurt had felt recently, the curly haired boy leapt out of his seat (He really should leave his car at some point) when his phone buzzed with an immediate response.
I'm not. I'm sorry I told you to leave. You were only trying to help. - K
Blaine had his fingers poised over his phone keys, ready to type out his own apology for delving into an uncomfortable subject and expecting Kurt to be fine with it but then his phone buzzed again with a new message.
On a scale of one to kill me now, guess how awkward the conversation I just had with my dad was. - K
Blaine was torn between grimacing and doing a victory dance.
Bad, huh? – B
I have no words. That alone should shock you. I've been struck speechless. – K
First sign of the Apocalypse: Kurt Hummel stripped of his rapier wit. ;) – B
Biting his lip due to shame for prying, Blaine just couldn't stop himself from typing out the next message immediately after sending the first.
What exactly did your dad say? – B
There was a longer pause in the communication here, which made Blaine uneasy.
He and Kurt told each other everything. Why was Kurt hesitating now? Was Kurt debating telling him? Did the talk not go well? Were there things Kurt didn't want to share with Blaine? Had he made Kurt that uncomfortable when he'd tried to give his friend the talk himself?
That really had been stupid. He knew how proud Kurt could be and admitting to know nothing about sex to a peer had to have been difficult.
Maybe his attempts to talk it out had come across as patronizing? Come to think of it, appointing himself to coach Kurt in the first place could be seen as a little arrogant. But, that wasn't how he meant it. He just wanted to help Kurt with his stage presence. The sex talk had just sort of happened.
Things between him and Kurt had been tense lately and he had hoped that working on a Warbler number together would get things back to normal. But now, Kurt was more distant than ever.
How had this all gone so wrong? What if Kurt didn't want to confide in him anymore? What if he got embarrassed around Blaine and started closing himself off from everyone at Dalton? What if something was really wrong and Kurt was refusing to tell Blaine about it because of this damned awkwardness? They didn't used to be like this. When exactly did he and his best friend start becoming strangers?
Thankfully a response came, yanking Blaine from his thoughts.
It was more the subject than anything he really said. There was an underlying message about having some self-worth, which was nice to hear. I suppose I should count myself lucky that my dad cares so much. – K
Blaine read the message over a few times, pleased with the overall tone (although the idea of Kurt needing someone else assure him of his worth worried Blaine) if a little frustrated with the vagueness. But, his meddling had made absolutely no progress when it came to his status with Kurt. He should just be thankful that he hadn't caused any (more) lasting damage (hopefully?).
Your dad loves you very much Kurt. The fact that he sat down to talk to you about something, even though it was awkward, just shows how much. – B
This time, the response was instant.
And I really am grateful for that. As much as I love Carole and Finn, my dad is my world. He tries so hard for me and I don't even want to think about what kind of mess I would be without him. – K
Blaine's stomach tightened in sorrow and jealousy. His own dad wasn't really a bad guy but he had never been there for Blaine the way Mr. Hummel had been there for his son. It was part of why he relied so heavily on being able to relate to Kurt, being able to talk about everything. If Blaine couldn't talk to Kurt, he didn't have anyone else.
Trying not to dwell on this, Blaine finally opened the door and got out of his car, heading for the Windsor building where he stayed.
You're dad will always be there for you. We all will Kurt. ;) Are you coming back to the dorms tonight? – B
Thanks Blaine. :) Actually, I'm staying until Monday. I was planning on coming home next week but since I'm already here, I might as well make this my family weekend. I can only make so many trips to Lima so I should make the most of this one. I'll see you Monday. - K
Blaine felt a small pang of guilt at this. Tuition at Dalton was incredibly steep and gas was expensive. The Hummel's had managed to cut back on the mileage by having Kurt board but that meant separating Kurt from his friends and family. Blaine knew that those miles were hard on his friend.
He hadn't meant to mess up Kurt's plans when it came to family weekends. What if something special was happening next week and now Kurt wouldn't be able to make the trip? Kurt's visits were always scheduled so that he could spend time with everyone. What if they were all busy now and Kurt was going to spend a weekend alone?
Blaine had just wanted to have the Sexy Lessons at Kurt's house because he had thought that a familiar environment would be more comfortable (and look how well that turned out) but now he was replaying the conversation, wondering if he had somehow overlooked any hesitation in Kurt and had accidentally bullied (Blaine cringed. Poor choice of words) the boy into going home.
This was so not how he thought his day would go.
Blaine's thumbs hesitated over his keyboard, wishing Kurt was here so they could talk (really talk because he could feel the friendship he so treasured slipping through his fingers), wishing that he could stop making mistakes that he only recognized with 20/20 hindsight.
