AN: Thank you, Deleon25 for beta-ing this.
"So I'm next, aren't I?" Jake asked the author with a smile, which made the author shiver down to his spine in horror of what's to come after this.
The author looked at Chance with a pleading look, "Please don't let him get me, please Chance!" he whispered. The yellow tom, however, just snorted and laughed at him.
"Yeah…..good luck with that" Chance said before sitting down the nearest chair.
Jake: Part 1
1. Sexuality Conflict and Fanficiton
Ask Jake about his sexuality and start right out the bat that he's gay or maybe bisexual.
"So Jake…..gay or bisexual?" the calm dummy asked precipitously.
Jake blinked, "Wh-what… No! No no no….no. I'm straight." He chuckled at the dummy's question.
Putting his hands up in defense, "Hey there's nothing wrong with being gay and I'll accept you for who you are, Jake" the dummy said calmly.
Jake rubbed his temple and sighed heavily, "Look I ain't gay….I love Callie. I don't know where this absurd accusation came from or who told you this but I know, for a fact, that I'm straight as a...a..." he said as he tried to figure of what to say.
The dummy smiled wickedly, "As a circle!"
"Yes! Like a cir- wait...what? No I mean like a line!" Jake shouted, flustering in red.
The dummy rubbed his chin, "But a line can be drawn curving!" he muttered.
"I'M STRAIGHT GOD DAMMIT" Jake shouted, rising to his feet in anger and over towering the sitting figure.
"OBJECTION!" the dummy shouted while pointing dramatically at the ginger tom's nose. "I. HAVE. PROOF!" he shouted in a mighty voice.
Jake snorted, folding his arm across his chest. "No you don't!" he said.
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
"Yes I do"
"No you certainly don't"
The dummy stood up his chair, "Yes I do…in a site called FANFICTION" he dramatically shouted.
"Fan…fiction?" Jake slowly repeated, narrowing his eyes dangerously at the dummy.
The dummy nodded dumbly, "Yes….here's a variation of stories where Feral, some random Kats, and, mostly always, Chance have sexy times with you and have a nice relationship. Oh! And and in two of them you have kittens with Chance" he said as he handed down printed stories to Jake.
Jake read the first story, "Jake felt weak and helpless as Chance pounded his…."he stopped quickly as he read the next few words of the sentence and then turned reddish when he kept reading to himself.
While Jake keeps on reading the last few pages, you better had start running if, and only if, you wrote one of those stories. If not, you're good. If yes, then RUN!
If you weren't lucky enough to escape Jake's wrath, then you're either:
B-In a hospital bed
NOTE: Akuma the Dark One, you better run because Jake is coming after you!
2. Blue Razor
First thing you should do is grab Jake's shampoo, dump all the content, and fill it up with dye fur. He'll be feeling a bit blue after the end of this if you know what I mean.
*Jake C. /Razor has been hit with blue dye and it's not very effective*
*Jake uses compliment attack on Pranker and it's super effective*
*Pranker has fainted, Jake wins*
A nice prank to do but very soft to flip Jake's marbles, that tom has more patients than Buddha himself.
NOTE: Better luck next time, DNightveil!
3. The Weakest Member
Start bashing Jake's statues as a Swat Kat with the clear fact that he's the weakest tom in the entire team. Say how Jake is so weak that Feral's grandmother could take him (which I really think she could judging how built Feral is and how deathly Felina is), or that he's the damsel in distress, apart from Callie, that needs to be saved by Chance every single time.
Surprisingly he'll feel very down after all you said to him and it will be Chance who will be chasing you down for it.
In the end, you'll just end in the hospital bed without a single clue what happen to you.
NOTE: This is ridiculous! It should be Jake chasing you not Chance!
4. Is it red fur or cherry fur?
Start bugging Jake about his fur color and, even when Jake correctly says his fur color, keep on guessing.
"Hey, Jake, your fur color is red, right?" the dummy asked.
"No, it's actually cinnamon" Jake replied with a smile.
"Brown?" the dummy said, scratching his head.
"No, cinnamon" Jake said chuckling.
"No….no no, are you even listing to me. I said cinnamon!"
Jake sighed quietly, "No. Look! Repeat after me….CIN-"
"Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me."
"NOOOO….ugh you know what….yes Purple….my fur color if purple all right!"
"Cinnamon it is then!"
"You son of a bit- argh!"
"THAT'S IT I HAD IT WITH YOU!"
Sorry but Jake is one feet near you so…he's already beating you up by now.
Hospital here we go!
NOTE: Blue, no, cherry, no, pink, no, yellow, no, it's BLUE isn't it!
5. David Litterbin has been cancelled!
First things first, how do you get Litterbin out of the television business? Well it's easy, ruin the television show or frame Litterbin for something he didn't commit. Once he's gone, tell Jake you did it and then all hell will break loose.
Jake really loved that show and he will hunt you down for a month. If you are captured in that said month, you're going to be in a hellish month my friend.
From sores, to bruises, to injuries, and finally to broken bones you'll be at if you do this evil deed.
NOTE: Hey hospital, it's been awhile since we last meet. It was like it was just yesterday…oh wait it was!