Hello! I feel like writing some angst here. This is my first time writing angst, so do me a favor and write a review, tell me how this went. You know the drill here, go right ahead and continue reading! And you also know my standard disclaimer too. Enjoy!
"You missed it." The same voice ran over and over in her head like it was on recording, nagging her every second since she had gotten home that night.
"He has someone else now." Followed the first upsetting voice. Ziva laid in her bed, in the dark, in her pajamas, hair a frizzy mess and a trail of dark eye makeup running down her face. She threw her head into a pillow and choked out a sob.
"You missed it. Opportunity knocked and you let it pass." The voice reminded her. Ziva tried not to cry. She had to use so much of her will power not to cry again. She already looked a mess so she figured what harm could any more crying do? The depressing lyrics to the music that she had turned on when she got home just triggered the waterfall. Like pulling one stick out of the pile and everything around it comes down making a mess of it all. Ziva lost it. Ziva almost never cries. She let it all out again. Everything. She cried because of Ray leaving her, Tony's new love interest, the voices telling her that she missed her chance, the times she and Tony had were never going to happen again, all those happy memories, the stress of it all crashing down around her, setting all of those happy memories on fire and watching it burn all around her.
Ziva was pretty much all out of tears when she lifted her heavy head up from the pillow. She had stained the pillow with her eye makeup, but that didn't matter at the time. She didn't know what she needed now. She needed something to make her feel better. If she called Abby that would leave her in a vulnerable state, and being Abby she would want her to spill it all. Ziva didn't want to do that yet. She looked at the clock. It was too late to call anyone. The thought popped into her head that she could call Tony. Tony. Tony DiNozzo. Ziva choked another sob again and tears fell down her cheek. She knew there was a time that she could call him and he would be right over and make everything okay again. Not now. Maybe not ever again. She rolled over and let the tears stream down her face leaving a warm salty trail down her now very flushed and emotionally torn apart face.
"To-ny." Ziva whispered in gasped breaths while trying to calm herself down from crying.
"You missed your chance." A familiar voice popped in her head. She tried to put a name to the voice but her head was pounding too much from crying to do that. It was awfully familiar too.
"I think I may have loved you." Ziva whispered as a single tear rolled down the side of her face. Ziva thought of Tony's face while she cried. How happy he must be with E.J. now. She wondered what he saw in her, what made him happy. Ziva pictured Tony's smiling face whenever they were together. Clips played like old movies in Ziva's head of times that they had together. Paris. Under covers. Movie nights. Solving cases together. No personal space. All of these thoughts made her ache. Why did Tony do this to her? Leaving her for someone else. Not that they were ever together. But why did he leave? Even more importantly, why did she care this much? Ziva was definitely out of tears at this point. All she could do was let out sobs and the occasional hitched breath that just wouldn't stop once you start sobbing. Ziva had to pull herself together. She had work in a few hours. Again. Back to face her reality that might was tearing her apart on the inside. She sat up and looked at the clock and sank back down on the bed again. She exhaled loudly and started to fall asleep. All of the crying had made her tired.
She wasn't asleep long when she heard her phone buzz and light up on her nightstand. Ziva flipped over and unlocked her phone to see the message.
"Ziva." Was all the message read. Somehow Ziva found the tears to cry again. Tears in her eyes forming, she threw her phone down and started to sob again. Ziva wound up crying herself to sleep, dreaming of how happy Tony was without her and the whispering voice came back in her sleep.
"Maybe you didn't miss your chance." They repeated over and over to her.
"Text him back. He needs you. Even at this late hour. He needs you." They kept chanting to her in her sleep.
"You didn't miss it. Not yet."
What did you think? Anyone need a tissue or two? Hope you enjoyed it! Read and review!