Alright. Have fun with your family. Text me if you get bored. I can make as many trips to Lima as you want. Have a good weekend Kurt. :) – B
Hoping that had helped (at the very least, hadn't done more harm than good), Blaine entered Windsor Hall and made his way up the stairs to his dorm room, ready to crash in his comfy desk chair, plug in his ear buds, and let music take him to a place where life wasn't so complicated (where he couldn't mess up as royally as he seemed to be doing lately).
Opening the door to his room, Blaine found his roommate and good friend, Wes, studying on his bed. This wasn't a surprising sight. Wes was a rather strict and straight laced (as long as he was kept away from David) person who took everything with an air of seriousness unnatural for a teenaged boy.
Hearing the door, Wes glanced up from his textbooks.
"Blaine just walked in." He said, looking back down to his notes.
No. Wes did not narrate his own life.
No. Wes did not have blind imaginary friends.
No. Wes was not an insane person who talked to himself.
On the council member's knee sat his cell phone, out of which came the voice of Blaine's other good friend and Wes's partner in the greatest bromance to ever grace the halls of Dalton academy (according to the two "bros"), David.
"Hi David. Hey Wes." Blaine greeted each boy, moving further into his room, depositing his backpack and removing his blazer.
"Hey Wes! Ask Blaine how his and Kurt's make-out session went!"
Blaine sank into the chair beside his desk, not sure how to comment on his friend's question (or the fact that David had blatantly ignored that Blaine could hear the question himself and had chosen to talk through Wes).
Wes merely rolled his eyes. "I will do no such thing."
"Why not?" David did a remarkable impression of a petulant child.
"Because I refuse to waste anymore of my time on an oblivious hobbit who is stubbornly adamant on remaining oblivious."
David gasped as if morally offended. "Wes? Are you telling me you don't ship Klaine anymore?"
Blaine opened his mouth to ask when exactly the two had begun shipping his personal life but quickly shut it again. If he didn't draw attention to himself, maybe he wouldn't get dragged into the insane world of Wevid (David wasn't the only one who could create couple names). It seemed as if maybe this plan would work since, despite his clear presence, Wes and David continued their discussion as if he wasn't there to listen.
"Oh no. I know they belong together. They're hopelessly in love with each other. Soul mates, a perfect match, et cetera. I just think they missed their chance."
David cried out in indignation. "Inconceivable! I demand evidence!"
For reasons he couldn't fathom, Blaine found himself leaning forward in his chair, eagerly awaiting the analysis of his and Kurt's relationship.
Wes merely shrugged, looking slightly bored as he explained his reasoning while writing in his notes.
"Blaine shouldn't have tried to be Kurt's gay Yoda when he so clearly wanted to get into those tight skinny jeans. He should have asked Kurt out right when he transferred. And Kurt should have asked Blaine out at Christmas. He figured out his feelings for our lead soloist right after they sang 'Baby It's Cold Outside'."
"You guys know about that?" Blaine blurted out his question in surprise.
"Everybody knows about that." Wevid answered, as if this was obviously common knowledge.
"Irrelevant." David snapped. "Now, shhhhh! Continue Wes."
"Anyway, Kurt should have said something before Valentine's Day. He would have saved everyone a lot of humiliation. I still can't believe we agreed to that."
"Hey! We thought he was singing to Kurt!"
"Exactly. He should have sung to Kurt but he didn't. Kurt took a step in the right direction with their talk in the coffee shop but Blaine had to be stupid and play the friends card."
David scoffed in agreement. "Not to mention, he was way too ambiguous about the whole thing. What is 'I really care about you' supposed to mean anyway?"
"How do you two know these things?" Blaine practically screamed.
David just shushed him again.
Wes sighed heavily, finding this subject more trouble than it was worth, what with all the interruptions.
"Anyway, after that debacle came the dark times of Straight-Blaine."
David shuddered audibly. "That was horrifying."
Blaine's face flushed darkly. He'd been trying very hard not to think about that mess.
"I think that was the final nail in the coffin of Klaine. I don't know much about the gay dating world but I'm pretty sure kissing a girl is not the way to win boys over. And that was a pretty ugly fight."
"Yeah. How exactly did they make up after that one?"
Blaine glanced at his shoes, remembering coming out of the bathroom to find that Rachel had run off. He then found Kurt at their table with two coffees. They sat in a very cold silence before exchanging blanket apologies for their behavior and agreeing to let bygones be bygones.
Looking back, it seemed like a pretty poor resolution to their biggest conflict.
"What I'm saying is they were both too timid for too long. Kurt's been friend zoned and it seems like he's given up on fighting it because Blaine refuses to see what's right in front of him. I guess eventually, Kurt will move on. He can only get snubbed so many times before he learns to take a hint. If Blaine is lucky, he'll remain ignorant. It's better than the pain of missing what he'll never have."
Blaine swallowed thickly, his chest aching at the thought of Wes's dim prediction of his future.
