Okay, so here's my attempt at a Family Guy fanfiction. I freaking love Brian and Stewie and I just saw the episode "Brain & Stewie" the other day and I had to write this. So, for the parody subject… I'm a huge KassemG fan from YouTube (I'm in love with the man, lol XD) and he does a segment of videos called California On _, where he talks to people in Venice Beach (in California) about random topics. So…why not do one for this story? I guess parodies make fun of something, but whatever, the idea of this comes from his videos.
Rhode Island on Love
"What? Why would you want to do that?" Brian asked Stewie when the latter threw out a suggestion.
"Why not?" Stewie answered a question with a question. "I get bored around here. Why not ask random people their opinions on random things?"
Stewie suggested to Brian about asking people on the street about whatever topic he had in mind. He was pretty bored and was looking for something to do. And why not figure out how stupid people in this city were?
"You want to question people's stupidity?" Brian questioned raising eyebrow.
"Sure. Not everyone's smart, y'know?"
"But not everyone's stupid."
"That's what we're going to find out!"
"Yeah, you're coming with me."
"Who said that?"
"I did. Just now."
"…Whatever. I don't have anything else I'm doing."
"Great. Here, take this." Stewie grabbed a camcorder from…somewhere and handed it to Brian.
"What's this for?"
"You ask too many questions, dog. I want to film everyone's responses so we can track all of these answers!"
"Fine. What's the topic?"
"I haven't figured that out yet…"
"May I suggest something?"
"How about love?"
"What the deuce is this, the Bachelor?"
"No, I just figured we could ask people about their views on love. Everyone sees love differently. Why not ask people about their opinion on it?"
"…Fine. Love's overrated, that's my opinion."
"We're on the same page, Stewie." Brian eyed him curiously. Stewie stared at him for a moment before shaking his head.
"All right, let's go." Stewie pulled a microphone from…somewhere—where does he keep getting these things?—and walked toward the front door. Brian followed holding the camcorder.
"Okay, this is Stewie Griffin, and I'm—"
"I'm here, too."
"Ugh, and I'm here with Brian Griffin, and—" Brian turned the camcorder toward himself. "Hey! Don't turn the camera, dog! Back over here!" Stewie slapped the camcorder back toward him. "Anyway, we're here at Quahog Beach and we're going to talk to random passerby's about today's topic: love! And I didn't pick this topic, by the way. I don't claim that."
"Okay, so who's first? Oh, how about her? Hey, you!" Stewie shouted. "Yeah, you with the five-sizes-too-short bikini! Come over here!"
A woman with…a five-sizes-too-short bikini walked over to Stewie. "What is it?"
"What do you think about love?" Stewie had to stand on a conveniently placed brick wall next to him to hold the microphone to the woman.
"Love? What about it?"
"Well, if you keep wearing that bikini, you won't have to worry about it…"
"Well then why the hell did you ask?" she turned and walked off.
"Someone's not a team player." Stewie huffed. "Next!"
"Love? Omg, it's, like, the bestest thing ever!" said a overly excited teenage girl. Brian rolled his eyes.
"Hmm, I think it'd be great…if I could keep a husband," responded a woman in her mid-forties. Stewie slapped his forehead in shame.
"Dude, I get girls coming in and out of my house, like, every night!" said a young man while his surfer friends laughed behind him. When they were walking away, Stewie took off his shoe and chucked it at the responder's head.
"I love my…wife very much," a businessman hesitated to say. Stewie raised an eyebrow.
"And your wife's name is…?" Brian asked.
"Susan. No, Martha! It's Martha! Why are you filming this? What is this for?" the man panicked, now revealing that his wife apparently wasn't his only lover.
"Huh? Whatchu talkin' about?" said a disgruntled teenage girl with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. "I don' need a man. I'm a grown-ass woman!"
"You don't look older than fifteen," Brian pointed out.
"What da hell does my age got to do wit nothin'?"
"Apparently exactly that. Nothing." Stewie remarked.
"Love! That word doesn't exist in my vocabulary. It's all about the sex. Then they're gone, and I move on with my life," said a very skimpy-dressed woman. Brian and Stewie eyed each other, then shrugged their shoulders in unison.
"What's love? Is that a candy?" a little boy asked.
"You sound more educated than half the people we've talked to today…" Stewie sighed.
"…Love…? I love…solitude…" a girl responded quietly, face hidden under a low jacket hood. She was wearing all black and there wasn't a spot of skin you could see on her body.
Brian and Stewie rolled their eyes…
"Ugh, that was the stupidest thing I have ever suggested to do in my life!" Stewie yelled, holding his head as him and Brian walked back home. "Beyond nauseating…"
"You got that right…" Brian agreed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Why the hell did you even bother with that topic?"
"I was curious!"
"Well, I hope you're happy…"
"I'm not, actually…"
"Love is so stupid, anyway. Woman are just…ugh, a foreign species."
"But it wasn't just the women. Did you hear the men's responses?"
"Yelch, I know. One of them sounded like Quagmire…"
Brian and Stewie walked in silence for a long while. It might have been the best part of the day.
Stewie then spoke up. "Y'know, Brian, I think if I could pick one person on this Earth to live with for the rest of my life, it would be you."
"Huh?" Brian made a face. "Where did that come from?"
"Cause they say you should die next to the person you love, but I don't think I want to be in love. So, if I were to die next to someone meaningful, I would choose you."
Brian paused. "That makes it sound like you may as well be in love with me."
"I did not say that!" Stewie hit Brian with the microphone. "I just said you were…meaningful to me. That doesn't mean I love you. At all. It just means I can tolerate you more than anyone else."
"Fine, then I would choose you, too. I think we were only able to get through this day because we were together. If we had been by ourselves talking to these people, we probably would have killed ourselves by now," Brian chuckled.
"Yeah, I guess we do make a good team, huh?" Stewie asked.
"I think so."
Stewie glanced at Brian, then smiled. "Just don't die too soon, dog. Life would be pretty boring without you."
"Sure thing, kid."
And they continued down the street together, laughing in harmony. Brian and Stewie had their moments, but they were inseparable.
"Hey, what are we going to do with all of our footage?"
"Let's put it online and see if we can get that one businessman's wife to watch it and divorce him. Ha!"
"I'm with you on that one."
I probably could have added a little more romance, but it was kinda hard to do considering the conversations. Oh well, I liked how it turned out. How about you? Reviews would be tremendous so I know if I did okay or if I should ever do another one in the future. Let me know! And thanks for reading! :D