Konichiwa! I have returned with another chapter. I'm not too happy with this one, but hey, there's a lot of angst. Oh, and humongous thanks to the reviews! I super appreciate them. :D And also thanks to oursolemnhour49 who corrected me on Japanese honorifics. I'm not from Japan, so I'll totally be wrong about a few things. Without further ado, read on!
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note (*sob*).
In the earlier days of his career, Matsuda recalled having to deal with families of victims. When doing so, he'd make sure to be as sympathetic and caring as possible. It wasn't a difficult job for an emotional person like him – people found him to be rather comforting. He did his best, even if it meant standing around for an hour with a grieving fiancé sobbing into his shoulder. That was probably why the chief (no, the deputy director... the former deputy director, that is) had always sent him to perform this task.
Fortunately, Matsuda didn't have to remain at the Yagami home for so long. He was very willing to offer the mother and her daughter his comfort, but he wasn't sure how long he could last without breaking down himself. "You can leave us, Matsuda-kun," Sachiko said, her tone failing to steady. Her tone wasn't brusque, but there was that obvious urging for the two women to be left alone. Respecting her wishes, Matsuda stood up to leave.
"Take care," he said, bowing his head.
Leaving the house with the door firmly closed behind him, Matsuda finally exhaled. During the entire time he was in there, he'd been holding his breath in hopes of avoiding letting anything go; whether it was the crushing emotions, or the urges to tell the truth. He was mildly surprised that they didn't see through his fallacies – he wasn't very good at acting. Improvising had always been easier than repeating rehearsed lines.
Striding to his car, Matsuda glanced back at the house and could make out the shapes of Sayu embracing her mother as they cried in unison. They paid no attention as he slid into the driver's seat with tears falling into his lap. "I'm an idiot," he muttered, pushing strands of messy hair from his face. "A fucking retard." The tainting imprecations unexpectedly left a satisfied feeling in his chest. It felt good to utter curses under his breath as if it were nothing. Typically, he wouldn't be so vulgar, but the anger bubbling inside of him could not be resisted.
It took over an hour to return to his apartment. In the underground parking, he was glad for the darkness to shade whatever emotions he was displaying. Matsuda was a projector when it came to sentiment. If he was upset, his face would crumple with grief and he might even sob. If he was angry (which didn't happen very often), his eyebrows would furl and his hands would gesticulate as he spoke in an animated tone. He projected emotion, and it was too difficult to conceal this.
With a sigh of distress, he slipped his hand into his coat pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Flipping it open, he scrolled through the contacts and clicked on the one labelled 'Aizawa'. A few seconds passed and he pressed the 'talk' button. After only one ring, the phone picked up. "Moshi-moshi?" answered the very recognizable voice of his superior, Aizawa.
"It's... it's me, Aizawa."
"Matsu?" The tone evidently softened. "Did you visit the Yagamis?"
Matsuda could only reply, "Ah, yes, I did."
From the other end, he could hear the sound of movement, and he recognized the voice of Mogi and Ide. However, he could not distinguish what they were saying. It took moments before Aizawa responded to Matsuda's affirming answer. "Are you alright?" he said. The soft, almost caring tone was far too uncharacteristic for the typically rough cop. He almost found himself wishing for the gruff voice.
"I'm fine," he lied. He knew that he wasn't okay, but he didn't want the others worrying about him or think that he was too weak to get over what had happened. Remembering their ashen faces as Light writhed in pain and their strong grip on Matsuda's arms, he knew that it wouldn't take long before this was all forgotten. For the young cop, he wished that it could only be a memory. Yet, very time he tried to think of other things, visions of Light contorting in pain and raising an accusatory finger at Matsuda would fill his stream of consciousness and nothing else.
It's all over, idiot, he told himself; you won't have to think of Kiras or Light Yagami or anything pertaining to that, ever again. Move on, and live your life... unlike the Yagamis. Because of Kira, because of Matsuda, they would never recover from this incident. Forever, they'll be reminded that they no longer had a husband, father, son, or brother.
"You're not fine."
It was a direct statement. Aizawa's tone had hardened, but most of the rigidity wasn't aimed to reprimand Matsuda.
"I don't know, Aizawa." Matsuda sighed. "Sayu and Sachiko won't ever be alright. I can't believe Kira – no, Light – would ever put them through all of this. They'll—"
"Shut up, Matsu." Matsuda shut his mouth, and spoke no longer. "Take the next two weeks off. Relax, go on vacation, do whatever, but don't think about them." Them being Yagamis. "You're not to blame, at all. You didn't kill anyone, and everyone knows that."
Matsuda remained silent, but he knew that Aizawa was lying through his teeth. Everyone knew Matsuda was just as much at fault as Ryuk and Light.
"Take care," Aizawa said, echoing Matsuda's earlier gesture to the Yagamis.
Matsuda snapped the phone shut without a goodbye or any other parting words. Just great... he wasn't going to work for two weeks.
Two weeks was going to be a long time.
It was unbelievable.
"He's gone, mother."
"He fought Kira until the end. He was a noble man."
"Your son, your brother, I'm regretting to say, has passed away."
Sachiko could only think of the past year as unbelievable. Within the past year, she'd not only lost one loved one, but two. Three, if you could count Sayu's current state as 'lost'. It was unbelievable that after Sayu had finally begun recovering from her kidnapping and father's death, the young cop had to come and announce a second death. Didn't the Lord above understand that a family shouldn't suffer so much heartbreak?
There probably wasn't a God above to even listen to her prayers. The only 'God' who had any confirmation of an existence was the man who had destroyed her family – Kira. Maybe 'God' took pleasure in tearing families apart as if they were only dolls to play for a while with and discard when no longer needed. He could only be a cruel person to have gone this far to devastate her family.
Tears of pain, anger, mourn poured from her eyes, and she was beginning to find it hard to breath.
This world is such a joke, she thought. Death is only a game, now.
In hope of comforting her distraught daughter and in search for comfort of her own, she held Sayu close to her chest. Her beige vest was starting to grow moist with the young woman's salty tears, and Sachiko's own trickled down her cheeks and fell onto the girl's head, mingling with dark strands of hair. People don't consider the penalty of ending other's lives. From the beginning, she had hated Kira. When her husband had announced his participation on the case, she begun to hate the man, God, whatever, even more.
Kira wasn't justice. He wrecked families. As years passed, the toll of the case was evident on Soichiro's face, a face that Sachiko came to barely see. After Light graduated and also joined the hunt, her hate was fuelled. As a young woman, she'd always been told not to hate, or that could consume a person. Those teachings no longer matter, especially when Kira ripped her husband and son away from her.
Kira was not justice, but an entirely evil being, and nothing less.
You know the drill. Thanks for reading!