"Damn Wes. That is seriously depressing."
"I'm just being realistic."
David huffed in that stubborn way of his. "Well, I, for one, believe in the powers of true love! Blaine will get his head out of his ass someday. And I've seen the way Kurt looks at our little hobbit. You don't just 'move on' from that."
Blaine much preferred David's version (not the true love bit. That was just his friends being their usual ridiculous selves). He didn't like Wes's foretelling of Blaine hurting Kurt like that, no mater how unintentional.
"KLAINE IS ENDGAME!" With that, David hung up.
Blaine stared at the silent phone for a while. Wes rolled his eyes before setting the device on the bedside table.
"Did Kurt come back with you?"
Thankful for normal conversation, Blaine turned to power up his laptop on the desk as he answered.
"He's staying in Lima for the weekend. He'll be back by Monday."
Wes hummed, thinking something over. "Ok. Then we'll have to wait till Tuesday to run 'Animal' again."
Blaine jerked up. "What?"
"Well, we need all the Warblers to discuss the number and ways to improve. So after Kurt's back, we'll set up a schedule on Monday. We need to run it a few more times before competition."
Blaine gulped nervously. "The council is still considering it for Regionals?"
Wes finally tore his eyes from his work, giving his friend a questioning look. "It was a good number Blaine. Maybe it's a little rough but I saw you get at least three numbers. The girls loved it. We just need to polish our performance."
Blaine's eyes found great interest in the floor.
Talk or no Talk, there's no way Kurt would be comfortable with sex by Regionals.
"Blaine, what's going on? Selling sexy was your idea. What's the matter?"
"I just… don't think the performance was our best." Blaine worded carefully.
"Does this have anything to do with why you and Kurt ran off so quickly after we sang?"
Blaine worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Maybe, if he was very vague, he could tell Wes. It was what was best for Kurt. The ends justify the means, right? He was only looking out for his friend after all. Wasn't that his job as best friend and mentor?
"Kurt wasn't exactly… comfortable… on stage today."
There was silence as Wes took this in.
That was not the reaction Blaine was expecting. His mouth hung open for a moment, trying to decide how to respond.
Wes stared at Blaine, eyebrows raised, as if Blaine was the weird one.
"It was his first time getting any sort of solo with us. It's going to take some time for him to get his sea legs, so to speak."
"But…" This was more than first-time jitters but it wasn't really Blaine's story to tell. He was already pushing his luck as it was.
"Need I remind you of your first solo?"
Blaine's cheeks burned with the heat of his blush. "You still haven't let that go, have you?"
Wes slammed one of his books closed incredulously. "I still have nightmares about that! I can't believe you broke Jeff's arm!"
"It was a hairline fracture! And it was an accident! Besides, that wasn't nearly as bad as Nick's first time."
"No, it was much worse. Nick broke a statue of a warbler. You broke an actual Warbler. Kurt didn't break anything so I don't think you're one to judge."
Blaine let his head rest in his hands with a defeated moan. Wes had an excellent point.
Who was he to try to teach Kurt how to perform? As Wes had pointed out (in that wonderfully sensitive way of his) Blaine was far from a perfect entertainer. Compared to causing bodily harm, what did an odd facial expression matter? And if Blaine was able to overcome being a hazard to the other Warblers, Kurt could certainly improve on his minor presentation issues. Really, all it had taken to help Blaine was to watch some old videos of previous Dalton performances to understand how the group moved together.
Blaine snapped up, sitting ramrod straight in his char. Wes eyed him suspiciously, as if looking for the tell tale light bulb above his head. But he couldn't be bothered with that right now.
He's got it. And it's brilliant. How had he not thought of this before?
Instantly, his fingers were flying over his keyboard, typing like mad, trying to work the right phrasing into the YouTube search bar.
Videos. Previous performances of show choirs. It was so amazingly genius in its simplicity.
He just needed to find the right one.
Blaine scrolled through the search findings and out of no where, he stumbled upon…
McKinley's New Directions Channel
This was PERFECT.
The New Directions had such a diverse range in every aspect of their talents. Surely someone there had pulled off a sexy number. And showing Kurt a number he was familiar with coupled with seeing someone he knew, someone whose head he could get inside of, someone he was more comfortable with (that thought put a bit of a damper on Blaine's happiness but he would overlook it for now) would surely help Kurt get in touch with his inner Sexiness.
Maybe it wasn't too late for Blaine to turn this around.
Now, which video?
Push It – Salt 'N' Pepa
Starring Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Tina Cohen-Chang, Finn Hudson, Kurt Hummel, and Mercedes Jones
Also known as, Glee Sex Riot #1
Well, this looked promising.
Hee hee. Oh Blaine. If only you knew what I'm about to do to you.
Leave a review if you want to know. ;)